Pretentious Piece of Crap

Rating: 1/10 (3 November 2001)

There is nothing to 'get' about this film, trust me, unless it involves the phrase 'how can I get my money back?'
Maybe the fact that there were only four other people in the theater should've tipped me off. 'Mulholland Drive' is an insult to people who enjoy excellent story telling. I've familiar with film noir so don't tell me it's so good that I just don't understand it. Make no mistake: I was not confused, I was bored out of my mind. You are not intellectually superior for liking this movie, you are a moron. Lynch cannot pull the wool over my eyes; there is nothing to experience here. He just wanted to make a movie with two inevitable lesbian sex scenes and even they were boring. This movie is not clever, it is not even interesting and trying to pass it off as 'art' is laughable. A few attractive images do not make a movie. The characters are not convincing and apparently have no direction. Whoever thinks Naomi Watts deserves an Oscar needs to realize that she should go to acting school first.
The first half hour was so slow moving that I lost all interest in the characters and only stayed because after hearing all this garbage about what a great film it was I felt I needed to see the ending. I figured there had to be some sort of resolution. WRONG! The last hour of the movie derails completely and I wish I just would've followed the other patrons and walked out. Watching bad movies is a hobby of mine, but usually those movies are low budget horror flicks and they are supposed to be bad  perhaps that's why they are more entertaining than this disaster of a film. Thankfully I was able to convince the theater manager to give me a refund.
"Mulholland Drive" is nothing more than Lynch's half-baked notions about the dark side of Hollywood and after watching several of his films I am convinced the man cannot tell a story to save his life. He does not have the gift to make a worthwhile film. Do not watch this movie before operating heavy machinery. I would give it a 3 if I could.