Not Even the Kraken Can Stop Them Now

Rating: 9/10 (10 July 2006)

Pirates. What is it about these savages that makes us crave for more? One word: Glamour. No, not in the tradition sense... I certainly wouldn't mind seeing Capt'n Jack walking the red carpet, though. But the glamorous ideals of piracy - cruising through the Caribbean, drinking until you see stars, GOLD! - never fails to 'reel' us in. However, perhaps it is something more than just the material goods that makes viewers tick. Ah yes, a swashbuckling storyline that proves the whole sequels-suck deal to be completely null and void. At least in this case. Oh, and of course Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, of Star Wars. But that was a given.
First we have the dreary wedding day of the soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. William and Elizabeth Turner. Unfortunately, instead of wedding bells, we see wedding tea cups, swollen with rain. Not my idea of a 'great start to a new life together', you know. Then, we are shoved into the terribly repulsive Cutler Beckett, who blackmails poor Will Turner into retrieving Jack Sparrow's trusty compass - you know, the one that creates a whole new level of distress for our heroes when Elizabeth and Jack make out and Will witnesses it while trying to save various crew members! Oh, and Captain Sparrow has to pay off some debt to the notorious Davy Jones.. Yup, I'd say things are looking grim for our favorite buccaneers. Good Lord, what a mess.
I have to say, I was pretty sure our good friend Gore Verbinski wouldn't let us down by presenting a flop. No, there really wasn't any fear in that. However, knowing what high stakes I had set for the movie, I was surprised at how good the acting was, and even better - the CGI! I was a little disappointed in Curse with the CGI, but thanks to enhanced computer effects, we were now able to make - not only a crew of total barbarians - but a mythological giant octopus AKA the Kraken as well. Johnny Depp has once again burst tensions by being the 'Han Solo' of the gang (for more than one reason); Keira Knightley dropping her 'damsel in distress' character for a more rough-skinned, two-sword carrying young woman, and the wonderful Orlando Bloom, whose acting ability doubled since 2003. But I know that I would mature if I found my long lost father on some God-forsaken wreck-of a ship in the Caribbean.
So, all in all, Pirates II: Dead Man's Chest left us hanging onto to the edge of our seats from the point when Jack shoots himself out of a coffin already inhabited by a corpse, to that rather surprising entry by none other than... well, I'll let you find out by yourself!