Love movies, hate piracy

Rating: 2/10 (11 November 2006)

Confected Kiddy-gut vomit with "nutty" Depp, overpaid, hyped to his hilt and overindulged, giving the kind of performance that's endearing in the bedroom but has no place with a running camera on face. It's closer in conception to a video game than a piece of bone fide storytelling  numerous maguffins the vapid centre of its aimless forward thrust. It fills its face with busy visuals, contrived gags and pirate clichés, as bland and one dimensional as the ride it's based on. No real story, no depth, no reason to be  its perfect for an audience with no interest in style, character or imagination. A commercial behemoth that will please silly women who think Depp and Bloom are reason enough to see it  their superficial appeal an easy score for wholly minds, and silly boys who like their movies like their x-box titles. At the time of writing the biggest opening box office hit in history  the Godfather to this in just 30 years, no irony, no hope - unquestioned. Hollywood's rape of film culture continues unabated and with the consent of its drooling patrons. Part 3 awaits in May, a big-budget nonse offering your kids the promise of sweets from the jar marked 'entertainment'. Some simple laughs.