A Pirate's Life For Johnny

Rating: Null/10 (10 July 2003)

Going in to 'Pirates', I have to admit that despite my outward enthusiasm, inwardly I was expecting a fluffy, cotton candy Disneyland movie. I almost hesitated on seeing the flick, in fears that I would never enjoy my favorite Disneyland ride again. However, adventure I did to the theatre, and exceedingly glad I am that I did so. Aye, the movie was fast-paced, but not 'Moulin Rouge'-so. It was adventurous, surprisingly well written, and the computer graphics were done very well. The filming was consistently done well, from the acrobatic fighting sequence between Capt. Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) and Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) to the magnificent shots of the dueling 'Interloper' and 'Black Pearl'.
However, even with a great script, excellent plot and wonderful sets to boot, the captain of this fantastic voyage was wholeheartedly Johnny Depp. Playing the cocky, charming scoundrel Capt. Jack Sparrow, Depp unleashes a side of his acting persona that not many moviegoers have ever witnessed: comedy. Depp's varying facial expressions and swaying, seemingly-inebriated posture give him a swashbuckling charisma that captures your attention as he staggers through the picture, even in the company of Hollywood's latest teen-screen idol Orlando Bloom. Depp's genuinely funny with great comedic timing, yet he is also blessed with having genuinely hilarious punch lines to deliver. Reeling around in his three-corner hat, long, beaded black hair, and colorful pirate duds, Depp is a living, breathing replica of Disney's mechanical menaces. In the movie, he is the savior. Although Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush, and especially new arrival Kiera Knightley do excellent in their respective roles, Depp not only steals every scene he is in, he walks away with the entire movie in his pocket. Whenever the plot drags (and it does, at seemingly the most random of occasions), Depp swings into the picture and delivers the action with a gleeful, devilish grin. He's the lovable rogue Hollywood has been missing for years.
'Pirates' opens with young Elizabeth Swann meeting a shipwrecked boy named Will Turner with a mysterious pirate medallion strung around his neck. Years later, Elizabeth (played with a lot of spunk and gusto by Kiera Knightley) has grown up and is secretly in love with Will, now a blacksmith, while her father the governor wishes her to marry a British naval officer. Although a fainting spell lands Elizabeth into the deep trouble, the currently marooned Captain Jack Sparrow, pirate extraordinaire, rescues her from a watery grave. Despite his good intentions, Jack is welcomed with cordial hostility by the British navy, and winds up (by way of Will Turner) in the cooler (Look for a familiar scene around here, accompanied by a classic line by Jack: "You keep waving that bone around, he's never going to come").
That night, pirates overrun the port and take Elizabeth hostage. Soon enough, she realizes that she's not in the company of ordinary buccaneers, but in a crew of the living dead, hexed for taking Cortes' cursed gold. The crew's appearance is drastically changed in moonlight, but worse than that, they cannot take pleasure in food, women, or (shiver me timbers!) even rum. To break the curse, they need to return all the coins and offer the blood sacrifice of one person...the child of a former mate in the crew. Turns out, Will's 'medallion' is really one of Cortes' gold pieces. Turns out, it's also in Elizabeth's possession. Now Will must team up with Jack to get back his girlfriend; at the same time, Jack tosses in with Will to get the 'Black Pearl'. The adventure is on.
I hate the phrase, "If you see one movie this summer...' but I cannot help using it in this review. Do yourself a favor and see 'Pirates of the Caribbean', it doesn't matter if you're ten, seventeen, twenty-five, thirty-five, fifty, or ninety-nine...unless you have a heart condition. No, it's doubtful you'll be scared stiff by this flick, but you might bust an artery as fifty teen girls scream every time Orlando Bloom pokes his head onto the screen. Or whenever Johnny Depp wobbles across the screen with cunning one-liners. From his gleeful smirks, it's assumable that Depp had a ball making this movie. If you dare to see it, I promise you'll leave singing, `Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate's life for me.'