impossibly twee and affected

Rating: 3/10 (2 July 2012)

Losing the forest for the trees, this excruciatingly overwrought pile of desperate artiness is so mired in trying to impress, it becomes impossible to watch. If you are a fan of such strutting garbage as Matthew Barney, then you'll gobble this right up and feel bettered for the experience. If you have a reasonably functioning bullshit detector, your skin will start to itch by a half hour in. Individual details are exquisite, and the director's craft is very elegant and refined, but the visibly heaving and straining effort to do something Vast and Poetic knocks the whole thing flat on its face. It's also one of those films that relentlessly quotes scenes from other films, which I find so aggravating, more about wink-winking how clever the director is than adding any useful content. Jared Leto also sports one of the most annoying haircuts I've ever seen on a man, and his inverted androgyny feels like he took the worst from both genders and forgot why he came into the room. When it finally ends, the director's satisfaction with his supposed Grand Reveal is one massive saccharine fart of nothing at all.