Offensively bad. Just plain offensively bad

Rating: 1/10 (9 July 2006)

This one goes in the 'what were they thinking' pile.
This was so disappointing that it prompted me to write my first ever review of any movie I've ever seen. Yes, that bad.
Too long, tortuous story, clichÃ© ridden, not very well acted, very badly cut, with some of the most awful digital work I've ever seen. Orlando Bloom is as bad and annoying here as he was in Troy (No small feat), the rest of the cast isn't really believing it themselves. The rhythm and tone are off most of the time. I knew it right away, something felt off in the first five minutes. My wife and I looked at each other and said in sync: 'Oh no!' It got worse from there. It's hard to say if it's the writing or the direction, but nothing quite runs well. It feels like a car running on three cylinders most of the time. It runs, but it's unpleasant to witness.
I don't get it. The first one was so enchanting and fun. What happened?
On the plus side, Depp still manages to come out on top repeating his performance from #1. The scenery is absolutely breathtaking at times and the special effects for Davy Jones' character are absolutely remarkable.
Ask yourself: how many scenes of a giant calamari slowly crushing sailboats can you stand before you start thinking of something else?
I had the same feeling coming out of there as I had when I came out of Waterworld: How does one ruin such a great premise?
Grrrr.