Steven Spielberg tackles a highly controversial subject with commendable tact and grace. I only hope that the same can be said of my review. Boobs! That doesn't count

Rating: 10/10 (4 June 2006)

Ahoy there mateys! I'm legendary seafaring movie expert Captain Remington, but that's just what my crew calls me you can call me Sir! Hop aboard my mighty vessel and I'll take you on a wondrous voyage across the ocean of cinematic entertainment! You're about to set sail on the greatest ship ever to float around in the water, the good ship HMS Supercool! Pardon me for a moment while I address the crew.
Avast me hearties! We be about do get this boat underway! If any of ye know of any reason why this ship should not be sailed, let ye speak now or forever hold ye peace! Very well! Pull my anchor! Hoist the main sailor! Man the lifeboats! Full steam ahead! Raise the undercarriage! Let's get this ship on the road! Arr! Tis a wonderful day to sail on the ocean of cinematic entertainment. The sky is blue, the waves are blue, my sailing hat is blue. Everything is blue, which is good. Can I offer you a lime? Take one for later, you can never have enough limes when you're at sea. (Sniff-sniff) There be a salty scent upon the breeze! Must be all the hot seamen on this boat! Take a break crew! Don't tire yourselves out so soon. I don't want my hot, sticky seamen to fall all over the deck. What a mess that would make! All of you have a rest. Have a lime or two.
Arrrr! I suppose ye will be wondering why I called you out here onto the high seas today. We're sea-urchin for treasure! Ha ha, a little nautical humour there! Just the thing when you're out on the movie ocean. Look yonder - there's James Cameron, he's still on the Titanic! Let it go James! Everybody knows that your boat is rubbish. Move on! There are plenty more boat fish in the entertainment sea I hear there might be an opening on the Poseidon! Har har har! Row me hearties, row! Break time's over! Three hundred and sixty degrees starport! Swab the poop deck! It's the deck that you just can't swab enough, in my opinion. Row you wretched knaves! I want to reach port before we run out of limes! Limes prevent scurvy, and the last thing I need is the health and safety people on my back. They'll hoist me from the yardarm, or worse -they'll make me walk the plank! Then some other health and safety people will make THEM walk the plank because it was unsafe for them to make me walk the plank, and so the cycle will go on.
Arrrrrr! Curse this blasted eye-patch! It be starting to itch again! It be impressive though, I'm sure ye would agree. I fashioned it myself out of a man's jock strap that I found in the skip that's outside my house. I mean outside the boat.
Now listen up me buckos! The treasure we be seeking today in this metaphorical ocean is a fishy one! Tuna fish to be exact! I reckon we've rowed out far enough now, bring in the nets boys and lets see what we find Arrrrrrrr! I thought this might happen! Sometimes when ye be fishing for a bland tuna movie in the sea of entertainment, ye occasionally find that ye have snared a dolphin-movie in your nets! The dolphin is a more intelligent breed of fish than your average tuna: dolphins can communicate with each other, they have complex social interactions and there have even been reported sightings of some dolphins wearing monocles. When ye accidentally catch a dolphin-movie ye be faced with a tricky dilemma: do ye beat the dolphin to death with an oar and throw it back overboard, or do ye take the more difficult option? Do ye crack open the movie dolphin's skull and eat its intelligent dolphin brain? Personally, I believe that it would be a shame to waste a perfectly good dolphin.
Steven Spielberg's Munich IS that movie-dolphin brain. Not a taste that everyone would enjoy perhaps, but if ye hunger for something more intelligent than this is the one for ye. Arrrrrrrrrrrr! I bet ye thought I was never going to steer this review onto the right course! Munich is great! Eat limes! www.chipremington.com - Delivering expert movie criticism to almost 6 readers a month