surely Ridley Scott didn't produce and direct this turkey?

Rating: 1/10 (13 June 2012)

It takes a lot to tempt me into the cinema, but the prospect of a prequel to Alien, directed by Ridley Scott himself, seemed too good to miss.
Dear oh dear, how mistaken I was.
My forebodings began when the ship's crew came out of hibernation, and I saw what a bunch of totally unbelievable and totally clichéd characters were being foisted on an unsuspecting audience. Take Fifield, for example. I can well imagine those planning this trillion-dollar mission saying to one another "we're going to study the rock strata of an alien world in a distant star system, so we'll need the best geologist alive today. So let's look for some bloke with facial tattoos and a Jedward haircut, who speaks in a dopey mockney accent, dresses like a tramp, is about as bright as a fifteen-watt light-bulb and is afraid of his own shadow. That should just about fill the bill".
The other characters are no better - for the most part, they're beyond risible. And the main female character - the one the audience is clearly supposed to identify with more than any of the others - has all the charisma of a soggy rice pudding. No-one expects another Sigourney Weaver - you don't get that lucky twice - but surely, Ridley Scott could have found an actress who could have stirred even a smidgen of empathy?
And if the characters themselves are tedious and unconvincing, their antics are often laughable - I sometimes felt I was looking at a bad remake of a Laurel And Hardy film.
And just try watching the scene near the end where two of the crew are being chased by a rolling alien spaceship without thinking of Wile E Coyote in a Roadrunner cartoon.
Is this film made by the same person who gave us Alien? I just refuse to believe it.