Main fault? It ain't a Bond film

Rating: 1/10 (19 January 2009)

(Spoilers) First, I've never been a big fan of the Bond franchise. I've seen most of them and would call myself a fair weather fan. The good ones are OK, take them or leave them otherwise.
But, I just caught the last one at the dollar show and was simply amazed by what it was and what it wasn't.
I remember remarking on here awhile back that it was curious that the latest Bond flick was rated better by women on IMDb than guys, considering what Bond flicks were. Well, now I understand. The latest incarnation of "Bond" bears almost no resemblance to what the original Bond recipe was all about.
Originally it was about a suave, macho lady's man (in the way feminists reviled) who used gadgets and brains to beat the other side in the cold war to save the free world. Lots of T and A.
The cold war is over. The latest one is, once you get through all the plot subterfuges and smoke screens to make you think something to affect the world is going on, is really just a bad ol multinational corporation going through all these terribly dangerous and expensive machinations to get to be the new utilities company for a relatively poor South American country. Huh? All you do is bribe the govt and collect your money. World wide attacks on top intelligence agencies not required. Of course, the producers try to give it the obligatory green twist required in Hollywood today that Bond is saving the planet somehow (here groundwater), but, really, there is just a few "secret" dams. The water is there, we saw this same "bad guy" building dams in old west movies about water rights. (The bad guy is starving us poor little honest folks downstream Mr Western hero.) Instead of a the macho free world saving Bond, we have one that is running around being loyal and trying to get revenge for one woman and save his other one (Boss lady M). Put him on a white horse and let him go charge a castle. Big Whoop.
Nothing more than a cell phone, diggy camera and internet link are used as his "edge" in gadgets and technology.
Leaving T&A as the only remaining element of the Bond franchise to keep it true to what this whole Bond thing is/was supposed to be about for its fans - and there was none. Literally. "Marley and Me" designed largely for 10 year olds had more sex and titillation than the friggen Bond film. Seriously.
This certainly had a neutered James Bond whose only goal in life was to show two women how special they were. Sex and the City fans would have been proud. Bond fans? Give it a 4 on competent action movie scenes of car chases, boat chases and fist fights to the death. The plot was ridiculous bordering on non-existent. The global threat was a joke. The Bond actor was fine as an action hero/knight on white horse for the ladies in the audience. But, he bore no resemblance to the character that made Bond, Bond.
They literally made a Bond film without anything a real fan of Bond films would call a Bond film.
The next time you owe your lady a chick flick with hero worried only about saving his lady love, call Bond, James Bond, but frankly, you'd probably enjoy a Sex in the City movie more. At least there will be a little eye candy in those.