Can't Believe I Paid To See It

Rating: 1/10 (19 June 2001)

A truly wretched movie, it sucked my will to live in the first twenty minutes of cliché romance only to reach heretofore unseen peaks of cliché battle scenes, followed by an arduous cliché-rich conclusion. The acting involved more puppy-dog eyes and winning smiles than quality scripting (hence, the high rating from young teen-age girls), which was all too apparent in the Japanese one-liners. (No, really. A one-sentence statement would be followed by a profound one-sentence reply, with evil music in the background, of course, just in case you weren't sure who the bad guys were, and then the scene would change back to the heart-throbs in uniform.) The characters were static, the movie was three hours too long, predictable, and dull. To sum up: dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.