Aaar-gh!

Rating: Null/10 (16 January 2007)

One of the drawbacks to seeing a big movie, an immensely popular film from a few years back is that you enter into it with such preconceived notions that the flick will be . . . good? I saw Pirates of the Caribbean over the weekend and it was just so much fuss and feathers, a gory, tedious mess. Since you already know the story, I'll tell you why POTC stunk (stank? stinked?). I don't think this movie knew exactly what it wanted to be. It could have been a jolly, smartassed romp or an exciting and suspenseful thriller or a story of love and devotion. Since it tried for all three, it missed.
The female lead (something Knightley?) was bland, the Orlando Bloom character was also a nothing, the baddies weren't even there unless the moon was out, and Johnny Depp left me totally confused. His simpering, effeminate Jack Sparrow spent the movie lurching and reeling as if Depp wanted to impress you with his Foster Brook's impression.
I wasn't.
Needless to say, if anyone reads this review, I'll be earning my one zillionth "unhelpful" vote on IMDb. I don't write that I don't like movies to get people to react negatively but to get them to ponder whether or not what they liked was actually good or just popular.
Pirates was staggeringly popular . . .
and awful!