Muppets would have made it better!

Rating: 1/10 (18 March 2002)

This movie was tacky, garish, and derivative. I say to those who "love it", have you people seen a real musical with original music? Like maybe "Fiddler on the Roof", "Grease", "The Sound of Music"? Pick any Disney musical from the past fifty years and it would be better than this nonsensical mess. The only way I can think to make it better would be to turn it into a Muppet movie. Miss Piggy would be a much better Satine (as she would say, "at least Moi can speak in a French accent"). Kermit would be Christian and Fozzy (Waka, Waka, Waka!) would make a great Zidler. Mix in some "humans" like Dabney Coleman or Elliot Gould as the Duke. Gonzo would make a terrific Toulouse-Lautrec and Rowlf (a dog) would be the perfect Narcoleptic Argentinean. I'm telling you Dr. Teeth and Rizzo Rat would fit this movie like a glove. Wouldn't that be better? Throw in catchy muppet songs and some wacky adventures and then you would have something to watch!