Weak, pointless, and forgettable

Rating: 3/10 (9 February 2008)

When I went to see Ocean's 12 I was expecting a heist film, but in the end we realize there really is no heist at all (depending on how you look at it). In the words of Eli Roth, "the only heist in Ocean's 12 was that the film robbed us of our money." It's true, because all the prep work for the heist in Ocean's 12 was negated by its ending. As if wasting people's time and money with Ocean's 12 wasn't enough for them, Clooney, Pitt, Damon and the gang are back for another crack at the Ocean's films.
Willie Banks (Al Pacino) has swindled Reuben Tishkoff (Elliot Gould) out of 4 acres of prime real estate, not to mention the rights to the newly built super casino that they co-financed. The casino project was a huge gamble for Reuben, and as a result of the betrayal, Reuben suffers a stroke Needless to say, this spurs the Ocean's crew into action. They don't care if they win, they just want Banks to lose and lose big. The movie really has no heist; again, it depends on how you look at things. This is much more of a revenge story than anything else.
Can you really even call this one a heist? Making a casino lose is no easy task, but in Ocean's 13, it seems anyone with a little know-how and a little luck can take out Banks casino. As they go around planning and preparing for the big night which will put Banks out of business, a million and one things fall into place without the crew even trying. The only thing standing in their way is the Greco; an impenetrable, unstoppable super computer that can detect a real win from an expected one.
The set-up for the heist is basically a series of excuses to tell jokes about what may or may not be happening in each actor's real life, none of which are even that funny. I still can't figure out how Danny Ocean's crew knew ahead of time about Tulour? They just chalk it up to "We were watching him the whole time." Well what made it so obvious? The movie was so stale, so dry; I walked out of the movie theatre wondering why I was so heavily invested in this film and its characters in the first place. But I know why; because it's Matt Damon, George Clooney, Brad Pitt in one more over hyped and over publicized, utterly predictable crap fest designed to give the public some cheap laughs and take our money.
This film might have been a bit more entertaining if the pacing had been better. But faster pacing wouldn't have completely saved this one; far from it. No matter how much you polish it, you simply cannot turn poop into gold. Clooney has gone on record and said that this was his last Ocean's film. So if the new head of the gang is Rusty Ryan (Brad Pitt), let's hope the writer and director can pump some new blood (and life) into Ryan's 11.