DBOX 3D Review: Bigger doesn't exactly mean better

Rating: 5/10 (20 May 2011)

** out of (****)
Keeping my head held high, walking in with my $22.75 ticket to where my derriere would be seated D-box style, and my eyes wide open in every dimension, I thought, how could I possibly be disappointed with such an experience? Too bad it wasn't the experience that sucked. It was the movie. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy my case of pure action fluff, but when it's done to the point where it's fun and engaging. This wasn't. Any fun or intrigue that the franchise once had has been drained, and the results reflect on that. The story is non- existent, the performances are nothing special, and the film's running time is lengthy, feeling bloated and excessive. Remember, bigger and louer doesn't always mean prouder.
First, let's start with the story. Well, there isn't one much to begin with. The Pirates are basically on search for the Fountain of Youth. And yes folks, that is seriously it. You'll have the occasional pratfalls and drawn-out fight sequences, but for the most part, that's it. And do they find it? I think you can figure that one out. I just don't get it. After three movies, that is the best story they can come up with? Why not embark on something more fascinating, or have a few twists here and there. Instead, it's just a rehash of the films, and not exactly the best one either.
The performers? Everyone's pretty much the same. Johnny Depp plays the eccentric, occasionally irritable protagonist, while Penelope Cruz is the snappy love interest, who bats her eyes and looks pretty. Geoffery Rush is well... Geoffery Rush.
What about the eye candy? Action is action. I don't care if you have a character doing ninety backflips in a row. It's just staged material that tries to be as slick and stylistic as possible, but comes across as middle-of-the-road and tiresome. And the scenery, it is nice to look at, and for sitting through all the credits, and even being a skilled observer, this does look like an expensive movie. However, there's nothing new to look at. Actually, I think the earlier films had a more sleek design.
Now the common question everyone has, the 3D. In all honesty, I personally think it was useless. Yes, you have the typical "gotcha" moments, but there was no sense of depth. I think it was just such a waste to use perfectly good cameras on the tired third dimension. 3D just did not work with this movie.
DBOX. After 3D and IMAX, this is allegedly the new theatrical format. I must say, it doesn't disappoint seeing as how the chair is in sync with the audio (it vibrates, moves side to side, or ascends or descends the viewer), however, there's always room for improvement. Still, I wasn't exactly the happiest camper paying $22.75 for a bloated picture that went nowhere, a tried 3D format, and seats that while good, still leave a lot to be desired.
Boom. Boom. Boom. And... it's in 3D. If that gets your heart racing, then by all beans see this movie. Actually DBOX it. Then you'll be "in the movie". I'm sorry, I'm all for enhancements in technology, but when the story and acting is sacrificed, the whole movie suffers. I hope this seriously is the last installment. The series is just getting more and more tired with each progression.
On a side note: The after-credits sequence is a disappointing one. I sat through and watched all the credits and waited for a nearly one minute scene that was rather unnecessary and completely useless.