Quite Possibly The Worst Action Movie Ever Made

Rating: 1/10 (26 May 2007)

I love action adventure movies. Indiana Jones, Jurassic Park, and yes, Pirates of the Caribbean. But not this movie. Not by a long shot. Whereas the first movie was fun and original, and the second one a little more cartoony but just as entertaining, this third Pirates film just nose dives, completely missing that mark each and every time.
Jack Sparrow was such a cool character in the first two pirates films. He seems so uncomfortable here. Depp almost appears bored with the part. Orlando Bloom is not a good actor. He's annoying, and I have no idea why. Furthermore, his character is a pain to watch. Whose side is he on? What is he fighting for? Why should I care? He is, at this point, the only thing making it possible for there to be an overblown cliché love triangle between Jack, Elizabeth, and Will. And folks, men and women, you're not watching Keira for her acting. She's not good at that. But looking hot in just about anything (less is more, in this case) is something she does exceedingly well. I'll watch her for that. Other performances - dull. Drawn-out. Uninteresting. But I will say this: the best overall performance in this film comes from Jack Davenport, as Norrington. He plays it with such conviction, such sincerity, than even the dumbest of lines sound decent coming from him. The storyline sounded as though it could open a unique chapter in the story when he reappeared in Pirates 2, but I believe audiences will be very disappointed in how he's handled in this film.
The plus side - good special effects. Negative side - everything else. Boring and dull performances all around (except by Davenport), a very slow and often confusing storyline that went no where without explosions or action sequences (the movie could lose forty-five minutes), and the broad sense that this film was both too rushed and too poorly conceived. Had the writers been given a couple years to really pound out a good script, the movie would have been as good as the other two. Instead, it truly stands out as being one of the worst movies I've ever seen.