Still holding its place as one of the great disaster movies of all time

Rating: 1/10 (28 September 2014)

I can't believe I completely forgot to bucket this turkey in amongst all the reviews I've written.
The quick summary: A complete piece of sh*t with no redeeming features, none.
Do not see this film. Repeat, do not see this film.
It is garbage, it is excrement, it is a waste of time.
It is not only a bad Bond film, it is an extremely bad movie just in absolute terms.
OK, now, if you want a more complex critique, read on...
QoS was a particularly unpleasant cinematic experience.
And in fact, when I did see it with my then girlfriend, there was an ominous omen - a bunch of kids (what were they doing in a Bond viewing?) up the back decided to remind me of why I moved out of the suburbs.
The only entertainment I received that day was my GF screaming abuse at the kids' mother when she turned up to collect them.
Then again, maybe the kids were right...
This isn't a film, per-se. It's just a random collection of roughly 'Bond'y bits, stuck together: un-bonded Bond. It's patently obvious the writer was an idiot, the director was having a massive drug come-down or marriage break-up, and the producers... I suppose they must have been absent, and then just had to put a brave face on it when they saw the final bucket of vomit.
It's just one big cinematic Sin. They should have burned it and cut their losses.
It's sub-sins are:
* being a crap Bond film - like the Timothy Daltons or Pierce Brosnans, when after Casino Royale we thought we'd at last left all the tedium behind
* forcing Daniel Craig to appear in a crap Bond film, just after he established himself as Connery's only equal
* forcing an audience to sit through a crap Bond film, after being led to expect more of the brilliance of Casino Royale
* forcing Ian Flemming's ghost to be anally-raped at gunpoint, similarly to how the Indiana Jones character and the audience were anally raped at gunpoint by Spielberg and Lucas
* having no plot, whatsoever - no matter how hard you try to piece together what's happening, you fail. That's because there isn't anything happening, it's just a random collection of roughly 'Bond'y bits, stuck together
* having very, very silly scenes, for no reason - ropes and clocks and car chases all spring, horribly, to mind
* having irritating villains - who in turn have irritating henchmen with silly haircuts
* being a random collection of roughly 'Bond'y bits, stuck together, yet still managing to feel longer than the age of the universe
* having a crap, boring theme song
I imagine there were some severe meetings after this hit the cinemas and bounced back with a loud splat on the producers' doorstep.
The only Bond film ever to make a loss, I believe, in some distribution chains?
Wow, I can't believe the power-anger that even thinking about this abomination conjures up! It's a rush!
Don't see it! It's a piece of sh*t!
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