Nails scraping down the blackboard of your brain. Unbelievable characters; sloppy plotting; lousy pacing

Rating: 1/10 (20 June 2012)

A film needs only do a few things: have characters who you can believe in (that is, the human ones behave like humans would); have a plot which makes sense as it unfolds (even if you have to experience it backwards, or in layers - think of two famous Christopher Nolan films); have pacing which makes it enjoyable to experience.
Prometheus does none of these. The humans, when they face a crisis or something unknown, don't behave as you'd expect people to do - warily and with some sense of self-preservation. They're either ridiculously trusting, or they just plow in without reflection - has none of them ever seen a horror movie, even in this far-off future? They make John Hurt's character in the original Alien look like a model of rectitude and careful scientific approach.
The characters are poorly developed: there are too many, and you don't get an idea of who they are, what they want or what their motivations are. Again, contrast with the original Alien, where the (small) crew all have clearly identified personalities, aims, wants, interactions, etc.
The plot is insensible; literally it numbs you. Not every point needs make sense as you watch, but you shouldn't be saying "wait, what? That makes no sense" five minutes after any key scene.
The science is total rubbish. If you've any knowledge of biology or evolution, you won't enjoy this; scene after scene will be like nails scraping down the blackboard of your brain.
And finally, the pacing is lousy. There's no point where you feel that the characters are trying to pool their knowledge, or that they're trying to get control of what's happening. Instead, it tries to throw things at you all over the place in order to shock. (Again, compare to the original Alien, where the characters continually get together to try to figure out what to do next as each plan falls apart.) When things happen relentlessly but you don't understand why, you're just left bemused.
Compare the pacing and plot in Ridley Scott's Gladiator (where you have fights, and then the pauses in between during which the plot develops, and which explain the importance of each coming fight) and you realise what it looks like when done well.
This film has pulled in megabucks, partly through a marketing splurge which drew lots of people in - I know it did me (I watched it in 3D Imax).
However, within about half an hour I was ready to walk out; I only stayed because I nursed some faint belief that it would get better, or redeem itself. It didn't. Save yourself. Rent Alien.