I can't remember what happened in the middle

Rating: 7/10 (26 May 2007)

The 3rd and supposedly final installment in the successful Pirates series opened last night. Last year, the 2nd movie broke the record for the all time biggest opening ever. That record was just broken again by Spider-man 3 a few weeks ago. For the 3rd Pirates to break it yet again would be a very tall order, especially given its 3 hour running time.
This movie is not bad. Well, at least not as bad as Spider-man 3. But once again, as with Shrek 3 and Spider-man 3, it does not live up to its first two installments. Its one major flaw is that it is just too darn long. Shave about an hour off of it, and it would have been pretty good. But then again, who wouldn't want to watch Keira Knightley for 3 hours? Mmmmm, Keira Knightley.... Could there be anyone more hot? Well, maybe Jonny Depp or Orlando Bloom if you're into that kinda thing. Good news, you get to watch them for 3 hours too!
Jonny Depp actually pretty much saves this movie. Watching him shamble around like a drunkard and say witty and/or unintelligible things is actually pretty entertaining. And there's a few scenes of him basically hallucinating, seeing dozens of copies of himself around him, which are hilarious.
Then there's the story. Oh, the story! What were they thinking? There basically is none! Well, I think there's some attempt at one, but it is so nonsensical, convoluted, and uninteresting that we just content ourselves with watching Jonny and Keira and a few Pirate battles, and we're happy. The beginning starts out okay. A bunch of the good ole Pirates are in Singapore trying to get help from Chow Yun Fat. Then they set off to rescue Cap'n Jack from World's End - basically hell, since he's dead. That's all quite interesting and full of some good special effects. And of course the end of the movie has some grandiose pirate sea battles, so that's cool. But the middle? I don't even know if I can explain it. Something about a bunch of Pirate Chiefs meeting together to decide about releasing a captured goddess so she can help them defeat Davy Jones's ship which is under the control of an evil British Tea Company. Uh, yeah. That's actually fairly succinct. The movie wasn't nearly that clear in explaining it. So... let's just remove that hour from the middle, and we'll stick with rescuing Jack and then having a pirate battle. Hey, now it's a great movie! Just go use the restroom in the middle. Then buy some snacks. Then go to the arcade for a while. Then go home and feed your dog and come back. You'll be just in time for the good part!
But hey, what can we expect? It's a summer popcorn movie. They're not usually big on story. This movie actually does entertain and keep your interest fairly well. I just didn't really like the story. But just keep watching Keira and Jonny and you can't go wrong. Geoffrey Rush too, as Captain Barbossa, is also great. He's got the quintessential pirate voice down. Also, don't miss the one and only Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones (Jonny Depp's inspiration for his character's mannerisms) in a great cameo as Cap'n Jack's father.
I will say that there is a fairly unexpected twist at the end, which takes it in a slightly different direction. It actually leaves you with a yearning in your heart, because not everything turns out happy and neat like you expect. And of course, they leave it open for more possible sequels - which could actually be quite different spinoffs, given what happens to one of the characters at the end. Maybe they had to add that twist to make up for the lame rest of the story.
It's not Oscar material, but it gives you pretty much what you're looking for in this type of film. If you liked the other Pirates movies, you'll probably enjoy this one too, even if not as much. But if you didn't like the other Pirates movies, well, then there's not much hope for this one.