Really Bad Eggs

Rating: 5/10 (11 September 2006)

The year 2003 marked the year in my life that I blew all my allowance money to go see Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl six times in the theatre, that I rented every old Johnny Depp movie I could get my hands on, that I taped any and all Johnny Depp TV appearances, and that I filled a scrapbook with magazine articles, quotes, and pictures of I think you can guess who. Johnny Depp's unprecedented performance of a Keith Richards and Pepe LePieu-channeling pirate anchored the success of Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl as perhaps one of the most beloved summer blockbusters to date. When I learned the sequel would not come out for another three years after the first film, I thought I would never be able to wait that long! I was right. By 2006, my Johnny Depp scrapbook had long since been shoved under my bed and the TV appearances had long since been taped over. When I bought my ticket for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, I wondered secretly if my infatuation would be rekindled. It wasn't.
It's unfortunate that the most critical problem with PotC:DMC probably lies in the fact that Johnny Depp's performance can no longer be described as "unprecedented," seeing as it is just a re-hash of the character he coined in 2003. Depp's Captain Jack Sparrow radiated so brilliantly in the first film that it let the film's otherwise obvious flaws slide by unnoticed by the audience. PotC:DMC, however, is inundated with flaws to the point that not even Captain Jack can remain afloat.
In PotC:DMC, Captain Jack is back, but he forgot to bring his wit and charisma. In the first film, it was so thrilling to watch as he ingeniously manipulated every situation, no matter how dire, to work to his advantage. In this film he wears funny face paint and makes lame rum jokes in incessant references to Curse of the Black Pearl. Jack Sparrow, why is your originality gone? It's a shame that one of the most innovative characters in recent cinematic history has become static and flat, unless you count a frantic shish kabob running across the screen as character development.
Another crucial problem with this film is the main villain, Davey Jones. In the original, we had the marvelous Geoffrey Rush playing Barbossa free from the constraints of CGI disfigurement. While I don't presume to imply that Bill Nighy lacks Rush's acting skills (on the contrary, I've always enjoyed Bill Nighy's work), I do believe that the CGI inhibited him from giving a satisfying performance. While I understand that high-tech devices can be used to track the actor's facial movements, I can not for one second believe that a tentacle-faced cartoon could equal the expressiveness of a professional actor such as Nighy.
The original Pirates had witty dialogue and colorful characters, PotC:DMC has the Kraken. One of the overlooked flaws of the first film was that it had about 30 minutes too much CGI-based action. PotC:DMC takes this flaw and tacks on another 15 minutes. This time, however, instead of clever quips and charm to off-set the intense action sequences, we get re-used jokes and references to the first film. Yes, Captain Jack is still rooting for Norrington, and I'm still rooting for Dead Man's Chest come up with one line of original dialogue.
Part of the problem, I think, is that each of the three main characters spends too much time apart from others. Will Turner goes off on his own adventure aboard Davey Jones' ship where he meets his long lost father, Elizabeth escapes from jail and stows away on a merchant ship, and Captain Jack alternates between the company of each. It seems as though the relationships and interactions of the main characters are treated as after thoughts to the special effects and are given little time to develop on screen. The romance between Will and Elizabeth, which blossomed so beautifully in the first film, is destroyed by one or two provocative glances between Jack and Elizabeth and a compass that tells her what she wants. Is Elizabeth so fickle that a few weeks apart from her fianceé could drive her into the arms of his sometimes-adversary? Did I miss something from the first film that I was supposed to pick up on? Was this love triangle really necessary, no matter how honest Elizabeth's motives in locking lips with Jack? On the up-side, if this movie succeeded in one thing, it was to get me excited for its third and final episode. Captain Jack Sparrow may not be able to shiver me timbers like he used to, but he's a good ol' friend and I can't just abandon him quite yet. PotC:DMC, in my opinion, was a sorry disappointment in comparison with its predecessor, but I think I feel a change in the winds says I. I have a feeling about the third film, just a feeling, but I think there's still a chance for redemption.