Hey movie! You make no sense....wait where are you going? Come back here, I wanna talk to you

Rating: 1/10 (22 May 2011)

Let me set the record straight: I loved the first potc film, the second two were blatant cash-grabs but I kinda like the second one. This one I was unsure about, but hey? How bad can it be? At least its not like the third one and three hours and with only enough plot to fill one, right?
Well, after the usual first 33% of the film being run around until we're at the point where our plot can start (seriously, pirates films need to stop doing that, just start your movie already). And we get revealed that this film isn't going to be in the Caribbean or feature anyone originally from the Caribbean (false advertising in the title), we get shown that its Blackbeard searching for the fountain of youth because apparently it can make him be able to cheat death.
He can resurrect the dead
I know that may not sound like much except....well it does actually!! Seriously why has no one else noticed such a gapingly massive plot hole of which there are billions littered throughout this film. They think they explain it with Blackbeard saying "fate has told that I will die at the hands of a one legged man" (obviously rush, seriously from the opening Jack is the Judge, this film has no tension, just irony and making the audience feel superior that they know something the characters don't) wait but how does this reading fate thing that we never see and are never explained work? And how is this any different to when you were apparently beheaded three times before but came back? And if you're so ****ing powerful you can resurrect other people than surely you can make it so you won't die? Why does Blackbeard think the fountain's magic will cheat death and his magic won't? There are a billion more plot holes I don't have word count to list here, but seriously, character motivations people, there are rules to screen writing: Make your characters make sense before you make massive areas of the plot hinge on them.
Plus: why the f*** are we supposed to care about Phillip and mermaid? He barely speaks and we don't even learn his name till the end of the film cause no one says it and I was mostly reeling from how royally their plot hole had ****ed the movie. There's no depth to the new characters in this movie because we're focused on the tired one: Jack....do people really still give a s**t about him?
God this series is so tired