The Two Hour Continuity Error

Rating: 6/10 (6 June 2017)

The Pirates franchise has been a bit of a doozy since it's shocking box office success way back in 2003. Curse of the Black Pearl was never meant to house a sequel, as it was an open-and-shut swashbuckler flick that was heavy on energy, action, humor, and blockbuster soul. It garnished tons of Oscar nominations (and money), upped Johnny Depp's persona several notches, and helped give Disney the box office crown in 2003. 14 years later we see the fifth installment, with the second consecutive attempt at creating a new Will/Elizabeth love story, the second consecutive attempt to replace the underrated director of the original trilogy Gore Verbinski, and once again taking the crown as arguably the most expensive film shoot in cinematic history.
Production hell doesn't begin to describe the attempts to create the fifth movie, even though On Stranger Tides was met with very poor reviews. Johnny Depp refused the original idea, which would have featured a female villain for the first time. Johnny Depp was going through a nasty divorce and got injured, delaying the shoot even longer. Disney and Bruckheimer were arguing about costs, and the script itself (which is a disaster we can describe later) was undergoing changes and multiple hands. And I'll still never understand how the writer of Rush Hour 3, Speed 2, and Tower Heist managed to get his hands on such a big film. Oh Hollywood The only company willing to cling on to a sinking ship of a film is Disney, simply because their patience constantly gets rewarded, and it's impossible to discontinue a franchise that has earned them a nasty 3.8 billion within only four films. So after epic struggling for many years, we finally see Dead Men Tell No Tales gracing the screen.
Not going to lie, this film is an entertaining mess, and part of the wave of recent sequels/prequels that went through similar production issues which affected the final product. Alien: Covenant went through tons of trouble, and then we see Fate of the Furious have to find a way to edit out the obvious tension between Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel. But the Pirates franchise is more than just a cluster of movies, its part of the Disney fandom culture, it has a life of its own through video games, books, and mysteries and intrigue surrounding it all. So copying, abandoning and contradicting plot elements of the original trilogy gives this movie a layer of frustration we didn't need, and we definitely don't deserve after such a long wait. Even after the entertaining first half, it all gets damaged by the unmet potential and by the awkward familiarity of the plot. And this comes from the Disney Company, a film studio notorious for being vigorously detailed with all of its IPs, from Marvel to (especially) Star Wars.
Another curse that doesn't allow the cursed to touch land? Sounds familiar. Woman who doesn't believe in the oceanic supernatural mumbo-jumbo? Sounds familiar. A person who denounces pirates suddenly becomes one? Also sounds familiar. British navy trying to conquer the seas from the pirates? Heh, okay. The entire plot line felt very similar to Curse of the Black Pearl, yet this installment felt like it was tapping the brakes far too much. This watered down and clownish Jack Sparrow didn't perform any swordplay once, he didn't trick anyone a single time, I don't think he even delivered any clever quips of any kind. The villain didn't have a final showdown against Jack, as we witness a CGI-laden chase as our climax, a far cry from the dizzying mayhem during the big showdown in Dead Man's Chest. Worst of all, we didn't get the dramatic showdown between the enemy ships and the Flying Dutchman, the ship that you know, controls the damn seas, and has a captain that's related to someone that is in danger throughout the film!
The potential was there, and wasn't met. From script to direction to storytelling decisions, Dead Men Tells No Tales has us wishing for the original writing team and the original director to somehow bring this franchise back to decent waters. This film only further enhances At World's End and Dead Man's Chest—two films that were met with ho-hum reviews but have honestly aged well and remain better than most of your modern-day blockbusters. The script here opens the door for many intriguing scenes, and they didn't deliver. We could have explored Jack Sparrow's aging and increasing alcoholism, Barbossa's past, the Flying Dutchman/Salazar curse connection, the fallout of the elongated separation of Will and Elizabeth, and the series-shifting scene of breaking every curse. And after seeing this, I don't have much hope in the eventual sixth installment touching these story lines either.
The Pirates of the Caribbean series now looks like its more interested in the international box office receipts and just keeping people entertained above keeping the flavor of the franchise and keeping a continuity between each chapter. On Stranger Tides, despite the mediocrity, had interesting unresolved story lines that were completely neglected here. The original trilogy's details don't match up with the backstory of Jack Sparrow in Dead Men Tell No Tales.
You will see some high-budget fun, comical mayhem, a good performance by Javier Bardiem, but it all gets evaporated when we reach the series-changing yet series-contradicting final act. The franchise is far from being dead, but boy it might be time to let this ship disappear out into the horizons unless we get a superior cast writing and filming it. Jack Sparrow and all his fans deserve much better.
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