They don't make them like this anymore (thank the stars...)

Rating: Null/10 (6 May 2002)

Usually, I am in two minds when I view any film. I want to be entertained, but I want to be entertained in a fashion that doesn't completely disrespect reality or my intelligence. Unfortunately, films like Pretty Woman, and pretty much everything Julia Roberts has ever been in, do both.
Granted, I have been prejudiced against fairy tales for a long time, but that was only through learning that they were, in actuality, religious stories from ancient, more respectable cultures that the Christian menace had stolen, rewritten, and basically stripped of all their significance. Unfortunately, Pretty Woman takes this even further by taking a modern "fairy tale" and stripping it of even the most vague connection with reality.
Every adolescent boy has a fantasy about meeting the proverbial "hooker with a heart of gold", but those who have experienced it in real life will always tell you that it always ends in tears. Anyone who thinks that a woman can work the streets for as long as is implied in the character while retaining the youthful appearance of Roberts and remaining disease-free needs help. Seriously.
So is there a redeeming feature to this turkey? Well, Laura San Giacomo puts in a reasonable performance with the limited time she has, but she has appeared in much better films both before and since. Aside from that, it's just another example of Julia Roberts phoning in her performance with an expression on her face that conjures up mental images of a brain-dead chipmunk. And yet they decided to give her the Oscar in 2000 rather than Connie Nielsen. I think the rumours that the entire Academy just picks a winner at random and never watches films at all are actually true.