Cynical cash in - don't waste your money

Rating: 2/10 (8 June 2012)

SPOILERS AHEAD!! Prometheus is not, repeat not an Alien movie. If you go into the cinema expecting one you will be sorely disappointed.
As an entry into the Alien franchise, which lets fact it we all wanted, its a wasted opportunity and very disappointing. The worst thing about this mess is the incoherent and frankly dumb story and screenplay.
It all starts so well. Some stunning vistas which look like they could have come from a National Geographic documentary and the images of the lone humanoid all promise something special. Unfortunately the film just does not deliver on any level which is crushing.
Cinematically it's stunning, that much the director gets right. He knows good cinematography, you just have to look at his body of work to see that. The casting is a mixed bag. Michael Fassbender is great as David. Charlize Theron does a great job as the Weyland heavy and comes across as the icy bitch she's supposed to be. An unrecognisable Guy Pearce is wasted as Weyland thanks to some very unconvincing prosthetics. It would have been so much easier and better for the film if they'd used an old actor instead. Ultimately it looks like Guy Pearce in bad make-up. The rest of the cast that fill out the remaining crew are largely forgettable, due in part to the bare bones material their characters are given. As most of them aren't given much to do, when the inevitable deaths start occurring you don't really care enough about them. In fact in one particularly messy scene its hard to figure out who's been killed anyway. They are largely just cannon fodder not at all like the fleshed out characters of the previous films. When they bought it, you cared, that just doesn't apply here.
For me the film struggles with its own identity. I starts out with philosophical overtones, then moves into more familiar exploratory sci-fi territory, then shifts gear again around the half way mark but it just doesn't gel together.
I read several reviews about how scary and gross some of the scenes were, especially the medpod sequence but honestly, i've seen more scary and graphic x-files episodes than anything on offer here. There is nothing remotely scary about this film. Some of the scenes are laugh out loud funny. There are times when the tension is ramped up and lets face it the first film was a master-class at building up tension to breaking point. Unfortunately the film just does not deliver on that or many other counts. The egg chamber sequence with actor 1 and 2 (I have no idea who they were) who are left behind is so contrived and obvious i'm not sure whether it was put there as a joke. Certainly the guy attempting to hug the snake-alien was pretty damn ridiculous.
Considering how much this is supposedly not an Alien film, there are scenes that could have been ripped out of any of the previous films and in certain scenes this is practically rammed down our throats (no pun intended). The medpod sequence could have been way way better, but just ended up being another damp squib for me. In fact it reminded me of the grab claws you get at a penny arcade - reach in grab the toy or in this case a fat grey featureless octopus that's about as menacing as a puppy.
It's not the only scene that just falls flat. Unfortunately.
The story has some interesting ideas. The origins of the 'space jockeys' or 'engineers' as they're known is handled pretty well but raises more questions than it answers which is the fault of the writers.
OK, in no particular order here are some of the brain farts the writers came up with.
The all powerful engineers decide that to wipe us out they're going to create a lethal black goo which presumably is going to infect the entire planet. How long would it take for the infected human race to tear each other to pieces? Obviously they're not to so advanced as to invented bombs/missiles/pointy sticks or some kind weapon that would have very easily done the same job a lot more efficiently.
The expedition to the unknown is manned by complete idiots with no logic, sense of self preservation or reasoning.
Quarantine procedures...anyone??!!! Lets carve up an alien head with an alien organism on it with no safety procedures whatsoever.
The Prometheus doesn't have any weapons of any kind and yet is travelling god knows where to confront god knows what.
Charlize Theron gets killed by a very large ship rolling onto her....no kidding.
We're supposed to believe that characters that have barely said 2 lines of dialogue are willing to blow themselves up cos Idris can't pilot the ship himself.
I could go on but honestly I can't be bothered. The most annoying thing for me about this film is Scotts insistence that this is not an Alien film - oh really.....let's think about that for a minute.
A large ship is sent to an unknown planet manned by civilians with strong female protagonists.
A sinister organisation involved has ulterior motives. An android onboard is a good/bad/good/bad...wtf guy who ends up decapitated but still able to talk and function. One of the protagonists ends up impregnated with an unknown organism. 'Birth' sequence involving said protagonist. The last 5 secs of the film - nuff said.
Any of this sound familiar??!!!! this film is as subtle as a sledgehammer to the nads.
Wtf Ridley Scott...at least be honest about your intentions....even the trailers were deliberately intended to draw in the poor unsuspecting public on false pretenses! Please please PLEASE do not make a Blade Runner sequel.