A fantastic opportunity missed...

Rating: 3/10 (25 June 2001)

Warning: minor spoilers ahead...
Oh dear. What could have been a momentous slice of celluloid given the budgetary considerations has emerged as an entire travesty that is offensive not only to those people who paid to take their seats in a cinema but those who fought and died in this climactic conflict.
To be fair, this film is never a historical account of the attack on Pearl Harbour, in the same way that James Cameron's Titanic was never a blow by blow account of the sinking of the big ship. They are both films dedicated to love triangles set against an epic backdrop. However, on viewing both, it seems that Michael Bay took the most insulting cringeworthy elements of Cameron's blockbuster and ignored some of the genuine moments of invention.
When patrons begin to filter out of the cinema BEFORE the big bangs start going off, you know something is terribly wrong. When patrons are laughing at moments when the sacrifice of sailors and pilots should be appreciated, you know something is terribly wrong. In fact, from the mawkish and awkward prologue, you can feel yourself shrinking into your seat.
The first bone of contention is the clutch of truly dreadful performances. Josh Hartnett is trying so hard to be goofy and endearing but never gets out of first gear, Ben Affleck is almost strangled by his thicker than syrup Southern good ol' boy accent and Kate Beckinsale (trying to replicate Kate Winslet) is all lips pouts and no depth. She is the pivotal axis in the love triangle dynamic and comes across as a rather cheap and easy minx rather than a passionate woman torn between two ridiculously macho lovers. Tom Sizemore looks frankly embarrassed as the stereotypical chief engineer, Alec Baldwin chews scenery for all he's worth as the stereotypical commander and Cuba Gooding Jr. is cast adrift as a stereotypical put-upon black sailor. In fact, Jon Voigt is perhaps the film's saving grace with a quite exquisite performance as FDR, complete with prosthetic double chin and stately mannerisms. Yet, even he can't hide his awkwardness with some truly atrocious lines fed him by the script.
Ah, the script. Randall Wallace has mighty penance to pay if he's to convince most people that Bravehart wasn't a flash in the pan. Admittedly he tries to be a little creative by staging the attack where you might not expect it (if you're already dead, that is) but this leaves a gaping hole with 75 minutes still remaining. Everything is just so cliched: characters stand and spout sickening platitudes, feelings are rendered entirely superficial and there's so much cheesiness you want to choke. Some of which could have been remedied by director Michael Bay. Except he just makes it worse.
Still not heeding the lessons of Armageddon, Bay resorts to all the same film school "Ain't that cool, like, wow" techniques that nearly sunk his space project. The over use of slow-motion (which makes an already overlong film even longer) and his hero-shot framing (check out the pilots walking out in slow-mo for their final mission: an exact copy of Armageddon) detract from any emotional resonance the film aspires to have. It's just all gloss.
Some of Bay directorial flourishes are just plain insulting. Where Rafe and Danny take to the air against the Mitsubishi Zeros, it's a paean to Top Gun which even takes in the "playing chicken" scenario. Zeros were far more sturdily built than the American P-40's and did not blow up after taking a few shells in the tail piece. Similarly, a Zero would not be blown to pieces by small arms fire from 6 men in an aircraft tower (you know the scene I'm talking about: if not, you're lucky).
The depiction of any race other than Americans is plain infuriating. I saw the film with several Japanese people, keen to see the version over here which will differ from the print sent to their country. However, it's difficult to see how the Japanese will not be offended by any version of this tripe. Planning meeting were not conducted outside with plastic battleships in paddling pools. Pilots were not ordered on kamikaze missions at Pearl Harbour which renders the entire Japanese pre-flight sequence historically inaccurate. And the subtitles are far removed from what the characters are actually saying. Poor Mako and Cary-Hiroyuki Togawa, two fine Japanese actors who are abused in this way. The British are unjustly belittled too. Only one British character is present and, as an RAF officer, the script compells him to thank the American volunteer for single-handedly saving the British homeland in the Battle of Britain. (BTW, no one ever referred to that particular conflict as that in 1941, only from 1943.) And of course, the only comic relief has to be found in someone who has a stammer
Homages to other films are so palpable it's sickening. The build-up (Titanic), attack (Tora! Tora! Tora!), American response (Top Gun) and end sequence (the godawful BAT-21) are so shamelessly ripped-off you'd think there would be lawsuits flying around for defamation.
However, one of Bay's directorial motifs remains. Action scenes are shot with so much camera shake and so ruthlessly edited as to make them unwatchable. Follow the Bad Boys to The Rock to Armageddon to here and you'll know what I mean. This renders the scenes in the hospital quite painful as one can only see the director's artifice instead of bringing home the suffering of the wounded and dying.
All in all, I beg you not to see this movie and give Jerry Bruckheimer any more money to keep making drivel like this. I despise this film not merely for its faults but for its pan-Americanism which leaves such a bitter taste in the mouth.