Woof, woof, Matey

Rating: 2/10 (10 December 2006)

Captain Jack Sparrow (Depp) owes a debt to Davie Jones (Nighy) and if he fails he will forever work for Davie Jones in the afterlife. The British are after Davie Jones' chest. What could be in it that they want? The British know it's not treasure.
This is a long, and tedious movie which didn't need to have been made. A shorter version could have sufficed providing the dialogues could be understood for the most part (there is a lot of mumbling in here), the chase scenes (there are too many chase scenes that go on forever) could either be cut down or shortened considerably, and something else bothered me too. Why were we subjected to almost a half hour plus of some natives trying to capture Sparrow to cook him alive to release his godly spirit? Why, woof, woof, why?
I have to admit all the CGI are terrific. Yes, some of the stunts are very good, some are pretty bad and some are neither good or bad as they are just there for no apparent reason But, this is what hurts most: no good lines were heard. The writing was very bland, woof, woof.
The acting was okay for the story such as it is. No Oscar nominees in here. The only one I wanted to see more of was Elizabeth Swann (Knightley) as she was the only human looking thing in the movie. Pretty too. Get a load of Davie Jones (Nighy). He looked like Buffalo Bill with his octopus face. As for Johnny Depp (he is a good actor) he needed more lines in this to keep my interest. It's okay to watch him act like a drunken sailor, but he needed more lines to help us understand some things. Half the movie he is on the run from something. Enough already, woof, woof.
And, they want to make a third installment? This is not an epic, this is a long drawn out contrived story. Oh, that's right Keith Richards needs to show up. So the only people who would have an interest in the third installment would be Keith Richards and the Rolling Stones fans. Count me out. But, you see there has to be a third installment because some people need to know what happened to Captain Jack Sparrow. I do not need to know, matey, woof, woof.
Too long, too many chase scenes, too much mumbling, too many dark scenes and no good lines are all this dog has to offer. Woof, woof, Matey, woof, woof.