fantasy for dullards, at times truly execrable

Rating: 2/10 (2 June 2007)

I didn't think it would actually be possible for Disney to make pirates 'not fun'.
This soulless, tedious, and at times utterly torturous film left everyone in the cinema cold. As a child pirates were exciting figures of romance and adventure, in this film we have people who look like pirates spouting inane expositional dialogue for nearly three hours. The jokes are overwrought and clumsy, continuously relying on the 'oh so hilarious' pause followed by one of the 'funny' characters piping up with a 'random' comment - the hilarity of it. The funniest moment of my movie-going experience was listening to all the expletives leaving people's mouths as they trudged out of the cinema, bored stupid.
It's sad because i really enjoy fantasy films when they're done properly. Films like Indiana Jones evoked a sense of wonder and excitement without any of the CGI that props up this bloated turd.