Curse of the Curse

Rating: Null/10 (24 February 2004)

I decided to watch this movie with no expectations other than enjoying a mildly amusing romp on the high seas with cutthroats, scalawags and beloved rogues. What I got instead was a jumble of noise, special effects and long, boring stretches of interminable action. I guess I'm getting too jaded for this type of thrill-ride, cartoon-like picture, and it depresses me. Johnny Depp nominated by an Academy Award? Now I think I know why he always looks so somber at the last two awards ceremonies he's attended. He's probably realized he must be in a dream and it can't possibly be true, and he is sitting there in dread of waking up. Anyway, about the time the curse manifested itself and Captain Barbarossa's crew turned into ghosts, I began thinking about my list of household chores to do the next day. How can an audience, even those under 20, experience the vicarious thrill of impending menace from a bunch of comical skeletons dressed in tattered pirate gear who are immune to death? Who cares to watch dueling ghosts plunging cutlasses into each other with no ill effect? Boring. Pirate movies are by their very nature a far remove from reality, but stillÂ…once things became supernatural I lost all interest. Scenes of skeleton pirates dueling with each other belong in a videogame or perhaps a Silly Symphony cartoon of the 1930s. I think future reviews on IMDb should require the viewers to post their ages since I can't believe this movie appealed to anyone over 30. And can't we have a crowd pleaser without stereotypes, and wall-to-wall noise? One has only to look at the pacing of such classic pirate movies as `The Sea Wolf' or the first two versions of `Treasure Island' or even the silent `The Black Pirate' to see how it should be done. Dialogue peppered with token British and pirate slang rang hollow and it was all just too cute. Perhaps I've lost touch with what constitutes entertainment today, but I also think what used to be solely the realm of animation has inappropriately been conscripted into live-action just because technology and economics allow us to do it. What a tiresome exercise this was, and its only claim to immortality will be how well the special effects hold up in ten years.