Too Much CGI, Not Enough Captain Jack

Rating: 1/10 (13 July 2006)

Let me start off by saying how much I loved the first PotC movie. I adored it. It's not on my list of favorite movies of all time, but I still adored it. Johnny Depp was brilliant, the story was fun, it was immensely entertaining, even Orlando Bloom didn't annoy me as much as he usually does. But this thing? People are comparing THIS to The Empire Strikes Back? THIS movie beat the records of Revenge of the Sith and Spiderman? Two movies that are actually GOOD?
Instead of comparing Dead Man's Chest to The Empire Strikes Back (my favorite movie of all time), I would compare it to Temple of Doom. It was nowhere near as good as the first movie and relied far too much on special effects and "gross out" moments. Disney made the mistake that studios often make when they have an extreme success with an action movie: they assumed it was the special effects that people liked, not the story or the characters. Where was my beloved Captain Jack? The movie was TWO AND A HALF hours long. You think they could have put him in it more, but no. His character was also rather one-dimensional in this film, having hardly any scruples for abandoning his friends and such. The plot was contrived and just plain dumb. Half the time I had no earthly idea what was going on. In fact, the friend I saw the movie with kept poking me in the arm and asking, "Wait...what's happening?"
And don't get me started on the villain. He was a freaking OCTOPUS. All the CGI they used for the various undead things looked so cheesy. They weren't frightening in the least. What about Davy Jones's motive? Why DID he want Captain Jack's soul so much? I was utterly confused.
Finally, what was UP with the whole romance between Elizabeth and Jack? What about Will? I know any woman in her right mind probably WOULD choose Johnny Depp over Orlando Bloom any day, but this makes the romance between Elizabeth and Will in the first movie pretty pointless. And their romance was most of the PLOT in the first movie.
So, basically, I hated this movie. It wasn't offensively bad, though, and not AS bad as Temple of Doom (what is?) I was laughing throughout the entire thing at its utter stupidity. Frankly, though, I would rather go be disappointed by X3 again.
Which is pretty sad.