Very similar to the energizer bunny

Rating: 3/10 (15 August 2006)

I loved the first Pirates movie. It was a tad long, but it had enough fresh material to sustain itself for that long. I thought the characters were lovable, the premise was involving, the dialog was interesting, and the visual effects were amazing. All the first movie basically wanted to do was give you a fun ride, and it most certainly delivered.
Then came the sequel. I've always been suspicious when it comes to sequels, but enough of my friends told me it was excellent that all my fears were repressed and I made a point to see it as soon as I could. What I saw was a self-absorbed slog through an over-the-top interpretation of the more delightful aspects of the first movie. I say interpretation because nothing seemed to same to me as it was in the first movie. For example, Captain Jack was well played in the first movie as a chap whose brain may have been slightly toasted, but nonetheless was witty and charismatic and always seemed more or less like he knew what he was doing most of the time. In the sequel they chose to magnify and distort two of his main features: his general manner, which is depicted here as either incompetence or desperate flails at childish slapstick, and his wit, which is cheapened to "big words" and "shock-value-cause-they're-so-out-of-character" remarks like, "You smell funny!". That was just a rundown of Sparrow, but pretty much every character has undergone a similar deadening transformation in this film.
But why get so analytical about a movie that's meant to appeal to the popcorn crowd, you say? Because I think this movie is insulting to the mind. It expects us to simply accept everything that's happening on the screen without questioning the inconsistency-ridden progression at all. I found it especially difficult to stay interested in the least while every single fight scene dragged on.. and on.. and on... and ON. Consider a brilliant sequence involving THREE MAIN CHARACTERS (which is a title equivalent to a cinematic "get out of death free" card) in a badly choreographed three-way sword fight that lasts for about 10 minutes. Or maybe longer, I wasn't timing it.
The basic plot is decent, but this movie really is not about its plot. It's about Disney capitalizing on the charm of the first movie by saying, "You want more? HERE YOU GO!" and shoving this load of extravagantly adorned crap in our faces. This was truly a movie put together on the basis of demographics and financial predictions.