Impressively Soulless

Rating: 1/10 (5 July 2020)

It's one thing to make a soulless movie, it's another to do so in a remake of a movie that was so FULL of soul - it almost seems intentional. The Ex-Presidents in the original really felt like a tight-knit brotherhood; in the remake, they appear to have decided that simply slapping some tattoos and scars on the characters and having them hold hands around a picnic table, hug each other a few times and fortune cookie-philosophize is enough to paint that bond. It isn't. Ramirez had a hard act to follow with Swayze's original Bodi (one of my favourite movie characters and Swayze roles) and was never really given a chance with such a weak script. As a screen presence he had some of Swayze's zen vibe, but again it is as if the writers and director intentionally sucked all the soul out of his character by giving him nothing to work with. The whole eco-warrior thing really didn't work either; you care more about the Ex-Presidents who were simply about not being part of the system, following the waves and stealing to fund their travels than the tree-hugging crew who aren't in it for the money in the remake. The one way that the remake could have improved on the original was to cast the lead with an actor who can actually act, Keanu Reeves standing out in the original as his usual wooden, cardboard cut-out of a character, Ted Theodore Logan packing an FBI badge this time. But...no. They cast THAT guy, I don't even recall his name, another lifeless cut-out with acceptable surf-hair being sufficient, I guess. With a decent Johnny Utah this time round you could at least say they did THAT right, but again, it is almost as if they wanted to miss on every level. Ray Winstone is a great actor, but yet again, he was given nothing to work with, whereas Busey's Pappas was a larger-than-life character who actually had a role to play, not just there as the cut-out's ride. Lori Petty was the love interest in the original and had a fleshed-out character that you gave a damn about, whereas, yet again, Teresa Palmer was given a character who simply spouted a few hippy-dippy lines and was thrown in to simply look good in a swimsuit. John C. McGinley was fantastic as the FBI chief in the original and despite having less lines, stood out far more than Delroy Lindo's version. It actually hurt me to see James LeGros cameo in this remake because it was a physical connection to the original - there should be no connection at all, this is an insult to the original. Hot Fuzz pays proper tribute to the original and its homage to Utah emptying his gun into the air as he lets Bodi escape garners the appropriate reaction, a grin, as opposed to the grimace it causes in this remake. I won't even bother commenting on the actual plot or meat of the movie, it really doesn't matter, it's just filler between the stunts. Other reviews put it perfectly, that this remake is just a bunch of Red Bull extreme sport YouTube videos pieced together and called a "movie". If you haven't seen the original, watch it. It might not hit you the same way as it did someone who saw it back in the day (for me, I saw it when it came out in 1991 when I was 15) but you will hopefully appreciate it for a solid, entertaining action movie. Kathryn Bigelow is a legit director who knows how to inject soul in a movie - see Near Dark too, another one of her earlier movies that really shows how she can paint a picture of a tight-knit unit. I haven't seen any of Core's other movies and will actively avoid them after watching this empty Extreme Sports commercial shamelessly disguised as a movie.