The Verbinski Bruckheimer Glut Fest

Rating: 2/10 (30 May 2007)

When a movie is filmed it's standard to shoot a ton of footage they don't need. Present all that footage to a team of editors. They snag all the good stuff for the story and leave the rest on the cutting room floor.
Or, in the case of the Bruckheimer / Verbinski team, it'll produce a 3 hour ego driven glut fest.
I freely admit - I LOVE the characters in Pirates of the Caribbean. I'd sit down to dinner with any one of them and have a good time. So it was very comfortable to see them all again over the weekend. But sometimes people are just people. You hang out and not much happens. It's just fun. Sometimes you have adventures, but mostly it's just hanging out. That's what World's End is like - nice to be with them if you had nothing else better to do.
Technically speaking it feels like every take was forced into the film at some point. An editor with a strong will could have made sense out of this tidal wave of material, but instead they just piled on the crap hoping that some of it would appeal to someone at some point.
If, for example, they just focused on Tia Dalma - GREAT story!! I would have loved to see more of how she got involved with all this. Did we actually need the East Indian Trading Company story line in addition to hers? The inclusion of Norrington and Gov. Swann in addition to that? The Singapore story line in addition to those? (and what a waste of a world class actor!) Barbossa's return would have been fascinating on its own - yet in the middle of everything else the genuine and powerful relationship between Jack and Barbossa receives only a passing glance. Are you kidding?
More isn't more in a film like this. Rush and Depp both should have been brought down from the rafters. And what on EARTH happened to Orlando Bloom? He has grown into a compelling actor, as evident in every one of his scenes (watch him drink tea with Beckett if you think I'm kidding). Unfortunately, he's barely in the film! No, this is Keira Knightley's film start to finish. And while she's a lovely actress she can't carry it.
Oh, and one more complaint. I only understood - MAYBE - one phrase in six. Every character in this film has an accent so strong it should get its own credit. No two are alike, and most are absolute gibberish - from Barbossa on down. And that breaks my heart - especially in Barbossa's case. The man is known for his verbal skills ("I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request.") so making him and every other soul sound as though they're chewing marbles didn't help.
Like Phantom Menace this movie has more to do with trade negotiation and politics than action and adventure. There's pitiful little swash or buckle to compensate for our 3 hours spent. The climactic maelstrom at the end was like everything else - there simply for the sake of being there. A few really impressive shots came out of it, but I was left thinking "why are they even there? Is there a point to this?"
When the"Director's Cut" of this bloated tick comes out we should demand less,not more. Less politics, navel gazing, soul searching, character multiples and hopeless justifications. More rock crabs (damn those were cool). More strong Elizabeth and less shrill Elizabeth. MORE WILL. LESS hyperspaz Jack. MORE "I've survived this long because I'm crazy like a fox" Jack. MORE understandable dialog. Less meaningless maelstrom. More beautiful black ships cresting ivory sand dunes (hey, it's in the trailers - that's not a spoiler!) More content. Less filler.
Just freakin' sad. The end, when Will's fate is finally revealed, was darn near worth the whole thing. Almost. Simple, clean and beautiful. If they could get that right how could they screw up the rest so badly? At the end of the day I feel like I'm still waiting to see Pirate's 3. Nothing with that much potential, so highly anticipated, could have turned out so flat out awful.