Bad movie - HUGELY disappointing sequel

Rating: 5/10 (16 August 2006)

SPOILERS AHEAD
Let me start by saying that I absolutely loved POTC1. I thought it was one of the most entertaining films I have seen in a lot of years. It had that light-hearted, fresh sense of adventure that was missing from modern adventure films. It was, fun, tight, witty, and overall very charming.
As with most sequels, I expected to be worst than the first. I expected a worse screenplay, script, some repetitive jokes, and probably a less brilliant performance by the actors. And while I expected those things, I hoped that since POTC1 managed to be so surprisingly enjoyable and fresh, maybe there was hope for the second one as well.
When I saw the trailer for POTC2 I knew we were in for trouble. However, I did not expect was that all my worse fears (the ones I mentioned at the end of the previous paragraph) would be negatively surpassed.
End of prologue, on to the actual POTC2 review.
As most of the other negative reviewers have said so far, this movie is a 2.5 hour long trailer for POTC3. I think that this characterisation best summarises the movie.
Perhaps the biggest flaw of the movie, which is a summary of the flaws in various aspects of it, is that it is DULL. It is boring. It is predictable, repetitive, and frankly too long. I have no problem at all with long movies. I actually prefer longer movies than shorter ones, if the extra running time is used to contribute value to the film. This is not the case in this one.
The jokes were, 90% of the time, not funny. The rum joke from the 1st one made three appearances (maybe more I wasn't actually counting). Johnny Depp, which was the greatest asset of the 1st one, was a shadow of his former self. His character did not actually do anything in this film. Whenever there was an important decision or action to be made, Sparrow was either fleeing (not like pretending to retreat, but actually fleeing) or just simply following the other characters around the seven seas. He was passive, cowardly, not as witty, and surprisingly, in contrast to the character of the 1st movie, a bit evil (well as evil as the lead in a Disney movie can be). Although I do not like the character development towards this direction, I could respect the decision (assuming it was a conscious decision) as long as it was performed adequately. Unfortunately, due to the horrendous editing, Captain Jack Sparrow has a rather minor role, considering he is the lead, and his main responsibility in the movie is to be the comic relief by repeating clichÃ©d one-liners, most of them taken verbatim from the 1st movie.
So with Johnny Depp down for the count, what hope is for the rest of the movie? Orlando Bloom was more or less as inadequate as in the first one (though I do not think he was THAT bad). Keira Knightley was I think the same as in the 1st one. I have to note that the plot with her lust for Jack was interesting as a concept, though poorly executed. The film seriously lacked Rush's Barbosa. His replacement, the squid-like Davy Jones was nowhere near in charisma. This brings me to another important problem that seems to plague all modern action films. Over reliance on CGI.
Seriously, I mean, enough already!!! Squid like main antagonist? Fish-men pirates?? COME ON! While the work done on CGI was good, the concept in itself was plain wrong. The skeleton pirates from the first were a great gimmick. You could have them as real people most of the time, thus enhancing the swashbuckling experience and dialing off some of the fantasy aspect of the film, and at the opportune moment bring forth the skeleton alter egos. But in this one, we had to suffer through gross fish-pirate abominations for the whole of the film.
And then there was the Kraken which made its appearance at least three times, destroying three ships. Okay, I get it... The Kraken is a bad Mofo. ENOUGH ALREADY! Seriously, come on now... THREE TIMES the SAME action sequence?!?! I understand that the producers want to make the script for one movie last for two, but that level of retentiveness is just plainly offending.
The general plot was as thin as they come. The sub plots with the West India trading company, the cannibals, the love triangle, the compass, and Turner Sr. are all introduced but left dangling even after 2.5 hours so the movie is at the end pretty much where it started in terms of plot development.
And another thing... Why can't there be a normal sword-fight in a film anymore? In Revenge of the Sith the sword-fight that should end all swordfights (Obi-Wan VS Anakin) was bastardised by annoying CGI, droids, and lava. In POTC2 the potentially interesting concept of a three way duel, was turned into a CGI fest by introducing a spinning wheel and whole lotta running (mostly done by Sparrow who seems to be rivaling Forest Gump at this point). Sad, truly sad. Do not believe what other people tell you. There was NOT an actual sword-fight in this film. Sure, swords were drawn and sometimes they were crossed with one another but in all honesty I cannot say that there was a sword-fight in this film.
Anyway, to sum up. Bad story. Worse Directing. AWFUL Editing (which seems to be a common problem in the action films of the last 7 years). Mediocre Depp. No Barbosa. TOO much CGI. Inadequate screenplay. Lots of filler material. No payoff. And on a personal note I did not like the darker direction that the film took. Maybe if it was actually done well they might create an Empiresque sequel. I miss the fun and excitement that the first one had.