Brace yourselves; the clichés are coming !

Rating: 2/10 (28 August 2013)

Guillermo's sold his poor soul to the bleak, hope grinding Hollywood machine. And unfortunately he's taken Ron Perlman along for the ride. I saw the trailers; I was prepared to see a somewhat shallow sci-fi action flick with lots of monsters and robots. But this... This gargantuan, monstrously concocted mind numbing piece of celluloid refuse had me almost in tears of exasperation. The only reason I went to see this was the vain flicker of hope at seeing del Toro's name at the helm, having seen some of his early stuff - amongst others the beautifully eerie Devil's Backbone. How does a promising director with such a flair for suspense end up serving his used toilet paper to be projected on cinema screens? I would love to know. I couldn't understand half of what was being hollered at me through the deafening rain, overpowering tuba farts and gnarling metal. I couldn't see half of what was going on thanks to the constant night (is the lack of light a metaphor of the director's mind?) and the driving rain, both used to great effect to mask any failings in the CGI. Despite this, I could still predict every minute of this sad cliché bonanza as it was unfolding. Watch the trailers, they're entertaining; you'll see everything worth seeing (the good CGI) and spare yourself the disappointing (lack of) story line and unfortunate acting. 2/10, and that's giving it an extra point for the detailed effects.