Brangelina!

Rating: 2/10 (14 January 2006)

The problem with "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" is not the rope-a-dope script, the flatter-than-a-pancake delivery by the too-yummy leads, or even the misogyny (is 312 the number of people Jane has offed or slept with?), it's the reason John and Jane find themselves on their respective agencies' hit lists: why it takes five (or six) years for their bosses to decide that John and Jane being Mr. and Mrs. is "bad for business" (whatever that means) is beyond me!
Because John already knows what Jane does when they meet (he sees her slip the knife she just used to dispatch The Barracuda into its sheath), the whole premise of the film is bogus. Even stupider is the idea of the agencies jeopardizing the lives of countless of innocent people AND allowing the FBI to buy their ruse, just to take out two of their own! So who's trying to take out John and Jane at Home Made: his agency, her agency, the FBI or all three? Your guess is as good as mine!
Though Brad and Angelina are no Butch and Sundance, and they didn't give me a single reason to like them, I found myself actually rooting for them, which, in light of what's gone down, sickens me. When Bruce Springsteen decided to humiliate his wife by flaunting his affair with his backup singer, I remember the overwhelming reaction was a collective: "You go, Boss!" I remarked to someone at the time that if Madonna cheated on Sean Penn, she'd be crucified by the same retards who were giving Springsteen their seal of approval. To see the dance the media did around Brad's adultery is to realize the hell Jennifer would have been put through had she decided to do the horizontal mamba with the co-star of her latest film. The more things change, sadly, the more they stay the same.