Chat, chat, chat, Action, double cross. Repeat for 2 hours.

Rating: 6/10 (29 May 2007)

I wanted to like this film. I REALLY wanted to like this film. I went along to the opening day's very first performance, to avoid the all the whooping, shouting and talking associated with an evening performance. I'd enjoyed the first two films. The first more so than the second and had been eager to see the third instalment.
Well, it looked good. It was well acted, the art direction and special effects were - as you would expect - excellent and I enjoyed the first hour. But by the second hour I was bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. I looked at my watch. I fidgeted. I went to the loo. I lost interest in the characters and found each tedious plot twist more annoying than the last.
There was simply far too much of everything in this film. Too much plot, too many characters - all with their own agendas, too many double crosses and betrayals, too many loose ends and too much chat. Chat, chat chat. Endless chat, over written chat. In the first hour this was quite enjoyable but come the second, I just wanted someone to shout -"Will you just stop waffling, and get to the point!"
And, while I'm compiling a list of things, too many CLOSE UP's of yellow eyed people (why did nearly every character have to have yellow contact lens?)
The music was over blown all the time and the all-out comedy moments became very irritating. But my main beef was the running time! 2 hours 47 minutes! Why did it have to be so long? It was flabby and could easily have done with a 30 minute trim.
That's not to say there weren't moments I loved. Jack's first appearance was excellent the portrayal of a man unhinged by loneliness was funny and touching as was the fantasy elements with the sea of crabs. Keira Knightly's and Johhny Depp's performance was first class but the true star was Geoffry Rush, his Captain Barbosa was the true star of the film.
I felt horribly cheated by the final confrontation, we were lead to believe it was going to be an epic sea battle, akin to the space battle of Return of the Jedi, between the 'Company' fleet and the massed ranks of the pirates. In the end it came down to 2 ships and a whirl pool. Spectacular for sure but oddly uninspiring, 'Oh, what a lovely bit of CG'. As the camera twirled around the two ships for the umpteenth time and CG animated Davy Jones and Jack Sparrow clashed swords.
What happened to the two opposing fleets? Why didn't they engage each other? And why did the Tom Hollander's character Lord Cutler Beckett just give up without a fight? Admitadely his death was superb - one of the film's high lights, but I wanted him to put up a fight or at least get involved, he deserved a fight to the death for all the wickedness he brought. But no, just a big budget rehash of an old All Saints video.
I couldn't wait for this to end and rushed out just as the end credits began. Normally I'd stay and read them out of respect to the crew but not this time. 2 hours 47 minutes of my time was more than enough. Besides, I had a bus to catch.
Modern films and this franchise in particular have, IMHO, almost zero repeat factor. Watch them at the cinema then never again. I had tried to watch #2 again - I'd not seen it since it was first released at the cinema and I got quickly bored by it and fell asleep. The first film I own on DVD and have only seen once. Classic films have the ability to reward you each time you watch them, sadly not the case with this series, watch them once then discard. Remember them as a fond memory.