Stupid, unrelatable and pretentious.

Rating: 1/10 (15 September 2017)

It's taken me five years to write this review, and that's because I don't want to rant. It's difficult though, because whenever I think of Prometheus it's all I can do. My bile-barfing just won't stop when it comes to this movie. But I'll give it my best shot.
First off, I've got to say that this movie could have been good, perhaps even great, with but a few minor adjustments here and there. But no, as is, there's no way for this film to outrun it's flaws for as much as a second. They're always present, through every scene with every character from start to finish.
So, what is this flaw, which ruins everything for me? I'd narrow it down to two words: Relatability and Believability. This film is neither, and that's not because it's a film about aliens. The other movies in the Alien franchise are all pretty relatable, and pretty believable. They contain a sense of logic, both in their portrayal of the alien species and in their portrayal of the min characters. Prometheus, however, fails miserably on both accounts.
I'll try not to spoil anything for anyone who's not watched this film yet (oh, by the way, don't!), but a few examples of this inconsistency and unrelatability has to be put on the table. First off: The mission to find the source of life on earth, which takes the Prometheus expedition deep into space, is funded by a billionaire. It's repeatedly stated how much this man has spent on this journey, and still everyone from crew members to scientists appear to be the very worst and most incompetent in their field. That's just stupid. A redneck crew makes sense in Alien, where they're just flying a cargo ship, but not in Prometheus. Another insanely stupid thing about this movie is how all characters, consequently, disregard all safety protocols and common sense. Aggressive aliens snakes? Let's undress and take a selfie! An unknown atmosphere? Let's all take off our helmets. Utterly, fatally unbelievable. And then there's this new twist to the Alien life cycle. I'll try not to spoil anything, but I have a hard time figuring out how such a species ever could have evolved, since it appears to require both fungi spores and infertile human wombs to even be born.
There's more. The list goes forever on, but I won't let this review will turn into another rant. I've already written a few such on the topic of Prometheus on my blog, so go there if you want to read one. Instead I'll leave you with one final advise regarding this film:
Don't. Watch. It. EVER.