Not worth the steam off one

Rating: 1/10 (16 November 2009)

I should have known. I feel so stupid! I should have seen the signs!
1. Loads more ads than usual with the usual soundbites such as "Scariest Movie of the Year", and "Completely Disturbing! You won't be able to sleep"
2. Trailer featuring some potentially interesting premise.
3. Trailer also featuring a covert cam that recorded the reactions of a cinema audience.
4. A curious number of IMDb "Comments" that praised the film, and actually used the exact same soundbites as the ads! I mean, I must have been really really stupid to have expected a frightening film after all that. I was suckered in, and I am hoping that this review of the movie might in some way prevent someone else from falling for the same mistake that I made.
If you're into the whole 'reality/shaky-cam' Blair Witch type of film, you might enjoy this, despite the fact that ever since the Blair Witch Project, you've had several copycat movies that rely on shoestring budgets and internet hype to propel them into the mainstream.
Personally, I generally don't enjoy the shaky-cam genre. I give props to Blair Witch for the originality, & the viral method of extending the film onto the internet. Cloverfield was more satisfying movie, and the puzzles & cool hype building the movie up was well-thought. Paranormal Activity on the other hand is nothing more than a load of empty words, and an aggressive ad campaign. Honestly! It is exactly what I felt when I read some of the reviews here, and wondered if I had watched the same film.
My main problems were these.
The couple in the movie were very bland &unlikeable. There was absolutely nothing of interest about them. It's one thing to want to make a horror movie as real as possible, but at the very least, put some characters with a bit of charisma.
The couple act stupidly. - At what point did the male have his common sense gland removed, and decide to stay with this drab woman who seems to be the centre of this haunting, instead of just dumping her and finding someone without any demonic issues? Why do they act either like loons, or completely blase about the phenomena?
The demonic source - One of the things that drove me crazy about the whole Blair Witch thing was that people were saying how scary it was because you NEVER GOT TO SEE THE WITCH. - Ermmm...I must be missing something here, because I was under the impression that a horror film needs a good solid protagonist. Ultimately, I felt that this film just didn't have one.
The usual jump scares. - If you've never watched a horror film, you'll definitely jump. If you've watched a few horror movies, you'll see them a mile off.
The ending - I won't spoil it here, but the 'twist' is really poor. It borrows heavily from another movie I may have mentioned a few times in this review *ahem*, and it doesn't even do that very well at all. There's no psychological head-game, or campfire-tail twist. Just a bit of screaming, a predictable (and terribly handled) denouement that most movie buffs would guess anyway, then a blank screen & the mercy that it was all over.
Honestly, I would like to say something redeemable about this film, but I wouldn't even bother to watch it again if it was on TV and I had nothing better to do, let alone pay good money for tickets.
Please please PLEASE do not fall into the hype & soundbite/slogan-riddled ad campaign. Don't trust the trailer, which must have found the 100 most timid & sensitive souls in the world, & recorded their reactions to the movie. Don't waste your time & money on this wannabe copycat. At a time of year when there are a crop of excellent movies appearing, don't plump for this pre-Christmas turkey!