Genuinely cr*p. Burn every copy.

Rating: 1/10 (6 July 2012)

WARNING - CONTAINS SPOILERS (NOT THAT YOU CAN SPOIL THIS MOVIE MUCH MORE THAN RIDLEY ALREADY HAS)
I've just finished watching Prometheus, and I'm struggling to find the words that would adequately describe this utter train wreck of a movie. To be totally frank, I refuse to believe that this is a Ridley Scott movie. I genuinely suspect that Fox is lying to us.
The script appears to have been written on the back of a matchbox by someone with the mentality of a nine-year-old. I'm 35 years old, and I was a child myself the last time a movie insulted my intelligence as much as this one did. If this movie was canned meat, I wouldn't feed it to my dog.
For the love of God, Do NOT let this awful, awful mistake of a movie burn itself into your neural pathways, as this would be a form of brain damage that could never be undone. It's like finding out your wife is cheating on you, or that you are the offspring of a mongol. Some things you just don't ever want to know.
The movie opens with the premise that ancient cave paintings depict a star system that is claimed by the movie's main character to be home to the creators of the human race. How this is deduced from caveman scrawlings is never explained, except for the main character saying that she chooses to believe it, which is, let's face it, just plain retarded.
Based on this flawed premise, the Weyland corporation decides to spend a trillion dollars funding a mission to find this alleged star system after taking this theory at face value without question.
So, the corporation hand-picks the most unprofessional professionals they can find for the mission, and put them all into hypersleep without introducing them to each other so that they wake up 2 years later orbiting a distant planet surrounded by people they've never met, and within a few hours of waking up, they descend to the planet's surface to explore a "pyramid" that looks nothing like a pyramid, which they just happened to find within moments of entering the planet's atmosphere.
As luck would have it, the main character was indeed correct in her assumption that this far-off world is inhabited by intelligent creatures that are indeed the creators of the human race. This is apparently proved by examining the DNA of a severed alien head, which, when compared to human DNA, proves to be identical (the aliens come back to life and explode shortly after when they are electrocuted, by the way).
Once inside the "pyramid", everyone takes off their spacesuit helmets, potentially contaminating themselves and their environment before returning to their ship. The captain allows them on board without question, and no decontamination procedures whatsoever are followed, and nobody complains about this.
Apparently, the act of entering the pyramid seems to have set off some kind of response mechanism that makes the cylindrical pedestals inside ooze some kind of black liquid. For no apparent reason, the synthetic human that accompanies our retarded explorers decides to secretly take a sample of this stuff back to the ship and spike one of the crew members drinks with it. Later on, the crew member has sex with the main character, and 10 hours later she is 3 months pregnant, even though she claimed earlier in the movie that she can't get pregnant.
The guy she has sex with, after leaving the ship and falling ill from swallowing the black ooze, comes back to the ship and is refused on board, due to the fear of contamination, despite the fact that the whole crew has already been exposed to the alien atmosphere and has been coming and going from the ship at will.
The main character ends up in the medical bay, where the synthetic human tells her that her foetus is a strange alien squid, and tries to convince her that she should be put into hypersleep for the return trip to Earth. Naturally, she disagrees, and attempts an abortion by using a medical machine that is tailored for males only.
As luck would have it, the operation performed by this machine is a resounding success.
I could go on.