It Wouldn't End...

Rating: 5/10 (23 July 2006)

Every true Pirate fan should see this movie, but make sure you have enough food. And a crossword. And a knitting project. Or something, because at 150 minutes, this sequel is a time commitment. The characters run through fight/adventure sequence after fight/adventure sequence in a plot that only makes sense if you don't think too hard.
This isn't Hotel Rwanda or Citizen Kane and never wanted to be. But with a predecessor so fresh and funny, having a sequel with definite lulls is a disappointment.
Keira Knightly is underused, chasing after everyone else. Orlando Bloom's Will doesn't bring many surprises, and Johny Depp's Jack is...well...business as usual. Tom Hollander makes for a funny villain, especially after his turn as Mr. Collins in Pride & Prejudice...I kept waiting for him to complement someone on the excellent boiled potatoes. The rest of the supportive cast is fine but there are so many that I wonder if the third installment should be titled "Prirates of the Caribbean: Ocean's 13".
After 115 minutes I wondered if this film would ever end, or if I would find myself watching Jack Sparrow twirl across the high seas for the rest of my life. And then I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if Elizabeth had just married Norington in the first place. He had a good job, was decent looking (he's more attractive sans wig in this installment), and her dad liked him. Maybe then she wouldn't have found herself chased by the undead, their barnacled counterparts, and pirates in eyeliner.