Hiroshima ? Nagasaki ? Anyone ?

Rating: 1/10 (22 October 2006)

First of all, I hate reviews that are either a 1 or a 10, usually saying more about the biased reviewer than the movie itself. However, I've rarely ever seen a movie deserving the lowest amount of points possible. To further empower this statement: I've seen Mighty Peking Man, Kung Fu Zombie, Troll 2 and Manos Hand of Fate. I'd rather have an Uwe Boll marathon week than watch this piece of crap ever again.
Besides the always terrible Ben Affleck who, in case the acting-job offers come to a sudden and much deserved halt, could always pick up a career as a poker-player or living statue, there's the single most terrible piece of history distortion. Ever. When Hitler tried to have history rewritten to make it seem the Germans were the inventors of... well... everything, Michael Bay and Randall Wallace would have been perfect for the job.
The story: The US see their prime fleet sunk by the Japanese. (Quote of Danny: "I think WWII has just started". Yes Danny, if by "just" you mean the invasion of Poland a few years back.) However, the US, being a poor and technologically backward country, have lost all of their fighter planes in this attack, so how to fight back now? A cunning plan arises: they'll use the handful of regular planes that are left and leave for Tokyo with the intention of bombing it. Sadly, the Americans are unable to correctly calculate the amount of fuel needed and, as a result, never reach Japan. Instead they make a crash landing in China, where they are captured by the Japanese.
So far, so bad, but read this and weep: The Japanese, who are in awe of such commitment and bravery (???) decide to lay down their arms and capitulate to the US.
Yes, that sounds plausible. Or maybe Japan DID surrender because of the 200,000 innocent people killed by the two atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, like the history books say. I'm not a religious man, but I do believe there's a place for Michael Bays after death. And it ain't pretty.