I wish this was Pitch Perfect 2 so I could title this review "Pitch Perfect 2/10"

Rating: 2/10 (15 January 2018)

This was the first movie I saw in theaters in the New Year, and if it's a sign to come for 2018, I am deeply afraid. It's a cash-grab disasterpiece, and I feel it's quite a fine example to show how lazy corporate executives will get with popular franchise movies that are bonafide money-makers. They know the waters well. The fish bite without even checking the bait now! Why even bother putting something on the hook anymore? (I'm looking at you too, Star Wars). The best way to describe this movie is that it is half-assed in some of the worst ways possible. Lazy attempts at jokes in between sleepy dialogue. Most of the jokes were funnier in the sense of how pathetic and cringe-worthy they were than the actual set-up and punch line. I found myself as a turtle during this movie, slowing shrinking my head into my jacket-shell with each "Fat Amy is fat. I like eat" joke. And for how surprisingly random the plot seemed, somehow it managed to keep itself incredibly predictable and incredibly trite. And along with the random plot came randomized tone as well, just like way out left hook type biffs of sentimentality in a movie full of corporate greed, spliced with comedic bits that fall right on their face, and a James Bond-type sequence at the end (what?), this movie demonstrated the emotional and tonal maturity of a bad sitcom episode. And it became quickly obvious to the actresses involved that this movie was nowhere near the quality of the original because almost every performance here is phoned in. They were only there for the check, and DJ Khaled seemed likewise, leaving his natural energy and persona at home during his set days. And some characters seemed like they wouldn't damage their reputation being in such a movie and their characters "got pregnant and couldn't tour" or "they broke up" and I hold some respect for them. And aside from the laziness of this film, the crowd-pleasing and innocuous tone was extremely annoying as well. Let's add the military because you need to support your country and everyone knows that it's illegal to hate a patriotic movie! And let's go to all these foreign countries and give them shout-outs so our overseas box office sales are healthier. And let's throw in some really lazy female empowerment agenda because that's important now. And even though it includes all these shout-outs, I still can't imagine the person who would go out and enjoy sitting through this movie. The only redeeming quality I will give it are the song and dance sequences. Luckily the choreography and compositions were not lacking and were easily the most entertaining parts of this entire film. Idk, I'm getting even angrier at this film just writing all this out, so I'll leave with just two questions: was this movie really needed? And why did I spend ten dollars to see it?