A good t-shirt movie

Rating: Null/10 (5 November 2001)

Overcooked? This film is akin to having a blow dry with an acetylene torch. If, as a film maker, you are going to comprehensively humiliate yourself with a truly awful picture, the kind that makes 'The Boost' appear subtle, then it's important to have Jennifer Connelly along for the ride. Jennifer usually lets her t-shirt do the talking, which is why I've got a soft spot for her. She persists in exploring the issue of sexuality, memorably having sex against a wall in 'Heart Of Justice' with Eric Stoltz. Well, memorable because she wasn't wearing a t-shirt at the time. Seizing the chance for yet another t-shirt movie (who can forget 'Career opportunities'? It was white) and dutifully losing the odd pound for the sake of authenticity, Jennifer gives us a butchers at a nice purple t-shirt and then extends her range with some lurid sex scenes. In fact, we get to see more of Jennifer than ever before, so enamoured is she of her t-shirt that she becomes forgetful about the rest of her ensemble. But back to the sex, we get a hilarious scene where Jennifer performs a sexual act which, to the un-initiated, should be excrutiating. Instead, Jennifer's face suggests the mild irritation of having to deal with a poorly adjusted panty hose. Later, she vomits at the camera perhaps making courting couples in the theatre nostalgic over their first date. The trouble is, despite all her sterling efforts to explore her dark side and become one of those 'real' actresses, as opposed to a t-shirt actress; decadence does not, and arguably never has, suited our Jenny. She seems curiously out of place in all her films, in a way I can't quite put my finger on, but here it's easy to spot. She's way too old for the part.
Still, this is as nothing compared to the indignities heaped upon poor Ellen Burstyn's head. "You should stand back and let it happen" states director Aronofsky, clearly in awe of history. No, a hands off approach is the last thing you want in regards to the old school who will chew the scenery with the best of them, going so far over the top that they need a parachute to get down the other side. With gravity defying hair not seen since 'The Bride Of Frankenstein', Ellen is put through some ridiculously silly scenes, my favourite being a laboriously scripted lament at a kitchen table. You half expect that flashing arrow with 'author's message' from the Woody Allen scripted 'What's New Pussycat?' To come down and point at her head. If Aronofsky had thought of it he would have settled for no less than Burstyn flying around the room on the arrow in a grotesque parody of the title sequence of 'Bewitched' before no doubt flying into a carnivorous dish washer. Besides, doesn't all this trendy Quentin Tarantino-esque benevolence strike one as patronising and a sort of un-earned vanity?
Still, the rum goings on in this preposterous picture seem to have afforded it 'classic' status amongst the undiscriminating and easily impressed, that is, young people. Have you met them, the young? They get into all kinds of scrapes but are mostly armless. They pull our legs with great earnestness declaring that 'they've been there' while in reality they are more likely to have sustained no more than a grazed knee taking this film back to the rental shop. Personally, I blame the parents, as does Mr Aronofsky by the looks of this film. He doesn't so much wear his influences on his sleave as put up a giant billboard. You can pick any two films but 'Liquid Sky' springs to mind, coupled with any Tex Avary cartoon. He even manages to crib 'La Jetee', the ultimate film student cliche, probably appropriate as this is really one of those ten minute 'let's pretend grown ups' graduation films extended to nearly two hours. I think the whole thing smacks of desperation and laziness as film makers have less time (if any at all) to make their names in a fiercely competitive market that spits people into TV land if they don't make a big noise as quickly as possible. This is puerile stuff from a 32 year old. To say this bogus 'alternative' film making has more integrity than so called 'mainstream cinema' is a bit naughty.
It's a good t-shirt movie but little else.