This is NOT DONE - I want my money and time back

Rating: 1/10 (20 May 2011)

Jack Sparrow...I mean Captain Jack Sparrow, it's probably time to hang your boots and bury your sinking pirate career before dirt-storm wrecks whatever remains of my sweet memories of the original Jack Sparrow legend, the Curse of the Black Pearl. Although, I wasn't half as impressed with its sequels, somehow even in those movies the Pirate magic weaved its way into the hearts of loyal fans, many of whom I'm sure are as aggrieved and disappointed as I am, just choosing to remain silent out of respect and love for the Jack Sparrow we all knew and cared about. However it needs to be said, the current version achieves nothing apart from making you scratch your head in frustration.
Someone here commented this was supposed to be better than at least its last two predecessors -bollocks. After all, who can forget the inspiring "Hoist the Colours" speech by Elizabeth in "At World's End", and that opening execution scene did it not send shivers down your spine? About this version, I don't recollect ONE memorable scene worth talking about. There's nothing, absolutely nothing inspirational or redeemable.
Before watching this monstrous travesty of a pirate story, I read each and every review on IMDb and was confused whether or not to spend a lot of money on it. Finally I listened to my heart who cares about critics, being a loyal Pirate fan I knew at least Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush wouldn't disappoint. My, couldn't have been any wronger. In fact, I never felt so disappointed listening to my heart. With a straight face, I managed to sit through the entire screening, taking a while to realise how casually the sublime Pirate magic was fading away into an appalling doom of mediocrity, clichés and earthy innuendoes.
Plot aside, everything about the movie was repetitive and easily predictive, "now comes the swordfight", "now comes the menacing Blackbeard", "the mermaid's about to bite". If they paid me a dollar for each correct guess, I'm sure I would have been rich by now. Even the soundtrack failed to strike a chord. About Jack Sparrow and Barbossa, I could notice a deep sense of fatigue in dialogue delivery with such fine actors despite the fact no one else can take their roles. Was it like let's just take our money and get over with this nonsense. About Blackbeard, impressive introduction but for the remaining film, I don't think that character could have scared a two year old in a dark room. Angelica, that Latina lover of Jack Sparrow, well she could have been a breath of fresh air but the character lacked depth and dimensions. Speaking of Latins, why did they make the Spaniard Kings and soldiers speak English? I've read a lot of history about Spain's naval prowess in the olden days, for greater authenticity couldn't they have made them speak Castilian Spanish with sub- titles in English. It's tiny details like these which make you angry about the lack of research in putting together such a fabled story. The "Fountain of Youth", again a great plot element but I wanted a genuine SENSE OF HISTORY with that like its legendary connections with Ancient Greeks and the lost kingdom of Atlantis. Again, deja vu remember how Barbossa made an introduction of those Gold nuggets in Curse of the Black Pearl, connecting them with Aztec civilisation and the Conquistadores led by Hernan Cortes. Now, that's called RESEARCH.
The mermaids were neither beautiful nor significant enough. I think they should have casted blonde Russian chicks straight from Moscow and St.Petersburg for that look of vulnerability. The priest who fell in love with the mermaid was neither convincing in his religious fervour nor his romantic passion for the woman.
VERDICT: Let this Pirate of the Caribbean storyline end now already, and not be resurrected until another 50-100 years!
P.S.: In all fairness, I've seen far worse movies than POTC- On Stranger Tides. If it were simply another movie, I would have rated it a Three Point Five. But, since you have the legendary POTC appeal to bank upon, expectations will always be much higher, so you just can't afford to disappoint. Thus, there you are - One Star.