Nothing Attached!

Rating: 1/10 (31 July 2011)

"No Strings Attached" poses the question: Is it possible to have sex with someone without risking that you could fall in love with them? The answer is YES. It also poses the question: Is it possible to make a clichéd and hackneyed film that smells like ass? The answer is YES.
A bland and dated mainstream romantic comedy, which attempts to give itself an edge through raunchy humor and language and situational comedy right from the 80's. Kutcher and Portman have no chemistry. That lack of understanding of how people interact with each other and this carries over to all of the relationships in the film. None of these actors feel like they enjoy each other. You get the sense that Natalie Portman hates everyone she is working with and it's this kind of energy that dominates the film and makes it so painful to watch. The audience sat there like statues for the film hoping they would maybe get a string You know we walk into the movie theater with open minds and goodwill and get hit by this and it's just an affront. It is incoherent, maddening and UN-funny. They had what? 25 million dollars to work out some kind of movie... How about 10 reasonably real moments? That would have been acceptable. They delivered zero. Excuse me? Hello?! I'm sorry Natalie, maybe you had the Oscar deal already dialed in but nonetheless, they're shooting real film here that people watch – Kutcher? You there? Was anybody there? Was Reitman around? What the hell is going on here? C'Mon folks! Let's step up to the plate. You're all getting a nice stack of cash – Can't you put just a little bit of work into it? Let's go! C'Mon Reitman! Snap snap. Wake the hell up kids! Time to pull the star out of your ass! EMBARRASSING!