This can impossibly appeal to an adult audience

Rating: 2/10 (24 July 2006)

If you voted 10 for this film, you'd better be 10 years old or else this is simply unforgivable.
Pirates of the Caribbean is a truly excruciating experience. I hate this film on so many levels, covering so many aspects and ranging from crew to cast that it actually makes me physically ill to watch. So if I hate this film to the core, then what's the 2/10 for, you ask? The answer is; I think this film could be entertaining to kids and the odd pre-teen. It is, after all, a Disney production based on a popular Disney ride in a theme park and I think this explains its paper-thin plot of "saving the damsel in distress (Keira Knightley), killing the bad guy (Geoffrey Rush) and having an over-the-top comedic sidekick (Johnny Depp) whilst doing it".
I don't know whose genius idea it was to cast Orlando Bloom as the romantic and heroic lead, but this choice helps him cement his position as the resident Hollywood lucky-guy, getting by without so much as a shred of talent, but inexplicably being offered big-budget project after the other. Furthermore, my theory is that Bloom's bad acting is contagious and affected the rest of the cast of Pirates of the Caribbean like a nasty case of the flu. Keira Knightley is a stunning woman but all she does here is pout with her pretty lips until she gets to deliver some cheeseball tough-chick line like "You like pain? *WHAM* Try wearing a corset." I'm no member of the Depp camp but I think he has pulled off some great performances in the past, but in Pirates, he is so over-the-top and corny that this can impossibly appeal to an adult audience.
So aside from the cringe-worthy "corset" line by Keira Knightley, the dialogue-writing on the film really puzzles me. It's like it's camp but not intentionally. I believe this film truly thinks it's clever and amusing when it's only extremely embarrassing. Juvenile generic action sequences, long-drawn segments, contrived performances, dumb plot and overblown special effects make Pirates of the Caribbean an unwatchable adventure.
2/10