Passable time-waster.

Rating: 5/10 (26 May 2017)

Disney's ghoulish swashbuckling adventure rages on with a sequel that sees the indomitable Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) reluctantly team up with Henry 'son of Will' Turner (Aussie youngster Brenton Thwaites) to find the trident of Poseidon. Six years after the dull On Stranger Tides proved this seafaring franchise should take its last sip of rum, instalment number five, although a step up, does little to change that viewpoint. Battling against a mishmash script that doesn't bother to hide its contrivances or uninspired storyline — save for a neat subplot that ties up loose ends — this outing lives and dies by its big budget set pieces and tongue in cheek humour. And signs are positive for the first hour or so. A wildly ambitious, exhilarating and funny bank robbery sequence is the perfect introduction to a still-drunk Jack Sparrow, and an early demonstration that Norwegian directors Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg could breathe life into the 14-year-old series. But they well and truly run out of gas by the tremendously tedious third act; the set pieces become increasingly muddled and so CGI-heavy that the undersea finale may as well be a cartoon. Brought on board as the murderous, revenge-filled Captain Salazar — and given an awesome vessel-devouring ghost ship to boot — Javier Bardem's swishy-haired and tar-drooling villain is a delight to watch. Pity the rest of the cast don't leave the same impression. Depp can do Sparrow in his sleep by this point, which is the heart of the problem. The drunken sway, slurred words and permanently confused expression still provide the odd giggle here and there, yet it just as often draws yawns and eye-rolling. If you're a big fan of this franchise then there's enough here to keep you entertained, but on the whole Dead Men Tell No Tales is a merely passable time-waster.