Huh? The same director made The Elephant Man?

Rating: 2/10 (11 May 2005)

Maybe I am going a bit soft, I have previously handed films 1 star ratings without any regrets but when it came to this film I generously gave it 2. Don't get me wrong though, that extra star is purely for MDs artistic qualities, because aside from that and a few mildly amusing scenes this film really has no redeeming features whatsoever. Mulholland Drive is pretentious, trashy, contrived drivel with fancy knobs on that unfolds at a meandering pace with a plot that's about as deep as a paddling pool and has incredibly weak characters. It is at times laughable at others cringe inducing. I spent the whole 2 and a half hours just hoping for a story to break out amongst all the madness!
I myself enjoy a wide range of films from action films to the surreal thought provoking variety, however this film did not impress me one iota. In an age where a pile of crap (I mean that quite literally) or an unmade bed can be considered works of 'art' it's unsurprising that films of MD's ilk are being lauded as works of genius. Films like MD are so divisive it's unreal, some of those who don't 'understand' them think that because they are bamboozling that there must be some sort of divine genius to it that the common man simply can't comprehend so they decide they should love it, others will despise it because they don't 'get it'. Then there are those who feel they understand it so it gives them a sense of smug authority over those who don't. This film in particular has this effect. I don't like it, the most common response to that is "well, you don't get it then". Sorry no, I just didn't like it, the film was slow paced, dull as dish water and the characters were so dull, shallow and underdeveloped I couldn't give a toss what happened to them. It seems it's not possible to understand MD *and* not enjoy it, even though I can see it for the flat, hollow, coma inducing unadulterated dross it really is. It seems like there is an increasingly apparent snobbish attitude surrounding non-mainstream films at the moment. Just like fashion labels, the type of films people watch are becoming a statement about what sort of person they are.
*Spoilers*
I don't really see how people can get so confused. Sure Lynch takes the story off on a tangent every 10 minutes but there is very little here that should leave you baffled. The central plot is wholly uninspired and is nothing ground breaking, to cover up what is a rather weak plot Lynch tries to confuse and mislead the audience (and thus make it a work of genius) by cutting up the plot and adding bizarre scenes that don't at first seem to have any purpose, indeed a lot of the scenes are completely peripheral in the grand scheme of things. Lynch throws way too much symbolism and too many ideas at the screen at once showing no respect for his audience, and ends up with a horrible convoluted mess. I can see he's trying to be amusing and at times slightly ironic in the way he makes the film totally OTT and at times cheesy with daft effects and hammy acting (creating the 'Hollywood' fantasy world of Diane's mind) but he comes off as pretentious and self indulgent and it all becomes incredibly irritating very quick, after a while I just wanted to jump into the screen and slap the lead characters silly. Then there's the music 'score', it sounds like a 3 year old has been let loose on a FisherPrice keyboard to create the intense 'dramatic' musical accompaniment, it's the most god awful cheesy synth rubbish I have ever heard on any film, in fact it's the worst thing I have heard full stop and it blows any sense of suspense that could have been created. The denial induced fantasy world idea has been done before in a much deeper and emotional (more straight forward) manner by films like Jacob's Ladder. This just lacks any sort of emotional depth or development and the story is flaky at best, the characters are pretty inconsequential in respect to everything else that is going on and it's hard to feel anything for them, in fact I would have been quite happy if they had all endured slow painful deaths. The lesbian element ended up feeling rather contrived and a little trashy, though it did create a rare moment of interest amongst the myriad of silly imagery (the mutilated tramp thing made me laugh my socks off) and side plots. The whole film felt rather pointless, the lack of a solid plot and lack of character development just made me feel utterly apathetic. It lacked any real direction, like Lynch didn't quite know what he wanted to achieve or get across so he created this oblique, meandering puzzle, a charade that led to nothing of any great consequence. In the end I was quite happy the bitch died to be quite honest, and I just wanted to punch that infuriating hag with the blue hair! I felt nothing at the end, it is not a great 'open ended' conclusion at all because there was no fiber to the central story, it was a cold and empty experience not some profound journey that left me reflecting on the human condition, because this film lacked humanity and provided something entirely unsatisfying and plastic in it's place. Lynch has talent but it is certainly not in the field of screen writing, he couldn't write a decent story even if his life depended on it. If you liked this movie I suggest you watch something worthwhile then reassess your view of what makes a good movie.