On Weaker Tides

Rating: 4/10 (21 May 2011)

Most will agree that the "Pirates" series got weaker as it went on. "Black Pearl" was great because of the massively entertaining performance by Johnny Depp (everyone's said it), as well as a solid rescue story, a memorable villainous performance by Geoffrey Rush, and some great special effects. "Dead Man's Chest" was good for the groundbreaking effects, and more Captain Jack. "At World's End" was okay. It had a fitting conclusion to the story arc, the combination of the effects and storytelling made it an epic finale, and of course, Johnny Depp. It's spoiled by its almost 3-hour length which just wore audiences out.
The trilogy made over 2.5 billion dollars, but Disney needed more. Now we have the fourth movie. It's WEAK. They had four years to work on it, and they came up with this.
The film starts off in Spain, and here is where I encountered my first problem with this: they speak English. Its only 30 seconds, and they couldn't just subtitle it? "Inglourious Basterds" had most of its dialogue in a different language, and subtitled, and that film worked. I decided to just let that go and watch the rest, but thinking back, it's just one more thing that I didn't like about this film as a whole.
Let's break it down.
Things I liked: 1. Johnny Depp's performance was good as expected (I liked how Disney didn't wuss out and actually showed him doing pirate-y things)
2. One good action scene (at the beginning, so everything else went downhill from there), and one pretty good sword fight.
Thats it. 2 things that I genuinely liked. Now for the longer list.
1. TOO MUCH Jack. - The first three films showed him in bits and pieces. The story revolved around Will and Elizabeth, and Jack was just there to help, but he stole every scene that he was in, so it was exciting anytime he was on the screen. Now, the script made sure that he had all the attention. Also, early on he just loses it when he finds out that the Pearl had sunk. This was very out of character and it was just confusing to see Sparrow like that. But he was still the best part of the movie.
2. F/X not as spectacular- The effects in "Dead Man's Chest" were absolutely breathtaking. The Kraken attack scenes are a marvelous demonstration of what CGI can do, plus Davy Jones was a huge step forward for "Avatar". This film looks like it has less production value than it's predecessors. The mermaid effects were good, and the 'deconstruction' of Blackbeard was good, but there was nothing that will be remembered for years to come.
3. Action sucked- People going to see this movie want action, and they're better off renting one of the first three, or maybe they could see "Fast Five". The first chase scene was the best action scene in the movie. Angelica vs. Jack was pretty good, but the rest of the movie is talking, but I'll get to that later. Barbossa vs. Blackbeard: sounds cool, right? Its ruined by the rest of the crew fighting around them, it just distracts the viewer.
4. Blah, blah, blah- Cut out the BS dialogue, and this movie would have a hard time breaking the 20-minute barrier. Its the shortest of the series, but its actually the most boring.
5. Penelope Cruz- I recognize that she's beautiful, but I've never really cared for this actress. She did what the role required, no more, no less. Its not her performance, so much as her character, which really irritated me. I never cared what would happen to her. Keira Knightley may have had an annoying character, but because the story was better in the trilogy (which I'll get to next), I just cared more about her. We are told that we should like Anjelica, she does nothing to care about.
6. Story lacked emotion- Never did I care for what was going to happen to any character besides Depp's. It had sudden, confusing events that occurred. Mermaids tried to kill all of them, but because they're hot, this stupid, annoying guy falls in love with one. Twilight fans will find this romantic subplot to be the best part of this garbage, everyone else will find it irritating and unnecessary. Also, Blackbeard dies, I repeat, the VILLAIN dies, and the movie tries to make us feel bad by showing that Penelope Cruz is sad. When Barbossa died in the first one, it was jaw-dropping, when Davy Jones died in the third one, it felt like something was accomplished, but they added subtle sympathy to the character. Here, the audience is just left confused by the death of the VILLAIN.
7. Overuse of title theme, plus no memorable original music- ANYTIME ANYTHING HAPPENS, they cue the main theme. It's a good score, but used too often.
8. Most issues could be solved with Gore Verbinski back behind the camera- Verbinski and "Pirates" were a perfect mix. He managed to put so much emotion, humor, action and effects and stir them together to make it fun for the audience. He and Johnny Depp liked each other; they just did "Rango", and have another project coming. Verbinski said he was done with "POTC" after the pressure of "At World's End". Honestly, Rob Marshall has never made a film that I like. "Chicago" is one of the most overrated Best Picture winners of all time. "Nine" was just garbage (and was where he met Cruz), and "Memoirs of a Geisha" was very pretty, but weak storytelling. This guy is a near-perfect example of style-over-substance, but his style ain't too good either. Verbinski balanced style and story, and made you care. Disney should've just kept offering money until he buckled. But Disney likes to downsize.
The Final Word: 8 negatives over 2 positives, 'nuff said.
4/10