Huh?

Rating: 5/10 (24 August 2014)

I caught a viewing of Prometheus the week it came out. Let me just start off by saying that I watched it in 3Dwhich was terrible. I'm not the world's biggest 3D fan but I even had to take off my glasses a couple of times to make sure I'd walked into the right screen; It made as near as no difference.
Being a hardcore fan of the first two Alien movies, I've followed the franchise from the classic 1979 horror to the disastrous non-canon AVP- R. When I heard that Alien 5 was being sniffed about in Hollywood, I was excited as hell. Sure, the latest string of cash-in sequels had been epic fails, but I was eager nonetheless. Then it was revealed that it would be a prequel, directed by none other than Ridley Scott himself, after which it was publicly announced that it wouldn't be a prequel (Awwwwww) but would still tie in with Alien (Yeeeaaaah).
Now I wasn't expecting a miracle. I mean, Scott isn't the same director as he was 20 years ago. And maybe all the flaws of Prometheus aren't his fault, but I was still left with a what-the-hell-just-happened kinda reaction after my first viewing. Note: After my first viewing.
It opens with a beautiful shot of Icelandic landscape, coupled with the Alien-trademark opening title sequence. Then a hooded Martian dude appears, proceeds to strip down, and sends his body decaying in all directions after having drunk something from small pot. I found the Martian's appearance hilarious, I have to say, and I doubt Scott intended that scene to be funny. Seriously though, it just seemed so random and weird. Plus, this Martian's race turns out to be the movie's antagonists, which contrasts with Alien's less-is-more rule when it comes to baddies. The Engineers may have been a bit more fearsome if our first sight of one wasn't an overly-hench naked one that splattered into a million pieces.
I think the best way I can do this review is by getting the flaws of the movie, both major and minor, out of the way. Plot holes, irritating scenes etc. So here goes.ahem hem
The dream sequence. David can watch people's dreams. Not only that, but these dreams cut continuously to different viewpoint angles. Hmmmm, it's as if it's all just a movie! Coincidently the crews' choice of landing just happens to be so close to the temple. Alien thumped realistic environmental measures and precautions that needed to be taken, such as the rocky landing. In this, it's far too soft and easy. Why on earth would the scientists remove their helmets? I mean, come one, the air isn't just made up of CO2 and oxygen. It's such a moronic scene and so utterly filled with clichés. A classic Hollywood science moment. Some of the crew, after a couple of years of flying, have no idea why they are there. I wouldn't exactly sign up for something that would take me over four years to complete if I didn't know what it was. Yeah, it can be seen as logical because maybe Peter Weyland wanted the crew to know as little as possible, but it's still annoying. As stated above the useless and random plot twist involving Guy Pearce with a lasagne face. Why did Weyland need to pretend he was dead? What advantage did this give him? One of the scientists decides to pet the mutated worm-snake-vagina thing. 3 TIMES! Its showing blatant signs of hostility and the guy decides to play with it! What an effin' retard! The crew go in search of lifeand return with a 2000 year old corpse head. Then Shaw and 'Igor' decide it would be useful to stimulate the head electrically to reanimate it. They don't say why. They give it a bit too much juice, then too little,then dither over too much or too little like a couple of schoolgirls fiddling with a dicky Bunsen burner, while the most important scientific discovery in human history waggles its ears and rolls its eyes – before eventually blowing up like a frog in a microwave. This scene is is in no way scary, suspenseful or creepy. Just amateurish, retarded, and comical. Why are the medical staff so damn careless with a possibly disease ridden and bacteria infested decapitated head anyway? They didn't even wear plastic gloves. What does this Black Goo do exactly? Accelerate worm growth? Infect crew members? Cause pregnancies? Create life? Pick one and stick to it please. Prometheus forces us to assume too many things, which takes away credibility form the movie and gives it a half-arsed feel. Like why the Engineer just wants to kill, kill, kill. "HANDS UUUPPPP!!" – The Titanic style death of the captain and the two henchmen. Utterly cringe worthy. And anyway, they were hardly aware of the situation, and only buttocks-bashed the Engineer's getawaymobile soley on the fact that Shaw assumed he was headed for Earth – even though she wasn't there when Earths co-ordinates showed up on the Engineer's.thing.