Drivel about a Hollywood Tarantino never knew. And still doesn't.

Rating: 1/10 (14 May 2020)

Woefully self-indulgent film-making from the over-praised, under-talented Mr Tarantino that takes several hours to reach a blood-soaked climax as pointless as it is gratuitous.
A self-styled comedy thriller that manages neither; this sub-90 minute vanity exercise is ballooned to 3 hours by the hot air of a seemingly unending parade of directorial conceits, foremost of which is the patently ludicrous notion that Hollywood's 'golden days' came to an end in 1969 -- hence the need for a movie such as this to commemorate its passing.
Frustratingly for Mr Tarantino though, he wasn't around to witness Hollywood's "golden days" and on the basis of 'Once Upon A Time', hasn't a clue what they were or when they were. (Nor, for that matter, have so many Tarantino apologists on this review thread, but at least they haven't made a movie about it.)
Too young ever to have been invited to a party at the Fairbanks, or a swim in Jack Warner's pool, Tarantino as latecomer can only peep out at an industry borne on the shoulders of past giants and incoherently chronicle, instead, the life and times of an assortment of more recent dwarfs.
If the movie is about the end of anything, it's the end of the existence of any critical faculties in major name film critics, all of whom are bowed in grovelling obeisance to a new-clothes emperor with nothing at all to wear and even less to say.
Some slight consolation is however to be found for those who know Hollywood, and know film-making, in the realization that 'Once Upon A Time' is the 9th movie the Great Tarantino has chosen to make . . . and that as he has promised himself, and the world, not to make more than 10, there's only one more cinematic embarrassment of his to avoid in future.