Length Aside, It's Still A Great Action-Adventure Film

Rating: 8/10 (5 June 2007)

Placing your brain on cruise control can be fun whenever you watch a film. Thinking takes a backseat to blatant entertainment while you let your worldly cares dwindle away, immersing yourself in a time and place you know never really existed (except in this case, they do, at the Disneyland Parks).
THE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN series are really the only successful films based on one of Disney's rides. The appallingly bad HAUNTED MANSION shouldn't even be considered here, so I won't mention it again for fear of some poor reader losing their lunch.
For those who've seen the previous two installment in The Pirates Franchise, this one's just as fun if a tad overly plot heavy and exceedingly long (bring your hemorrhoid donut). Clocking it at a whopping 2 hours and 48 minutes it is the longest of the three Pirate films and the lengthiest film this summer. I'm not one to complain about film length, simply because if the movie holds together well I'll sit through it regardless of gluteal discomfort. But this time the complaints about length are justified simply because the many plot lines introduced don't add anything to the film.
This time we find Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp, CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY) in a true bind. He's dead. "Living" out his own personal hell within Davey Jones' locker, Jack battles multiple incantations of himself, often killing off these nuisances (Freud would have a field day with this one).
Meanwhile, back in the land of the living, Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST), Will Turner (Orlando Bloom, HAVEN) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley, STAR WARS EPISODE ONE) need to get Jack back to the land of the living so that they can convene a gathering of pirate lords who will help fight off the dastardly East India Company that threatens to plunge every last pirate ship to the bottom of the sea. And Jack is one of the pirate lords.
Barbossa and his crew sail their ship "to the end of the world" and find Jack. They bring him back to the living world (to the dismay of Davey Jones) and proceed with the gathering of pirate lords. The choice is made to fight the East India Company after some heated debate and a surprising election. This is also where we get to meet Captain Teague (Keith Richards), the keeper of the Pirate Code. Richard's is spot-on perfect for this role and has some hysterically funny dialogue with Depp.
There's a lot more going on, too. Will turner is determined to free his father, Bootstrap Bill (Stellan Skarsgard, BEOWULF & GRENDEL), from the clutches of Davey Jones' boat. Elizabeth simply wants to get Jack because ...well ...I'm not sure why. It seems she's a bit confused as to her love-life, too. Will she choose Will Turner, Jack, or someone else? Barbossa simply wants to keep The Black Pearl to himself and will do almost anything to insure it. Calypso turns out to be someone we've known for some time and it is her revealing that takes up most of the useless time added to the length of the film. A "relationship" between Calypso and Davey Jones (Bill Nighy, SHAUN OF THE DEAD) is hinted at but then summarily dropped Â— and rightfully so.
There's also the nonexistent demise of Governor Swann (Jonathan Pryce, BROTHERS OF THE HEAD) which, although seen through the eyes of his daughter, Elizabeth (Knightley), feels completely lost amidst the substantial length of the film (I believe this entire bit took up about 60 seconds of film time).
Now that I've completely thrashed Pirates 3, you might be wondering about my positive rating. Well, the Pirate Films were never meant to be taken too seriously. They are conspicuous action entertainment and, on that level, this newest movie succeeds quite well. Never a yawn shall escape your maw while watching this, I'd wager. The ship battles. The sword fights. The storms. The ship battles while there are sword fights going on within a storm. It's just fun to watch. And Johnny Depp is his usually wonderful self as the swashbuckling and sashaying Captain Sparrow.