What was this movie about?

Rating: 5/10 (25 January 2007)

Okay, I know I'm gonna get flamed for this, but I have to speak.
I'm a writer, and when you're a writer long enough, you can kind of develop a sense of what the writer is thinking when he writes a scene in a movie, just by watching that scene. This movie was so all over the map I think it fell off the edge of the world.
Let's begin with the plot(s). It reminded me of that God awful Lost in Space movie that had five writers, four plots, and none of them particularly compelling. Or like Disney's Atlantis that also had multiple stories, and only resolved about 2 of them. And not even sensibly. Now I know this is them middle movie in a trilogy, but even so, watching it made me feel impatient, irritated, and worst of all, unimpressed.
For one thing, the director is an idiot. Where there was exposition, there should have been story. Where there was action, there should have been exposition, and where there was story, there should have been something to tie all three together. This movie, from what I get from my "writer's sense" if you want to call it, was written to be complex and compelling. However, we must remember who the executive producer is. Jerry Bruckheimer, the king of action. I seriously doubt there was a scene in the script where three people sword fight in a rolling mill wheel. More than a few times, I called out in the theater "All right, this is ri-goddamn-diculous." It came off as cartoony instead of exciting and comical instead of dramatic. Sometimes that works, like with Hudson Hawk, sometimes it doesn't, like right here.
What carries this movie through is the acting. Depp is fantastic (again) and his supporting cast makes almost everything perfectly believable and compelling. But they just can't make up for the way this movie was Bruckheimerized. I sincerely hope the next movie can stay on the rails the way the first movie did, and not become a train wreck of action and cartoony fight scenes.
The biggest problem with this movie is, as I said, direction. Namely, there wasn't any. And I'm sorry, but I've never found squid-monsters to be all that terrifying or impressive. The undead crew of the first movie was fantastic! It may not have been original, but between the excellent acting, the decent story, the good directing and solid writing, it's become one of the great movies that will surely be a classic. However everything the first movie did right (except for the acting) got dumped into the ocean with a cannon tied to its bootstraps in the second.
More than anything else, I got tired of the constant off-camera treachery that revealed itself (predictably) two scenes later. The very last scene of the movie, where Norrington drops off the heart of Davy Jones on the bad guys desk, made me so angry I almost shouted out again. Because the end of the movie had NO resolution. The Black Pearl sank, Captain Jack was "killed," the bad guy got the heart, no one defeated Davy Jones or his Kraken, and then as if things weren't convoluted enough, suddenly Barbosa's back.
This ensures that the third movie will begin with more loose ends than the second, and the second had to cut at it's own ropes to create those loose ends in the first place.
Now, onto the things I liked about this movie. Despite the cartoonishness, it had its dark moments. The very beginning with the bodies in cages being eaten by birds, the snapping in half of bodies by the Kraken, the cage of bones made out of the former crew of the Black Pearl, all excellent touches that really brought out a sense of danger and fear. Unfortunately, the squid monsters just weren't nearly that scary. If they had been, things might have been different (and better.) As I said, the acting is excellent, and all the characters are both believable, and true to their natures. With the exception of the two morons who were comic relief in the last movie. Their sudden acceptance as "good guys" irritated me (that lack of exposition again.) The visual effects were brilliant. Even with the heavy reliance on CGI, the movie's effects were seamless, which given the budget, they ought to be.
And I will admit, despite it's various flaws, the movie was fun. Unfortunately, the length slowly drained me of my enthusiasm (like the ending of Return of the King, and the eighteen endings that came after it.) But otherwise, it was entertaining, and generally acceptable by current Hollywood standards. Still, it was a FAR cry from the first movie.
Overall, while I enjoyed most of it, the total lack of direction and coherent storytelling made this movie fall ultimately flat. It's a case of trying too hard to make something good into something great that actually leaves it mediocre and wanting. If you're a fan of the franchise, by all means see it, but don't go in with high expectations.