Great movie... Finally a Labyrinth with 100% less Bowie crotch...

Rating: 9/10 (2 February 2007)

When I went into this movie I wasn't really sure what to expect. I soon started to think, "Ah crap I have to read this whole thing?" Also the beginning seemed somewhat like an eighties fantasy/children's movie. Indeed things were looking bad. However, I must say I was quite pleasantly surprised rather quickly.
For starters, the subtitling was not poorly done, you know the whole, white text on a white background thing, the movie was too dark for that one. Also, there was none of that let's try to flash the fine print of an automotive contract across the screen in under two seconds thing either. Believe me, I'm not trying to badmouth subtitled films, it's just sometimes you end up reading so much you miss what happens on screen.
Also, that whole child fantasy movie thing ends quite abruptly with the first "guy getting his face smashed in" scene. Indeed, this movie takes what could be considered a childish fantasy feel and makes it creepy, violent, and disturbing. The imagery in this movie goes through a myriad of changes; from war drama and violence, to childish fantasy, and finally makes a long stop in Child Nightmare Land with occasional trips back to Warville with no further layovers in Child Fantasyberg.
Most of the "magical" creatures in this movie skip the normal fantasy realm and jump straight into that "weird kid in your Jr. high class who draws fairy tale creatures in a very disturbing fashion, and later took out a whole post office with an AK-47 five years after graduation" realm. The faun in this was definitely no where near the friendly Mr. Tumnus of Narnia. However, the most disturbing creature is the one with the eyes in its hands. You know the one you see in almost every screen shot of this movie, that thing just gave me the creeps. I'm not entirely sure what the most disturbing feature of this creature was. The eyes in the hand thing wasn't too awful, but when it held the hands up to its face, its fingers formed what looked like gaudy large eyelashes, this would be comical if it wasn't for the eerie resemblance to Tammy Faye Baker's eye makeup, and as we all know, there was nothing funny about her. However, the whole skinny leg thing that creature had going on really did it for me, I couldn't stop staring at them, and while you may not consider that disturbing, I did, I had nightmares about being chased down by anorexic eighty year olds for two days following.
It was refreshing to see a fantasy movie based on a Labyrinth that didn't involve David Bowie's crotch every six scenes. This movie is most certainly not the childhood fantasy/adventure movie you remember starring Tom Cruise's yet unfixed crooked teeth, no this movie was more disturbing than one of Willie Wonka's fetish fantasies (Just think about that one for a second, believe me that would be disturbing.) All in all, a great movie, it tackled a childish genre and made it adult very convincingly. The ending even placed me somewhere between happy and sad in a way that was very odd and I can't describe without spoiling the movie and therefore won't, just take my word on this one. A great movie, just don't bring your kids to it thinking of childhood memories of the Dark Crystal; it's not that kind of fantasy movie.