Dull and crossbones

Rating: Null/10 (27 February 2004)

Finally got around to seeing "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl". Rented the DVD and watched it while doing the laundry. You know what? I found myself anxiously waiting for the wash and dry cycles to be finished, so I could have something really fun to do, like fold clothes.
Okay, so the 17th-century period costumes are nice, and the photography occasionally interesting (though at times I felt more like I was seeing a rerun of "Survivor: Pearl Islands"). And the moment when the heroine has her first fainting spell, because she simply can't breathe in her whalebone corset, was hilarious. But that was the only time I laughed.
Other than that, "Pirates of the Caribbean" was a snorefest. I would actually rate it the most boring film I have seen in the past year. And that's saying a lot, since I usually go to the cinema twice a week. The tale of a ghost ship and her skeleton crew goes on (and on) for over two hours, and frankly it is two hours too long.
Boy, am I glad I didn't pay full admission to see "Pirates" at a theatre. That would have been "avast" mistake.
As Jack Sparrow, Johnny Depp is mildly amusing with his beads and braids and kohl-laden eyes. But even his highly mannered performance wears thin fast.
Depp's parting shot in the film is "Yo-ho!" I would amend that to "Yo-ho-hum!"