Oh God My Eyes And Ears Are Bleeding

Rating: 1/10 (8 August 2007)

Please some one tell me this is isn't a Sci-Fi Channel original movie because it's almost as bad as one... no wait it's worse, hell it's even worse than S.S. Doomtrooper which is about a giant Frankinstein Nazi that... well you can figure it out from there. On to the review: I like the Resident Evil Video game series(especially RE4) And I was pretty excited for the movie and thought it would be a alright movie. God Almighty was I wrong. I can only think what was going through the director's mind when he thought up the idea for the movie. I think it went something like this: Hey I know lets get that red head skank from The Fifth Element (Milla Jovovich) To play our main character and completely screw our fans by changing the story! Good idea Paul.(the director) The plot is more broken than Chevy Chase's Career and you couldn't fix that with super glue. The only cool scene is where those agent losers get cut up by the lasers... or was That Resident Evil: Apocalyspe I don't know, crappy movies tend to blend together over time. There's your review, Oh what still wanna know more about the plot OK here: The Beginning: People become zombies. The Middle: Zombies attack survivors. The End: Alice (Milla Jovovich) survives and it turns out that she is Umbrella's secret weapon or something? I don't know I had already gouged my eyes out so I wouldn't have to watch it anymore. Anyway my point is that this is bad (I'm talking' Dane Cook's comedy routine bad) There the review is over (finally) and I just saved you an hour and forty-five minute journey to the depths of hell.