Another Addition To The Franchise That Nobody Gives A Damn About Anymore

Rating: Null/10 (8 September 2017)

Another unnecessary addition to the franchise that already sailed into the sunset on a satisfactory note a decade ago, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is the fifth instalment in the series nobody gives a damn about anymore, tries so hard to be funny that it's actually pitiful, and fails to move an inch off the seabed after On Stranger's Tides sunk it in such spectacular fashion.
Set 5 years after the events of the last movie, Dead Men Tell No Tales finds Captain Jack Sparrow being pursued by an undead sea captain & his crew after he unwittingly sets them free. Joined by Henry Turner, an astronomer & an old friend-foe, all on board with agendas of their own, his only hope of survival lies in seeking the trident of Poseidon, a powerful artifact that would grant him control of the seas.
Directed by Joachim Rønning & Espen Sandberg, the film lifts its plot outline from the first entry in the saga yet is devoid of all the elements that turned it into an instant classic right away. Direction is poor as the plot feels repetitive, convoluted & bloated. Writing is just as bad, for the returning characters have got nothing to add while the new characters are more or less hopeless and have no meat on their arcs.
A number of scenes pay homage to earlier entries of this series but they don't mean much because just like everything in the movie, it feels forced as if slapped on to the narrative just for the sake of it instead of contributing in any meaningful manner. Despite running at 129 minutes, which makes it the shortest entry in the series, the film feels overlong & bloated, thanks to its lazy editing. And the background score isn't any different this time.
Coming to the performances, the returning cast of Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush & Kevin McNally, in addition to Orlando Bloom & Keira Knightley, reprise their respective roles while new additions include Javier Bardem, Brenton Thwaites & Kaya Scodelario who play Captain Salazar, Henry Turner & Carina Smyth respectively. And yet, there isn't one performance in the picture that stands out or leaves anything remotely resembling a positive impression.
Depp's acting career has been on a downward spiral for a while now and even a return to his most iconic role fails to turn things around for him as Jack Sparrow in this instalment is more annoying than amusing. Rush condones to tag along with the circus for another easy check. Bardem is truly wasted in the role of Captain Salazar, while Thwaites & Scodelario are the new Bloom & Knightley in this soft reboot but neither their individual inputs nor their chemistry ever hits the right note.
On an overall scale, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is an unneeded instalment to the saga that was better off as a trilogy & shouldn't have been disturbed ever since. Incompetently directed, poorly scripted, lazily edited, awfully paced, terribly performed & marking the departure of Hans Zimmer from the franchise as well, there is just about nothing that works out in the film's favour. In the end, it's just as appalling as the previous entry, if not more, and needs to be put out of its misery. Just skip it.