A garbage attempt at a crime thriller

Rating: 1/10 (9 November 2017)

Oh goody where do I start. First off, I'm not entirely certain if my review will contain spoilers as of yet but it will certainly ruin the movie for you (not that there's much to ruin anyway).
So off we go. First off, it wouldn't feel like 2017 Hollywood if:
1- the only Muslim in the movie, "mohammed", is a super-friendly chef. Emphasis on "super friendly" and a good friend of the protagonist, Detective Hercules Poirot (whose name in itself is a joke. You'd get it if you speak French. Poire means Pear in French, and his first name being Hercules, you can see how it all doesn't really fit. It's like Agatha Cristy was trying to copy the eccentricity of the names of Sherlock Holmes and his brothers but failed miserably at it).
2- the only black man in the movie is the highest achiever of them all (there's Hollywood for ya!), being not only a highly skilled sniper and close friend to a Colonel in the US Army, but also a doctor. Of course, he is the one who's in a secret relationship with the pretty white girl in the movie.
3- Which leads us to the evil, monstrous, highly racist German (technically Austrian), who's the only one who can't stand to sit in the same carriage as the black man, even though an elderly, high-strung and snobby Russian princess doesn't mind at all, reminding us of the ever so important, If not THE most important lesson in life: Germans are always evil!
4- The half-jew who poses as the racist German turns out to be a very friendly non-racist person once he is uncovered, how convenient for him and all the jews of the world!
You know, I don't mind these kinds of things in movies when they have a PURPOSE. Not when they're thrown in there like carrots in a stew, just for the sake of it, oh, and for the sake of 21st century brainwashing of course. It's too bad the story doesn't take place in modern times or another evil character would have been Russian, coz of course all Russians want to dominate the world in the name of mazar rascha.
But that's enough about Hollywood, let's get to the main reason I'm writing this article.
The evidence in the movie is not enough to lead to the conclusion. Plain and simple. Not to mention the story being terribly ridiculous! There was a very good chance one of the characters were going hang if Poirot (there's that name again) hadn't been there to actually "solve" the murder. But it didn't seem like any of them were very keen to sacrifice themselves in the end of the movie, so why go through with it? Did they not think that one of them would very likely be hanged for their actions? The only one who was truly committed to her actions in the end was the person least suspected of being the culprit (don't confuse this with "the least likely suspect is the killer". It's not like that, it's that of all the people involved in the crime, only one was brave enough to accept the consequences in the end). If anything, murdering Johny Depp's character (forgot his name, great performance by Depp though, that man truly never fails to impress) would have been much better if done someplace else than the train, at least in that case the list of suspects would be much larger, and they'd have a much bigger chance to get away with it, but that's on Agatha Christy, who's not even worthy of being Arthur Conan Doyle's secretary, just like Pearot isn't good enough to be John Watson's secretary. Oh, he's not even qualified to clean Sherlock's clothes so let's not even go there...) This entire story is one of those "the writer/director wants it, so it happens. For an crime story, it's based on behavior based on very weak thinking by the characters, and therefor, the writer.
I went in with an open mind, I truly did, and for that, I was rewarded with a slap on the face. So now I get to slap back everyone involved in making that movie and novel.