Pot-Pourri Horror.

Rating: 6/10 (21 June 2008)

This movie tries to be a lot more clever than it is. The dream-like opening sequences are intended to endue it with a gravitas that is simply never realised. Likewise, the rather art-house flashback sequences in glorious black and white with a graveyard setting, all merely create confusion because their accomplishment is clumsy rather than deft. It would have been far simpler, better, and less confusing to have taken the straightforward approach with a solid, logical 'rescue' movie like 'Aliens' - which it very much resembles - and sort out the conspiracy later.
Once we finally know what is going on, the story gets into its stride. Set pieces are excellent and the pacing and revelations likewise. There are lots of strange-sinister environments - again, like alien/aliens - that leave you guessing what might turn up.
What actually turns up is every cliché known to horror movies. There are - Zombies! And they're - flesh-eaters! It has never been explained ever, since the 'Living Dead' franchise why zombies are so picky. They won't so much as nibble each other, but give them a living human and they fall upon it like wolves. Why? protein is protein, after all.
There's also a chamber of horrors into which most of the commando team blunder only to get wiped-out - once again, like 'Aliens'. But there's also a hint of 'Cube' about it, because this really is a booby-trap, and people get diced in much the same way.
There's a malevolent computer like Hal of '2001', which needs to be shut down before it kills everybody. There's a deadly virus (where would we be without a deadly virus?) that also turns people into zombie flesh-eaters. There's even a pack of zombie dogs, that appear to have lost all of their hair for some unexplained reason. It makes them look more ghastly - and that's probably the reason.
On top of all this, there's a really shocking beastie with big claws and a very long tongue - 'Journey To The Centre Of The Earth' (1957) - popping-up there, by the looks of it. And there's a riotous train ride with the villain on board, not so far removed from 'The Wrong Trousers'.
And, last but not least; the mission is time-sensitive. So we all know the clock is ticking...If they don't get their arses into gear, they suffer a permanent lock-in - rather like 'The Crystal Maze'.
The cast are about as unmemorable a bunch of players as ever graced a B-movie. Apart from the blonde communist typing-error, Jovovich, none of them register a single point on the Richter-scale of acting ability. An Hispanic female (called Rodriguez, would you believe) suffers from some strange opthalmic condition whereby she is permanently looking upwards. It is not a very endearing characteristic. Whilst Ms Jovovich's high point was to fall through the roof of you-know-who's taxi in 'Fifth Element'. One suspects that she must have fallen onto numerous casting-couches first. Frankly, I have seen more human emotion expressed by a pair of buttocks than I have seen manifest in her face. That blank, pale, uncomprehending stare has now become a staple at the check-out queue of my local Tesco's. Usually it is accompanied by a black-haired, bull-necked, block-headed lump who's eyebrows meet above the nose. Pretty, they certainly ain't. Such is European integration. Ms Jovovich also engages in the sort of gravity-defying wall-walk that 'The Matrix' made fashionable.
There's a clever little shock-ending that is very well accomplished; it leaves you in no doubt that things really have gone pear-shaped, and looks like the origins of all 'Living Dead' movies.
Soundtracks and incidental music are drawn from a variety of heavy-metal and thrash-rock tracks with which I am unfamiliar, and don't really add much atmosphere to the movie as, perhaps, simple silence might.
And that's about it. Don't expect too much. Don't ask any questions. Just sit down with your six-pack or whatever, and watch. It's a well-made B-movie. The six stars I've given it more reflect the quality of set pieces and special effects than anything else.