Garbage...

Rating: 1/10 (6 June 2001)

The film "Pearl Harbor" is a mockery of one of the most horrific days in the history of the United States.
Poor acting framed the most pathetic screenplay I've seen in years. The only part of this movie that's worth seeing are the historically inacurate, yet visually beautiful, CG shots from ILM. Absolutely gorgeous. Everything else, the acting, the screenplay, and the the slow-motion, go America, soft focus, Armageddon shots, are all crap.
The whole world knows what happened on that day. In every country, in every history classroom, everyone the world over is taught of the sneak attack on Pearl Harbor that brought the United States into WWII. It was a tragic event that affected the planet as a whole. Did Michael Bay and his goons actually think they could fool us?
I'm insulted. I'm offended.
The ordeal of watching is slop reveal itself one frame at a time on the screen before was a punishment that robbed me of eight dollars, three hours of my life, and my dignity.
But did this movie about the bombing of Pearl Harbor begin and end with the bombing of Pearl Harbor? No.
It began with a simple enough, somewhat romantic, get-to-know-the-characters kind of shpiel, but then that shpiel dragged on, and on, and on. Suddenly, one historical inaccuracy after another broke up the romantic, hour long intro, spotted with poor humor and neat little historical facts ("Do you own that $25,000 figher out there?" - ooh, this movie is so cool because they did some research and found out that planes cost 25 grand).
Then, for almost no reason other than wanting oil, Japan attacks Pearl Harbor because, get this, it's close. Not because of the fleet that's there or anything, just because it's close.
In the film Tora Tora Tora, Japan planned and planned and planned, each member of the task force studying up on each and every ship that the United States held in the harbor. In "Pearl Harbor", Japan planned for a couple days and pretty much went ahead after their higher officers thought it was pretty much a good idea.
And even after the bombing was over (and, again, thoroughly inaccurate), the movie didn't stop. Like a train full of manure, it needs a lot of track to come to a stop. This movie went on.
All of the charaters we've so far come to know and dislike, are all still living without a scratch, having literally walked through the thick of the bombing. Everyone's given awards, lots of ceremonies, and then WHAMMO, we're heading to Japan to kick their ass.
Please, people. I could go on, but I don't want to. The sun's out, it's a nice day, and I don't want to ruin it with any more talk of the worst film to hit theaters since Battlefield Earth. Spare yourselves, and read a book about the bombing if you absolutely have to get your WWII fix. Otherwise, just live life pretending that this movie never happened.