I only wish I had seen more shots of men falling off horses.

Rating: Null/10 (30 June 2003)

I enjoyed this movie, but it is not nearly as good as all the hype would have you believe. It isn't unwatchable like Gangs of New York or Thin Red Line, but having just seen it, I suggest it was subjected to the same treatment those other two films were. Because Kurosawa made some masterpieces when he was younger, therefore when he returns to prominence with a really long movie, set in the past, about GREAT THEMES like death, loyalty, war & the human condition, the critics line up to slobber all over themselves trying out-superlative one another.
Here is my complaint: GREAT THEMES do not equal GREAT FILMS.

I mean, I got it in the first five minutes. The king trusted the wrong sons and they were going to screw him. Then they did. Then all the people the king screwed over the years screwed him too. Unlike some movie fans, I get no satisfaction knowing what's going to happen next in every flipping scene of a film. I like surprises. There weren't any.
Part of the reason for this was the pacing. It does not make me a shallow California moron to get bored when a movie drags. I can dig silence. I can dig long shots of clouds and scenery. But there has to be tension of some kind. There has to be something going on in the story to make me wonder what will happen next.
And honestly, I think I watched the same stuntman fall off the same horse twenty times in a row, just from different angles.
Somebody wrote that these were the best battle scenes he'd ever seen. All I have to say to that is what are you smoking? Let me break it down for you:

Shot of red army captains yelling, "Attack!" Shots of red horsemen riding perpendicular to blue gunmen in forest (But not toward them. No. Why ride toward the guys you are fighting? Better strategy to make like ducks at an arcade shooting game!) Shot of Blue army behind trees firing guns. Shot of red horseman falling off horse. Another shot of red horseman falling off horse. Another shot of red horseman falling off horse. Another shot of red horseman falling off horse. Shot of Blue army behind trees firing guns. Shot of red horseman falling off horse. Another shot of red horseman falling off horse. Another shot of red horseman falling off horse. Another shot of red horseman falling off horse.
Lather, rinse repeat.
Also, every character was obvious. Nobody did anything that I didn't expect. I didn't wonder if the wicked wife of son # 1 was wicked or not. I knew it from the moment she spoke. When she went in to put the moves & intimidation on son # 2, I knew what she was up to. She was cool in the way she did it, but it still didn't surprise me. Nothing about this film surprised me.
The acting was good, as were the costumes, scenery & cinematography. I liked the bit with the fox statue. That was okay. And like I said, the wicked wife was pretty bad-ass. If you like Kurosawa, check it out. If not, let me save you three hours of stuntmen falling off horses and Don Quixote sans charm or humor clambering vacantly around rocks and fields while a gay guy in bright clothes and a Pebbles hairdo yells profound insight at him.
Here is the moral:

Life always seems unjust to those who are reaping what they sow.

The Gods don't screw us. We screw ourseleves.
War is bad.
There. Now you don't need to see the movie. Rent Seven Samurai instead. So much better, and since it's in black and white, you won't have to be annoyed with a lot of pink blood.