Jumpin' Jocks in a Jungle!!!

Rating: 9/10 (20 July 2012)

You think your tough, Rambo? Well, loosen that headband because Arnold can do exactly what you can if thrust into the same garish green foliage! And this time, he's going toe to toe with a space-traveling invisilizard. Although he is covered in mud, Arnold shines like an Amazonian diamond in this cinematic masterpiece. He exudes an unparalleled rockin, Reaganormous centeredness as he leads his team of Marine ass-kickers to the choppah. You get the feeling that he could snap a python in half if given the chance. He might have to say, "snap" as he does it but you get what I'm saying. Predator is the greatest cautionary tale against deforestation by artillery fire you will ever see. Witness the explosion of manimalistic emotion as the marines unleash a ferocious frenzy of bullets against a treacherous treeline. Whether they are doing this to kill a Rastafarian alien or to prepare for a new highway is unclear. But whatever the case, there has never been a more awesome display of ammo ejaculation. The sequence is also revealing of something else. It seems obvious that this Extra-Territorestrial is trying to provoke an inherent jungle insecurity in the egos of the Marines that has been dormant ever since Vietnam. If you listen carefully during the scene where the marines clear cut a patch of the Amazon, you can hear Dillon screaming, "I got your exit strategy! I got your exit strategy, right here, you Viet Cong cock goblins!" For those who don't know, the three epithets of choice for an American soldier to call a VC were "dink," "gook" and "cock goblin."