Entertaining but don't expect it to be as great as the first

Rating: 7/10 (8 July 2006)

No spoilers, don't worry!! I was extremely lucky and managed to snag tickets for the 11:20 pm showing at El Capitan in Hollywood on opening night, July 7. There is no better place to see this movie, but that's another story.
I loved, loved, loved the first Pirates. However, we all know that sequels almost never live up to the expectations of their "parent." This one completely and utterly falls into that category. The story is laborious, hard to follow (thanks to loud music overriding some key dialogue) and far, far too long.
But the characters we know and love are back and doing their thing, to some nice laughs and gasps. The visual effects are mostly breathtaking (although a key shot near the end just screams green screen) and the locations enviously tropical. The non-dead ships look completely authentic at all times, unlike the unfortunate cardboard-cutout Dauntless of the first movie. I am almost sure the sets for Black Pearl were the same used in the Horatio Hornblower movies "Mutiny" and "Retribution." Keira Knightly looks hot, tanned, and nothing like the porcelain doll of the first movie. She looks just like she ought to - a bit roughed up and out of sorts, which is nice for the kind of people who hate it when women in movies pop out of bed at 3am and look like they've just stepped out of a salon. Johnny Depp is babe-a-licious as always, despite the effeminance of his character. I am not sure effeminance is a word, so let me just say he is not a tenth as macho as dear, dear Orlando, who completely stole my heart in this movie. I wasn't ready for that. The guy is gorgeous, gorgeous, and more gorgeous. I went expecting to have Johnny Depp reclaim me, but the movie mostly centers around Orlando (Will Turner) and he carries it deliciously well.
Jack Davenport is back, but ladies, you'll be slightly disappointed at his rag-tag appearance. The guy with the wooden eye still yearns for a real one and chases his around a few times (thankfully not as often as in the first movie, which became tedious and repetitive). Stellan Skarsgaard, although hidden behind some nasty marine growth, is passionate and moving in his brief appearances. There is no mistaking that the cast, including all the new characters, was perfect.
Now for the bad part. The action sequences. Except for the part in the jungle in the beginning (inside the cages), I was tired of being beat over the head with "wow look how cool this is" stunts. Gentlemen, you needn't extend an already visually overloaded movie into one of total incoherence. There are two subsequent shots near the end that nearly sent me vomiting from vertigo (I know, tmi) and the rolling wheel thingie seemed like it would never end. There were so many spots in the movie that would have benefited from a bit of snip-snip, or perhaps just not so many quick shots jumbled together so that we can't see which end is up and who got shot where and when and by whom.
All in all, the action sequences involving our non-CGI characters did not seem plausible to me. They were given almost superhuman strength and endurance, which is something I would rather see in Fantastic Four II than Dead Man's Chest. The first movie managed to master realistic choreography, but this one did not. Quite unfortunate.
I promised to not spoil the movie, so I won't go any further. See it and judge for yourself. There are many pleasant surprises. I enjoyed it immensely but perhaps it was because I had three cups of coffee that I could stay awake all the way through it. Four people in my row in the movie theater briefly fell asleep because they could not follow the story. And these were die-hard fans who got tickets for opening night, mind you.
Bottom line: Would have been better if it was shorter and less action-packed. I really needed a moment to breathe and I never got one.
Still, I can't wait for the third movie!!