A real snore...only a "five"

Rating: Null/10 (27 July 2003)

`Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl' tries hard to be a Monty Python-esque farce, and also aspires towards the fantasy and horror element, but winds up falling flat, probably because it tries too hard, and ends up somewhere in between.
There is actually quite a bit to like about this film (provided you manage to stay awake), the story, for one. The problem here is that the sound is so poorly mixed that it's often difficult to understand the dialogue, so that only near the end does the plot become clear. As a result, quite a bit of suspense is lost. This would have fared better as a silent film with subtitles (They're going to love it in France).
Geoffrey Rush, as `Captain Barbossa' stands out in a cast that includes both Johnny Depp and Jonathan Pryce. He alone, among the three "name" actors in the cast, seems to be completely comfortable in his character's skin. He was able to traipse the none-too-fine line (under Gore Verbinski's direction) between satire and drama that both Depp and Pryce seemed at a loss to navigate.
I am a great Johnny Depp fan, but as much as I've admired his work in every single film in which he's appeared (especially `Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas'), I have to conclude from this effort that he's simply not the swashbuckling type. As much as it pains me to say, `Pirates...' would have fared better with an overblown ham like Tom Cruise than an artist like Johnny Depp. I could see Cruise (assuming that Verbinski could properly direct him) standing on the deck of a sinking vessel, striking a GQ pose, and uttering some daft speech in a way that would better conform to the spirit of the movie. Depp, on the other hand, appears almost groveling whenever he delivers a comic line. As a measure of how comfortable he was in the shoes of `Jack Sparrow', one only has to observe his ghastly eye makeup and beaded strands of beard.
Pryce made a valiant effort (considering the direction), but the best he could achieve was a mad scramble to keep his character real, and ended up only looking winded, like a marathon runner who'd been going in the wrong direction.
I liked the acting of Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, and Jack Davenport. Bloom came off as a pragmatically chivalrous hero, and played the action, dramatic and comic scenes with equal dash and enthusiasm. He actually brought out the best from Depp, especially in the sword-fight sequence in the blacksmith's barn. Knightley is a dark-eyed beauty who gave us a wonderfully not-so-helpless damsel in distress, played with vigor and intelligence. Davenport, as the commodore and swain of Knightley's `Elizabeth Swann', stayed fully within his character, with an uneasy frumpiness that accurately depicted the paradox of a youthful man given great responsibility. He would have been a perfect foil if only someone could have come up with a well-timed punch line.
Despite its high points, this is not a film I'd find easy to recommend. The promotional excerpts are better than the final product, and promise far more, especially from Johnny Depp, than is actually delivered. I saw `Pirates...' with my wife, and she summed up her impressions concisely with a single letter, oft-repeated:
Z-z-z-z-z-z-z...