Never again

Rating: 2/10 (26 May 2007)

I've seen the 2nd and 3rd P.O.C. movies on their opening days, and I won't bother to see the 4th until I've read a LOT of reviews of it. This synopsis could be subtitled "3 hours of my life I'll never get back." Where shall I begin? Firstly, and surprisingly to me, this is NOT a movie for children. It starts with mass hangings, including the execution of a child, and continues to multiple disturbingly violent deaths. It also contains many bits of sexual innuendo and symbolism, as well as Ragetti looking up Elizabeth Swann's dress. Secondly, there is no story here, and the only characters worthy of the name are in supporting roles. Kevin McNally as Gibbs is superb, the highlight of the film for me. Keith Richards was spot-on in his cameo, and should make more films. I admit that I found Ms. Swann's stepping up to a position of leadership toward the end to be marvelous, and showed a potential for K.K.'s character to become a genuine role model for girls, in a film industry which usually gives females the greasy end of the stick. The attempts at comic relief with the 2 doltish guards and the Pintel and Ragetti characters only emphasized to me the lack of entertainment in the rest of the film. Thirdly, special effects are fine as devices to support the telling of a story, but they should not be a SUBSTITUTE for the telling of a story. This...thing is founded upon too many curses and spells without any human interest to support them.
I love seafaring stories, and consequently enjoy many pirate stories. I would rather watch the black-and-white Wallace Beery/Jackie Cooper Treasure Island daily than ever watch this film again. I would also prefer Cutthroat Island, A Muppet Treasure Island, or Captain Blood. Anyone who wants to see an actual tale of the sea, not a triumph of the Disney marketing department, should run, not walk, to acquire a copy of Master and Commander. It contains no pirates, but when it come to portraying the days of wooden ships and iron men, it is the real thing.