Get off the stage, Dave!!

Rating: Null/10 (6 May 2002)

A die hard David Lynch fan, I hated this movie. Even an advocate of "Lost Highway" (which plays like an episode of Full House compared to this), I absolutely hated it. I hated every single overdrawn, over-directed, over-acted frame of it. Forget the rental cost - I hate that I lost more than two hours of an evening of my life to a movie which provides less closure to the viewer than the mysteries of Stonehenge.
As movie lovers, we are drawn to accept David Lynch's attempts at artistry as Gospel. I regret to inform you, this does not disqualify the line between fine artistry and creative static. This movie not only crosses that line - it obliterates, places curses on, buries, builds shrine to, resurrects, and annihilates that line again, all the while walking pretentiously as a piece of self-congratulatory art!
If your movie involves plot or characters (and I don't even ask that it does), then pick a storyline, pick some characters, and stick with them! Pick a conclusion that leaves me with some sense that it was worth two hours of my life to view your work! Forget an ending even - pick a conclusion, period! The ramblings of one's imagination do not inherently constitute art, and this movie plays at no definable level above that.
Major points taken off for: a completely unnecessary lesbian love scene serving no purpose except to maintain Lynch's tradition of showing naked women in vulnerable characters; at least 3 different five-minute scenes, about as coherent to the rest of the movie as commercial breaks (cops in the diner, the hitman sequence, the theater sequence); the utter lack of anything even remotely resembling a conclusion (To reference Ebert, the only way we know the movie is over is that the credits begin); blatant and total rip-offs from previous Lynch works, including the Badalamenti score (Lost Highway) and the theater sequence (Black Lodge, Twin Peaks).
I would say "enjoy", however I think this movie actually aims to leave you irritated.