i guess i'm a snob

Rating: 1/10 (17 July 2013)

i apologize for some "less than perfect" word choices here but IMDb won't let me use certain applicable words to this genre!
based on the attitudes i saw expressed by viewers and fans, i decided to attempt to lower my standards like most of you attested to doing beforehand. i've heard of this technique before and always thought it was akin to letting a bully spit on you every day instead of just taking a swing.
i was able to overlook the acting, and the story, and the writing, and the casting, and everything else that makes a movie. because, hey, this is at best a pointless action movie full of eye candy and "super tough" "giant robots" doing the coolest stuff since robot "jocks," right?
but, to my dismay, i still failed. apparently, impressive cg of crazy stuff happening has absolutely no effect on me anymore. it's been happening a bunch and now i'm sure of it. it happened in iron man 3, into darkness, avengers, dark knight rises, hobbit - the list goes on in varying degrees back to the birth of cg. effects can not replace human content. that's it. i hate to say it, but the only time this rule isn't true, is when buffoons are watching the movie, and that makes up most of the USA so, as my title says, i guess i'm a snob.
the appearance of my plight is akin to sexual impotence, insofar as my chemicals won't get pumping with presented with something physical meant for enjoyment. but it's not something i would want to treat like normal impotence, because this situation is tantamount to being expected to get it up and make love to a dead body or an unconscious woman. my brain overrides my body and thats it.
so strip away the cg glory and they eye candy and what do you have left? well you got kick butt "giant robot" fighting going on, right? again, i wanted to enjoy this, as i too am an old "battle tech and "row bow" tech and everything in between" fan from around the way. i'm 31 and a lot of my existence is predicated on the jacking off to "giant robots." i'm a prime candidate for this movie.
well the movie did not deliver on these lines either. the fighting basically stunk. i think with all their little tributes to japan, this movie could have wised-up and made their "giant robots" agile, y'know, while they were in there being completely unrealistic anyway. these things moved like glittery walking trash cans with Parkinson's. it's just not fun to look at or believable in the face of these beasts, who also moved way slower than their bodies implied. they had animal muscular structures and should have been a lot more fast and deadly.
to make a good pure action movie, you actually need to still be quite an effective story teller. the story is told through the bodies being photographed. its a dance. this movie brought none of that idea to the table. there was an insufferable level of information-poor action going on. i spent much of the time utterly confused about what exactly was taking place on screen. i always thought this kind of presentation lent itself to movies trying to cover up poor choreography but that excuse doesn't hold when its all cg and you can do anything you want. when i could decipher the action, it always amounted to a clunky punch or ineffective ram and tumble of some kind. a sword was randomly brought out toward the end, and promised an improvement on the action if only by virtue of "how can a sword not help this mess" but it was sadly forsaken by the writers before and after that brief moment.
the only other possible leg this movie had to stand on pure, unbridled, and blinding nostalgia. the very nature of allowing nostalgia to become criteria for enjoyment of a medium allows one to paint a quite distorted picture indeed. personally, i have an aversion to this practice because i have been disgusted with how it makes people act. if you got something out of this film using nostalgia, then i commend you, because i thought this movie failed at conjuring the best of anything i had ever loved in the past.