The Mustache Did It

Rating: 6/10 (15 November 2017)

(RATING: ☆☆☆ out of 5 stars)
GRADE: C+
THIS FILM IS MILDLY RECOMMENDED.
IN BRIEF: This film gets derailed in its confused storytelling, a less than stellar cast, and some misdirection...facial and otherwise.
SYNOPSIS: Agatha Christie's classic murder mystery is remade for today's modern audience.
JIM'S REVIEW: I think it was...Kenneth Branagh...on the train...with his mustache...that killed the movie. The who, what. where, and how may be answered in this unnecessary remake of Murder on the Orient Express, but the "why" still nags at this moviegoer. Why dig up this buried gem when one could easily view the far superior 1974 murder mystery classic by Sidney Lumet and his all-star cast of screen legends (Finney, Bergman, Bacall, Connery, Redgrave, and such)? Can this new treatment with state-of-the-art CGI, a more expensive budget, and a cast of today's recognizable actors improve upon this tale of murder and deceit?
￼The answer is a resounding "no" in comparison. The specter of Mr. Lumet's masterful film haunts this earnest but standard remake. It's foolhardy filmmaking that does little to improve its literary source. Whereas the 1974 version streamlined a convoluted plot, focused on some fine directorial touches, brought an air of elegance in its elegant Art Deco decor, delivered some interesting well-written characters, and added a first class tier of legendary actors to its roster, this new, but far from improved, update muddles its complicated story, provides stagy direction, has an dark sedated period look, introduces some characters in need of more clarity and motive, and brings a second class group of celebrities to this remake (combined with a few star-worthy replacements). Overall, this 2017 tale has lost all of its sense of glamour, wit, and fun.
It seems that rebooting and re-imagining has taken the place of creativity these days. So with that said, my remainder of my review on this latest attempt to fill the pockets of the producers and filmmakers will try to concentrate on only this movie...a hard task, indeed.
￼For those newbies unaware of the plot: Aboard a high-class speeding train, is super sleuth, Hercule Poirot. It is there that our fussy Belgian hero meets a shady criminal who fears that he will be killed before disembarking and asks our fastidious detective to prevent his demise. Alas, the deadly deed does take place (no real spoiler here) and the list of passengers become his targeted suspects as he unravels the mystery. Clues are scattered through the narrative as, one by one, each traveler converses with Monsieur Poirot. Rest assure, the culprit (or culprits) will be found by the film's end.
The casting is paramount to make this mousetrap work. Mr. Branagh serves as director and lead actor and his dual contributions are a tad uneven. As a director, he layers the narrative with some skill but never involves his audience, choosing to look more at the panoramic scenery than concentrate on the characters. The screenplay by Michael Green doesn't help matters either. The film begins with a totally unrelated crime that establishes Poirot's quirky behavioral traits but adds little to the plot, except confusion.
￼However, Branagh the Actor captures the detective's dialect and his mannerisms well, but he is essentially miscast by his own physicality...and his odd choice of including that ridiculous fur- piece posing as a mustache to the Poirot character. Yes, it is a trademark of the sleuth, but, seen here, it is an absurd facial prop that interferes with the character and the story. He takes the term "stiff upper lip" far too literally. Always upstaged by the damn mustache, the actor fights for equal screen time and loses the battle. Plus the fact that the actor himself is rather tall and handsome upends Agatha Christie's unlikable but beloved toady character.
￼Some "stars" match their predecessors with style (Judi Dench, Michelle Pfeiffer), others acquit themselves rather nicely (Daisy Ridley, Leslie Odom, Jr. ), a few are underused and underwritten (Willem Dafoe, Olivia Coleman, Derek Jacobi, Johnny Depp) but some haven't a clue on how to create a memorable character (Josh Gad, Penelope Cruz). In their defense, the writing may be suspect too.
￼Jim Clay's fine production design shows off the opulence without the elegance. Cinematography is first-rate and the period costumes are true to the period but hardly show- stopping. However, the CGI avalanche scene is so fake and jarringly bad that is literally stops the film cold.
No, this cinematic game of Clue remains a mystery. With all its fancy trappings, Murder on the Orient Express may look the part. But under closer examination, some less than stellar casting bits, a few excessively theatrical moments, and a meandering script make this whodunit more of a "why-do-it".
￼NOTE: Those unfamiliar with Dame Agatha's book or the previous aforementioned Lumet film may enjoy this movie more than those already acquainted with the story and its twisty ending. I was mildly disappointed with the end result.