all you need to know

Rating: 4/10 (14 June 2012)

a team of professional scientists led by biff tannens twin brother peter weyland, who pretends to be dead and hides on his own ship, spend billions to go to a distant planet, to seek out the origins of life. a guy with a tattoo on the side of his head says 'we're all here because of a map you two kids found in a cave?' which is supposed to stop the audience from asking the same question out loud about how one goes from cave paintings to a few light years away. they arrive on the planet, right away spotting something strange and unknown, which a character later concludes on just about this much evidence that its an installation for weapons of mass destruction. the scientists enter the structure and soon many of them have taken their helmets off, based on an affirmation that the air is clean, even after they find a dead alien on this uncharted planet, the worry about foreign pathogens is non-existent. then the naughty robot (fair enough) puts some black parasite into a drink and gives it to a guy (fair enough). after he sleeps with his girlfriend, the parasite turns into a squid like alien in a matter of hours, within her. this alien then tries to come out of her but she has it removed, and then, stapled and bloody, enters a room with peter weyland who is not really dead, and the robot thats been messing around, plus others. nobody asks much questions, they just decide to go back in to the installation. there they meet our creators, who upon seeing their creation, begin punching them, and then trying to leave the planet. it is naturally concluded from their star map and anti social behaviour, that this tall fellow is going to earth to 'kill us all' with his magic black substance that apparently was the undoing on dozens of his own people. at this point, some of the crew members rally together to fly into this alien ship, to save us all, not knowing if the alien craft would even be damaged by it. fortunately it is critically damaged and falls to the ground, where 2 remaining characters run aimlessly, rather than checking where its gonna land. one is crushed like a final destination movie. she is the underdeveloped ice queen character, who looked like she was preparing to become a hero in the trailer, but actually just does some semi-revealing push ups before the banal mission begins, and then suggests to the pilot of the ship that they sleep together while he is supposed to be looking out for 2 of his lost and terrified teammates. then one of the survivors goes on board an escape craft and is then attacked by the pilot of the crashed ship, the tall alien man. luckily he is attacked by the huge squid that grows with zero nutritional requirements, and then out of him comes a semi alien franchise alien, and then it ends. between this a few characters become super zombies because of the magic black stuff. that is basically prometheus in a nutshell.