New contender for booooooooring film of the century...

Rating: 3/10 (26 July 2004)

Wow. Where to begin?
Awful. Terrible. Abominable. Deplorable. Depressing. Atrocious. Dire. Makes-you-want-to-gouge-out-your-own-eyes.
None of these describe how bad this film was. Actually, that last one isn't far off. It also makes you want to eat the fecal matter of a dog, purely in the hope that you'll pass out and miss the remainder of the film. But that's not important right now.
What is important is that anyone who has so far survived the horror that is watching Pitch Black needs to be warned of its terribleness, just in case someone tries to rope them into giving it a try. Be warned, this film is on a par with suicide.
Okay, my first gripe with this 'film' - for lack of a better word - was Vin Diesel's 'acting' - for lack of a better word. Diesel played Riddick, your average meathead/murderer/rebel/loose cannon/outlaw character. A generic Hollywood schmoe, Riddick was a convict, whom the crew of a crashed ship had agreed to free on the condition that he helped them escape the strange, hostile planet. He sulks around like a bitch on her period, acting tough and spinning cheesy one-liners. Yawn.
So, how much did this film want to be Alien? I score it 7/10 on the trying-to-be-like-Alien scale. I would give it full points, but the other three points were spent trying to be like Sphere. Man, this film just wanted to be every good sci-fi film, and instead just ended up recycling typical science fiction B-S. The writing was just lazy. I can only imagine the plot was conceived by people that still use crayons and think it's okay to bite people that steal play-time snacks.
To writer/director David Twohy I say this...welcome to Yawnsville, population: You. Seriously, well done on making quite possibly the most boring and crap film I have ever seen. It takes real stupidity to make a film this bad, and boy, do you have stupidity in abundance. I salute you, sir.
If generic, recycled, unimaginative, unoriginal, crap science-fiction (with no basis in scientific facts, but plenty of basis in fictitious nonsense) is your thing, then check out this movie.