A very disappointing film

Rating: 4/10 (4 August 2006)

A lot of people who talk down a movie start by convincing his audience that he actually likes this kind of movies, just not this one. I guess it's a trick used by the less talented writers. Anyway, I have no problem admitting I'm one of those less talented, so I'll simply write it down for you this way: I liked the original Pirates of the Caribbean and I like easy going brains off films as well. I still didn't like this one - not one bit.
It's a film where the whole thing is played down by a few minor things, that just ruined it for me. Maybe you see it differently, but for me any lack of suspense or surprise is usually a sign of a bad film, especially when talking about a film such as Pirates of the caribbean.
With lack of suspense I mean this: all the impossible and supposedly exiting scenes meant nothing to me because the heroes were such superhuman creatures that nothing really threatened them. Elisabeth Swan, the lead lady, singlehandedly cuts down.. well I don't know, would you believe fifty?... terrible monsters of the depths - the most feared creatures on earth. And she's just a high born lady, wait till you see the rest. The horrible sea monster is really no threat when Will (Orlando Bloom) takes command of the pirate ship! Harrr! Brace the main sail! Prepare the starboard guns! Argh. How the heck does he even know which way is starboard and whats a main sail, let alone a yard. I just had to laugh - why do you have to build these heroes so much, can't they just grow. Wouldn't it have been fun if Captain Jack would have stepped in front of the order yelling Will and said something like 'pardon me, but that would lead us to the reef which would lead us to sink which would lead us to die.. savvyyyyy?? now step back..' To me that just makes it so boring - anyone can do anything if they're on a just cause and you really don't need any clever plot twists or ideas to get the heroes out of trouble. All you need is Elisabeth or Will with a sword in hand and no trouble is too much. That's it. So with this there is no suspense and no surprises.
This goes in the same bin with Godzilla, King Arthur, Indepence Day, Day of Tomorrow and the rest with ridiculous heroes that wouldn't even need any villains because there's no doubt they'd kick theirs butts even with an unsharpened pencil and with no working limbs.
4/10 - Bad, but still barely viewable.