yuck...and eww...BONK!...and a bit more YUCK!

Rating: 4/10 (1 August 2006)

first, I must say that the first POTC left me longing for more. i loved Depp's performance: such charm and wit. The action was fun and creative.
This film? i kept waiting for it to end.
all the twists and turns and betrayals (most of which were just not very clever)...so many convenient magical trips to different locales leave you wondering if the whole story happens on one island. What is the time frame? how do the two comic relief guys make it to the island where the pearl is in a dingy? how does Bloom make it to the island where the chest is buried? certainly he couldn't have ridden the flying Dutchman underwater, right? (i think we have to assume that his line about the sea turtles is an allusionary joke to the first movie's line, right?) how is it that bloom comes to be on the same boat that Elizabeth was stowaway upon earlier? certainly the ocean is a bigger place than this, right? is the island with the witch doctor lady the same island where the Dutchman was parked, and the same island where jack was leader of the tribe of cannibals? it must be, or how else can you explain how everyone seems to traverse the sea in a dingy...
another problem: EVERYONE is just so dirty! part of what i liked about depp in the first movie (and in most of the film choices he has made in his career) is that, despite going out of the way to look dirty and grimy, you still cant take your eyes off of him...but in this movie, EVERYONE is just so filthy...Knightley, Bloom, Norrington, witch doctor lady...
and everything that is not covered with dirt/grime/pig leftovers is just really really gross looking. In the the first movie, the skeleton monsters were well-done, especially since we only saw them in the moonlight, which made for some interesting effects possibilities. But everything in this movie seems to stretch the boundaries of yuckiness too far. Whether it is bootstrap bill's disgusting face, all the gross fish monsters, or REALLY gross former humans that have become attached to boats and whose 'brains' stick to the wall when they pull away from it. add to this the bloody scars, slit throats, torture, and mass executions, i believe Disney takes it too far. I am not a squeamish person by nature, but i am sure this movie made a decent number of kids cry.
And all the action and circumstances are just too farcical. Depp is running around like a poor man's buster Keaton, conking his head on trees or falling into pits with provided "BONG" sound affects. the pirates are rolling down the hill in a conveniently round cage made of (you guess it, YUCK) recently eaten humans' bones. Or Bloom and norrington are mixing pratfalls and sword fighting skills while maintaining balance on a whole different circular wheel while (you guessed it) rolling down a different hill. Keira Nightley has obviously taken fencing classes since the first movie, cuz now she is a master swords-woman, capable of dual-sword wielding while fending off 4 or 5 disgusting fish monsters...everyone is routinely being stringed upside down by a rope trap or caught in a big net and dangling...
monsters and ghouls...the first movie had an easy excuse, THEY were cursed....this movie is just full of over-reached magic mumbo jumbo...and everyone seems OK with it...not even a moment of shock from Bloom when first confronted with Davey Jones...keira whips into action without a second thought against the monster fish men (wasnt she the one that doesn't believe in ghosts in the first movie?)...big water Krakkan monsters that eat boats alive....enough already...
as far as characters, what i really liked best about POTC1 is that EVERY character in the movie was likable, from Depp to Barbossa to Norington...this movie digs into the bag of stereotypical villains, to bad effect...i would also say Bloom is just too prominent in this one...though good looking, he is not much of an actor....i want to see more depp..i just get tired of the constant pratfalls (which seem even stranger, because when he is not conking his head on a tree like a clumsy fool, he is doing a double somersault over a ravine or some other incredibly agile feat) now trust me, i really enjoy when movies leave questions unanswered for potential sequels...but in my opinion, this movie just leaves too many things up in the air....what was that castle in the beginning where jack gets the picture of the key? how does he come to be in the coffin? i don't believe this movie takes anything away from how much i loved the first one....but i will say this is probably the most disappointed i have been in a sequel i was REALLY looking forward to since matrix reloaded..
my advice...too violent and gross for kids...not witty or believable enough for intelligent adults....very disappointed...that said, i am sure i will see the third one anyways...i just will not have such high hopes....it seems the East India trade company will be the overall bad guy in the end...i just hope they don't turn this into a preachy "see-how-bad-the-slave-trade-was" kinda movie....i can watch amistad for that...