Pirates of the Over Rated Something Or Other

Rating: 5/10 (19 January 2006)

One of 'the' most over rated films of the twenty-first century, this film is truly abysmal. I know those of you who have posted positive reviews will be searching these pages for negative comments so that you can then go on to berate us, will loathe me and this brief summary but it is true.
The film is a one man band, and therein lies its most fatal flaw and its only saving grace. Johnny Depp, arguably one of the most, if not the most, well rounded actor of the present times, provides a captivating and mesmeric performance as "Captain Jack Sparrow" and is truly a delight to watch, from his accent, to his well timed humour, to just about everything that goes wrong for him...and that's about it. Take out Depp, and you have a Shakespearean tragedy without the Shakespearean part.
Orlando Bloom has already proved in recent times that he is completely incapable of carrying a film. He does not only not have the stage presence, but his acting varies from poor to woeful, and always with that unnecessarily husky voice, to show that he's conveying either aggression, passion, fear, loathing and just about every other emotion under the sun, as he is just so damned monotonic.
Knightly is THE most over rated female actor of the present day. I hear people raving over her acting skills, yet this and Pride and Prejudice have been the biggest films she's starred in, one flopped and one was carried through by Depp, hardly a sparkling resume. Not only is she incapable of acting (like Bloom) but she has THE WORST line in cinema of the 21st Century "Try Wearing a Corset"....no thanks. Honestly, she delivers it in such a matter of fact manner as if it were part of a recipes serving suggestion, "you could try adding a touch of basil or garlic or even wearing a corset"
The film is entertaining in moments, but follows a very predictable and very typical Hollywood formula which is starting to get really old, really fast, and with the new one on its way, is only going to get older and more decrepit.
So welcome to Pirates of th...zzzzzzzzzz....oh, sorry...Is it over yet?