A Gold-Plated Cow Patty.

Rating: 4/10 (10 June 2007)

"Ocean's Thirteen" is a glitzy, gaudy joke. Unfortunately for the audience, though, the joke is on them. I have felt more self-respect after visiting gypsy fortune tellers than I have after seeing this pile of glamorous, conceited, nothing. An Alka-Seltzer has more substance to it than this movie.
Undoubtedly, fewer and fewer people are going to remember that this movie is based on the 1960's Las Vegas so-called "Rat Pack" of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr., comedian Joey Bishop, and actor Peter Lawford. For all their talents, all of them were on the down-side of their careers, some sliding faster than others. Considerations of money aside, once you reach Vegas your creative career is over. Next stop, Atlantic City. The Rat Pack were famous for being famous, and everything they did was some sort of unfunny in-joke. Nevertheless, the one positive thing you can say about them is that they were who they were.
With the Ocean's Thirteen bunch, though, they are not who they are. George Clooney may appeal to many people, but no one can accuse him of having a surfeit of talent. Brad Pitt and Matt Damon are still decent actors, but you'd never know it from the roles they play in this piece of self-centered fluff. One of them should have given up his role to Ben Affleck, an actor much more suited to the vapidity of these roles. And to see Al Pacino in this film is practically a national tragedy.
Mostly, though, I'm mad at myself for ignoring my movie instincts and for joining my fellow movie-going lemmings in donating money to the makers of this idiotic enterprise. See, the joke is on me.