I cannot believe people has no reservations against this crap...

Rating: 3/10 (21 February 2006)

This epic is a real turkey if I've ever seen one. CONTAINS SPOILERS! Apparently there is a misunderstanding that this film is bias, but it is certainly not. It more or less makes everybody look like morons. In the light of the Olympic Games topic the comparison that comes to mind is the picture spread all over internet depicting a sprinter with downs syndrome ripping the finishing ribbon pared with the text "Running in the special Olympics, even if you win you're still retarded." This pretty much sums this dilemma up. "Munchen" begins with the aspect of introducing us to a team of senior citizens supposed to be Olympic athletes. From there it goes downhill like a never ending landslide. (Appropriate title would be "Never Ending Story 2")
Analyzing the main characters is to painful: A beautiful leader (probably voted Americas sexiest man post-Troy) and obsessive kitchen chef/ future family father, a likable old geezer smoking pipe, a stupid blond girl that not even got her sex right (a male broiler but you catch the drift), an even older and lamer baldy, and of course a cute toy maker to emphasize the hardness of this compound.
As the masterminds they are, plan the perfect hits and act them out in Stanley & Laurel style. 1/ Planting a fat bomb in a mattress which the selected member of the team observes with his empty head pressed against the wall to this very volatile room. Brilliant secret signal is "turning off the light" thus retarded partners will response by triggering the bomb... What a surprise... the bomb has some unexpected explosive reaction when it explodes! The retard in the room next door almost buys the farm. *gosh* And the signal, a thought, What about power failure, lamp accident or something? Even if their outpost had one chromosome to many provided I am certain he would still have blinked the lamp to avoid any misinterpretations, and definitely not stand drooling three yards away from the explosion center.
Team is further hilarious, like when a bomb misfires one of these supposedly best trained secret service agents in the world goes bald geezer cowboy attacking the hotel and major team of terrorists with a hand grenade. The thought to drive away calmly and regroup professionally for a new attempt never crosses his fatigue mind.
My personal favorite must be when the get their hands on a sniper rifle. In order to use the sniper rifle they literally enter the very lawn of their victim reaching a distance possible to show the barrel up Mr. Salamis bunghole. Pressing faces against the window providing a really clever use for sniper rifle, fumbling in ordinary manor a 14 year (?) old guard literally walks up their behinds and surprises sniper and blond outlook. Then everybody goes Stanley & Laurel-style amok.
Some hilarious moments really lifts the movie to unsurpassed heights. Like these "professionals" could not even find their own bungholes without an expensive map obtained from the almighty Frenchman.
The same arranges a safe house in which suddenly the colleagues from the other side show up. I think they lie mumbling they are Black African freedom Fighters or something amusing. Following discussion with bad guy who has no clue whatsoever that something is wrong when Banadinovich promotes Jews positive. So much for this meeting between ravaging minds.
Spielberg sets a prime example in bad taste when he chooses to tie together the human aspects of this international tragedy through Erik Bana's pecker. Becoming increasingly incoherent as Bana pork's away on his chick getting flashbacks from moments he personally never experienced. (Clearly a flashback, not inspired editing) Did they not have time to shoot experienced flashbacks? (Inserting a Donald Duck episode that he actually had seen would have be more logic.)
I have no problem reading the subtext in Munchen, however I found it very boring. The only way to get excited is if you have a direct involvement. (Like being the two surviving terrorists) It would be plausible to guess that the average attention reaction is narcoleptic. Further, political forces probably sit at home laughing their asses off when Spielberg set the world opinion to sleep. The length lies directly in proportion to the boredom factor. I can not see the motivation for the lengthy experience other than guessing that very long movies does better at the Oscars or something? Of course when the story is in cardiac stagnation you could enjoy the competent scenery and attributes. Munchen is simply not what you reasonable could expect from the poster names.
While I mention the actors I had very high hopes on a certain pipe smoking favorite actor and further the promising actor that tries to smack Brad Pitt on the head when he walks around in Troy like a beach surfer imitating jump strikes from the "Fist of fury" arcade game without variation. The latter (Eric Banadinovich) characters development to dark paranoia is perfectly plausible, so why don't I buy it? In my eyes it feels plastic, fake and fatigue, I am certain that this will get more than one Oscar. Acting is not satisfactory, compare Jake Gyllenhaal & Heath Ledger's cow-gay performance comes across natural, Banadinovich run around in an emotional storm not even capable of capping an insect. Not unjust criticism, sadly pure facts.
Nice moments: First terrorist mastermind, old man shopping milk returning to his nice old style Italian apartment. The old man shows real feelings and the awkwardness of the killers setting emotions in work. Unfortunately counter reactions hits us like ricochets. First question the professionalism of our protagonists, The second is the following repetition of each and every following hit. In fact it makes the plot circumstance for the second strongest scene: Second encounter with the female hit-girl.
Anyway this post will probably be censured like everything else that is not positively reviewed in IMDb.