How to fail spectacularly even when you're Jerry Bruckheimer

Rating: 1/10 (30 October 2010)

So what makes this movie such a failure? Well
Firstly there's the plot which is actually quite plausible (for a Persian fantasy flick) and could have resulted in a sort of Matrix meets Ali Baba meets Inception type of movie. Instead it just fumbles along from scene to scene, with little smooth interconnection, and a villain in the camp telegraphed so early in the movie you're left screaming "IT'S HIM" at the screen well before the supposedly wise ruling "brothers" figure it all out.
Secondly there's the casting. Now Jake Gylenhall is one my all time fave actors. He is fantastic at playing ordinary people, usually underplaying by accentuating their flaws. A doleful look here, a wistful smile there and he's nailed it. Fantastic in Brothers, Jarhead etc. etc. But a Persian Prince? A flamboyant saviour of the human race? A kind of super hero? No way. It just doesn't work, it ain't Jake. Even looking at the promo pics he just doesn't look comfortable.
And then there is Gemma Arterton (who? I hear you say). Never heard of her before either , won't worry too much if I never hear of her again. Solid wood. No expression, no empathy, nothing. A mysterious queenly temptress? You're 'aving a laugh gov. There was absolutely no chemistry between Jake and Gemma – nothing, zero, zilch.
Even that great veteran of character acting, Ben Kingsley, struggled to salvage the plot and script though he was, in my view, by far and away the best thing about it.
So we have massive conquering armies sweeping across swirling sand deserts , a usurped and seemingly bitter queen, and the boy who was once the apple of his (adopted) father's eye becoming an outcast as he is accused of his murder. The journey that these two (Jake and Gemma) embark on to seek justice could have been the highlight of the movie, but it is just awkward, almost embarrassing to see them spar and dump, reunite and spar, etc. etc. Yawn.
Possibly the best action scene in the movie (and no doubt the ride we'll see soon at Disneyland) is Jake jumping off a high rock with two crossed swords on his backpack, looking for all the world like a male Lara Croft. It is almost as if the rest of the movie is simply in-fill to this climactic scene.
So many reasons why this movie doesn't cut it, yet the sequel is already in production.
Ah well WTFDIK.