The kind of self-congratulatory garbage that makes Hollywood a mockery of itself

Rating: 1/10 (7 July 2014)

Probably rates a 3/10 really, but there are too many paid-up 10/10 reviews on here.
To repeat my summary - this is the kind of self-congratulatory garbage that makes Hollywood a mockery of itself.
The whole film seems like it is grinning at somebody offstage, who is grinning back, and then grinning to their friends, and then their friends are grinning at those on stage, and they're all shaking each others' hands, and having a great time.
While the audience sits there going... 'when is it OUR turn?'
If you just want to watch (preposterously absurd) CG-eye candy and ignore the dialogue - all of it - then by all means, sit back with the beer and pizza. This film has nothing else to offer.
It's analogous to bad, or boring, pornography - it's like watching somebody else eat a chocolate cake: it's fun for them, but it's painfully tedious to behold at length. I struggled to get to the end of it, and in fact my thumb was itching to fire-off the FF button through most of the last hour. Not even putting Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman together helped make it interesting.
This is an expensive, over-baked, tediously rubbish movie. Go see Art Of The Steal instead, it's a heist film that actually bothers to remember that the story is for the audience, not the cast and producers.