One facepalm after another...

Rating: 3/10 (13 April 2013)

== Spoilers throughout == Like many others, I registered for an IMDb account for the sole purpose of reviewing this travesty. As the film is obviously tied to the Alien universe, it is difficult to watch the movie without comparing it to the classics that are Alien(1979) and Aliens(1986), but I did honestly try to watch it without comparing it to anything, and review it on its own merits. With that in mind, what can be said that hasn't already been said, often quite hilariously? This movie is an insult to the intelligence of every sci-fi fan that has ever lived. A visually stunning insult, to be sure, but an insult nonetheless. The gaping plot holes, unanswered questions that seem to be asked just to be asked, the absolute moronic idiocy of the "best scientists in the world" who are on the "most important mission in the history of mankind," the seeming lack of the writer's understanding of high school biology and physics, the pointlessness of just about everything that is said or done in this steaming pile of film. I will begin with one of the most important things in any movie- the characters.
Did you know there were seventeen, SEVENTEEN crew members aboard the Prometheus? Neither did I. Seriously, I honestly thought there were around six characters in this film, because that's all I remember. And the only reason I remember them is because of all the absolutely STUPID things they did. The only thing that I can think that makes any sense as to why the characters would speak and act the way they did, is that they were in reality all suicidal/homicidal sociopaths who were sent on the mission for the sole purpose of making it fail and killing themselves and everyone else in the process. Seriously, the attitudes and actions of almost every single character just seem sinister and evil.
Why is David (the most 'human' character in the movie, it seems) evil? Why is he programmed to sabotage the crew, a la Ash in Alien? Or is he? Is he self-aware and just nobody realizes it? Who knows, the movie never attempts to answer this question.
Why does Janek, when he sees that there are signs of life in the structure that two of his crew are trapped in, seem not only like he could care less about the safety of the crewmen, but act as though he actually wants them to die? Because his entire demeanor and attitude when informing them that he has just seen movement in the structure is such that I can only think that is the case. "Oh well, it stopped moving, must be a glitch, you guys get some sleep, see ya tomorrow!" before turning of the feed from the trapped crew. Excuse me? Why? Don't know, the movie never answers this question.
Why is Theron in this movie other than as eye candy? I guess according to her character it's because she didn't want to "sit in a board room arguing over who is in charge" while Weyland was off having fun in space. I think it was for the sole purpose of the writer having her crushed by a giant rolling doughnut. Speaking of rolling doughnuts, Lindelhof can take a flying f**k at one if he thinks I will ever pay to see a movie with his name in the credits again. Seriously, I wanted to burn my own eyes out so I would never again have to witness something that moronic in a film.
Why would any scientist in the world not be like, "Hey doc, there's this weird worm crawling on my eyeball, could you take a look at that, please?" Who knows.
Why does a super advanced, space-faring, genetic engineering race of beings start their ships with a flute solo? Why would "the best scientists in the world" completely ignore every single rule of the scientific method? Why.....
You get the point by now.
Two stars for great FX and a third for being set in the Alien universe. That is all. Instead of Prometheus, the title of this plopper should have been WTF?
BONUS DIALOGUE COMPARISON!
ALIEN(1979)
PARKER: Hey Ripley, I got a question.
RIPLEY: Yeah?
PARKER: Do we get to go out on the expedition or are we stuck here til everything's fixed?
RIPLEY: You know the answer to that.
BRETT: What about the shares in case they find anything?
RIPLEY: Don't worry, you'll both get what's coming to you.
(And boy, do they!)
Compared to
PROMETHEUS(2012)
JANEK: Hey Vickers, I was wondering....
VICKERS: Yeah?
JANEK: Are you a robot?
VICKERS: (looking him up and down) My room. Ten minutes.
JANEK: (singing) Well if you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with.
(Facepalm)