Oh God, what has been seen...

Rating: 1/10 (12 June 2012)

I've read quite a few defenders of this movie refer to the disappointed viewers as mostly just overly nitpicky Alien fanboys who are only complaining because they didn't get their literal prequel, or because they're science nerds who just can't "suspend disbelief" enough.
So, just as a thought experiment and to get away from the biased Alien universe for a moment - How would you feel if, in any *serious* movie made by Ridley Scott, James Cameron or any other well known famous director setting out to raise some *serious* questions in a way that *really makes you think*, and all that...
...a family decide to take a vacation road trip in their nice big silvery Winnebago. They depart on a fine summer morning in June, driving off down a beautiful scenic road from Orlando, Florida and exactly 2 hours later, just before lunch time, they arrive at their first destination - a sunny beach in Athens, Greece. You know, the Europe one.
...one of the worlds top biologists hikes deep into unknown thick rain forests looking for a new species of snake. Suddenly, a two-headed cobra emerges. It appears extremely hostile, making loud hissing noises and fierce stabbing motions with its two heads toward the scientist. The biologist then pulls a baby face, goes "oochie-coochie coo-coo boo-boo!" and tries to pet it. The cobra hisses louder and makes more stabbing strike attempts, but the biologist persists in his attempts to cuddle the reptile and, eventually, finally manages to pet it, get bitten, and die.
...a female mountain climber is seen hanging from a protruding rock tip high up along a mountain side somewhere in the remote Andes. Suddenly, she falls and completely severs one of her legs on a sharp rock edge beneath, cutting it completely off across the thigh bone. However, she fortunately brought her handy field medic kit with her. She takes it out of her back pack and staples the leg together again, securing the staples with some dental floss and chewing gum just in case, and then sprints the 5 miles down to her base camp where she pole vaults onto a dirt bike and races for the nearest hospital.
If this is the sort of "suspension of disbelief" your mind is willing to accept (or perhaps if "thinking" simply isn't really your thing), then I'm sure you'll feel right at home following the adventures of the escaped mental patients of Prometheus as they waddle randomly about on their galactic quest to defy the laws of physics, biology and sensible filmmaking, trying to stay as anonymous as they possibly can before getting themselves killed in the most predictably stereotypical ways possible.
If not, then you'll probably walk out of the theater feeling something like how I felt, and perhaps you'll understand why I'm giving this film only two stars, for its visual effects ONLY.
Hint: It isn't because it was "a poor prequel to Alien".
Oh, and, if you think the above examples are exaggerated to a ridiculous degree just to make a funny point - they are sadly not. This is actually quite literally the kind of stuff you're in for if you go see this film.
Enjoy your popcorn, because they will likely be the highlight of your evening.