Worst movie ever? Its a close call

Rating: 1/10 (23 July 2003)

Sitting through 2 and 1/2 hours of bad acting and paper thin storylines was almost worth it for the chance to watch crap blow up for a half hour. Than I realized it wasnt. I guess it was just the excitment of not having to watch Josh Hartnett mug and mumble through his scenes or watch Ben Afflek try desperatley to convince the camera that he's actually not Ben Afflek.

Days of our Lives has nothing on Pearl Harbor! Its got the thinnest story, the most handsome fella's, the prettiest gal's and the least amount of talent you'll see anywhere. Theres not much to say about the script, mainly because theres not much of one to comment on. Its over dramatic, predictable and pointless. It couldve been written around any event in time but in order to draw some emotion from the crowd they opted to backdrop the bombing of Pearl Harbor behind this high octane emotional rollercoaster love triangle. Instead of making the audience feel what it was like to live through that time, Pearl Harbor actually has little to do with Pearl Harbor. Obviously they just wanted to blow millions of dollars for a special effects rendition of the infamous bombing, and wrote a quickie script around it.
Now the acting. Even though it seems to defy the laws of the universe, they actually found an actor with less talent than Ben Affleck. Josh Hartnet. For a while I wondered why they didnt subtitle his lines. I found out later its because hes actually speaking English. Most of my time was spent trying to interperet his squints and facial scrunches. Ben Affleck as usual plays Ben Afflek playing Ben Afflek playing some good looking guy doing some stuff. at least this is how I imagine him aproaching each role
considering every line he's ever uttered is completley devoid of any emotion or thought what so ever. For example; in Boiler Room, his line was "Im a millionaire, it sounds wierd to say it, but im a F*ing millionaire" Even though Ben Afflek is in real life a millionaire, he still delivers the line with no emotional involment. The rest of the cast which consists af many Hollywood A-list cameos arent there for you to enjoy. There only purpose is to bring the attention back to Ben and Josh after a brief history lesson.

Any highschool student couldve recounted the events of Pearl Harbor more acuratley than Joel Shumaker and his money hungry cronnies. And by the way, what kids play baseball games at 7:00am on Sunday morning? I guess Im old-fashioned, but you can give me my history straight. This brand new version of history, although very poilitically correct, just doesnt do it for me. And if there going to dumb it down, at least make it good.