An obnoxious waste of time.

Rating: 1/10 (26 May 2002)

This film was dreadful!
Resolved:
1. That it is irrelevant to try to "figure the film out." The symbolism is so hackneyed, it's laughable. (Oooh! A key! Si-lencio! Mysterious!)

2. Never to watch another David Lynch film (except for The Straight Story, which is great, but only because of Richard Farnsworth and Sissy Spacek, who apparently cannot be coaxed into acting like enigmatic robots.)
3. That David Lynch must give me back my two hours and my five bucks. Give them back, David Lynch! You stole them from me! I am an American citizen and I don't have to take this kind of treatment!
Furthermore:
4. That David Lynch must be punished for his unacceptable behavior in the following manner: the Convicted shall be imprisoned in a dark, strangely-lit room with red curtains, keys, scary old people, and a wig-wearing dwarf, and forced to watch his own films for five years straight.