A ridiculous concoction of mob flick and Chris Cross music video

Rating: 1/10 (14 April 2006)

SPOILER WARNING: IN MY ENHTUSIASM TO EXPRESS HOW MUCH I DESPISED THIS MOVIE I DIVULGE DETAILS THAT WILL RUIN IT FOR YOU  EVEN THOUGH WATCHING IT WILL DO THE SAME.
Though my favorite genre, having watched dozens of gangster movies dozens of times each, I hated this movie. It shows evidence in practically every part how it tries to be like Godfather I & II yet fails miserably. It's worse than the worse parts of GF III and Mobsters. This is why ...
I found no reason to care about any of the characters, or want to follow them through the maze of scenes. In GF II we cared so much about Vito and Michael we anticipated every scene. We felt Vito's pain seeing his own mother killed by Mafioso and we so badly wanted to see his own children escape from under the same social threat that we hailed Michael's rise to the top and forgave both their misgivings. This willingness to empathize and forgive was so powerful we watched it eagerly even after seeing essentially the same story the year before in GF I. In 'America' any anticipation comes only from waiting for something meaningful to happen  and the growing disappointment after each scene fails to deliver.
The main character Noodles has no heart and is despicable: he slunk away after his friends were killed and raped the love of his life. Frustrated or not do you think a Corleone would rape anyone  let alone their loved one? The director also attempts to endear to us the other 4 crewmembers - an impossible task even in 3.5 hours  and fails by forcing likability on them like the scenes are forced on nostalgic backdrops. As children one crewmember chooses a fancy desert instead of using it as currency for a romp with a child harlot, one 3' tall calls a seasoned middle-aged gangster "paisan" and throughout the story another plays a sad tune on the harmonica  likable traits sure, but not nearly enough to leach a single tear as they burn to death in a car while you wonder why.
Lines and characters are inconsistent, contrived and outright stupid like Wood's girlfriend's minor disrespect causing him to yell 7 times "SHUT UP!". He was supposed to be the strongest and smartest but what kind of gangster needs to yell, or pretend to throw away a girlfriend, to earn respect? When a dying friend utters "I slipped Noodles" Deniro later refers to it as a life defining moment. What a crock. "I made him an offer he can't refuse" or "I don't want to kill everyone Tom, just our enemies" are also simple lines but they elicit respect without a character pushing it on us.
Mario Puzo was masterful with the way he wove together different eras in GFII perfectly clarifying what era you were watching regardless the scene. Leone's attempt was annoying and confusing. You can blame American editing that Noodles disappears early in the movie - which makes as little sense as his return  but not the mixture of same era scenes that don't even blend - even in the European version. Though much scenery elicited pleasant thoughts of days-gone-by the fact it was shot over 10 years takes toll, the resulting visual effect - exasperated by a lame 60-year long story line - causes you to feel like you're in a different movie in every scene.
Scenes too are contrived and inconsistent, like a peaceful beach scene where James Woods blows up angrily for no reason that's followed with an out-of-place disturbed seagull flock flying off toward a sunset; a scene which, I believe, is a poor attempt to match the GF II lakefront scene with Frido screaming, "I'm smart, and I deserve respect." The pathetic Frido scene is timely and makes sense, he was being coaxed to come clean, he was weak and stupid, and it showed Michael's resolve to stay in power  even when faced with familial betrayal. The Wood's scene, hell most of the movie, comes across as a ridiculous concoction of mob flick and Chris Cross music video.
I was so mad I bought this movie that I had to watch it three times to try to understand why it was made that way and why I hated it so much. As a writer I wanted to make sure I never ever create anything so bloody terrible. Many mob movies were made in the 80's because America loves them  but this one is the worse attempt of all to capitalize on that market. You will never love it like you loved GF, not even close  trust me.