Lamer than a pirate with a peg leg

Rating: 4/10 (6 July 2006)

I am a big fan of Pirates I, the story was great, the action was terrific and Depp and Rush put in excellent performances. The only weak points in the first film were Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley. For the life of me, I cannot see what all the fuss is about. They may be pretty to look at, but neither of them can act for toffee. Pirates II is a big let down. The story is laboured and convoluted. I think this may be because the film has to reunite Depp, Bloom and Knightley. Far better to have focused on Johnny Depp - audiences want to see Jack Sparrow not the supporting acts. Knightley and Bloom's agents must have been hard at work because this feels far more like an ensemble piece. I couldn't care less about Will Turner's dramatic reunion with his father or Knightley's take on the post-feminist swashbuckler. Leaving the acting aside for one moment, there are huge plot holes, gaps in logic, character inconsistency (for example; one minute the two comic relief pirates are happy to abandon our heroes, the next they're willing to sail to the ends of the Earth to save them), implausible motivation and unexplained gaps in time. Overall, it feels like a lazy script, which is a shame because I'm a big fan of the writers so I can only guess that it may have been over-developed by the studio. Directing is sharp and the special effects are great but CGI is a dime a dozen nowadays and audiences need strong stories, solid plot and good performances to engage them. Pirates II is a let down, rent Pirates I on DVD instead and remind yourself of how great it was.