Wait for the DVD

Rating: 3/10 (29 May 2007)

I must admit I enjoyed the first movie of the "Pirates of the Caribbean" trilogy (although anyone who considered it the best pirate movie ever simply hasn't seen enough movies.) And I suppose it was inevitable that there would be sequels, given how much cash Disney managed to rake in on it.
But take all of the complaints that you might have had about last year's "Dead Man's Chest" (too long, tedious and pretentious, needlessly-complex plot) and double them for "At World's End."
Have these people never heard of an editor? Or could it be that no one at the studio has the nerve to tell Gore Verbinkski to back off a bit? For heaven's sake, the movie is three hours long! You're telling me that nothing could have been trimmed? Example: the interminable "limbo" scene with the humorous-but-overrated Johnny Depp mincing around the Bonneville Salt Flats; after seeing this worthless scene, which advances the story not a whit, I cannot fathom what scenes will appear on the "deleted scenes" section of the DVD release. Similarly, the final battle, while visually impressive, seems to take forever to reach a conclusion.
As in "Dead Man's Chest", a relatively simple story would have been preferable to the ridiculously complex mishmash presented here. Eventually, you just don't care who's on which side, because you know it's subject to change at a moment's notice. Betrayal by a leading figure should come as a shock to both the other characters and to the audience, but after a few hours of it happening repeatedly, there are no longer discernible sides to the conflict, but just a squabbling rabble.
Verbinski also insisted on unnecessary "growth" in characters both major and minor. Although Depp's Jack Sparrow is toned down a trifle, Orlando Bloom is much darker this time out, and seems to have little motivation other than being generally annoyed at the world. Keira Knightley, while always nice to look at, is even more laughable as an action heroine (and King of the Pirates, believe it or not) than as an actress. A contrived romantic history between Calypso the bayou gypsy and Bill Nighy's Davy Jones provides him with unneeded motivation (since when must mythical bad guys have more reason than just being bad guys?) Mackenzie Crook and Lee Arenberg, who were likable as comic-relief pirate bumblers Pintel and Ragetti, are expanded to the point that their comic duties must be taken over by a pair of British soldiers. For Pete's sake, even the darn monkey and parrot get extra screen time! (It's almost reminiscent of the "Lethal Weapon" series, which with every new outing seemed to pick up a new character, like a ship picking up barnacles.) On the other hand, Governor Swann (enjoyably played by character actor Jonathan Pryce) is killed, off camera, for no discernible reason.
A couple of nice additions: Chow Yun Fat playing the pirate lord of Singapore, and Rolling Stone Keith Richards as Jack Sparrow's dad (although the latter casting was an obvious economy measure, as Richards was able to supply his own clothes and makeup.)
The cinematography and Hans Zimmer's score leave no room for complaint, except that there is about an hour too much of each.
One last nit-pick. At the end, when the Black Pearl and Flying Dutchmen are each poised to fire a broadside into Beckett's flagship, we're treated to the implausible scene of Beckett unable to come up with an order in response. Hmmm, let's see: his ship has a couple hundred cannons run out and ready to go.. how about "Fire!"? Alas, that might have made the movie go on even longer, so he unbelievably remains silent as his ship is destroyed. The scene smacks of a belated decision to "let's-just-get-it-over-with."
I suspect that the main problem with this film is that Verbinski was hired to make a nice, fun little popcorn-muncher of a summer movie, but somewhere along the way he started to believe he was making an epic. Unfortunately, there's just not enough here to float that boat. Remember, all this is based on a 40-year-old amusement-park ride.
It would be nice someday to see this a version of this movie (ditto "Dead Man's Chest") that's drastically tightened up, with an hour or so left on the cutting-room floor. There's a really fine movie in there somewhere, amidst all the flotsam and jetsam. For now, wait for the DVD, and use the fast-forward.