Bleck ...

Rating: Null/10 (30 May 2001)

Pearl Harbor was visually gorgeous. Kate Beckinsale was lovely to look at and easily forgettable. The women in the film were so '40's that I went out and bought some brand new red lipstick and thigh-highs with garters. The dialogue sucked major ass. Some of my favorite ass sucking lines came from Alec Baldwin. My favorite line is probably when Mr. Baldwin asked his troops if they knew what Top Secret meant and the answer came from the very dull flyboy, Ben Afflect, and it was something like, it means that your family will soon be learning of your gallant effort in a telegraph. Blah, blah, blah. If I knew the exact lines, you would be saying to yourself, that really isn't good, but I can't remember and so you've gotten that lame attempt instead. However, it probably had as much heart as the real lines. You'd think that when you spend $45 Million an hour on a film that takes three hours to tell that you could at least find a writer, but apparently I am mistaken and have decided to write s@#$ scripts and submit them to the Jerry Bruckheimer's in Hollywood right away. However, I keep coming back to the big shoot 'em up in Pearl Harbor and I say oh, yeah ... that really WAS money well spent. I mean, if you aren't going to spend it on ending war or poverty, why not on a pretty picture. Right? So, if you are dying to see it, make sure that you see it on the big screen or don't bother seeing it at all.