Pirates of the Caribbean:on strange tides

Rating: 7/10 (19 May 2019)

Let's face it. The Pirates of the Caribbean movies aren't really awful, but they are no longer the ground-breaking spectacle that the original was. So it was with lowered expectations that I watched the latest effort, and I can gladly say that the movie exceeded those low expectations. Damning with faint praise? Yes.
This time around, we've lost the characters of Will and Elizabeth, which is a good thing. I don't know about the rest of you, but I was getting tired of the triangle they formed with Jack Sparrow. The two characters were just getting annoying and in the way of Johnny Depp, so when their stories were pretty definitively ended at the conclusion of the third movie, I was happy. Taking Elizabeth's place as the story's heroine is Angelica, daughter of Blackbeard and played by the luminous Penelope Cruz. Like Elizabeth Swan, Angelica can kick butt and take names; the difference is that Cruz is far more convincing in the role than Keira Knightley ever was in her. Cruz's presence gives the franchise a much-needed jolt of fiery Latin temper, to use a cliché that happens to fit nicely here.
As for the character of Will Scarlett, the noble Everyman/blacksmith played by Orlando Bloom, his replacement would probably be the clergyman who finds himself in the service of Blackbeard, trying valiantly to "save" him. As the movie progressed, I began to sense that Philip the Good would somehow let slip the bonds of his faith and fall for someone. I knew that someone wouldn't be Angelica the daughter of Blackbeard, and a quick glance at the trailer showed me his eventual target. So, like Scarlett before him, Philip finds love where he never thought he'd find it. Trouble is, that relationship was starkly uninteresting to me. I'm not sure if Sam Claflin, who played the character, or the screenwriters, is to blame, but boy and howdy was that part of the plot a giant bore. If there's a Pirates 5 - and who are we kidding, of course there must be - I hope Philip and his new love don't make an appearance.
So what made this one palatable, anyway? You minus the two more wearisome characters from the last one and add a temptress, and you're good to go. Plus you add in Ian McShane as the diabolical Blackbeard, and he's an actual bad guy, unlike Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), who's jumped sides about as often as Jack Sparrow himself - and here begins the movie in the employ of the British King.
The stunts are well staged as usual, and good use was made of the location shooting on Oahu and Puerto Rico. Never let it be said that a Pirates movie wasn't fun to look AT. But an added benefit for me was that I watched the movie in 2D, even though it was also available in 3D. Why, you ask? Well, I'm glad you asked, Imaginary Reader. You see, when a movie is shot in 3D, the 3D process absorbs some of the light; therefore, if a movie features scenes in darkened environs - like caves, the ocean blue, underwater, jungles - then it'll be so dark that one will have a lot of trouble seeing what's going on. And for this you'd pay an extra few dollars. Ain't worth it. So if you do see this in 3D, you may want dial this rating down a notch.
Overall, the movie - and the franchise - owes quite a bit to Mr. Depp. Yes, he IS Jack Sparrow, and it's impossible to imagine the movie without him. And even though this is his fourth go-round as Sparrow, Johnny Depp's enthusiasm doesn't seem to flag a bit; he sells the character wholeheartedly and joyfully. He is, as usual, a lot of fun to watch.
Oh, yes, the plot. Nutshell: Barbossa (with the British), the Spanish, and Blackbeard (with zombies on his crew, of course) are all trying to find the Fountain of Youth. Sparrow had the map, Mr. Gibbs - Sparrow's first mate all these movies - memorized it and burned it, and there you go. And there's a prophecy about a one-legged man, and there are mermaids. It's like Harry Potter without house elves.