Another 12.50$ sent to Davy Jones locker

Rating: 3/10 (27 May 2011)

These movies have been trash for 6 years now. Rob Marshall proved that a new director isn't going to fix anything. I admit there is less CG then the last 2 films but the story is terrible and the characters are just as bad. The first 40 mins is spent reintroducing the characters. For some reason Jack has lost the Black pearl, no reason is ever given. Barbosa had command but lost the ship to Black beard, who keeps it as a prize in a bottle, with 30 other ships. We wait for an hour or so for Barbosa to explain why he lost the ship and instead of an amazing flashback to show Barbosa loosing his leg we simply have to listen to a horid story to sort things out.
Black beard the king of the pirates has been relaxing somewhere for the last 3 movies, never brought up before not even at the pirate council in part 3. He sails another ship with ripped sails because that makes ships go fast of course.
Penelope Cruz pretends to be Jack Sparrow and somehow every Pirate in London believes her, even though she's about 5'1, 95lbs. The whole story is about the fountain of youth, of course it's located on the same island as th first movie. It's just a few days voyage from the Caribean and there are no dangers to pass along the way. Just a few days of sailing and Barbosa, Black beard and some Spanish ass holes just find their way there. Only Barbosa has the map but that doesn't matter. They meet at this island and now have to catch a mermaid and get her to cry. Seems simple enough until Cruz says "we need her tears fresh, mermaid tears don't keep." This means they need ro carry the mermaid in a glass coffin filled with water.
Then there is a scene where a rope bridge is broken and one of them will have to jump a gorge to make it to the other side. Penelope ants to go, Jack doesn't, so Black beard puts 2 bullets in 6 guns and has Jake pick which one to fire. Black beard then takes turns firing at Cruz. What this scene proves I'm still trying to figure out. Eventually Jack does it and I don't care.
He climbs a huge cliff, then another just to find the ship of "Ponts de lion" (spelling) waiting for him aboard the ship is barbosa, who has one leg, but somehow found his way up 2 cliff faces to get aboard this ship.
They mess about for a few mins while the ship teeters on the edge of the cliff. The scene ends without the ship falling, maybe the first time in history where they forgot to pay off the set piece. It's a teetering ship on a cliff, hmm what should we do with it? I've got an idea, how about nothing?
They get to the magic place, Jack says the magic words and a water elevator appears on the roof of a cave. Everyone take the elevator the the fountain of youth department, only to have the Spanish come and wreck everything because the temple is offensive to god. They smash everything then hit the road, never to be heard from again.
Jack saves Penelope and black beard dies and I don't care.
3 big Indiana Jones rips offs, Jack and Cruz meeting is a ripoff of raiders when Indiana meets Marion ravenwood. She was a young innocent girl when the 2 met in the past. Bu Indana wronged her. When they meet again they hate each other but you know that romance is going to build.
Voodoo doll from Temple of doom, this was so obvious it almost hurt.
The entire story was about a magic cup and the magic water that gives you eternal life, at the end of the movie, Black beard drinks from the wrong cups and he dies the same way as the bad guy in last crusade, evaporates into a skeleton.
This movie is just as bad as the last 2. I'm done, no part 5 for me. I've learnt my lesson.
Not one cannon ball is fired, no ships do battle. The movie cost 250 million and they don't fire a cannon ball.