This wasn't an accident...it's another Anderson film! GAH! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Rating: 1/10 (24 July 2003)

Resident Evil. Ahh, such a good videogame collection. I got into Resident Evil about 3 or 4 years ago, when I played Resident Evil 2. Then Resident Evil 3. Last Christmas, I finally played Resident Evil. Easter, I played Resident Evil 0. I know, that's not them all, but those are what I have played. An absolutely great videogame collection.
Why am I saying this when I'm supposed to be reviewing the film? Because I just want you to know that I love Resident Evil. The games that is. The following review may make you think I don't like Resident Evil. I only hate the film. I love the games. Shall I begin then?
Now, I warn you here that there are Spoilers, but in case someone misses this line:
Okay, when we start, we get some labs and some idiots getting themselves killed inside a lab. This can almost make you think that we're about to get a good film. The scene is relatively well done but with the dash of stupidity in it here and there. Not bad this scene though.
Sadly, once we get to the Mansion, this hope slowly dissipates. Now we get the overused "Black Opps come in to do their thing". They want to go to the Labs and do some stuff that I can't really be bothered to remember because if you've seen it once and didn't like it, you won't want to see it again.
Once they get there, they couldn't come up with any ideas about how to kill off the only good characters in a scene creuly ripped from Cube! And not only that there is a MAJOR goof up in that scene! There is space at either end that could be used to hide in so as to not get killed by a Laser! But they kill the character's off anyway.
The rest of the film sees poorly crafted Zombies with what looks like bits of vegetable stuck to their heads and other poor effects. I wouldn't go into detail but I feel I want to.
The Zombies we see look like malnourished staffworkers and don't even have the decent Resident Evil Zombie stumble. They don't even have flesh hanging off! I'm sorry if this is too vivid or soemthing, but I've got a Resident Evil Remake Poster and I see a Zombie with skin flaking. The fact that Romero didn't Greenlight it cost it. Greatly. Romero is, in my opinion, the god of Zombie Films, especially when teamed with Tom Savini's high quality special effects. Sadly, Anderson had neither.
Anderson claims that they were to look like they were desiesed and that by putting make-up on the main areas of the body and to make them look like they inhaled tyhe virus and yadda yadda yadda. They aren't diseased anymore, moron! They're dead! They died! The chemical has kept them animated! They aren't diseased anmore, they're descesed!
But back on the subject of effects, you must recall the sound effects of the Zombies in Resident Evil, the Games. The raspy moans, the sound of mutilated flesh merged with torn cloth being dragged along a corridor. Suddenly, we have a bunch of people wearing special effects rediculously (Wounds that look like they cut deep into the Flesh but completely clean around it doesn't look right) that make hissing, not groans, hissing!
Now, I have to say something about the actual plot. Okay, not even a reference to a Character from ANY of the games in this film. There's barely a reference to Resident Evil. Racoon City is mentioned about TWICE in the entire film, despite this being the one of the places we see most of. Look at it this way:
Resident Evil: Okay, this was set on the Outskirts in a Mansion that Anderson never heard of.
Resident Evil 2: It starts on the streets of where? Why, Racon City. Where are you most of the game? The RPD Building, ofcourse.
Resident Evil 3: You spend most of the game wandering and figthing on the very streets of Racoon in RE3 and you don't leave Racoon until the end.
I don't know about Resident Evil: Codename Veronica really, but I think it is set elsewhere so my point is not of use here.
Suddenly, we have this Secret Lab under Racoon City that was never mentioned or visited in a game. Did Anderson even play Resident Evil 1 for longer then 5 Minutes?
"So this here is the Hive under some Mansion that suddenly exists in some Mountains. Don't know what the Mountains are called cos I played the game for 5 miutes. I'm sorry, what? Spencer Estate? What is that? Ar..klay...Moun..tains? Are they part of the Andes or something?"

