Contra Pearl Harbor

Rating: Null/10 (26 May 2001)

I can't believe I'm wasting my limited, precious time on writing a review for this film  but I was just so incensed from watching it that I had to go back to my PC and deliver the goods! Like many people, I was attracted to the trailer, and also I'm a war-monger. And when Hollywood dumps a lot of dollars into a big war picture, I'll be Johnny-on-the-Spot. In light of this, I took my fellow-war-monger friend with me  expecting at least a competent picture. And, after both watching `Enemy at the Gates'  we were hungry for a better war picture, and had one since `The Thin Red Line'. However, more often than not, we were turning to each other and rolling our eyes during `Pearl Harbor'. Spoiler Alert First of all, Randall Wallace has a lot of explaining to do. I liked `Braveheart'  which was a passable film with a competent script  but `Pearl Harbor's script is just LOUSY. After beginning with the clichéd love triangle, complete with the over-used But-I-Thought-You-Were-Dead angle  the script offers us a lot of superficial characters with trite and laughable lines. As I glanced at my watch (for the umpteenth) time to see how much longer I would have to suffer through this major letdown, a whole hour went by focusing on the trite love triangle  with no setup regarding the Japanese. When the Japanese finally make their appearance, they are portrayed as robotic and stereotyped. What's more, the writer didn't bother to personalize or dramatize the attack/plan from the Japanese perspective. Cuba Gooding Jr. plays the token politically-correct black guy who may be a cook, but get him in the boxing ring and look out  as if we really care by this point. Echoing another viewer's comments, this character is redundant  he's just there for the minorities in the audience.
The story really should've ended at Pearl. But wait, there's more! The Doolittle Raid on Tokyo. The only good thing about this part was that it killed off one of the leads. I don't know how many people were laughing when Alec Baldwin was giving his pep talk to the pilots in the ready room  but it was more than one, myself included. Baldwin cannot play a gruff, tough military man  he's just too sensitive and urbane, and his performance came off as too campy and laughable. As far as the acting goes, most of the veteran actors are good, and I'm talking about Voight and the like. The leads are another story. The two pilots Rafe and Danny are just good old boy southerners who are patriotic and loving the same woman  but that's ABOUT IT. We barely get to know these characters. FDR had more character development than these hayseeds. Kate Beckinsale (FOX!) was passable, but she suffers the same fate as every other actor in the movie: She just doesn't have the LINES. I don't want to sound chauvinistic, but there were SO MANY scenes with the nurses  it almost came off like a chick flick. I wouldn't have minded it so much, but the writer didn't develop these women, nor give them any flaws, dreams, fears, ANYTHING: It was all, `Tee-hee, tee-hee, did you see that cute pilot staring at me?'. Jesus! I was almost CHOKING from all the close-ups in `Pearl'. Now, where is the pony in all this s***? His name is: SFX. The aerial sequences and the attack on the Seventh Fleet are quite amazing  thanks to the folks at ILM. Unfortunately, we had to sit through two hours of forgettable cinema to get to them. And I thought `Enemy at the Gates' was a mediocre film!