Apologies to the Aliens, and Pity the Poor Actors

Rating: 2/10 (11 June 2012)

A significant number of fellow reviewers have been disgruntled, and I must agree: all the CGI in the world does-not-a-good-film-make. Trust me, I do not enjoy giving out such a low rating.
In contrast, Roger Ebert described this film as "magnificent". Perhaps he benefited from an alien-induced iv drip that many of us common folk are not privy to.
This film was short on character development, and the story lapsed into silly, unsubstantial blather. I found myself chuckling at some of the more absurd moments, where comedy was clearly not intended.
I should have followed my instincts early into the film, and walked out, which I very rarely do. What was my first moment of realized-dread? When I was convinced that I had no investment in most of the characters, and no curiosity about their histories. This movie had several gruesome moments, but that in itself does not elevate the film's quality.
I knew something was off when I felt more sincere enthusiasm towards David, the soulless robot, as compared to the humans. I feel that this was a compromised choice for Theron. She appeared cool-as-a-rotten-cucumber, which is fine, but the seeds were sadly missing. What a waste of her fine skills! An actor can only do so much with shoddy writing.
I gave this 2 stars, because aside from Fassbender's lovely work, the production design was quite impressive.
Last but not least, when I peered into the darkened theater, I noticed what appeared to be several alien beings, a few seats over. They had no need for the 3D glasses. Biding their time, the aliens gleefully tossed Milk Duds towards the screen. Whenever they fluttered their silvery eyelashes, a discordant hum reverberated, and the fibers of the velvet seat cushions trembled. Approximately 10 minutes into the film, the human couple who sat next to the aliens simply vaporized, yet their scorched kernels of popcorn frenetically rotated overhead. Like I said, this film had some early warning signs.