Prometheus: Three Strikes.. You're out.

Rating: 5/10 (15 June 2012)

I went to see this movie after seeing the trailers.. you know, the fast-paced trailers that make the movie look like an edge-of-your-seat sci-fi horror movie, filled with pulse-pounding scenes of anxious anticipation for what horrors will unravel next. Unfortunately, the trailers were much more exciting than the actual film itself. The film was more of a concept that seemed good, but must have been developed and adapted into a script while really, really high.
Strike 1:
The dialog was cheesy and underdeveloped. The characters were mostly one-dimensional (the tough OCD captain, the angry "just here to get paid" mercenary, the strong-minded black pilot, etc). The two main scientists, who were the cause for this exploratory expedition, were the only ones that the writers seemed to actually even TRY to give any depth to, although sadly even that fell short. They were portrayed as the blind idealist ("Charlie" Logan Marshall-Green) and the reluctant hero ("Eli" Noomi Rapace), archetypes you can find in any children's action cartoon or typical Japanese anime.
The blind idealist will do anything to find what he's looking for. He enjoys long walks down dark wet corridors, removing his helmet in an alien environment to breath in potentially dangerous toxins or poisons, and being set on fire to sacrifice himself to save and "wake up" the reluctant hero. The reluctant hero doesn't want to let go of her father, doesn't want to let go of her boyfriend, and doesn't want to admit that things are not as they seem until it's too late.. but in her defense, no one does.
One of the things I usually like about sci-fi horror is it tends to be more intelligent than traditional horror. They usually break the conventions of "don't go in there.. why would you go in there?!" type situations. But not Prometheus. For instance, "hey these two guys were stuck in the ruins all night, we lost their audio and video feeds during the night. Let's go in and look for them.." Wouldn't you perhaps have recorded those feeds? I'd assume on a corporate-sponsored mission, all transmissions would be recorded.. so maybe play back the tape? If they had, they would have seen the little snake fight and acid bath that went on only a few hours ago in the room they were about to just stroll back into.. but nope, instead they stroll back in and this whole movie gets a little more entertaining and a lot more absurd.
Strike 2:
This is a small one, but significant: the year of the mission is around 2093 and the strong-minded black pilot is trying to bang the tough OCD captain. Upon hearing she wants to see him in her room, he sings "if you can't be, with the one you love.. love the one you're with." Oh how cute and f**king clever. I bet that's JUST what a strong-minded black pilot would say. This captain sure must love the classics because at the time of the mission that song is 123 years old. "Love the one you're with" is a song from 1970.. 1-9-7-0.
The movie was filled with stupid little quips like this. When it wasn't poorly written meaningless dialog, it was poorly written attempts to be "deep" or have some meaning, but that came out almost worse. It's like two people talking about "life" without either of them having any real deep opinions on the subject, like two teenagers on really weak ecstasy trying to be weekend philosophers. No references to real philosophy, no real emphasis on the AMAZING discoveries they did make, no celebrations, no reflections on the real meaning of life or the implications this discovery had on them.. none of that. Just some silly conversations with the android (the best part of the movie I might add) about what it means to be "alive". Seen it a million times before, blah blah blah.
Strike 3:
"'Let's sedate her and put her back in this pod till we leave.. oh no, the reluctant hero is unwilling to be sedated.." So the reluctant hero attacks two people, storms into the captain's area (no one stopping her), goes over to the captain's expensive and very rare surgery pod (which she was earlier reprimanded for even touching) and uses it to rip the alien out of her stomach in a scene that was neither scary, nor horrifically graphic.. mostly just annoying and awkward. Then the machine STAPLES HER UP and sends her on her way. Moments later, she suits up and leaves out on a mission. Are you f**king kidding me. And the old man.. 100+ year old Mr. Weyland, played by the 45-year-old actor Guy Pearce, again.. are you f**king kidding me?
Honestly there is so much wrong with this movie. A movie with a good concept, starring good actors and actresses, with amazing sets and settings, amazing visuals, and a budget that would make even Steven Spielberg blush.. all of these things would lead you to believe this movie would be good, and all of those things are true, but somehow, this movie still falls way short.. way, way short. Perhaps it's just another casualty of the Hollywood machine. Creating a movie not to be a work of art, something that can stand on its own.. but rather to revitalize a franchise, to be marketed and mass-marketed, to be a vehicle for sequels, to be a mere stepping stone on the path. The trailer builds you up for a gigantic roller coaster ride.. but instead the movie is more like spinning around on the tea cups at Disney World. And at the end, there are no loop-ty loops, no mind-bending twists or gut-wrenching drops.. just the dizzying upset you get when you realize you paid money to see a movie with very little to say and less moments of horror than Thanksgiving dinner with your family.