You'd better start believing in ghosts, girly- You're In One!

Rating: 9/10 (11 June 2009)

This excitement film ups the auntie from the first film with more fights, more explodings, and more Captain Blark! Yes, John Deep excels again in his pirate costume, running through fields, being chased by crazy Caribbean people, swinging his sword, drinking his whiskey, and generally being great. The King's Army are after him due to the incidents of the first film, so he has sailors coming at him from all directions! Also in addition to this Davey Jones is after him for some reason- he is a monster man, a dead man and he wants to suck Captain Blark into his chest, hence the title. At the other side of the world Orlando Bloomer and Kylie Knightly have get married and are on a quest to find a mystical treasure which will bring them riches and peace and prove that Bloom is fit to be King. This quest brings them back into contact with Blark, and all the sailors, monsters, pirates, dead men, beasties, skeletons, fish, Blarks, and zombies collide in one epic battle. A GIANT sea monster appears, sent by Davey and it wrecks all the ships and eats our hero. The rest of the people and freaks manage to finally scare the monster away and thus begins the race to get the treasure.
Gore Verbinski gives homage to his favourite movies here- indeed it is really his version of Cannonball Run except on the hi seas. Each character has their own ship- some are small and cut through the waves quickly. Others are big and slow, but have lots of weapons to stop the faster ship. The Boulder Brothers ship turns out to be quite disastrous though as it is built from rock and sinks like a stone. Bloomer and Knight reach the treasure but it turns out to be a trap! By touching it, Bloom switches bodies with Blark, is sent down to the ship of the dead where he must spend eternity, rowing the ocean floor in search of Sea Doughnuts. We get a glimpse of his father who will become a major character in the final film, while Blark is transported to a giant never-ending beach (This may be a subtle reference to the Desert in Steve King's Big Tower series). Better than the first two films, but not as good as the last few.
Best Scene: When Blark is chatting up some sea-prostitutes and says 'Oh my, my dear, what a lovely set of coconuts you yield in thine corset' and all 14 of them take turns to slap him! 'You try wearing a Corbet!'