Not so bad for half a movie, but too long

Rating: Null/10 (5 August 2006)

(watched in Toronto)
I'll start with the bad. By now everybody must have heard that just like the second and the third of the Matrix trilogy and the entire The Lord of the Rings trilogy, "Pirates" 2 and 3 are actually one movie, shot as one movie, but divided into two for marketing reasons. There's not much wrong with that, except that "Pirates" is not LOTR, by which I mean that it does not really have that much of a story to tell. As I believe in goodness in human nature, I'd say that the movie makers padded this second installment to a 150 minute affair to give the audience its money's worth. As a result, we have an entire sequence of the "cannibal" island adventure which is entirely unnecessary. Oh yes, it's fun, to a certain degree. But if I want to watch Roadrunner, I'll WATCH ROADRUNNER. Johnny Depp is funny running around with a pole sticking out of his back but to think that this is what he does best is an immense insult to this enormously talented actor.
Let me now turn to the good. After the unduly long setup and padding which fowl up the pace, the last hour is really quite good. This is when the various threads are tied together, starting in the half-hour with a whole bunch of people (in five different groups) chasing a chest and a key. Sheer good fun, in more ways than one.
The visuals are absolutely the best, bar none. The haunting image of "The Flying Dutchman" would make the ghost ship in "Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner" look like Disney's Magic Castle. Its captain Davy Jones, literally with a squid for a face and still (though barely recognizable) as Bill Nighy (certainly less so than in "Underworld"), will make you an undying lover of monster from this day on. And its crew, fruit of creative imagination and state-of-the-art makeup technology, will give you sweet dreams for days to come. As to the GCI, despite it's becoming so commonplace and even tedious these days, what "Pirates 2" offers is still something to marvel at.
I will not go into the huge cast, of which even all the supporting stars have their impressive credentials. As I said, this is only half a movie, and you can bet your bottom dollar that you'll come back for number 3. What constitutes your cliffhanger is a personal thing  where is the heart, how Jack Sparrow escape Kraken (of course he is sure to), can Will Turner save father, what will Barbossa cook up this time, etc etc. To me, it will be how Elizabeth and Jack will hit it off, after the tantalizing allusion to their mutual feelings. The rest of movie, no matter how entertaining, is frivolous. It is this relationship that has some substance, intentional or not, and even hints to allegory.