Austen lovers (and more particularly readers) BEWARE

Rating: 2/10 (21 October 2005)

From the outset of the movie, I was hoping for something different from the BBC version, especially as it was the most recent version, and done very authentically with a wonderful realisation of Jane Austen's wit, humour and warmth. The main drawback with this production was that it was slightly sugar-coated visually, with nice warm lighting and generally a little clean. But nonetheless very authentic and true to the author, which is why many love the story so much in the first place. If you are one of these people, you will probably hate the Keira Knightley (let's-help-the-teeny-boppers-understand-great-literature) version.
I like the more grimy setting of this film and thought (at least initially) that it demonstrated a desire to distinguish the film from other versions. One glaring question came from the first shot of Longbourne though, which was to do with the Bennet's manservant and other servants. How can a middle-class family of the late Eighteenth Century afford two servants and a manservant, especially when Mr Bennet himself appears to be working on the farm? Also, how is it that Mr and Mrs Bennet have such a cute relationship in this film, with Jane and Lizzie being so secretive from each other. Personally, I think Jane Austen is convulsing in her grave.
For a horrible moment during the scene where Darcy prematurely proposes to Lizzy in Kent, I thought for terrible second that despite her rejection, they might just kiss anyway. I also thought that Lizzy might throw in a slap for good measure. Again, very poorly realised in the script. I also couldn't understand the creative team's propensity for taking some lines directly from the novel and then paring it with obviously dumbed-down lines for those who might have had the film confused with "Bride and Prejudice". Tricky Bs and Ps.
(Enough with the pouting, Keira.)
Poor, poor Wickham. Where was the man in this film who in the book meant so much to Lizzy (more than just a little crush) and helped her to learn so much about herself? About 4mins screen time.
(Enough with the girlish giggling, Keira. 'Cute' isn't going to cut the mustard here.)
Finally, (and mainly because I cannot bear to relive the horror of this movie much longer), did the people who wrote the script have any idea about etiquette in this era? Even if in a fit of passions, Catherine de Bourgh would never dream of invading a house in the middle of the night, unless she had recently become a highwayman. And Mr Darcy would hardly wander the fields near Longbourne at the break of day just for the opportunity to catch a glimpse of Lizzy in her nightdress. For those who just have to see it anyway, I won't spoil the incredible crassness of this moment.
And can I just say, why does Keira Knightley have a modern hair-do sticking out from under her wig? Weren't they paying the hairdresser enough?
Don't be fooled. Grimy (we're trying very hard to be authentic) presentation is just grime. And you will not be able to wipe it from your memory.