my notes

Rating: 2/10 (24 July 2019)

Bad..... bad. really long and boring. a huge mess in so many ways, especially story and character motivations. sooooo many questionable and stupid parts that don't make sense and are fun to make fun of. an abhorrent amount of cheesiness and goofiness (first time using that word). so many omg moments. all of the characters are significantly less likable than in previous movies. things i liked: some beautiful shots and good directing, and the action scenes LOOKED amazing, even though most of them were so ridiculous and stupid. some of the acting in this movie is terrible. so many decisions make no sense. and so many scenes go on for 2 or 3 times longer than they should (about 3 viewings)

SPOILERS

like the crew of jack sparrows. or him talking to his mini selves. wtf
where do i start. lets see what i can remember. elizabeth swan who just goes around kissing everyone and can't decide who she likes. oh wait except at the end when she says "you think i loved him," implying that she only felt guilty for getting jack killed. even though they strongly implied in the last movie that she did love him, which is part of the reason i liked the second less than the first, they added a love triangle.
omg omg omg, they wanted barbosa to marry them in the middle of the final battle. wow bro just wow. another thing, after they cut will's heart out so he can become the captain of the flying dutchman, he was immediately in a completely new outfit, mostly black to show is darkness lmao. so much of the story makes no sense. things just happen and you have to go with it. there was an entire armada, thousands of government ships ready to kill the pirates. but the two pirate ships just sail up to the main government ship and kill it without any of the other ships doing anything. "Orders, sir?" let's just die. and then the thousands of other ships are like ok lets just go home. bro. bro.
there are so many more little things. things that are done just for the audience that make NO sense. that are impossible or just ridiculous coincidences. all over the place. the whole calypso story did not impact anything. also how they unleashed her was so stupid, you have to say it as if it's coming from a lover. oh and jack sparrow can grab any rope on the ship and launch himself or even fly or create a parachute. there is so much more. this movie deserves a hilariocity review