The Worst 168 Minutes of My Life

Rating: 1/10 (4 January 2008)

Yes, you heard me. The first film was a lovable and entertaining experience that made us beg for more. The second part was still fun to watch, endearing and most of all, stuck to the roots of the story. Part III could have been the best threequel ever. Instead it ranks next to X-Men: The Last Stand as the worst.
I demand a page 1 rewrite to this...what's the right word...story? The film begins with the hanging of hundreds of people. I thought these films were funny. Then it almost gets back to the right foot, although it skips ahead a ton from part 2 and creates tons of pointless footage before even getting to the rescuing part. Jack's prison however, couldn't have been better. Definitely the best part of the movie, and yes, on par with the first 2. However, after his rescue, everything goes downhill. Literally hundreds of side-characters, no cohesive plot, and never-ending action scenes populate the second half of the movie. Plus, killing off Norrington is the worst plot-twist in any movie...ever.
It seemed like the filmmakers thought there wasn't enough material leftover from the second film to make a third, although there was plenty. The death of the kraken is the most anti-climactic death in a movie...ever! The set-up of the Tia Dalma/Davey Jones romance in the second is not carried out. It's like the filmmakers sat down and decided that it just wan't interesting enough and they needed a character to be "Calypso: Goddess of the Sea". Naturally, Tia Dalma got the part. And then, to finish off the abomination of a plot-twist, they don't even do much with Calypso. Just a Mealstrom? She's the goddess of the frickin' sea!
The Pirate Lords was also unnecessary. They just ate up screen-time that could have been dedicated to more important things, like character development. Sao Fen joins the mass of unnecessary characters swimming in a film I would like to call a drifting row-boat, but really it travels head-long the wrong way into a storm of insanity and overall crap.
The Ending is arguably the worst one ever. In "Dead Man's Chest" Will promised his father, "I will not rest until this blade pierces his (Davey Jones) heart." Not that he himself would stab it! Jack should have stabbed the heart, he would've been happy enough, but no. Plus Beckett needed a far more sticky end. He didn't deserve to go down with the ship.
Finally, as hinted from the first scene, this film is too violent and dark and grisly and has the biggest shown body-count for a film ever. And then there are jokes. It doesn't work. It's too funny too be serious, but too serious to be funny! It doesn't work! This film is undoubtedly the worst Threequel of all time, surpassing X-Men the Last Stand. It is also the worst expensive film of all time, with it's painfully large 300million dollar budget. Most undoubtedly the worst part of the film however is, that they plan to make a fourth, and made enough money to do so. Unless you want to see Pirates 5 6 and 7, don't watch part 4! I know I won't.