POSSIBLY THE WORST "FILM" IN THE LAST CENTURY...

Rating: 1/10 (3 May 2003)

This movie doesn't deserve my time or my thought (or anyone else's for that matter), yet I feel the need to save my fellow mankind from degrading trash like "Pearl Harbor," so I'm simply going to write a to-the-point review. First, the single positive element this film has going for it are the special effects. They were fantastic in the one scene of the film that they needed to be--the prolonged action scene. Yet I must ask...because this movie is about such an integral and vital part of history, yet is so appallingly horrendous in its acting, directing, and story, aren't these great special effects a complete waste? The film makes it abundantly clear that the makers of this movie care nothing about the significance of the events at Pearl Harbor, but solely about gaudy imagery and box-office dough. If this is the case, and boy is it ever, these special effects aren't in the picture to capture the emotions of a certain time and place, but rather to keep the ignorant drones that make up the majority of American society content in their seats. The special effects here serve offensive purposes and are utterly drowned in the midst of a plot (saying this movie has a plot is a massive compliment on my part) that is so terrible one can't even come to appreciate the effects. I can envision the makers of this film predicting that audiences would be bored after awhile, and the timing of the battle scene is precise in a way only Hollywood can be-- the effects aren't intended to be meaningful or historically accurate; they're just to try and keep us from storming out of the theater. Anyway, I'm not even going to go into the acting, story or directing...take my word for it, they were all awful. A handful of clever camera shots and wide, colorful cinematography were an agreeable viewing experience, yet in the end merely flaunted the film's high budget. The cute lil' threesome leads represent the future of terrible cornball cinema, and the Michael Bay/Bruckheimer combo was almost too much for my stomach to take. Please, if you have a brain, don't bother renting this movie. Maybe if you're writing a paper on the formula of bad films, then its ok, but otherwise, let this movie collect dust on the video store shelf. I especially don't recommend this movie if you know more-than-average about history, or if you're Japanese. The movie paints a lovely patriotic picture of the conniving Japanese, hell-bent on destruction on the first half...but then, later on, we get the famous "woke a sleeping giant quote"....oh, isn't it cute? The little Japanese, always filmed in robes sitting in a circle in some ancient outdoor meeting ground, have learned their lesson. Uh....I'm afraid things didn't actually happen like this people. Does anyone know what stereotypes are? This movie made America look like a wonderful combo of heroes and victims, and, although people think it captured history flawlessly, it neglected to mention that America went on to drop nuclear bombs on multiple Japanese cities, killing hundreds of times the amount of Americans killed during Pearl Harbor. The movie dedicated itself to showing the events leading up to Pearl Harbor (with the nauseating parallel plot of a 1940's love triangle), and then drops history with America as the hero's. I can't go on...