This is not a musical...

Rating: 6/10 (25 May 2007)

Though you'd be forgiven for thinking it is, given all the singing that goes on at the start of the film. An off-key kid starts singing, then everyone else who're about to be hanged suddenly burst into song. It was a far less funnier version of the 'Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life' crucifixion scene from Monty Python's Life of Brian. Lots of hanging, though. If you enjoy watching people get hanged...then this is the film for you. We're then treated to the much lovelier Elizabeth singing in her boat (she can actually sing *on* key), as she meets up with Barbossa to go confront Capt. Sao Feng (Chow Yun Fat - who doesn't exactly add much to the movie). Keira Knightley, meanwhile, is one of the few bright spots in this otherwise lacklustre film. She's especially funny in a scene at the beginning where she has to check all her weapons at the door, and she pulls a giant pistol from...somewhere. Her character's just gotten better and better with each film (especially when it comes to the action/comedic side of things). Will Turner, however, has been rather limp throughout the movies, and so it should come as no surprise that his screen time is reduced in this film. He only becomes somewhat interesting by the very end.
But enough about those two. What about Capt. Jack? Well...it takes a while before we get to him, and I must say that his entrance this time around pales in comparison to his entrances in the previous two films. There's a lot more of him in this film than the previous two, but herein lies this movie's flaw: Thinking that *more* Jack Sparrow automatically equals a BETTER movie. Now, I think it would be hard to find anyone who doesn't like his character, but when you've got umpteen clones of him running around on screen (plus a version of him that looks like Will's dad), then perhaps you've gone just a tad overboard. Jack's scene in Davy Jones's locker was...nonsensical, to say the least. Rock crabs that can move a ship? Jack clones (one being a Jack who clucks/thinks he's a chicken/lays eggs, while another looks to be getting cozy with a goat)? Yeah, not many people at my cinema really knew what to make of all that. It especially got silly when we saw two little Jack Sparrows hanging off regular Jack's dreadlocks and whispering into his ears. None of it was funny, it was just stupid (as was Jack and Barbossa arguing like an old married couple/their lame telescope visual gags). Tia Dalma's role is increased as well, and she proves to be more important to the film's storyline than we may have first thought, but she too descends into silliness when she grows HUGE, then explodes into thousands of crabs.
As for ol' squid-beard, Davy Jones winds up being Cutler Beckett's bitch in this film, which is sad to see. Also sad is learning the fate of the Kraken - Beckett ordered Jones to kill his "pet", and we're later treated to the horrible sight of the dead Kraken washed up on a beach with Pintel and Ragetti standing atop it like a prize kill (as if I didn't hate them enough already). Bill Nighy gets less screen time than he did previously, but at least you get to see Jones in human form. Meanwhile, Keith Richards makes a very brief, but memorable, cameo as Jack's dad. Fans of Norrington will be disappointed with his demise at the hands of Bootstrap Bill (as if Will's dad wasn't unlikeable enough). Norrington and Elizabeth's father are both wasted in this movie. Beckett meets his end in a laughably over-the-top slow-mo sequence, where all I could do was wonder, "How is he not getting hit in the head by all flying debris exploding around him?".
This film is WAY overlong, with far too much going on. The so-called "plot" is a muddled mess, it's hard to keep track of who's on whose side/who is betraying who. A lot of time wasted on stuff that could've been left out, and the build-up (with all the different pirates coming together) kind of amounts to nothing/is anticlimactic. As you'd expect, there are some standout action sequences (such as the maelstrom at the end), as well as a few select bits of gruesomeness (look out for the death-by-squid-beard scene especially. This is easily the darkest of the three films, with the earlier mentioned mass hanging, gaping bullet holes in people's foreheads, toes breaking off due to frostbite, faces bitten by eels, impaling, etc). However, it all ends up being far too much for one movie. The writers don't seem to understand that quality matters more than quantity. I find myself enjoying/appreciating Dead Man's Chest a lot more than I originally did (when compared with At World's End).
The extra scene at the end, by the way, is much more significant than the scenes at the end of the credits for the last two films (ie. monkey stealing treasure and dog being worshipped by cannibals). The scene at the end of this film actually has a point, and was a nice little add-on. It's worth sticking around to see, if you have the time/patience/don't already have a headache and simply wish to escape the cinema.
Overall, the first film was a surprise success, the second film - while unnecessary - did in fact prove to be entertaining, but this third one is just too much. You're better off pretending it didn't happen and instead coming up with your own conclusion to the series.