Sinks on Land

Rating: 4/10 (21 May 2011)

Camera-loving ham Johnny Depp returns as the flitting, rum-drunk Jack Sparrow in this fourth installment that attempts a brand new start.
Jack's lovable first mate is imprisoned, and after an amusing courtroom ruse, and learning of a map leading to the Fountain of Youth, there's an adventurous escape (or two) and somewhere in-between, our prancing hero meets both his long lost love and match: Penélope Cruz as a con-artist with wits equaling beauty.
He's double-crossed and becomes a slave on a pirate ship captained by none other than Blackbeard, who, while looking formidable and frightening, does little more than spout exposition about the Fountain and confusing "instructions" on how to make it work.
There's a nifty battle of pirates verses mermaids: evil fanged fish with the speed of raptors. But when the ship lands on the Fountain-bearing island, the already flawed romp hits a wall and never recovers.
Tedious bouts of dialog replace sporadic action, and Depp's charismatic jester seems out of place within the plot-heavy escapades; like an out-of-work game show host alone on a broken down amusement park ride, he's got no one to counter, and nothing to balance. (And not to forget a peripheral love story between a young handsome missionary - filling the Orlando Bloom void - and a pouting mermaid, although by the end you'll want to.)