Baby Kaiju should have just swallowed this movie instead of swallowing that man.

Rating: 4/10 (20 October 2013)

When monstrous creatures, known as Kaiju, started rising from the sea, a war began that would take millions of lives and consume humanity's resources for years on end. To combat the giant Kaiju, a special type of weapon was devised: massive robots, called Jaegers, which are controlled simultaneously by two pilots whose minds are locked in a neural bridge. But even the Jaegers are proving nearly defenseless in the face of the relentless Kaiju. On the verge of defeat, the forces defending mankind have no choice but to turn to two unlikely heroes - a washed up former pilot (Charlie Hunnam) and an untested trainee (Rinko Kikuchi) - who are teamed to drive a legendary but seemingly obsolete Jaeger from the past. Together, they stand as mankind's last hope against the mounting apocalypse.
I knew what one could expect from a monsters v/s robots movie, but was very excited to see a popcorn flick directed by Del Toro even after reading middling reviews about it. Well, I drifted to sleep twice while watching the movie and had to go back to see what I missed. Finally realized I could miss nothing since anyone could easily predict every beat of the story since its the most clichéd movie ever. This is a movie that's dedicated to the mechanical aspects of its futuristic technology while forgetting about its narrative core. It could have been a fun ride though, but the movie didn't even try. I just couldn't take the bland and annoying 'acting', the boringly derivative plot line and the lack of even the most basic of intelligence or common sense at display in the movie. I don't even understand how Idris Elba is praised for his acting in one of his TV shows, Luther, if this is the kind of intensity he brings to the table. Simply put, he's terrible here and the rest are nipping at his heels for the Worst Actor Award.
There wasn't any need to portray the world leaders as ignorant morons when the ridiculous 'wall' was their most logically sound plan to run with. But, there needed to be a contrived debacle for our heroes to overcome just like the modern blockbuster handbook dictates and decent character development be damned. There are a couple of positives though. The female lead Rinko Kikuchi, thankfully is not just a love interest and has her own little truly frightening story. Also, I thought that the massive battles were done really well, no matter the inherent logical fallacies. This is a cgi-lover's wet dream come true. What was unbelievable was that this mediocrity (at best) was directed by the master storyteller Guillermo Del Toro, the same man who brought us Pan's Labyrinth, The Devil's Backbone and Hellboy. It has a theme of humanity working together to overcome a seemingly impossible alien problem and has shots of a grand scale, but the auteur in Del Toro is hidden and everything feels small and contrived. Unless you haven't seen many monster blockbusters or don't mind wasting a couple of hours, ignore this at all costs. This is just another glorified two-hour long commercial for toys and a push to expand Hollywood's movies in the Asian territory (which worked since Pacific Rim tanked in the US, but was saved by its worldwide collections). If Michael Bay's name was stamped on the same movie instead of Del Toro's, I imagine there would have been even more deserved backlash to the final product. Baby Kaiju should have just swallowed this movie instead of swallowing that man.
4/10