Disappointing

Rating: 3/10 (17 January 2009)

Of all the things this film is, "disappointing" is probably the most poignant. It's also boring, confusing, pointless, and a lot of other things, but given its promise in terms of cast, budget, lineage, and just about everything else, "disappointing" is the most apt description.
I have watched Japanese art films (without subtitles, and my Japanese is limited to terms involving raw fish and flavoured rice) that have made more sense than this. Neither script nor photography does anything to convey a story, and what else is the purpose of a film? Fine, if you wanted great footage of Amsterdam (loved to see that, lived there for six years) and other picturesque places, wonderful, but this is hardly the purpose of a Hollywood blockbuster. An art student with a mobile telephone can do that better than this film.
I can't get away from the "disapponting" aspect. Everything that Ocean's Eleven was, Ocean's Twelve isn't. Where Eleven was fast-paced, Twelve is hurried; where Eleven had surprise, Twelve has confusion; where Eleven was elegant, Twelve is gaudy; where Eleven had intelligent twists, Twelve has convoluted contortions. In a nutshell, Twelve fulfils all requirements to be the proverbial, epitomic sequel that should never have been made.
When the closing titles started showing, I felt as if I had slept through parts of the film. Nothing else can describe my feeling of unfulfilled promise.