Oh my, God!!! What a waste of film!!!! (Possible spoiler)

Rating: 1/10 (26 May 2005)

I gave this one star because you can't go any lower than that here. I am reeling at the fact that I have wasted two and a half hours of my life watching this movie! It was chosen by my girlfriend, as a recommendation by her sister (who obviously needs to be beaten over the head with a bag of hammers and then shown some REAL cinematography). Needless to say, my girlfriend is NEVER allowed to pick out another movie. I have never felt so strongly about a movie as to write about it. However, this one warrants some warning to readers here who may not yet have seen this movie and are contemplating it. In two and a half hours, there are about 45 minutes of actual dialog. The movie moves at the pace of a pregnant snail with arthritis and a broken shell. Uphill. It is a great movie if you are suffering from serious emotional problems, or, are a suicidal lesbian, Hell-bent and glory bound to let you get the best of yourself. It could be said for anyone with a broken heart, not just suicidal lesbians. But, if you are unfortunate enough to encounter this trite little foray in to the disturbed workings of, what I can only presume is, a novice director, you'll understand what I mean. The cinematography was horrible. The shaking tends to lead one to run off for the nearest bottle of Dramamine. The characters are simplistic, predictable (though the plot is not...I'm sorry, did I say plot?) and, rather shallow. I have read better story lines from those exercises in 7th grade English class where one student starts a story, and passes the page to the next student, until it gets around the room. Imagine having 50 people get together. You tell one person something that is about 5 lines long. They repeat it to the next, and so on down the line. What you come out with, when compared to the original message is pure gibberish. Now...imagine applying the same concept to film. If you can do that, then, you have a better understanding of what this movie is going to be like for you. I think the safest thing to do, is take everyone who had anything to do with this movie actually being made (minus the actors, I realize that Hollywood is a tough business and sometimes, work is hard to find) were thrown in to a pit of rattle snakes, then, sent to a wading pool of hydrochloric acid, and then, sent skydiving over a feeding frenzy of great white sharks. Put it all on Pay Per View, and, you will be able to cover the expense of the viewers who are going to need therapy to figure out why they actually sat through more than about the first half an hour. Someone...PLEASE...get this message to the producer: STOP THE INSANITY!!!! I can't believe that a movie actually drove me to seek out a place to warn other people not to watch it. I thought Open Water was the worst movie ever made. Now...I know I was wrong. Oh, so wrong.