Acid Reflux Film

Rating: 3/10 (9 June 2005)

Wow, this is everybody's jigsaw puzzle bought with high hopes and best intentions and lost to other priorities. A piece here, a piece there, one star's schedule here, another's commitments there...what the viewer gets is a last minute pounded together mess of disjointed pieces that might once have fit (then again, maybe not) but which- time-a-wastin'- had to be pounded together and shoved to the public by a distribution deadline.
What in the world is this movie ABOUT? I think the intention must have been to confuse the viewer and thus maintain mystery to the end. The confusion part stuck, the mystery was why on earth the movie was released. Zeta-Jones was a pretty growth attached for...well, who knows what for. The "plot" was like walking a maze and bumping your nose at every turn, not because of clever writing, but because confusion for its own sake is chaos. The script itself was undoubtedly written by a committee who each took a segment, forgot to check in with each other, and wrote something that involved characters who shared at least the same name.
Ocean's Eleven had a tight, fast, understood plot. The surprises fit with the foundation of viewer understanding of what was going on. If that element of comprehension doesn't underly what is up on the screen, all you get is a jumble...all you get is "Ocean's Twelve."
Isn't it just sad that Julia played Tess playing Julia? I was embarrassed. How much funnier if they had implied Tess looked like a movie star (could pull off a "lookie-Loo") and then dressed her up like Gweneth Paltrow. THAT would have been funny.
Well, it all boils down to making the viewer feel stupid, or not "with it" because the darn movie doesn't make sense. I watched this turkey 3 times just to be fair, but I still didn't get the plot or the point. I am left with acid reflux...I just couldn't digest it.
No harm done. I didn't pay box office prices, so I'm OK. My condolences to those of you who are no wiser and much poorer for experiencing "Ocean's Twelve." Let your comfort be in numbers; you are not alone.