Time to disappear Captain Jack Sparrow

Rating: 4/10 (9 December 2011)

This is the fourth time our cinemas have been graced with Captain Jack Sparrow and his swashbuckling gang of inept pirates, and I have to say I hope that it is the last. The next instalment is just another carbon copy of everything we have seen before only less thrilling and without Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley.
If you have seen the other films you will know that Jack is on a quest for something mystical but is kidnapped by a fearsome Captain and his haunted ship. He must escape; get to the end of his quest before them and also before another mysterious third party. Oh and also throw in Captain Barbossa somewhere. Basically like every other film in the franchise.
In this one Jack begins in custody of the King who demands the where about of the Fountain of Youth. Jack claims he doesn't know and escapes their clutches. He then has a talk with his Dad before being told that another 'Jack Sparrow' is recruiting for his ship. He investigates and finds it to be his long lost love Angelica (Cruz), only disguised as him. She then kidnaps Jack and he ends up captured on the ship of Blackbeard (McShane), Angelica's father. They are on a quest to find the Fountain of Youth as Blackbeard's fate suggests that he will die if he doesn't find it and drink from it. To use the Fountain however they must acquire two chalices and the tear of a mermaid. So off they set in search of this.
Also the King of England has sent his own ship of pioneers after the Fountain lead by Captain Barbossa (Rush) who seems to have deflected and changed sides, but secretly he has a hidden agenda and is in fact after Blackbeard for being the reason he lost his leg and his beloved Black Pearl. Alongside that is a random Spanish fleet also after the Fountain but they are mentioned at the beginning and shown at the end, they are just completely pointless. We finish up with all three parties arriving at the Fountain and fighting to the bitter end, as usual. You get all that? If you've seen the others you may be able to understand some pointless, confusing plot lines.
There is so much wrong with this film. I will start with a couple of positives though. The opening thirty minutes are entertaining, and the introduction of Jack is great. Barbossa's deflection is a decent plot twist and casting Penelope Cruz is a nice touch as without Knightley there would be no eye-candy. Of course Johnny Depp is brilliant as Jack Sparrow as always but this is where my negative assessments begin, we've seen it. We have seen this pirate do the same things in different places time and time again and in this one he seems to have more feelings than in previous films and he has become less selfish, that is not the Jack Sparrow we know and love. To continue, the villain Blackbeard is one of the weakest villains I have watched. He is not a patch on the original Barbossa or Davy Jones, hell even Lord Beckett was more fearsome. For Blackbeard to be classed as the nastiest pirate is ludicrous as he does nothing other than shout. The addition of the Spanish is pointless as they have no input into the story and seem to be there to add the political edge like Lord Beckett did in the previous ones. The story as a whole has just completely run out of ideas. The writing is appalling. Things just seem to turn up half way through so that they can be used in the climax. If these things were bought to our attention at the beginning than I may buy into them but they were just placed there to tie the story up.
I could go on for ages moaning about this film, but I won't as there are some parts I liked, such as the fight scenes, although they have all been seen before they still do entertain. I also like the idea of using mermaids and of Blackbeard shrinking ships into bottles; this is something I think should have been more explored.
The thing is I loved the initial Pirates of the Caribbean so I hate to be slating this one but I'm sorry they need to nip these stories in the bud and fast. Mr Depp I also think it is time you broke away from Mr Sparrow and proved that you don't just play eccentric roles. The majorly disappointing thing is that this will be the first time I have said that a film would benefit from keeping Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley in it. Now you should be able to imagine how bad this film really is.