A train wreck ruining a 1974 Classic

Rating: 2/10 (10 November 2017)

If you have never seen the 1974 original..you may want to see this, may that is. If you HAVE seen the 1974 original, which I refer to as a CLASSIC, stay as far away as you can from any theater showing this waste of time. The original version, directed by the awesome Sidney Lumet and starring the brilliant Albert Finney (an Oscar nominee) as Poirot, was a masterful piece with great writing, directing and a cast that couldn't be beat!! And this new version, Directed by ego-magic Branagh, and starring a so-so cast, with some stellar actors, all being decimated by this production is downright tragic. From the opening piece, set in Istanbul which has nothing to do with anything, with regard to the plot, till it's exceptionally tedious laughable end, taking place in a tunnel in a snow covered mountain, you just won't believe your eyes.
The 74 original showed the opening part of the mystery story, which foretold all, but here that investment comes way in the middle of the things, where it has no place, and after so much disinterest has already occurred. Branagh hams it up, takes all the scenes, gives no space for anyone else to breathe, let along give any type of performance, then appears to be almost clairvoyant, as he seems to figure everything out through thin air. Basically because he never has any legitimate conversation with any of the major characters to determine what happened and why. Oh yes, he's the mystic seer. Maybe stolen from a 1960 Twilight Zone episode. No, more he is ego-centric and arrogant Branagh who can't stand being out of the limelight. You're in the limelight now, Kenny....you screwed up a major production and were all laughing at you, not with you. Arrogance reigns
The use of totally unnecessary CGI is annoying and silly, the action scenes are dull, tedious, pointless, adding nothing to the plot. The plot, for what it is is convoluted. Never really explained. In the original we were given clues, had ideas, questions, we could follow along. Not here. It's as if they made this thinking EVERYONE knows all the answers, and so they skip numerous (and I mean numerous) plot points..but again, the mystic seer, with the most stupid looking and idiotic mustache in history, knows all. Watching this flick, you'll wish Poirot got knifed, instead of Mr Ratchett.
Plot devices that all fail, where do I start, the opening wasted scene, Poirot measuring the size of his hard boiled eggs.(oh, please) A avalanche comes down and stops the train, but oh yes, only derailed the front engine, not the rest of the train, which it certainly would have done. People firing guns at each other, but why? Racial issues being brought up about skin colors and nationalities. And this is entertainment? What were these people thinking?
To my knowledge Branagh is a Shakespeare lover, let me quote this.."How much did revile this film,let me count the ways". I could go on, but I shall not.
The 1974 version ran 127 minutes, this one runs 114 minutes and feel terminally longer. I squirmed and squirmed waiting for it to end. The music score, non-existent. Star turns, none to be found, excitement in the plot, 0. That about sums it up.
I simply say this, with $$$ as tight as they are, we should only be subjected ourselves to worthy films, especially when they are overblown remarks. The 1974 original is avail on DVD and in the UK and foreign markets even in a nice blu-ray version. My suggestion, spend your money on that and do not support this type of overblown ego-driven dribble.
Bye, bye Branagh, you made no friends with this tripe. You do not work much and it's understandable to see why. I read a UK review earlier that bashed this flick out of the World...good for them, they know junk when they see it. And now, so do I.
For me, I'll stick with the original anyway. As a matter of fact, I'll go and watch it now and wash this toilet water taste from my mouth, and this film from my memory