The mistaking of technicality for creativity by the modern-age moviegoer and its disastrous consequences. *SPOILERS*

Rating: 1/10 (3 June 2012)

*WARNING: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS!*
Someone in the message boards said, in defense of Prometheus (which was being bashed by a poster): "Thank God art is subjective!"
Well, you said it: ART is subjective, so this commercial, intentionally crowd-pleasing sh#t doesn't qualify.
At the premiere in Amsterdam there wasn't a single clap after this turd was over, only laughter and "MEH"'s said out loud. You want to hear a fact? This is pure vomit in film form. THAT is a fact.
I can't even begin to imagine what sort of mushroom-fueled hallucinogenic trip one must be on to call this "art". Why, cause it's computer generated images? So what? Only cause "Avatar" managed to be visually arresting doesn't make any 3D/CGI-fueled piece of cr#p an artistic accomplishment. "Hercules in New York" could be remade tomorrow, in 3D with CGI special effects, and it would still be a turd. Why the comparison? Simple. Here's a list of things that these two movies share:
1) A childish story, with as much depth as my bathtub but painted black so it looks deeper and darker, but then eventually unfolds like it could have been written by the 13-year-old mongoloid cousin of my neighbor. This movie can be watched only with the law of probability firmly stamped in your forehead.
2) Religious references that are so needed in the plot as a growth under my armpit. That Christian faith reference was so laughable and unnecessary that every time they showed that cross-shaped necklace I had cramps in my belly. I thought I was gonna throw up.
3) Characters which aren't characters, they're merely guest appearances. Faces that are there, but could easily not be there and you wouldn't miss, or, even worse, faces that make you happier once you know they're gone. Remember the one with the punk haircut? Remember the Asian dude? And the guy with the beard? Wait a second... what guy with the beard???
4) Acting from the school of Howard The Duck in almost every scene, even from those actors you would never expect it from. "Will that be all?" - "Yes... FATHER!" - Shoot me in the face, please.
5) Dialogues that seem like they've been written by a 10-year-old with Alzheimer after he's had a "Growing Pains" 48-hour marathon... (Read the above point for a reference, then watch the movie for a real good laugh)
6) The shameless use of every cliché one can possibly come up with. A sterile woman (whom we find out is sterile in a scene that's meant for tears but finally works for laughs) eventually gets pregnant; the old, powerful guy behind it all, who's supposedly dead but then it turns out he's not; the cold, heartless robot who places science above human life in his priorities list; the hidden (yet obvious and totally expected) family relation between characters... the list can go on forever.
7) The most important for me: INVOLUNTARY COMEDY... that was painful. I actually felt embarrassed to be in that theater, at moments. Like the scene where Shaw gets a computerized-midwife for a quick abortion. I won't give anything out, but I promise: you're up for laughs! The whole theater laughed their butts off in that scene, so don't forget your pop- corn! Oh, wait... what do you mean it wasn't meant for laughs???
The list could go on, but I haven't got all day.
If one can overlook these details, Prometheus could be seen as a case of "nice-try-sucker" film-making from a once brilliant director. But that's not the truth. The truth is: this is A BAD MOVIE, and if you don't see it through the smokescreen, then your brain must be dead. Or at least in a coma.
So what's the big deal about this two hour long raping of my sight, so that it gets 8.3 on IMDb? I guess people want to force themselves to like it, cause it's Scott, cause it's related to Alien, cause the expectations were high and everyone hates having to admit that they've been let down and that they wasted their money. I would hate to have to admit it. But I had no expectations and went in for free, so I don't have to.
My friends, who I went with to watch Prometheus said to me, after the mess was over: "I wanted to like it, I really wanted to!". But they just couldn't. How can you possibly be a movie lover, know Scott's classics, NOT be brainwashed and still like this stain of puke?
I hated every minute of it (except for the opening sequence, hence the 2 star rating), and so did the other 600 people in the theater. Think about it and be honest to yourself. Just cause trailers, teasers, movie connections, big names and companies make you think you have to like it, you don't really have to, do you?