Is this a resurrected script by Ed Wood?

Rating: 1/10 (24 June 2012)

This is not so much a review as a means for me to entertain myself and thereby derive some enjoyment from having sat through this movie.
HI, I'm Elizabeth Shaw. Late in the movie I'll run around the spaceship in my underwear covered in blood with staples across my abdomen. This is a common occurrence in 2093 because nobody will think to ask "Hey, what happened to you?"
I'm Meredith Vickers. I'm a narcissistic battle-axe who is only in it for me. Never mind that I could have stayed on earth and run my dad's company. Seems traveling with him to experience the same unknown and potentially lethal fate was the smarter option. Did I mention that I brought this amazing piece of surgical technology, apparently for my own benefit, but that doesn't work on women? Oopsie!
I'm David. I'm an android whose condescendingly polite tone serves no other purpose than to annoy the hell out of you throughout your journey (and the movie). Said journey will be mercifully short thanks to me. I take incredibly stupid and shortsighted risks for a seemingly intelligent artificial life-form. I poison one of the crew members that my creator spent a lot of money to send up here. No matter that the introduction of alien DNA into the ship could put everyone's life at risk including the frail old guy it is my mission to serve. I'll make it all right in the end.
Hello. My name is Millburn and I'm a biologist. In the future we've forgotten the lesson of The Crocodile Hunter and Sigfried and Roy: namely that wild animals are unpredictable and potentially lethal. When I come across an unknown life-form on an inhospitable planet, naturally I'm going to approach it like a puppy at a dog pound.
I'm Fifield, a geologist. Early in the movie I introduce myself as a one-dimensional malcontent with no concerns beyond money. My social skills are such that I have no compunction about saying as much and making enemies in the process. This is a very sensitive and perilous mission where individuals will be working in close confines with one another with no contact to the outside world. I know what you are thinking: when this crew was being assembled it's a good thing somebody thought to include the borderline sociopath. I'll die and you won't care.
Here is the escape ship. It is self-contained but attached to the mother ship so there is easy entrance and exit. When it comes time to deploy don't bother walking on board, though. Just follow it in your personal jettison pod and make your way over when you can. See ya later!
Safety protocols are unusual in 2093. In the original Alien if potentially infected crewmembers are outside the ship you lock them out. Seems that's not nearly as effective as opening the loading dock and chasing everyone with a flamethrower. Yes, a flamethrower. Guns are efficient but roasting people alive is so much more dramatic. In 2093 we don't care about the risks of having burning crew members running around our cargo bay.
Strangely, the world of 2093 is far more technologically advanced than the one in the original Alien which takes place even further in the future. I can only assume that the engineers of the far future suffered a similar fate as the biologists.
The only good line in the movie comes when Meredith Vickers says that her father spent $1 trillion dollars in financing the expedition. Golly, $1 trillion dollars? It is a figure so perfectly round in number and sufficiently inflated as to succinctly summarize the imagination involved in this script.
When this movie inevitably gets re-released 20 years from now it will only be fitting if it plays alongside Plan 9 From Outer Space.