Aaah the 80s. The decade of the stupid jock & the Awesome action movie!

Rating: 8/10 (5 January 2011)

Nowadays "Big Dumb Action" is not likely to be put on the movie poster, as nothing Big and Dumb could possibly be entertaining, but my counter argument might be what about reality TV? OK bad example, there is nothing entertaining about reality TV.
Predator harks back to a simpler time, when anything non-human needed a bullet, or better yet thousands, and the musclier you were the more likely it was you would win.
Arnold is Dutch, and he and his team of well muscled meat-heads with names like Poncho, Blaine, Billy and Mack are venturing into the deep jungle with Dylan (Carl Weathers) in tow to represent the brass. This well trained and professional unit are used to this though, this is their job, they actually move through the dense jungle like soldiers not cowboys, everyone moves in unison without instruction aside from a quick whistle and a point or signal where necessary.
Moving on, Dutch and co are on a search and rescue mission, only very early on they find there is precious little worth rescuing, and that most traces of those that needed rescuing will fit into a couple of jam jars. There are no tracks and little evidence that the deceased knew what was happening even as it happened... which is a concern to Dutch as the victims were all highly trained soldiers.
As they continue on their mission it becomes evident that they are all being watched, Billy their Indian (looking at least) point man seems to twig first, he is Indian after all!
After a pretty great gun battle where the good guys slaughter the bad with no casualties aside from a scratched arm (thank the Lord that Blaine "Didn't have time to bleed", that could have been serious!) the crew continue through to the extraction point with a young female hostage in tow. This is where the movie gets good-er-er.
The previously unseen onlooker progressively becomes more evident, either he is lazier or they just thought the "clickle-lickle-lickle" sound effect wasn't going to be enough on it's own. In saying that though I guarantee if you play that two second grab to any guy under 50 and 90% of those guys will instantly recognise the origins, the other 10% are re-watching Avatar for the 11thtime and spanking it to the 8ft Zoe Soldana creature. Prove me wrong sticky hands! The Predator tracks the soldiers using a heat registering device, initially he is content just to watch and learn. He apparently has a sense of fairness and only hunts those that might prove a worthy adversary, therefore the unarmed are left alone. The Predator "Ain't ferm around heyre", that much is obvious, it engages sophisticated cloaking devices to blend in with the surroundings, which means that only the audience can see it most of the time for some reason.
After the initial kill there is a brief sighting that leads to approximately three kajillion rounds being unleashed, leveling an area that I think now is used to graze the entire MacDonalds herd.
From this point the Predator turns serial killer, picking off the soldiers one by one and taking various trophies for himself (think spines and skulls rather than earrings and wallets), he is a seemingly invincible killing machine that appears destined to kill off the entire cast without so much as breaking a sweat.
We learn because the female hostage tells us that "only in the hottest years this happens", and that the Predator is essentially a game hunter here on a bit of a safari of sorts. The news that this is simply a lark for him is a sobering thought to the trained soldiers he is toying with, so Dutch decides that they have no choice but to kill it. Bold words, but a few minutes later and it is a 1 on 1 battle between two huge gargantuan looking behemoths, one an alien incapable of discernible speech who communicates in clicks and grunts, the other is the Predator.
The Predator itself looks like a rasta-crab complete with dreadlocks and four alternately movable fangs, I'm not sure how the creature effects were done but for 20 + year old work they are pretty masterful and seamless and hold up extremely well today, in fact the effects on the AVP movies are distractingly dodgy or in some cases CG, strange given that technology should make things more convincing.
The final fight involves Arnold taking it old-school and eschewing weapons to rely on his wits and primitive fighting methods, that should be a problem but after the biggest preparation montage in cinematic history the Big Dumb Action sequence that closes the movie is excellent and caps off proceedings nicely.
Arnold is at his super-buffest and most action-friendly. The Predator itself, a super-cool creation (like the Terminator) that is both scary, daunting and admirable, a worthy adversary and after the Terminator almost the ultimate bad guy. It most definitely helped that the creature design and effects made the character totally convincing and realistic.
Often imitated but never bettered, Predator is an awesome action sci-fi experience. Rather than watching the Danny Glover sequel (OK) or the new Predators reboot (also OK), or the excrement that was AVP and sequel, check out the best. First.
Final Rating - 8.5 / 10. Big Dumb Action is very rarely this Fun. There's a reason why the Clickle-lickle-lickle sound effect and the washed out heat vision the Predator employs are so memorable to so many guys. They are Awesome.