Woefully Short on White-Knuckled Thrills and Chills

Rating: 4/10 (21 June 2007)

Hi-tech heist thrillers about criminal masterminds out to crack ultra-sophisticated security systems to filch a fortune in either millions of dollars or objets d'art thrive or dive based on the gadgetry our heroes resort to and the suspense their efforts generate. While "Traffic" director Steven Soderbergh's new caper movie "Ocean's Twelve" (** out of ****) boasts an array of gadgets, this slick, stylist, but superficial sequel to Soderbergh's own remake of "Ocean's Eleven" comes up woefully short on white-knuckled thrills and chills. In other words, the protagonists get off far too easy. Indeed, as the film's ads aver, the entire "Ocean's Twelve" cast reprise their respective roles, but this time around they perform with considerably less charm and individuality. In "Ocean's Eleven," each participant possessed a unique talent that lent itself to their efforts to knock over three Las Vegas casinos in one night. Now, in "Ocean's Twelve," Soderbergh gives their talents short-shrift and has them behave like a herd. Lushly produced and beautifully lensed in exotic Continental locales, principally Amsterdam and Rome, "Ocean's Twelve" supplements its contrived, already overcrowded narrative nonsense with two new characters. An arrogant but wily French cat burglar named "The Night Fox" (Vincent Cassel of "Jefferson in Paris") and a curvy, overzealous European female investigator (Catherine Zeta-Jones of "Intolerable Cruelty") make things tougher this time for George Clooney, Brad Pit, Matt Damon, Bernie Mac, Don Cheadle, Scott Caan, Casey Affleck, Carl Reiner, Julia Roberts and Elliot Gould as they try to pinch a priceless Faberge egg. Overlong by about twenty minutes with endless wrap-up details, "Ocean's Eleven" isn't half as entertaining as Soderbergh's "Eleven." This plodding potboiler packs in too many false alarms, too many conveniently-staged, last-minute surprise reversals, and a shamelessly absurd celebrity cameo subplot to its rambling, improvised plot about revenge and rivalry among thieves. Ultimately, for all its glossy production values and star-laden talent, "Ocean's Twelve" is bland to the point of anonymity, with our heroes rarely breaking a sweat. Meaning, if you want to see a bunch of Americans loafing in Europe with no chance of anybody getting killed for their criminal ambitions, "Ocean's Twelve" qualifies as a leisurely way to let two hours and ten minutes elapse.
"Ocean's Twelve" starts well, immediately putting our ensemble of protagonists together behind the proverbial 8-ball. Vegas magnate Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia of "Confidence") has blood in his eye after Danny Ocean (George Clooney of "Solaris") and his chums stole $160 million from three of his casinos. Benedict and his hostile-looking hoods catch up with the boys individually and warm them that they have two weeks to pay back the entire amount with interest. No, it doesn't matter to Benedict that the insurance companies have already made good his enormous losses. Instead, as far as Benedict is concerned, it amounts to a point of honor in the underworld. Benedict will look like an easy mark if he doesn't retaliate for what Ocean's Eleven did to him on his own turf. Initially, our heroes decide to pull their next job overseas because they are too hot stateside, so they head off to Amsterdam. Meanwhile, Ocean's second-in-command Rusty Ryan (Brad Pitt of "Troy") has gotten himself hopelessly entangled with a skirt, undercover Europol agent Isabel Lahiri (Catherine Zeta-Jones) and she refuses to let anything or anyone stop her from busting Rusty. Again, the original cast doesn't get to do what they do best. Meanwhile, Soderbergh tries to pull off a gag involving Julia Roberts impersonating herself. You'll either be amused (I wasn't) or exasperated (I was) with this shoddy writing. One thing that Soderbergh and co-scenarist George Nolfi of "Timeline" do well is getting the heroes behind the 8-ball. They throw more obstacles at them than they did in the original. Once they have the odds totally stacked against them, Soderbergh comes up with a less than credible payoff that anybody with one eye could see through in a New York second. Good try, but no cigar. "Ocean's Twelve" garnered a PG-13 rating for its profanity, because nobody gets shot, smashed-up, or sexually assaulted in this so-so saga. Clearly, the tide has turned the wrong way with "Ocean's Twelve."