Ghastly!¨Depp is no Kinski

Rating: 1/10 (2 June 2007)

Ghastly!¨ Utterly camp and a poor imitation of a movie.
Johnny Depp's attempt here at buying his way into the rank of classic actors such as Chaplin, Keaton (not Diane silly but Buster) and even Steven Seagal fails miserably in this monster.
The rubber masks were OK and the rubber chickens too, but this movie is empty of art. Named after a roller coaster ride (I actually rode this in California once) I found the ride more artistic although the soft wheels on that ride probably contained less rubber than the actors' costumes.
Efforts at quality were filled with Pathos. I cringed. I ached as I would ache for Jethro and Granny in the Beverly Hillbillies. I cannot believethat they are doing this or that! The surrealistic moment when Depp arrives on scene was pathetic and my heat skipped in pity for poor Johnny. Deep you might think. Actually quite silly and the camp cannot disguise the betrayal of principles here by Johnny. Depp is no Kinski and no amount of over acting can remedy this. The efforts by the director to match Herzog (yes there is a midget and chicken in the movie) merely reflected his inadequacy although I will credit him for stealing from Herzog-what with the ship being crabbed over a hill. Fitzcaraldo be damned--We need the dough and all is allowed come blockbuster time and most of the goofs who will watch and pay for this one probably never saw that artsy movie anyway!¨(Hey, I didn't say that, the guys who made Pirates did or likely did while truth abounded in their cups).
I really did hurt for Johnny. Poor lad. He is probably a very nice boy; but alas one who sold his soul on this one for filthy money and no amount of grimacing or back shots hopping a la Chaplin will save this man from a well deserved commercial success. A true Macdonald Artist. A big Depp with lots and lots of cheese.