No Strings Attached: Another Ashton Kutcher film. That may be all you need to know.

Rating: 3/10 (27 January 2011)

Written by Markus Robinson, Edited by Nicole Ashland
"No Strings Attached" is about as good as any Ashton Kutcher movie could be. Surprisingly directed by Ivan Reitman (Up in the Air, Ghostbusters) and starring the aforementioned Ashton Kutcher (Dude, Where's My Car?, That 70s Show) and Natalie Portman (seriously, what is she doing in this movie?! She was the lead in "Black Swan" for god sakes!) as two twenty-something's who make an arrangement , as an alternative to dating, to simply use each other for sex with, you guessed it, "no strings attached". And as a result, this played out premise leaves audiences with; you guessed it, "much to be desired". This film also costars Kevin Kline (A Fish Called Wanda, The Ice Storm) in the worst role of his career (yes, worst than "Wild Wild West"), but I will talk more about him later in this review.
Side Note: Another startling revelation about "No Strings Attached" is that Elizabeth Meriwether (a writer whom I have been hearing was the next great female screenplay writer in Hollywood) was responsible for writing this amateurish (at best) script. Here is all you need to know. This is a romantic comedy, with very little comedy and almost no romanticism at all. Have you ever seen a romantic comedy where you don't want to two main characters to get together in the end? No? Well, this might be the first.
Dear Natalie Portman, I know you probably had tons of fun making "No Strings Attached", much more fun than the audience did watching it, but please go back to making serious dramas. This was not a good career move and you have a child to worry about now. So throw Ashton and Demi's phone number away and sign on for "Black Swan 2" before it's too late.
Signed, The dwindling number of fans you have left.
Natalie Portman, is a really great actress and makes the most out of this poorly written character (one of the only reasons to see this movie), but if the movie is not very good then who cares how well she did, really. In fact many of the female performances in this movie are not bad, but the male performances from Kutcher and Kline are so whiny and pathetic (Meriwether's fault) that this film is borderline offensive to men (or anyone with eyes or ears for that matter).
Back to Kevin Kline. What Kline has done here is literally taken his career out back and shot it in the head. His character is working with the most distracting dialogue; spewing non sequiturs as if the audience is supposed to think he is quirky or something when all it is, is confusing. It gets to the point where, every time he is on screen, it is literally the most awkward point in movie history.
Final Thought: By this point, you know if "No Strings Attached" is a movie for you or not. If all you need in a movie experience is to see Ashton Kutcher's butt, then by all means this is the movie for you. Again, I don't blame Kutcher for this movie, because by now it is clear that he is only capable of playing the same role over and over again.
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