What?

Rating: 1/10 (6 June 2017)

This stank like the mud on Depp's body. The one star - for Bardem but couldn't save an already sinking..
There's is NO story. NO sequence. There is NO explanation to any scene. Nothing links to anything. Its all very dreamy, all for sake of nonsensical myth and who knows what else. NOTHING believable here. The score is too repetitive, annoying, could've been turned off and just played during credits, unnecessarily, ridiculously played throughout to hype up drama. Randomly boring annoying explosions start anywhere for the sake of creating a visual, what a dump. Somebody mentioned there was a little scene after the credits. I wasn't going to stick around that long 100%
There is NO plot. I won't go into the acting because it doesn't matter. Cast is awful - Depp played awful, the two new faces, playing protagonists maybe, were forgettable. The minute you see Depp waking up in an opened safe, you can read his face, hear him wonder why he's still doing these movies. The whole film, you could hear Depp going to himself 'Why am I still in this franchise?' Geoffrey Rush feels the same the minute you hear him ponder upon it, all written on his face, from the moment he is shown sitting bored in his ship, he plays retarded, pulls out a gun and shoots nearly missing the heads of his musical team in order to quiet them down, going 'Why am I still in this franchise?'
Bardem's character was interesting but caged. Disney probably assumed his character ought to be 'too cold' for the kids so he didn't get more room and depth. We're not just all kids when watching this so why not have more darkness coming out of him? That could've made you care more for his character. All Disney's movies are aimed at young teens and I should've remembered this was Disney to begin with - sorry to say Disney makes childishly lame movies, amusing the young ones and grabbing mommies money, throwing in overly dramatic scores, cheesy narratives and unreal stories.. I mean you really couldn't be serious and expect something concrete out of a Disney flick. You won't believe there were young kids and adults also ACTUALLY laughing to the jokes in this movie. These had me rolling my eyes. I was sitting there turning around, going 'What is going on this world?'
And WHY are movies like these repeatedly getting made?? How old are these writers? A whole house without wheels being dragged by about what 6 horses?? You tell me if this sounds like a movie you'd like to see.. with absolutely no character development for anybody here. Who was the witch on the ship with Barbosa or wherever they were at? What about her background? How did she get Sparrow's compass? What about her? Scenes were stitched together without giving you any sense of a story - oh turns out - no story! How conveniently does the forgettable Carina end up being the daughter of Barbosa?
Where were the many cool and interesting mythical creatures or so that could have potentially been part of this for maybe some 'groove'? The movie was EXTREMELY unreal, such a mess. I went, 'Why did I do this to myself?'