Off the rails?

Rating: 1/10 (13 November 2017)

I have to confess not to having seen it yet so make what you will of what follows. I have read extensively about it though (and not just the negative reviews) but I have seen enough to be afraid - very afraid. This is a movie where Hercule Poirot has lost weight but his mustache has gained weight. Who would have thought that this seems to be one of the more interesting things about the film. Look, I acknowledge that it is hard to make a movie when everyone knows the characters, the story and the ending. But when will Hollywood at last wake up and call it done. It does not work to remake films and just stuff them full of "stars". You actually have to make it interesting and when dealing with a classic story, this means either being absolutely true to the original or have a new "take" on the story that engages people. This movie is a feast of stars but few of then strike me as being particularly suited to their role - as glamorous (and no doubt professional) as they all are. For me an ensemble cast has never been a reason in itself to ante up the cost of a ticket. The other thing that makes me itch with annoyance is when I look as the character list and see characters I never remembered in the original story or any of the past remakes. Characters that seem to be more related to Hollywood's mania for political correctness than fidelity to Agatha Christies' plot. But - they just gotta have a token mix of races just to balance up the list and satisfy 2017 sensibilities. But what does this do to verisimilitude and willingness to honor Agatha's original story? People who love Agatha Christie love the nostalgia inherent in those stories - the feeling of being in the 1920s or 1930s. Update that and you had better have something pretty damn good to replace it - you will lose the Agatha fans and not pick up enough patronage from the general audience who probably don't know the difference between Hercule Poirot and Lady Gaga. Maybe I am doing it a disservice but what I am inclined to say is this - you can't put lipstick on a pig. Though apparently you can put an great big monster mustache on Kenneth Branagh. Still not enough for me I am afraid.