Promethues is insane and abysmal. ULTRA SPOILER

Rating: 2/10 (7 June 2012)

Right so here's how aliens happen according to Prometheus -
In the Beginning the space jockey's came to earth.
The Space jockey's were humanoid things that like to wear cool helmets. (shame, I always thought they were an alien race akin to the elephant man, but cooler, and I thought predator had one of their skulls in his collection in predator 2 - but no! Helmets)
And so they wanted to create. And thus one of them drank some black goo and disintegrated. And then this crazy alien went, half disintegrated down a waterfall. His molecular structure did things in the water. And Thus the seed of life was planted on earth.
Then ages later the space jockeys came back to earth and helped early- man draw a diagram of some far away stars. Why did they do this you ask , well ....
The space jockeys now wanted to kill man (I don't know why) so they hatched a clever plan. They took some massive spaceships to a planet called LV-223 and there they created a new black goo which does horrible random things.
And there they would wait, wait until mankind became clever enough to decipher the diagrams of far away stars and come .
Even if it took 70 million years they would wait, and one day man would come and would die by black goo!! That was the plan.
Unfortunately the space jockeys on LV-223 were terrible at handling the black goo and ended up spilling it or something. They did after all, keep the containers of goo on the floor. It was a disaster, some ran down corridors and fell over and their heads fell off, all but one space jockey died. The elaborate goo plan had failed - or had it -
Humans did eventually show up. All was not lost, thought the goo. One human got goo inside him and horrible random things happened.He promptly had sex with the main character. Another guy became a zombie, The women gave birth to a slimy thing and the captain played the concertina.
Meanwhile the last space jockey (remember him) got woken up by humans and a robot. And boy was he angry-
Unfortunately for him he ended up the victim of the slimy thing (which is now a giant facehugger).
Later- you'll never guess what bursts of out the poor old space jockey. An alien from Alien !! (more or less). Perhaps the space jockeys should have just blown earth up to kill their creations the humans instead of the goo plan. Being a super race and everything.
Thus ends the events of LV-223 So that's how aliens happen according to Prometheus. Leading perfectly into the 1979 film Alien - where they land on LV 426 .
Understand? No me Neither.
Ridley Scott's latest film is utter nonsense just like the above. Personally, I discount it from the Alien canon (just like Resurrection and Alien vs predator ). I do however count batman/aliens by DC/Dark horse comics 1997.
One star for the visuals (you don't really get enough sequences of Prometheus itself doing stuff) And one star for Michael Fassbender (whose character motives are as crazy as the space jockeys .