If you liked Pirates #1, DON'T SEE THIS MOVIE!

Rating: 1/10 (19 January 2007)

I used to think that Poseidon was the worst film of '06. Then, I had the misfortune to rent POTC: Dead Man's Chest. This is the worst kind of bad movie. Whereas Poseidon was so bad it was entertaining, POTC/DMC is just mind-numbingly bad, with no redeeming features. I fell asleep half-way through this Hollywood excuse for a film. Then I made a fatal mistake: I woke up the next morning and thought, "Well, maybe I was just tired" and I sat down and watched the rest. I'm sure many people would have stopped a few minutes in upon realizing "Nope, I wasn't tired, it really IS bad", but you see, I REALLY liked the first Pirates movie, so I thought there HAD to be something to come (a fun Sparrow moment, some really good swashbuckling, a good Knightly eye-candy moment). Nope, nada, ziltch, nothing. All this movie is - is the worst sequel to a great movie since Temple of Doom - a money-making CGI-fest regurgitation of what some writers thought would pass as film. As I can see from the large percentage of 10s it has received on this site, the film-makers obviously found something appealing to someone. The sexual appeal of the leads? The CGI? (which was mediocre at best) It certainly couldn't have been the morass of a confusing narrative, could it? Oh well, I can only speculate. And I can only hope that Pirates gets back on track with #3, which will hopefully be what The Last Crusade was to the Indiana Jones trilogy, a fun movie that makes you forget about how bad the second movie was.