As You'd Expect!

Rating: 5/10 (10 September 2017)

Contains Spoilers!
So there isn't a great deal that can be said here that you wouldn't have guessed simply from the direction the last film took the series in. Basically: money-hungry bosses decided to squeeze another film out of an already dead film series. Dead Men Tell No tales? More like Dead Franchises Tell No Tales!
The storyline at a base level could have been pretty interesting: The backstory of Jack was certainly an entertaining moment but the poor writing just opened far too many cans of worms and ultimately couldn't pull it off. I mean the emphasis on the compass at the start implied that it had something to do with the dead being imprisoned yet that was never explained. I mean maybe I just missed something but to me, the compass was the same compass we'd seen throughout the films already. The story of Barbossa felt forced and the scenes with him and his daughter were revoltingly cringe-worthy. Another thing that the film seemed to skip over is why a woman who doesn't believe in ghosts or anything supernatural is searching for a magical trident that controls the sea? Speaking of which: how did the red coats know that they were racing for the trident since nobody had got that far through the clues other than the girl?
Don't even get me started on Jack. Anyone planning on watching this film for the same entertaining Jack from the previous ones better give it a miss. Instead, we are forced to watch this bumbling idiot who quite honestly was more like a pirate version of the mad-hatter than Jack Sparrow. He wasn't witty, he was barely funny...it was sad actually.
I can only pray that they end it at this one! How long before Davy Jones is brought back on some revenge mission? Maybe we'll see another previous advisory being raised from the depths of hell. Also the Will and Elizabeth scenes added nothing to this film. I'd actually have preferred if they hadn't been in the film at all. I mean isn't the Dutchman meant to ferry the dead across to "the next place". So why wasn't there some involvement in the story of this film? The Dutchman could have intervened at any moment and made everything a whole lot easier.
Basically this film is a plothole riddled with plot holes where all your favourite characters have gone to die!