Can't wait for the sequel

Rating: 1/10 (16 June 2005)

You guys with the 9 and 10 ratings--you're kidding, right? I mean, we all did see the same movie, or did we?
As a public service, I will rate the movie by its various component parts:
1. Plot: n/a Sorry, nothing to rate
2. Soundtrack: 5/10 Nothing you can dance to but by far the most entertaining part of the movie.
3. Character development: 0/10 but hey, these are Hollywood stars. YOU want character, read People magazine
4. Editng: By any objective standard a solid 0/10. Scenes seemed to follow one another in a random sequence. But as the Longest Evening of My Life wore on, I realized this artistic decision was a stroke of genius. BY foregoing plot, the director is free to assemble the film in random order. Nicely done.
5. Shots of Angeline Jolie: Here I have to allow for a range of tastes. If you don.t mind the botox lips, there are some good cleavage shots. 7/10
6. Scenes reminiscent of the Matrix: 6/10 If you tried hard, some scenes could remind you of the Matrix (1 and 2)--the slow motion shooting scenes, some of the highway chase scenes. I give this category a high score because it proved to be helpful in surviving this, the Longest Evening of My Life.
7. Color correction and film developing: 8/10 Way to go, Kodak Laboratories!
8. Writing: 1/10 Seriously, you writers, what were you thinking? YOu need to take a long hard look at your chosen profession. No amount of money is worth attaching your name to this dreck. Do 40 hours of community service and we'll let you call yourselves writers again.
9. Ways to spend $10 plus parking: a surprisingly strong 7.5/10. It is important to crawl to the edge from time to time and look into the abyss. A small price to pay.
10. Equal non-sexist domestic violence: 8.5/10 Ding ding ding!!! The movie features several minutes of hardcore bashing, stomping, kicking, bottle braking on head, gouging and unloading of firearms toward husband and wife. I timed the action and I am pleased to tell you that each party played offense for exactly the same amount of time. YOu can't top that for being non-sexist.
In summary, save your money, save your life (at least 2.5 hrs. of it) Can't waiit for the sequel.