Worst Movie Ever

Rating: 1/10 (27 May 2001)

Like the oh so popular Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons, will comment on this movie= Worst Movie Ever! Please, PLEASE don't read any of the positive reviews and think that there is anything worth while in this movie. There has been no greater tragedy in American History then this abomination of a film that Super Producer Jerry Bruckheimer and MTV lackey Michael Bay brought us. The Rock, Top Gun and Armeggedon, all of which Mr. Bruckheimer was responsible for are fun, flashy films that have neat characters and very little plot. Good guys are put through tough times, they win, everyone is happy! Yay!
Now lets take a look at Pearl Harbor. This movie breaks up like this: A sleazy 90 minute love triangle which has no value, and makes Titanic look like Shakespeare in Love. Next, we have a fairly inaccurate account of the Pearl Harbor bombing, fresh with some fiction thrown in to make our leads look heroic. The bombing sequence is very neatly shown on film, but its not a fun experience to watch tons of American men get slaughtered by the "Evil Japanese". (In reality, Admiral Yamamoto had sent word of the attack thirty minutes prior to the Japanese planes arrival over the base. The film never touches on the fact that the Japanese Samurai Code, which was still strictly enforced, does not allow you to attack a "sleeping foe", instead, it makes you at least wake them up and get their sword before you can fight them. It would have been a nice touch to try and paint both sides as human, as many of the Japanese Pilots later felt that they had dishonered their empire by killing sleeping sailors). Then, after we are forced to watch people being blown up (and its not like Thin Red Line or Saving Private Ryan, all its in the film for is to accentuate Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett's hero status), the third act of the film begins. We are now treated to a lead up of the April 19th Tokyo Raid by James Doolittle. We are forced to stay an hour too long in the movie as the heroes valiantly bomb Tokyo (which in reality did nothing for the war effort) and then fight it out over China. Then, just when you think you can leave, Kate Beckinsale gives a narration telling us that after the Doolittle Raid, we had struck fear into the Japanese and we would go on to win the war from that point. Last time I checked my history books, after Doolittle's raid, they sent their entire Carrier Fleet at us towards Midway, and we destroyed their Navy their! Plus, all those men who fought on Pelilieu and Okinawa and Burma and Gaudal, nope, they did nothing Mr. Bay and Bruckheimer. Its almost as if they realized that no one would understand what they had just seen, so they had to make sure we thought it was important.
This film is truly terrible, in the fact that it fails at making a love story seem okay, it fails to shed any importance on Pearl Harbor, and it fails to even conclude itself well. I felt sick to my stomach knowing that this would be what teenagers and younger people have to learn about World War II from, and that undoubtedly, this film will be a money making juggernaut. Rent Tora! Tora! Tora!, Midway, and a Thin Red Line if you want to see some modern films on the Pacific. Or you can check out a little film called From Here to Eternity. Either way, don't see this film!
PLEASE!