A bloated waste of time

Rating: 1/10 (13 September 2007)

I guess when you have a large budget, devoted fans, and an all-star cast, you don't have to write a script. This movie went from nowhere to nowhere at a glacial pace, with a confusing, tedious plot that defied all good rules of writing. Uninspiring, overly-staged sword fights occasionally interrupt the tedium. Not only does the main plot (whatever it is) tank, the side plots also go nowhere. The pirate lords are lame, Calypso drains the bath, and our shrill-voiced pirate king is a Hollywood bimbo. By the end, I was hoping someone would rip my heart out so I could be relieved of having to see one more minute of this expensive waste of time. But would that doom me to see it again and again? Yikes!