Appalling

Rating: 2/10 (18 December 2008)

My point of view comes from being a new widow and having spent a great deal of time with other widows. I waited 5 months to see this movie because I was told the plot and didn't feel ready to expose myself. Tonight I finally watched it and the only reason this movie is getting two stars from me is that, not even once, not even close, not ever, ever, ever will it make me cry.
The reason is, this movie is a completely and utterly unrealistic portrayal of losing a spouse/loved one/SO. I won't belabor the point by beating up the actors, although what a waste of some real talent, but it's the story that deserves my disdain.
For starters, there is NO mention of how courageous it was of Jerry to have spent his dying time setting this whole incredulous thing up. Also no mention of the amount of time spent care-giving on Ms. Swank's part. He just DIED of a brain of brain tumor, and that's all we know. Nobody gets an concept of how much that affected everyone during that dying time. The cancer spreads to all involved. But, not this group.
My husband battled melanoma for three years and most of that time he felt pretty well. I spent a long time with other cancer victims and the uppermost thing on each and every person's mind was spending every waking moment WITH the person they were going to leave, not concocting some way to control afterward. There are far more practical matters that take up your time and you are exhausted beyond belief when it is 'over'. Trust me on this one.
Anyway, this movie makes me very angry by supporting the long-held belief that grief is to be surmounted on anyone's time-line. I was guilty of this until it happened to me and it's a very large lie. Until you've been there, don't write stories, or books, or fluffy movies about something so intensely painful.