Guffaws Galore

Rating: 3/10 (9 June 2012)

Dear Ridley Scott, I would like to congratulate you on your new comedy - Prometheus. Never have so many involuntary snorts of laughter increasingly escaped from me during an alleged sci-fi movie which purports to delve deeply into the origins of mankind.
I thought you might like to hear my Top Five most sniggersome moments from your movie; you can then congratulate The Chuckle Brothers (who were presumably the co-writers).
5. The genuinely ludicrous (and completely unexplained) zombie-Fifield who arrives back at the ship having presumably studied some *extreme* yoga along the way.
4. Our creators/ engineers/ gods who turn out to be rubber-faced goons who alternately tootle on little flutes/ punch people across rooms.
3. The biologist who runs away from an ancient alien corpse like a giant wuss, and yet grins like a kid faced with a box full of puppies when a clearly sinister penis-shaped alien-worm pops up out of some black goo. He then decides that what he really needs to do is pet it.
2. Noomi Rapace and Charlize Theron running *in a straight line* away from a giant alien spaceship which is rolling after them like a big, black donut of doom. They repeatedly stop, look back in terror, scream, and then carry on running *in a straight line*. Protozoa have scored higher than these two in IQ tests.
1. And, straight in at Number One, is the stand-out scene in which Noomi Rapace has her abdomen (right through the muscle, I may add) totally sliced open (and a mini-squid removed) after which she is STAPLED back together (check out that futuristic medical technology) and she then proceeds to hop off the bed and run everywhere as though she is taking on Usain Bolt.
Bwahahahahahahahahahahaaaa.
Note to Michael Fassbender: you are the only person who comes out of this movie with any shred of dignity intact. Well done that man. 3 stars for your performance alone (and the CGI which is stunning at times).