Death or Divorce - I Don't Care Which

Rating: 3/10 (7 September 2006)

I thought there might be something behind all the hype on this movie. I was terribly wrong.
I have no idea what Brad and Angelina do at home, because the only relationship that I saw click on the screen, oddly enough, was between Vince and Brad. That bouncing camera work (what is up with that?) just added to all those things that made me slightly nauseous when watching this film. Such as the storyline, which was so full of holes, I think someone from the Swiss Cheese Company Sales Department wrote it - as well as the hackneyed script. The only production "values" I saw went into that kitchen and tool shed, areas that just added to the potholes in the script.
Speaking of which...I have to point out it's really unlikely that the Mr. & Mrs. never noticed the other's stash of guns, cash, etc. Not to mention odd absences, inability to contact each other while traveling, etc... I mean, I don't cook, but I still trot through the kitchen and pull a few drawers open just for fun, and make my own coffee. And if my husband had hair-trigger reflexes, that would be such a difference from his usual stance of "beer me" that you can be sure I would notice. And I expect to be able to contact my husband by land line to mention there's a skunk in the backyard even if he's just out losing money at poker. The plot just didn't stand up to second thought, not to mention real scrutiny.
I didn't even get to see decent costumes - aside from that interesting (and no doubt squeaky) rubber corset, Angelina trotted around in either St. John's Bay or a close replica. There were no secret identity or special costumes to liven things up.
I gather there was supposed to be humor (black? dark? sarcasm? of any kind?) in this movie somewhere. I did see a few lines that were funny every time I saw a commercial for the movie. As usual, those were the ONLY lines I found funny in the entire movie (since I had already heard them 400 times, the hilarious thrill was gone for me). Which is too bad - you can get past a cheesy script or impracticalities if there's enough humour - and this concept had potential.
Sadly, I found Mr. & Mrs. Smith to be a waste of time. The personal lives of the players involved gave the movie far more attention than it deserved. And this trend of having big (paycheck) "stars" in bad movies is appalling. At least the old movies with big stars and silly scripts were funny. The fact that there's an audience out there that believes such dreck is actually worth paying to see twice is just pitiful.
I myself, because punishment seemed appropriate one day, agreed to watch this movie on HBO for a second time with an Angelina Jolie fan. He turned it off. What does that tell you?