This Movie Sucks

Rating: 3/10 (14 March 2013)

As the title of my review suggests, Pearl Harbor, directed by Michael Bay, sucks. It is a ripoff of Titanic as well as Saving Private Ryan, without the majesty or believability of the characters. The writing is very poor, the direction is below sub-par, and the acting is beyond clichéd and hammy. The only redeeming grace is some of the action, but I'll get to that later in the review.
The story, or lack thereof, is the love between a pilot (Ben Affleck) in the army, and a navy nurse (Kate Beckinsale.) He goes off to England to fly with the RAF (historically makes no sense as no American officer could ever do that before Pearl Harbor) and is assumed dead. His best friend from childhood (Josh Hartnett), also a pilot, looks after the nurse and they begin to fall in love. But *SHOCK* *AWE* GASP* he's alive and the dreaded love triangle forms. All this entails really really really bad dialogue, love scenes that are extremely awkward, and absolutely no character development. All three actors are at their worst pretty much (only Affleck has saved himself through the power of directing later in his career.)
Right now you're thinking, what does all this have to do with Pearl Harbor? Well, the Japanese are planning the attack while Hartnett and Beckinsale kiss and say stupid lines, and are on their way when Affleck shows up again. Then after an HOUR AND A HALF, we get the attack. This is the only pretty good part of the movie, and the special effects are really good. But even the bad writing can get in there. One of the worst moments of the movie is when the Oklahoma capsizes (great sequence by the way) is marred by a NAVY SAILOR says "I Can't Swim!" WHAT THE ****???? This movie makes the U.S. Military look like complete morons and total idiots when it comes to fighting a war. It's humiliating to those who really died on December 7.
Then Affleck and Hartnett get in the air and shoot down some Japanese zero fighters.
Those 40 minutes of action are over and we're right back to the love triangle, but thank God ever so briefly. The Doolittle Raid occurs, also a good part of the movie. The ending I don't want to talk about because I'm getting sick of talking about this movie. Typical ending though. Danny dies Affleck gets Beckinsale back. Happy Ending!! Hooray!! HELP! There's a "happy ending" in a movie about Pearl Harbor. that's just wrong
Three hours of total abomination. While I do praise some of the action, the rest of the movie is insufferable. Michael Bay is at his lowest here, and "Bravehart" writer Randall Wallace has effectively destroyed his career in Hollywood with one of the worst scripts I have ever heard. Avoid this movie at all costs. It's inaccurate, boring, terrible, and should be destroyed.