In space no one can hear you whatever.

Rating: 6/10 (7 June 2012)

What was the purpose of the movie? To reveal the circumstances that led to Alien? Well, I wish, I never knew about them because there is some weird stuff going on. The Alien, one of the most iconic monsters in movie history, is a mutated worm. Sort of, I think, but not quite because it is a child of a normal and mutated/infected/something human I better just give you the recipe.
How to make an Alien: 7 easy steps.
1 Put a black liquid on a worm- you get a pre-facehugger.
2 Forget about it.
3 Put the black liquid on a man- you get a sick man.
4 Find him a woman to make sweet love to. She'll give birth to another giant squid- like pre-facehugger.
5 Find an extraterrestrial with a 100% human DNA and let the pre- facehugger do its oral rape thing- you get a pre-alien.
6?
7 John Hurt.
Am I clear enough? No? You don't say! There are other important revelations. The space jockey's race are actually tall bluish humans in space suits (wtf), who created mankind because and then decided to eradicate us because. The black liquid may or may not have anything to do with it. Prometheus is the name of a ship. Charlize Theron likes it black. Weyland is a senile old man.
So I am sitting in the theater trying to figure out the nonsense happening and I recalled all the jabber from Ridley Scott about how this is something like a prequel, but not exactly, sort of re-imagining of the universe and so on. You know what? It is much simpler than this. It is a remake that reboots the franchise. He did not want to tell you because you would most probably have given him the finger. They made it work, more or less, as a prequel. But if Alien is about Ripley then Prometheus (and sequels) is about the New Chick.
Am I OK with a fresh start? Yes, I guess. Is, however, the movie any good? Hardly. To me it ruins most of the iconic mysteries in the franchise. The story is sloppy. Because of the whole mankind origin storyline it feels more like a Stargate spin-off. Good God, they did not find anything under the pyramids. Oh, wait, they found a star map drawn in a cave. Classy. For every good scene, there is one illogical or frankly dumb. The movie is not scary (rated 12+ here), not thrilling, not action-packed and spectacular. Then again it's not the worst thing out there. It's just the fourth (or the fifth, if you will) very uneven and ill-conceived attempt to re-do the original Alien. Actually the most memorable thing was the theater response at the end- a collective 'meh'. What is your rating for 'meh'- 5, 6, 7?
Good work, Lucas, I mean, Scott, now go and ruin Blade Runner.