More weakly scripted CGI nonsense...

Rating: 2/10 (2 June 2012)

I went to see this film in the vain hope that it wouldn't be more of the usual Hollywood CGI claptrap that has ruined cinema over the last ten years, degrading the noble-art of storytelling into a disconnected sequence of meaningless 3d explosions and shouting flying men in suits.
The fact that Ridley Scott had been encouraged to return to the project, and the high score on IMDb initially reassured me.
However...
You will see that a lot of the positive reviews have been written either by children or those for whom readable grammatical English appears to be as Alien as the original monster. I haven't written a review in years, and like many many others felt compelled to do so to try and bring this huge behemoth of offensive gibberish down a peg or two.
The main points are addressed adequately elsewhere - the characters are unbelievable, they do daft unbelievable things, the alien itself makes no sense - endlessly mutating - and the only good thing is Michael Fassbender's Lawrence of Arabia impression.
Two things I especially hated were : a) the tired TV-movie clichés, like the CGI worm in the eye and so forth. At times it felt like one of the weaker episodes of the Outer Limits.
b) the whole 'accelerated pregnancy' trope - a sure sign of lazy scriptwriting. Quick, let's get the alien / vampire / devil child out before the end of the film! What a surprise, it's developing at an alarming rate. Naff.
I never really got into Star Wars, but I now feel that I can really appreciate what it must have been like for fans to sit through the Phantom Menace.
I would only recommend this film to the fifteen year old boys who insist on drinking and knocking over the bins outside my house, it's more on their level, and I can at least get a good night's sleep.
Lame.