A waste of water

Rating: 2/10 (26 October 2014)

The reason why this movie doesn't work is very simple. And it relates to the main character. He sucks. He is annoying, he lies, he is a misfit, has a warped sense of reality, he is ugly, everything he says frustrates you, & his entire character has NO meaning.
If you can relate to the main character, everything suddenly becomes relevant to you. But there is nothing more unrelatable than the age-old "Fate protects fools" scenario. John Depp has never impressed me. He is one of these celebrities that has had a privileged life due to his looks, & not due to his acting ability. His over-acting in Pirates of the Caribbean, creepy acting in Charlie & the Chocolate Factory & his bemusing portrayal of this character only further convinces me of this.
I hate films like this. You hate the main character SO much, but you want to see him do something right because you feel sorry for the other characters that are so desperate they believe in him. That's not enjoying a film. That is a film making you feel awkward. That's what this film does.. it makes you feel awkward. Johnny Depp's middle name perhaps?! It isn't helped by the fact that the creators were so obviously hungry to make this an adult feature, but the studio interfered & wanted it to remain a kids film - which it is NOT. Greed obviously stepped in & ruined the project, but I doubt it would have made much difference. The characters are so backwashed & aberrant that you loose your will to live early on in the film. Talking philosophically with road kill, a slap stick chase with an eagle, & then cryptic dialog with a female lizard who is stoical as she is stupid, for no reason that becomes obvious.
Some of the jokes I expected to laugh at considering their bizarre & elementary nature! However, I didn't laugh once throughout this film, because I couldn't stop cringing at Mr Bean.
I'm also one of few people who did not like the visuals. I don't want CGI to presume to replace reality. I don't want animations to look like the usual sterile cut scenes you get in films today. I want animations to look animated. I saw Tangled recently, & it blew me away. It didn't look real in any sense, but it made me forget I was watching an animated film at times. THIS on the other hand never let me forget how proud they were of the textures they shoved down my throat with close ups at every possible moment.
Some of the music cues were pretty good, if wasted on this feature. It's a shame that we don't get this level of commitment from artists abound, not just film score composers.
Overall, this film fails to entertain on so many levels that I think it's actually damaged the Western scene somewhat. It tries SO hard & yet fails so early on. Even Jim Carrey would have been a better choice! Oh dear God! Stay well clear!