And we also have someone who is about as close as we can get to everyone's favourite G-Virus Securing Guy, Hunk. Obviously, the guys who made this film had't played Hunk's Bonus Scenario, but heard a little about a Black Commando securing a Virus. Now, may I point out that these people obviously got killed by the first Licker in Resident Evil 2 and assumed it was a boss so stuck a Licker in and made it look awful in appearance but scare the characters. And I admit to this. Lickers are scary. But most of the time, people are smart enough to shoot them, removing the fear, unless they, for example, jump through a window the first time you've played Resident Evil 2. And how come we haven't even a mentioning of Wesker or Birkin, who not only did much work on the T-Virus but also (Brikin) worked on the G-Virus, yet no mention of the G-Virus or the T-Virus?
Now, I'd like to have my say on the Special Effects? *cough*bunch-a-hacks*cough*. They stole from Cube to kill off probably the only good Character/s in the film. But I won't dwell on that bit. I want to dwell on the pathetic creature effects. Creature effects are present? What the hell? Running up a wall to kill a Cerberus by kicking it in the head?
"Er..Plot Hole Designer Guy, you did a good job of explaining why this gal can run up walls and rip off the Matrix! Here's a bonus!"
And it kills the dog! Easy as that! How stupid can you get!?
Now, she goes through 1 Clip and kills ALL those dogs? That's about 2 or less Bullets a Dog. Now, I don't recall EVER having the pleasure of only using 2 shots to kill a Cerberus. Ever. Another thing is that 1/3 of the time, the Dogs looked like Dogs that had been covered in Tomato Skins, another 1/3 of the time, they were horribly shiny turds of CGI that never once looked real and the final 1/3 they were just heads on sticks (They're supposed to be growling. All they do is stay VERY still and stare which can only really mean heads on sticks). The Licker didn't even look realistic. It was too shiny. And too...non...Lickery. It barely looked or acted like a Licker. Licker's are smart, stealthy and dangerous. Remember in Resident Evil 2 when you're in the interogation room? One (Or two, I think) jumped through the window, scaring the hell out of you and showing they're smart enough to use the Camoflauge of the mirror to catch you off guard. Hmmm...Licker just hits at the window. Later it has its tongue stuck down? It's tongue is strong, I beleive, and acutally may have torn itself off insted of just getting stuck there. And it's Claws did what for it's escape? It didn't try attacking anyone, pulling the thing out or tear through its tongue. And what it did? Pulled and flailed a bit. Pathetic. Fullstop.

The end of the film is even worse. Why would they want some moron who I don't even think has a name and I couldn't care for the Nemesis Project just because he got a nasty scratch on his arm when the Red Ape (It doesn't deserve the title of Licker. Lickers scared me. This thing looks more like a mobile piece of muscular jelly) cut it. I got cut loads of times in Resident Evil 2 by Lickers. I must have been scratched atleast 8 times by Lickers through the game but I'm not turning into Nemesis. And why wouldn't the other anonymous character (According to Behind-the-scenes her name is Alice. Not that I noticed. I don't recall her name being used in the entire film) just get the Vaccine into him? And Umbrella are better at getting subjects, they don't use failing, flailing actors.
I hated this film. These people don't deserve to ever make a film together ever again. I absolutely refuse to watch this ever again. I would sooner boil my Head in a Deep Fat Fryer, stab myself in the Chest wth a Turkey Carver and then watch Coronation Street insted of phoning an Ambulance whlist my House was on fire then watch this film again! It is akin to NotLD 30th Aniversairy Special. It was utterly awful . And it had something it was based on that was simply excellence (I own the original NotLD, both in Black and White and Colour). I kid you not though, Resident Evil the film is THE worst film I have ever seen apart from Total Reality (And that sells on DVD for about £1.29. And it is shoved into Computer Games Sections at Game just to get rid of the damn thing!). I apologise to any fans of the films (NothLD 30th Anniversairy, Total Reality and "Resident Evil") but that is how much I hated this film.
If you were thinking about buying this film, take your money, save up, and buy either the Resident Evil Remake or Resident Evil 0 (It may leave a few Plot Holes but this is Good! VERY GOOD! I know, I've played it.) and if you don't have a Gamecube but love Resident Evil, buy one and never regret it. Resident Evil (The Film) deserves to be only found pushed to the bottom of Bargain Bins for 99p. And that should only be worth the Empty Box. The Film itself is worthless. This isn't Resident Evil. This is just a bunch of useless idiots trying to cash in on a well loved franchise by using Zombies and Models wearing pathetic clothing amongst bad actors and pathetic looking Zombies. Never, ever, ever watch this film if you have EVER played a Resident Evil Game or even seen a Zombie film and liked them. And the only really good film Anderson made was EVENT HORIZON. Atleast that was any good.
0 out of 10. I'm even inclined to say 0 out of infinite!