What a cheesy piece of celluloid!

Rating: Null/10 (28 May 2001)

SPOILERS
Where do I start? I was quite disappointed with Pearl Harbor having looked forward to its release for several months. I thought for sure that the writer of Braveheart could construct a deep and emotional account of such a crucial event in American history. And there was no way that Bay/Bruckheimer could completely commercialize the traumatic attack. But boy was I wrong. This film could have been so good but instead it is so mediocre. While it did have some redeeming qualities, for the most part it was piss-poor. And here's why: PROBLEMS -- 1. Silly/Cheesy Dialogue: far too many sappy lines (Ex. "It's your nose that hurts." "No, I think it's my heart.") And F.D.R. rising from his wheelchair to inspire his advisors, give me a break. 2. Editing Was Too Fast: many of the transitions were unintentionally jumpy. It made me feel like some information had been left out. (Ex. Affleck telling Beckinsale that "this is the best night of my life." This made no sense to me because I didn't see anything so great about it. It seemed to me that Bay had to cut out some important action because the film was already three hours long.) 3. Too Predictable: I mean, who didn't know that Affleck was still alive and would be coming back to find his best friend with his girl (who is also pregnant). 4. Ridiculous Characters: the stuttering marine was funny for about a split second, the rest of the time it was stupid. And it is entirely implausible that James King's character would fall for him, it's just silly. I could go on and on but I guess I'll stop here. In conclusion, the first half of the film and bits and pieces of the middle and end are entirely rubbish. A pure waste of time. While the middle portion and the actual attack is engaging and entertaining, I'm not sure if it makes up for the other garbage. Why include the love story? Why not depict the actual events leading up to the attack and maybe include some real stories from survivors? Look at Saving Private Ryan. The film didn't need a love story. It focused on the emotions of war and the comradery developed when soldiers are thrown into battle. When I left Ryan I felt the upmost respect for anyone who has served their country and risked their life for freedom. But Pearl Harbor evoked no emotions except, "Wow, these dogfights are cool." or "Well, it does have great special effects." I left the theater wondering if PH did justice to the 1,100 men and women who lost their lives in Hawaii, or if it simply provided Bay/Bruckheimer with an opportunity to make a lot of money by blowing things up.