A ham-fisted, pointless remake

Rating: 3/10 (5 November 2017)

I don't care enough about this silly remake to write a detailed review, so I'll just summarize what I hated about it into bullet points:
Hammy, pantomime acting from a cast of two-dimensional caricatures. Laughably poor dialogue. Meandering direction. Irrelevant inferences to race tensions. Bloated pacing. Tonal dissonance. Pointlessly flashy cinematography. Obvious CGI green screen sets. A criminally underused Judie Dench. The wink to the impending butchering of "Murder on The Nile" (and probably every Agatha Christie title ever, for the next 10 years).