Wow.

Rating: 7/10 (18 July 2006)

Now, I debated with myself for quite some time before writing this review. I loved it, but... I hated it at the same time. This movie will cause me to lose some serious sleep for the next few nights.
SO.... i'm just gunna dive in, and stop myself when I can't breathe anymore.
This movie picks up exactly where the last one left off. We open the movie with a very depressing scene of Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) wearing a beautiful wedding dress drenched in rain water, surrounded by the remains of a ruined wedding. Her fiancé, William Turner (Orlando Bloom *gags*), is led into the movie wearing handcuffs. But, none of this is very exciting, just depressing.
The excitement begins when our main character, Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp), makes his grand entrance... in a coffin, shooting a crow. What did you expect? If you recall, in the last movie, he made his grand entrance on a sinking ship... only a stunt Captain Jack Sparrow could pull off.
Now... this is where the love-hate comes in. This movie seems to drag on and on as if it's never going to end (that's the hate part), BUT somehow manages to keep you excited and on the edge of your seat the whole time (if you did the math, you should be able to figure out that's the love part).
And... this is normally where I start diving into the plot... BUT it's rather hard, because, where do I start?... Well... okay, we learn in this movie that the Black Pearl was actually given to Captain Jack by Davey Jones (Bill Nighy), a weird creature-ish thing that lives for the sea (I believe his words were "I am the sea!"). He has tentacles for a beard, and half of him is lobster-ish while the other part is octopus-ish. He harbors a crew of the dead (well, i guess not really, but they might as well be). They are also weird fish-like things that have given their souls to Davey Jones for 100 years so that they didn't have to die when his Kraken (HUGE SQUID MONSTER) obliterates their ship. Among this crew is Bill "Bootstrap" Turner (Stellan Starsgard), William Turner's twice-cursed father.
Back to the Black Pearl part. Jack made a deal with Davey Jones, which pretty much stated that he could be Captain of the Pearl for 13 years, and those 13 years are up, so now Jack owes Davey a debt (his soul =D). Jack doesn't quite want to give up his soul, so he goes after Dead Man's Chest... hence the title. Now, in Dead Man's Chest lies something valuable to Davey, something that, if in the wrong hands, could kill him.
But Jack isn't the only one after the chest before too long. We see the return of an old character who was after Jack Sparrow but ends up going for the chest too, plus the East India Trading company is pretty much starting to take over, and they want the sea, therefore they want control of Davey Jones, therefore they want what's in the chest. William Turner wanted Jack's "special" compass so that he may save his dearest Lizzy, but she escapes anyway, soooo soon enough he is also after the chest so that he may save his father from Davey Jones' locker instead. sooo... Ragetti (guy with wooden eyeball) pretty much sums it up in his line "Well, each man wants the chest for hisself, don't 'e? Mr Norrington, I think, is trying to regain a bit of honor. Old Jack's looking to trade it, save his own skin. And Turner there-I think 'e's trying to settle some unresolved business twix him and his twice-cursed Pirate father."
From there... well that's pretty much what the entire movie is about. All two and a half hours of it. See what I meant by "drags on"?
Then... ugh, the biggest drop-off ending in the HISTORY of drop-off endings. (If you haven't seen the movie and are still reading, STOP where you are) Davey Jones finally catches up with the Pearl, and he sics his giant squid Kraken on it... through a series of unfortunate events which in no way involve Elizabeth and Jack a'tall, the crew of the ship gets away, excluding Jack, who we last see "attacking" the Kraken very dramatically... norrington gives what's in the chest to the leader of the East India Trading Company... Tia Dalma (Naomie Harris) tells the crew that they can save everything if they are willing to travel "to de end of de eart and beyond"... if they do that, they need a captain... and quite possibly the best, and worst, ending of all time... we see the boots of former Pearl captain Barbossa clunking down dramatically on the steps of Tia Dalma's hut. He stands before them all, wearing a satisfied grin with his monkey perched comfortably on his shoulder. "So now, what's become of my ship?" he asks mischievously. He then takes a chomp out of a ripe green apple, and the juice slithers down his chin and into his beard.
End credits.