"RESIDENT EVIL was a surprise... Check it out if you want fun."

Rating: 7/10 (31 March 2002)

I had not wanted to see this flick. The trailer sucked big time, I have never played the games, and I think Michelle Rodriguez is one of the worst actresses in the biz. I also did not find Milla Jovovich as attractive as most horror reviewers thought. Zombie movies aren't my favorite, and all this future stuff makes me sick. Haven't we had enough of the future? My god it's 2002, let's worry about 2002, not 2234. And why can't one director have the guts to change the way we see the future. Every one's god damn future is exactly the same! Shinny walls, computers with brains, stupid people, etc. But that's a whole different subject so back to Resident Evil.
I sat and watched, not interested in the whole long explanation of what was happening on the earth at this time. I found myself asking questions like "I wonder how much Panic Room will make this weekend," and "I gotta buy The Book of the Dead DVD fast!" Which is strange since the man only talked for about 45 seconds. When he shut the hell up, I cleared my mind, and watched. I thought, "Oh my god, a camera with a brain," but I got myself fully focused when the dumb ass in the elevator got crushed. Now that's what I was looking for in this film. After all the action with the releasing of the virus, Milla Jovovich's character is introduced in this long drawn out scene. How the hell long does it take this girl to stand up! So far, so... well... decent.
Well I don't want to go on with this play by play commentary so let me get to the goods. My view on Michelle Rodriguez didn't change one bit! Man, what a horrible actress. I also found it strange that this character is not at all like her character from The Fast and the Furious, yet she acts exactly the same in both! Now if that isn't the sign of a versatile actress, I don't know what is! However aside from the horrible dialogue she is given, and her horrible acting I found interest in her character. This fad of ass-kicking, take charge women seems to be continuing, and god damnit I love it!
Milla Jovovich still isn't as attractive as she is made out to be (Well at least not in this film), and still not a very enthusiastic actress. Whenever she does a strenuous punch, or kick she gives off a little tennis player grunt (That little annoying: uh!), rather than an "I'm kicking your ass" scream (AHHHH) that I like from the woman who might soon be kicking my ass. But I'm sure she made her brother proud (For those of you who don't know, Milla has said in more than one interview that the main reason she wanted to play this part was to impress her brother.), kicking those zombies asses.
I also gotta' ask how stupid can these people be. The guy sees this pale thing, limping along, blood dripping out of it's mouth, obviously not human, and he puts his gun up and says, "Stop, I'll shot." And continues saying this and that "I mean it!" that is said in all these types of movies, when it is obvious the character doesn't actually mean it. This zombie pretty much could have taken a bite out of his arm, and he just would have kept saying "Don't move. I'll shot! I mean it!" And the amount of time it took these people to realize these things are not human is incredible! Maybe they were supposed to look and act more human, but they went overboard on the makeup and overacted or whatever, but come on Milla, and Michelle! Your shooting at the thing, and he just stumbles. The thing ain't Superman babe, get a clue!
Now you are all probably thinking, "My god, he hated it!" but I didn't! No, I was actually incredibly surprised at the entertainment factor of the film, and did, for the most part, enjoy it from start to finish. The bad dialogue made me laugh, the bad acting made me smile, and the stupidity of the characters made me yell at the screen. And I had a blast doing all of that. What did I particularly enjoy about the flick? Well for one the zombies. Very pretty, nice and bloody, and they didn't get any extras that were too bad (like the nurse zombie in Dawn of the Dead). The violence was also well done, not overdosing on the gore, and making it almost unwatchable, but putting in just enough to put a HUGE smile on my face when the characters I hated got killed.
And I gotta talk about "The Licker." I loved it! Sure it looked extremely fake, but I thought Anderson did a smart thing by keeping it mostly off camera, and not showcasing his film's bad special effects like many other films do (Brotherhood of the Wolf comes to mind). But I also wish he would have put up a little bit more of a fight. The thing was huge, and he dies pretty quickly, and easily. And how about the highly entertaining death scenes. Woah, those were fun. Like I already mentioned the gore was nice, and that laser sequence was great.
Thumbs up to Paul Anderson for his imaginative, and stylish direction. I know it would not have been the same with a different director (It would have been much worse, or much better). Even though I hated that stupid "Red Queen," the POV shots were nice (But couldn't they have come up with a better name for that thing? I don't know if it was in the game or not, but Red Queen? It's a computer/camera for gods sake! How about "The Computer." Personally I don't want to live in the future if we name our computers "The Red Queen.") The score was also a plus, getting me into the film even more. Very loud, very mean, and very nice. And the ending set up the sequel, and did a damn fine job in the process. I loved it!
Overall, Resident Evil was a surprise. I expected it to suck, and although it TECHNICALLY did, there is no denying I loved it. Highly, highly, highly entertaining, gory, violent, and just all around fun. Check it out if you want fun, and some pretty bad performances. 7/10