Am i missing something?

Rating: 3/10 (26 May 2007)

I thought, after viewing Spiderman 3 last week, that I had seen the very pinnacle of melodramatic, ridiculous, un-inspired movies.
Pirates 3 proved me wrong.
Goofy plot twists, hackneyed humor, and utterly silly special effects abound. The "story" of the film is so convoluted that far before the film has reached its "epic" conclusion, we stop caring entirely. "Lets see how many plot twists we can cram into a movie", we can hear the writers whisper deviously to one another. "No" says the director, "lets see how many slimy, creaky, dripping props/characters we can blow up". The characters, who were actually quite well-drawn and fun in the first film, are completely lost in the chaos. Depp manages to be the only one who truly stands out, a nod to his fine skills as an actor, rather than any witty dialogue or inventive character interaction.
But, ultimately, what really gets you is just how preposterous the whole thing is made out to be. At one point, Kiera Knightly and Will Turner turn to each other in the middle of heated combat to exchange wedding vows, slaying countless numbers of evildoers, while Geoffrey Rush barks out unintelligible nonsense that we suppose means something to the effect of "you are married".
In another scene, Depp and Knightly swoosh safely away from a wrecking ship on what appears to be a thatched parachute.
A monkey is shot out of a cannon.
The dialogue, especially a rousing speech given by Knightly near the end, made me cringe. The writers/director use every single worn out, exaggerated, asinine phrase all writers/directors usually dread of using.
And oh my god! The "fight for freedom" scene! Ah! I covered my eyes and sunk low in my seat so as to avoid the popcorn i felt sure would be flying at the screen. They are pirates for god's sake! Freaking PIRATES! In Spiderman 3, our webbed friend glides over buildings only to be suddenly and spectacularly framed by a big, billowing American Flag. In Pirates of the Caribbean 3, Kiera Knightly gives the good ole' ready em up speech, persuading her ragged, "cut-throat" band of pirates to fight, essentially for no definable reason, under the honest to god, not-even-poking-fun-at-itself-even-in-the-least pretext of "We fight for freedom!" Anyone disagreeing with the my opinion on the utter movie-making sophmorishness of this film must first somehow justify this scene. It is--and I say this only because this is the only strong word meaning "stupid" i've yet to use in this review--completely retarded.
I am being overly harsh. To be honest, the movie is entertaining, if for all the wrong reasons. Go to see this film if you enjoy a good laugh at some silly dialogue, or if you like to see nicely designed sets blow up, or if you enjoy looking at kiera knightly.
Just don't see it for the sake of watching a good movie. You will find yourself thinking, as I did at many points in Spiderman 3, "What were they doing?"
Making a hugely successful film, unfortunately.