dumb just dumb

Rating: 1/10 (8 April 2013)

Surely it takes more than just a lot of very good special effects to make a movie. At least I think it does. This had probably the worst plot of any Sci Fi movie I've ever seen considering the amount of money wasted in making it. There wasn't one original. idea in it and they stole concepts from about every Sf movie made in the last 30 years. It starts with explorers finding a cave in Scotland in 2089, yet they look like they just stepped out of an LL Bean catalogue circa 2000. OK, move on. They have discovered wonderful hieroglyphics which point at the sky. They match others who point at the sky. From this pointing they deduce how to find the planet the aliens came from. Amazing. So a rich man funds the project and off they go. he sends a hologram in which he says he wants to help mankind and will soon be dead. Only the brain dead cannot see the plot coming... aliens found...alien secrets of life found... rich man gets eternal life. Hovering in the distance in is cold hearted daughter. They land and discover a large mound that's hollow and seem mysterious. Mysteriously, they leave their weapons at home and head out in a large craft that could hold 100 but only has 5 and trailed by two golf carts that hold four... this way they will be threatened more when the big storm comes. Hello...Ever seen Red Planet? A dead steal from that movie. They discover wonderful things and of course since everything in the world is just beautiful, don't worry about monsters or evil. Bowling pins start oozing goo, little things slither through the muck and become spitting cobras which kill and they find monster #1. Meantime they have to scurry back to the ship because a big storm is coming. One woman gets pregnant with an instant alien (think Alien movie), rips it out of herself, stitches herself up and goes back to battle. The movie title should have been Artemis. Meanwhile, David, (think HAL-2001 with a body) goes goofy. Mad wealthy man appears ON THE SHIP... big surprise. How many movies have had a wealthy man dash off into space to live forever? They all head back to Magic Mountain to find the one true alien. Like a sleeping Prince, they kiss him awake and he goes bananas... tossing them all aside and going to his giant console, like Quasimodo, playing a giant organ, bringing the ship to life. The unlucky scientists flee, trying to get off the ship. Our fierce captain tries to ram his ship into the other ship (think Independence day) and does. It goes down with all hands aboard, except the undaunted female scientist who escapes, finds another alien ship that she navigates with David, who is now bodiless, except for a head. She heads out to find the other Aliens and see if she can persuade them into helping mankind...HAHAHAHA. Of course, on board is another alien, think Alien. The sequel will feature Segorney Weaver. Mein Gott! alien, think Alien. The sequel will feature Segorney Weaver. Mein Gott!