The Best Since the First

Rating: 6/10 (1 June 2017)

Dead Men is the fifth(!) movie based on a plot less 1960s theme park ride. Only Disney would have the cojones to get away with something so (frankly) stupid. Despite all odds, the first film was a critical and cultural behemoth, entertainingly combining fantasy lore, swashbuckling action and refreshing silliness. From there, everything became overly convoluted, & then completely pointless, until this latest seafaring adventure. Not that Dead Men will be confused for great, but it returns Jack Sparrow back to the cool set-pieces, broad laughs and series nostalgia that made it passably diverting. Dead Men opens with a high energy chase. Captain Jack and his band of bootleggers have stolen an entire bank building and are dragging it through a colorful old town. Later on, there's another center-piece escape scene, with Jack using the guillotine shackles he's stuck in to ward off the enemy. It's peppered with Buster-Keaton-Jackie-Chan-esque CG stunts, captured within a story about a cursed crew and a family reunited. It marries past characters and stories to present woes, and rarely strays off its predetermined course. The straight-forward plotting gives plenty of room for Depp to quip and waddle like we want. Unfortunately, it also gives room for the movie to slow down for another charisma-less romance between two unknown, charmless model-actors. In these moments, and the many others that scream of corn and cheese, the 129-minute length started to feel much longer and even made me almost doze off. So do I actually like this because it's "good", or am I just reacting to the unfairly terrible reviews and its preceding sequels? Oh well; just drink up, me 'earties and enjoy this slice of pirate life.