The Boat That Sucked (a.k.a. Carry on Broadcasting)

Rating: 3/10 (9 April 2009)

"The Boat That Rocked" should have been a great movie, given its subject matter but unfortunately writer/director Richard Curtis has provided a poor script that really should have had a number of rewrites before it was put into production. Unfortunately Curtis has really has lost his way in the last few years since he wrote and directed "Love Actually", which was a good film, actually. But whilst he has undoubtedly done good work in the past, he clearly needs a director who can tell him what works and what doesn't. It is telling that he has reportedly credited director Mike Newell for the success of "Four Weddings and a Funeral" in steering his script towards a general story arc rather than a collection of comic set-pieces. Unfortunately this film could have done with Newell's input: it is nearly all comic set-pieces (most of which are not that funny). Curtis is clearly not the best director of his own material and if he ever gets to make another film for Working Title, one hopes that Tim Bevan and Eric Fellner will hire someone other than Curtis to direct it.
Some of the actors in this film fare better than others. Philip Seymour Hoffman is excellent as The Count (obviously based on Emperor Rosko), proving that acting quality can make up for a lot. Bill Nighy plays Bill Nighy excellently and Rhys Ifans, Ralph Brown, Nick Frost and Chris O'Dowd do a lot with what they are given. However newcomer Tom Sturridge, the son of "Brideshead Revisited" director Charles Sturridge, is lumbered with the Hugh Grant role, complete with "ums" and "ers" and the floppy hair style while Tom Brooke, playing Thick Kevin, gets saddled with dialogue that is clearly stale Baldrick leftovers from "Blackadder". Recycling is a good thing to be sure but it shouldn't extend to recycling characters from films/television programmes that you may have written in the past. Feel free at this point to rearrange the words "trick", "one" and "pony" into a well-known phrase.
As for the female actresses, they suffer a worse fate. The talented Gemma Arterton and Tallulah Riley both get cough and spit roles that mainly consist of taking their clothes off and getting into bed with Nick Frost (at least I can see what attracted Nick Frost to this film). January Jones (from "American Pie: The Wedding" and Curtis' "Love Actually") turns up long enough to marry Chris O'Dowd before running off with Rhys Ifans 17 hours later and Emma Thompson as Sturridge's mother is depicted as a slut ("a sexual legend"). Doesn't Curtis realise how sexist his portrayal of women is in this film? Only the lesbian character portrayed by Katherine Parkinson is treated with any sympathy, more I suspect due to the diktats of political correctness than how a lesbian would really have been treated on a boat full of sex-starved men in the Sixties. As for the token coloured character, don't even get me started on that. This is wish fulfilment stuff of the worst kind and completely unbelievable).
However, the two actors who get the rawest deal of all are Kenneth Branagh and Jack Davenport. Branagh plays the film's main villain, Dormandy, a stereotypical portrayal of a repressed Tory determined to clear the airwaves of anything except for classical music. In case we haven't already twigged that Branagh is the villain of the film, he is always seen wearing a suit, his hair slicked back and sporting a moustache that makes him look like the mutant off-spring of Adolf Hitler and Blakey from "On the Buses". The only surprise is that his moustache is not the twirly type beloved of Victorian melodrama. As his henchman, Jack Davenport's character rejoices in the name of Twatt (the sound you can hear at this point is the sound of the barrel being scraped in the search of a very cheap laugh). Naturally Branagh gets to address the unfortunate Twatt by his name at every possible opportunity as if this constant repetition will make it funnier. Memo to Curtis: No it doesn't. Given that these two work in a vacuum from everyone else in the film, it really would have been a good idea to get rid of them altogether and cut down the film's indulgent running time. They would not be missed.
However, despite all this, at around the 105 minute mark, something very strange happens to this film. It's the equivalent of jump-starting a car that has a flat battery. Just when you think this particular boat is holed below the waterline and is about sink with all hands, taking the careers of a number of very good people with it, the boat itself starts taking on water and sinks (just as happened with the Radio Caroline ship on which this film is based). And this last 30 minutes of the film is great. It's everything the previous 105 minutes should have been and wasn't. Okay, so some shots in this sequence have clearly been "inspired" by "Titanic" (including the plates falling off the shelves in slow motion, here replaced by records) but as this segment of the film is so well done, I'm prepared to cut Curtis any slack I can at this point. The juxtaposition of some great music with some memorable images is particularly well done and the special effects shots are astonishing (this really looks as if it was done for real even though it can't possibly have been â€“ just like the climbing race between Rhys Ifans and Philip Seymour Hoffman earlier on).
So if you get lured to the cinema (or video shop) to see this film on the strength of Richard Curtis' name and the great films with which he has been associated previously, start off at the 105 minute mark and just watch the last half an hour of "The Boat that Rocked". Because, trust me, it isn't going to get any better than that.