Consider how much you love your date before seeing this.

Rating: 5/10 (7 March 2011)

Adam (Ashton Kutcher) and Emma (Natalie Portman) met each other once at a school summer camp but never committed. Several years later and they meet again. Adam is now a writer and an assistant on a TV show and she's a nurse. When Adam discovers that his father Alvin (Kevin Kline), a washed-up actor, is having a relationship with his ex-girlfriend, he goes on an all-night bender. Waking up in Emma's house, he finds comfort in her and they have spontaneous sex too. They decide that they should restrict their relationship to this level as she isn't comfortable with dating. She decides to keep it a secret from her housemates Patrice (Greta Gerwig) and Shira (Mindy Kaling). Typically, Adam feels left out by this demand and tries to develop the relationship into something more with the help of his friends Wallace (Ludacris) and Eli (Jake M. Johnson).
Last year I praised a rejuvenating American comedy called Easy A for being witty, economical and charming in its outlook on sex and conformity. No Strings Attached, this year's major Valentine's Day release directed by Ivan Reitman, is not that movie. It reminded me more of a scene from Annie Hall, where Woody Allen asks a couple why they are happy. The girl responds: "I'm very shallow and empty and I have no ideas and nothing interesting to say". Her boyfriend adds: "I'm exactly the same way." The very familiar premise here of friends with benefits, covered most recently in Love and Other Drugs, leaves substantial motives by the wayside in favour of star power. The only mildly surprising element here is some of the unnaturally crude dialogue provided by first time feature writer Elizabeth Meriwether. She lends some cringing lines to scenes that are so prosaic that they are lacking in dramatic and comedic punch. Centuries on and we're still watching that moment where one person falsely believes that the other is already accounted for.
Ivan Reitman's film also feels overlong and badly paced too. It lumbers ridiculously just under the two hour mark, slipping well into repetition before the credits start. And successful comedy is found in not just what is said but how it's said. Tone and precision are both crucial. Thus, while Ashton Kutcher is a popular performer, he's so relaxed in this film that his character lies somewhere between dope and sleepwalker. I just didn't find any of his dialogue to be particularly funny. Portman has a little more energy, particularly in the second half, but her characterisation shifts so jarringly from scene to scene. The comic timing she deftly showed in Garden State is absent because she isn't given many good lines to work with either. Considering the material and how unbalanced the film is towards her character, it surprised me to see that she backed the film herself as one of the producers. More fun is to be had with some of the side characters, like Wallace, with the little time they have on screen. Greta Gerwig (a breakthrough performance in Greenberg last year) is rarely seen and Kevin Kline is underused. Consider how much you love your date before seeing this.