The Citizen Kane of bad

Rating: 4/10 (4 April 2016)

This movie sucks. The writing sucks. The direction sucks. The score sucks. The actors suck. God, even the trees in this movie suck. I hated every audience-insulting minute of it. If there has ever been a worse script for an action film, I don't know it. This, ladies and gents, is quite possibly the worst action yarn ever printed on celluloid.
Where do I start. I would begin by saying that this film sucks, but I'm sure I've already said that. This isn't the worst film ever made. No, indeed. It is the worst thing ever. It is the single worst thing that we as human beings have ever created. It isn't merely the drab direction, or the subnormal screenplay, or even the acting so wooden that it belongs to the lumber section of Home Depot. No, it is the sheer thought that anyone in their right mind believed this idea could be translated into a screenplay, let alone a motion picture.
The story revolves around an overzealous extreme sports athlete (Luke Bracey) who, following the accidental death of his friend during a motorcycle mountain drift, decides to enlist into an FBI recruitment program. He is soon assigned to apprehend a group of criminals who are also extreme athletes pursuing a utopian venture known as the Ozaki 8; a series of ordeals that supposedly honor the forces of nature. Upon completion, the poly-athlete reaches a state of nirvana and the world should henceforth become a better place. These athletes are committing crimes in the name of 'giving back to mother nature'. At one point, they blow up a gold mine to 'liberate' the gold inside. The new FBI recruit "Utah" (Luke Bracey), our guy, infiltrates this crime ring in order to turn them in.
Lest he be discovered, he joins them on most of these highly dangerous ordeals upon their spiritual quest. How the FBI (which looks more like a private detective firm) allows him to do so, I cannot explain. As the movie drags on, you slowly discover that we're really just given an excuse to watch the ex poly-athlete perform extreme sports shenanigans across a backdrop of picturesque locations captured with fast-moving camera dollies. This is what happens when a cinematographer thinks he can write and direct his own film. Only the photography part survives. Barely.
This film has been labeled a Mountain Dew commercial, a Red Bull sponsored TV segment and so on, but I beg to differ; it is a waste of time. And to think that it was marketed everywhere as if a new George Miller film. I felt my IQ points drop by the tenfold every time the actors tried to explain this trite befogged screenplay with their frozen facial expressions (I make no reference to the ski range scenes) and thick Croatian accents. Within the first minutes you might think that the script gets better and some redeeming event happens I wouldn't hold my breath.
Some of the action is good, some of the cinematography is great, all of the plot is bad. For example, each time a member of the group dies they celebrate and with a devil-may-care attitude. "We must continue our Narnia-like quest my brothers." (Not a direct quote)
What's up with that? Does is it say anywhere in the script that these guys are actual close friend who with a minimum of human decency should mourn the death of their kin? Never mind. They even welcome a random guy (said Utah)into their group with no fear that he could be an informant, given their line of work; just because he's got a few bad tattoos across his chest and can throw a punch.
The ending puts the final nail in the coffin of this green screen drama. The question that is left echoing in your head is what the hell did I just watch? Am I being pranked? Who wraps up a story like that? What was the moral behind it? Is this an artistic gimmick/mystery to be left for interpretation at online debate forums? Like a Scorsesian food-for-thought? Visibly it is more than one question and no, it is none of those things.
Miss this movie at all costs. Save your money and Intelligence Quotient. As the late Roger Ebert once said, "Miss it, I doubt that it will be around to miss for long."