Extremely Disappointing

Rating: 1/10 (4 July 2007)

I am no Pixar hater; in fact, quite the opposite. I would count Finding Nemo among my 5 favorite movies, and I loved all the others- The Incredibles, Toy Story, etc.- as well. After reading the glowing reviews, I had nothing but the highest expectations from Ratatouille.
Ratatouille is terrible. I can describe it no other way. It takes the poignant morals of nearly all the other Pixar films and combines them into an aimless, boring, and most importantly unamusing movie with about twenty unpursued themes that emerge out of nowhere at random points.
SPOILERS FOLLOW: What was the point of this film? I suppose something democratic like "anyone can cook," but honestly, was that really the point? What the hell are we supposed to think about Linguini, who turned out to be a useless puppet whom I truly disliked in the first place? HE could not cook- really, the message should have been anyone with talent can cook, but if you're useless like Linguini you always will be. In that way the "moral" seems to share much with Bird's "Incredibles," but the movie doesn't actually pursue that... for some reason, we're supposed to like Linguini and feel happy that he gets the girl, but he is a nobody who SHOULD have been fired for messing with the soup- why did he try to cook in the first place? Beyond quibbles about "message," the movie was not enjoyable on any superficial level, and I can't imagine any child liking it. There are no enjoyable characters, the voice-overs by Patton Oswalt come and go, and the voice acting is pretty poor- though I will admit the food critic is memorably voiced by Peter O'Toole, no one else adds character through their voice, especially Linguini (Jeanine Garafalo, or however you spell her name, is especially terrible- often she sounds more Asian than French). The plot has plenty of holes, and while I am willing to accept a far fetched plot, I can not swallow the inconsistent logic that abounds here (how can Remy read, for God's sake? Couldn't he just talk to everyone? Maybe his voice is too quiet, but if he can read he should know that he just needs to find a microphone and everyone will be shocked that rats have evolved right beneath our noses to the point where they can speak, read, and cook...). Most significantly, the central plot point, that somehow Linguini is controlled by his hair, is very hard to swallow.
The movie is frustrating because not only does Pixar have such a great track record, but Brad Bird is clearly a genius; The Incredibles and The Iron Giant were movies that transcended their status as animated children's films. Yet, I can not even see a child enjoying Ratatouille- the only moment anyone in the theater laughed was when the Health Inspector and Chef were bound and gagged and thrown into the closet.
Of course, that inspires more questions about just how rats are capable of doing that at all.