Since everyone else at my showing walked out . . .

Rating: 7/10 (12 June 2017)

. . . of our theater before PIRATES #5's most important scene, I will try to write a synopsis of it as faithfully as possible. (Those reviewers who've posted elsewhere that this minute-long bit--which follows ALL of the 2,341 names listed in the closing credits--recasts Kermit-the-Frog as Captain Jack Sparrow in a teaser for PIRATES #6, or that Bill Nighy and Johnny Depp are joining forces with IRON- and SPIDERMEN for an upcoming AVENGERS outing, are flat-out LYING, probably because they walked out of PIRATES #5 early, too!) The post-credits scene of DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES--NOT subject to the Ratings Board Censors since it trails the MPAA approval number (50908)--begins with Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley getting busy in bed. As things start to heat up between this aging pair, ominous music and sinister shadows telegraph the approach of a Sex Pervert Voyeur to savvy fans of Slasher Flicks. Just as the O - K Duo are reaching a climactic Happy Ending, the camera pulls back to reveal (SPOILER ALERT!!!)--:--silhouetted geriatric Mickey Mouse Ears! If there is anything worse than a Dirty Old Man, surely it must be a Dirty Old Rodent!!