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Rating: 1/10 (7 July 2020)

This movie is really no different from Michael Bay's Transformers movies but since critics love to kiss them some Guillermo del Toro butt it somehow qualifies as excellent blockbuster entertainment. Just no. It's over two hours of witless CGI explosions and nonsense that left me feeling like a kid had been throwing bricks at my head and hitting it. I'm all for blockbusters, but they should at least have a story or interesting characters and this has neither. If that's too much for a blockbuster to ask for, it needs to at least have entertaining action scenes. This movie doesn't. It doesn't even have the nutty physicality and entertaining slapstick of the Hobbit trilogy, with the only memorable action moment being a giant monster getting clocked in the head with a cargo ship held as a baseball bat. (It's symbolic of what del Toro is doing to you.)
Maybe giant monster movies just aren't my thing. When everything is so upscaled there's little impact when anything happens and I think that's fundamentally the same problem Bay's Transformers movies had.