Entertaining but collapses under its own weight: too many plots, sub-plots, characters, and over-long action sequences make it rather incomprehensible

Rating: 6/10 (2 November 2009)

This final installment of the "Pirates of the Caribean" film series suffers from the same ailment as the last "Ocean's 13" movie: too many sub-plots, too many characters, too many ships, and too many long action sequences. During the entire film, I kept getting confused regarding which ship I was in, which character was dealing with which problem, and how Captain Jack Sparrow fits into the whole bloody thing. The first film was at least relatively tight in terms of its focus on Davy Jones and his ship of un-dead in the "Black Pearl". However, these later installments added so many ingredients into the stew that it was hard to figure out what the main course was.
The film begins with a bunch of poor sods being systematically executed by the baddie of the film, Lord Cutler Beckett. OK, fair enough. This story will be how these people are somehow avenged by the pirates, although I wasn't exactly clear who these people were or why they were being executed. (Maybe I'd forgotten from the second movie?) But then the film moves to Singapore. Apparently, Bootstrap Bill wants to solicit the help of an Asian pirate head-honcho played by Yun Fat-Chow who has some extra-special navigating maps. Out of nowhere, Orlando Bloom appears, apparently a prisoner of Fat-Chow. How did he get there? I guess I forgot what happened to him in the second movie. As the negotiations for the maps and Bloom are heating up, a bunch of European red coats appear out of nowhere and start shooting everything in sight, apparently at the orders of Lord Cutler Beckett. Exactly how they got there, why they were, there and what they were trying to accomplish eludes me, except we are supposed to know that riflemen with wigs in red coats are the baddies and do Lord Cutler Beckett's bidding.
The film then becomes an almost-incoherent collage of interconnected episodes. Certainly, I didn't know where the film was going but I was equally unclear as to the goals/objectives of the characters at many times. Davy Jones and his band of un-dead crew are still sailing around the world but I wasn't sure how they now fit into everything. They were now on the ship "The Flying Dutchman". (In sea lore, the Flying Dutchman is not a ship, it's a person, a ghost trying to redeem himself who is condemned to wander on the high seas.) The good guys were now on the Black Pearl. They end up in Davy Jones' locker, literally the place for the dead who died at sea, to save Jack Sparrow. Then there's the character of Tia Dalma, aka Calypso, who gave Jack Sparrow the compass that will point toward anything that a person desires. I guess I had forgotten what Calypso wants out of all this. Maybe I should have taken notes during the second movie. And then we also allude to Orlando Bloom's father, Turner, who is a member of Davy Jones' crew of the un-dead. Now, how does this fit into everything?
Finally, the crew arrives at the Pirate's Cove where they meet the council of pirates. Again, I wasn't sure what the objective was, but somehow it works out that the pirates agree to fight against Lord Beckett. So now, added to the mix are pirates from every corner of the earth: France, India, China, you name it. If there were some Eskimo pirates, I wouldn't be surprised. At some point, Lord Beckett is out on the high seas with an armada of ships. Why he was going out wasn't exactly clear to me except I guess to fight the pirates. And why is it in his best interest to fight the pirates personally? So the movie has a baddie?
And of course, Captain Jack Sparrow is a part of everything but what that everything is is still a little blurry. Certainly, Sparrow is the most enjoyable character, and Johnny Depp plays him incredibly well, but I was unclear how Sparrow now fits into the story which really centers on Bloom and his love interest Elizabeth Swann, which are getting a little bit side-tracked by all the other stuff. Sparrow seems more about comic relief than an integral part of the conflict. But no question, his scenes are the best, particularly when he is by himself in Davy Jones' locker.
Still, there are enough enjoyable scenes to make the experience fun entertainment but there was so much going on I couldn't make out the point of the film. And the action sequences only lasted about an hour each. I may have to go back and watch some of the second movie to remind myself of some of the things I was supposed to know coming into the third. Is it really worth all that trouble? Still the best story about pirates is Robert Louis Stevenson's "Treasure Island" which took place at only three places: a tavern, a ship and an island. Limiting the scope actually reinforces the adage that less is often more. One pirate ship is quite scary. One hundred of them are kind of ridiculous.