"Another way to die. Shoot 'em, bang bang!"

Rating: 4/10 (26 March 2009)

You don't review James Bond movies, you evaluate them, rate them according to how well they meet expectations. There are certain things one has come to expect, even demand of a Bond film and each individual effort either delivers or it doesn't. So, here are ten elements that make a Bond film a Bond film and how QUANTUM OF SOLACE rates on a scale of 1 to 10:
Title: QUANTUM OF SOLACE: A bad title? No, a terrible title. And naming the evil organization that Bond is trying to uncover "Quantum" doesn't help. Now "Quantum of Evil" would be a nifty title, because, really, what solace can be found in organized crime. Whatever – is it even worth discussing? 0 points.
Pre-Credit Teaser: A long and chaotic car chase along the Italian countryside opens the film, but accomplishes little beyond destroying Bond's Astin Martin. It is elaborately staged, but the rapid cutting and maddening pace makes it more confusing than exciting. (Note to director: If you are staging a car chase, choose cars that look different, so that viewers can follow the action better. Or better yet, edit for clarity, with pace and rhythm, not just unending flashes of violence. Great action scenes are based on suspense and dramatic counterpoint, not just mindless speed.) 4 points.
Opening Credits: Gone are the elegant and/or sexy and/or silly montages of the classic Bond films, replaced by computer generated images of deserts and slow-motion bullets; it is slick in execution, but amateurish and mindless in concept. 5 points.
Theme Song: Entitled "Another Way to Die" (which would be a better title for the entire film), the opening song is a jittery little tune with a vague rap flavor to it. Unfortunately, it suffers from nonsense lyrics that have no flow, tell no story or even relate to the movie itself. Still, it might have worked okay had it been performed with a slinky sexuality as a pseudo love ballad, rather than in a nursery rhyme style by Alicia Keys and the composer Jack White. The song improves with repeated listenings, but still misses the mark. 7 points.
"Bond, James Bond": Daniel Craig doesn't even utter Bond's signature phrase in this film, which is just as well because he is barely playing James Bond at all. Bond's witticisms and dry, ironic sense of humor are nowhere to be heard in QUANTUM, with Craig mumbling in a lifeless monotone behind a face that rarely changes from a grim mask of cold indifference. For all their attempts to make Bond into a "real man," all they have done is make him seem less human. Craig drains Bond of all of his humor and humanity and makes one long for the days of Sean Connery. Heck, he makes you long for Timothy Dalton. 2 points.
Bond Babes: As the sacrificial Bond Girl #2, Gemma Arterton (as Strawberry Fields), is given little opportunity to be sexy, but manages to be alluring anyway, in a crisp, professional fashion. But other than being easily seduced by Bond and just as casually disposed of by the film, she has little to do. Olga Kurylenko as Camille, a feisty femme fatale, manages to inject a bit of honest energy into the film, though her repeated attempts to hook up with the film's villain, even as he repeatedly tries to killer her, makes her come off as being a bit stupid. But then, how else could Bond repeatedly show up to save her? Olga is a strong character and is nicely played by Kurylenko, but the clumsy screenplay betrays her at every turn. 9 points.
Bond Villain: Looking like Howdy Doody's evil twin, Mathieu Amalric plays Dominic Greene, a philanthropic environmentalist, whose environmentally friendly projects are a disguise for his fiendish plot to corner the world's water supply. It is not one of the series most believable plots. As for Amalric, he plays the role with a subtle nastiness that is a couple of notches below the point where the character would actually be colorful. Supposedly, the filmmakers didn't want Greene to have any distinctive gimmicks or characteristics that would make him larger than life, the better to show how banal evil can be. Instead, they have made him smaller than life, and showed just how uninteresting evil can be. 5 points.
Bond Baddies: The days of Oddjob, Jaws, Baron Samedi and Nick Nack are apparently long gone. Instead we get nameless, faceless stunt men who all look alike and act alike and indulge in elaborately choreographed fights scenes that rely on hysterical editing. Boring. 0 points.
Sinister Plot: Meant to be a direct sequel to CASINO ROYALE, the plot line – as they repeatedly have to tell us – concerns Bond's attempt to avenge the death of his last lover Vesper Lynn. Just how that ties into the rest of the film is never made clear, coherency not being the film's strong suit. 5 points.
Production values: Like all Bond films, the action takes place at various locations around the world. Unlike other Bond films, you get no sense of having been at various locations around the world. There is no attempt get Bond to interact with the local atmosphere, only screen titles announcing that the setting has changed to another place. This is the shortest Bond film of them all, apparently because director Marc Forster decided to cut out anything that slowed the action: humor, atmosphere, character development, romance, etc. As a result, the film is almost as generic as it is anemic. This might not be the worst Bond film of all time, but it certainly is the dullest. 2 points.
Bonus Points: No Q. No Moneypenny. No extra points.
Summary: The film does the barest minimum to get the job done.
Bond-o-meter Rating: 39 points out of 100