Fading Pirates

Rating: 6/10 (22 March 2012)

I love the "POTC" franchise, but "On Stranger Tides" failed on a lot of levels. Oh, Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow has his moments; he's cute, and clever, and silly in a lovable way/lovable in a silly way. But when all is said and done, at least for me he wasn't, in this movie, a character I was more than mildly amused by. And that wasn't enough to keep me invested in the movie.
Penelope Cruz makes a fetching Pirate, but I just never bought into the back-story, which is that she's Blackbeard the arch-Pirate's daughter. She's pretty and she's fun to watch on screen, but there isn't enough plot/character to make me care about her.
There's a cute sub-plot involving a mermaid and a young male missionary, and as far as I was concerned, that was potentially the most interesting part of the movie. But it was a minor item, and the way it turned out was pre-ordained and obvious from the get-go.
Kevin McNally as Gibbs was actually the character that I felt was the most authentic, but he was just dragged along for the ride, as it were, and really didn't have a part in the action.
For the rest, there are Spaniards and British who swash buckle and flash swords at appropriate moments in the movie, but that's all they're really there for.
I know I'm swimming against the tide in saying this, but for me the movie just didn't work. In the climactic action sequence at the end, I found myself more concerned with how cramped and uncomfortable I was starting to feel in my theater seat than in how the movie was going to end.
So, in the end, I really can't recommend "On Stranger Tides." My suggestion: if you're hankering for a good action popcorn flick, skip this movie and watch "Raiders of the Lost Ark," either of the first two Brendan Fraser "Mummy" movies, or check your cable channels for any other big-budget action movie of summers past.