wretched, worthless waste of your time

Rating: 1/10 (17 July 2006)

For a sequel to a basically fun and swashbuckling first offering, this one is completely UNfunny, aggressively puerile and offensive, disjointed and confusing in its direction, and has nothing at all to offer but gross-out scenes and a tired parade of pirate-movie clichés. Five year olds could have come up with a more cohesive and entertaining script, and certainly could have written something less disgusting. A hodgepodge of gratuitous scenes that can't distract the viewer away from the fact that they have yet to be given any reason to care about any of these characters or events. NO humor whatsoever, and for something so poorly glued together, it takes itself way too seriously. The first one didn't even try to be serious, knowing everything was silly fantasy, but the tone this one tries to keep is that this is actually straightforward and not tongue-in-cheek! As it jumps abruptly from one ludicrous scene to another, it fails to make any sense or entice the viewer. Constipated overacting, ham fisted direction, and if it has a plot, you won't see any sign of it for a good long time. My husband and I walked out after a totally unpleasant half hour and got a refund. Don't waste two hours of your life. This is the typical sequel scenario, where they KNOW most everyone who saw the first will see the second, so they don't even bother trying to make it good. I used to have respect for Johnny Depp, but I guess he was either contractually obligated to do a sequel, or just sold out for a buck. He's not really the problem here; it's the lousy writing and direction.