Never Watch This

Rating: 3/10 (1 August 2009)

That would be a better title for this movie. I'm going to save your money and summarize the movie in two paragraphs. Let's see, where to start? Our hero, Jake, who has anger/violence problems, is at his high school football game when another complete a-hole kid taunts him that it was his fault that his own father died, setting our hero up in flames and totally hurting the other kid. Are you serious? Who would be an enough jerk to taunt someone with something like a parents death at a football game? Turns out that Jake let his dad drive home drunk after a night at the bar and got into an accident where he died (or something like that). Did I miss something? What's he doing with his dad at a bar at his age in the first place? Eventually he moves to a new school, where the HOTTEST girl (who just so happens to be going out with the BADDEST guy) becomes his love interest. She invites him to the coolest most unrealistic high school party, that neither Van Wilder, nor any of the American Pie movies could ever compare to, (and they've had some really unrealistic ones) where a bunch late twenty something year old models, who were supposed to pass of as high school girls, were walking around in a bikini all over the house and making out with each other in a hot tub. But THE GUYS are more interested in the full contact fights going on in the back yard. Which, by the way, look heavier than any MMA that you see in TV. Really. So at the party the BADDEST guy whoops our hero's butt, making him go train with Mr. Miyagi, I mean, Jean Roqua, where he learns to be a great fighter.
The bad guy has another unnecessary unrealistic party for no good reason other than to show more girls prancing around in their bikini. (not that I'm complaining, it was nice) And then we have the tournament, which the baddest guy happens to be the champ of, making you think, if he's a senior at high school, how old was he when he started fighting MMA in order to be a Full Contact, two year in a row, champion at his age? So anyways, they finally fight again. But it's so intense that they end up leaving the fighting ring and take it outside all the way to the parking lot, where everyone just so happened to park their car in the shape of a circular fighting ring, just in case that something like this would happen. Our fighters finish the fight with the headlights of the vehicles shining on their Hercules' abdomens, after who knows how many minutes of exchanging blows. Jake (good guy) wins, and practically a scene later, he and the bad guy are now friends, even after pulverizing each other, Jake probably sending him to the ER, and stealing his girlfriend. Because all the bad guy ever needed, to lighten up, was a good kick in his behind. Oh yeah, before I forget, our hero obviously won the heart girl with his sensitive side, which really came out of nowhere, being that throughout the whole movie he was a complete a-hole to everyone, especially his mom. We have the CRAZY best friend, who I guess was supposed to pass of as comic relief, but failed. Um let's see, what else? Oh yeah, Mr. Miyagi, er, I mean Mr Roqua, has some problems of his own, but nobody really cares, and at the end I think they get solved too. I'm not really sure, I didn't pay much attention.
So there you have it. This has to be one of the lamest, most unrealistic, predictable, full of cliché, movie I have ever seen. I'm glad I didn't pay for the ticket, being that a friend of mine owed me 10 bucks and bought it for me. Though now that I think of it, I would have rather him given me a 10 dollar bill instead. If you like any of the direct to DVD American Pie movies and are obsessed with MMA, then check this out. If your If you're looking for a good original story, you might wanna skip this.