If all films were like this, Hollywood would shut down

Rating: 1/10 (19 March 2002)

Put an infinite number of monkeys and an infinite number of typewriters in a room and you'll eventually get Shakespeare. Put one monkey behind a camera, and you'll soon come up with a movie a lot like this.
(WARNING: I'M JUST ABOUT TO REVEAL A 'PLOT ELEMENT'; IF YOU ARE DEAD-SET ON SEEING THIS MOVIE, STOP READING NOW.)
With no concern for logic, and the most simple, awful, overused device in all of filmdom (yes, it's the old "it was only a dream" chestnut), this has to rank among the worst films of all time. It's no wonder that this piece of mish-mash was a failed television pilot -- no one with any sense of narrative or character could possibly do anything but dump this in the garbage. Not only to save their jobs, but to save the rest of us from having to view such junk.
This film is good for two things: (1) Two fragments -- the airport scene and the audition scene -- were excellent, and would have made wonderful student films at even the better film schools, and (2) reminding us that the "Emperor Has No Clothes" phenomenon happens in moviemaking, too.
For what else could be made of the diva singing in the theater? The boring, pointless monologues? The hopelessly fractured narrative? The nauseatingly self-indulgent visual references? To pretentious small minds and Lynch culties, it was brilliant and visionary. To anyone watching with even a smattering of higher reasoning, it was as artistic as a gibbon playing with its own waste.
Another good side of this movie is that HOWARD THE DUCK has been moved out of my personal "ALL-TIME WORST MOVIE" spot.