Awful, painful, migraine-inducing sparkly vomit (*SPOILERS*)

Rating: 2/10 (24 March 2002)

I didn't want to see this movie. I'll just come right out and say that up front. From the very first preview I was turned off by all the singing and dancing and glitter. I was incredibly bored one day, however, and a friend who really loved it insisted that I would, as well. I didn't think so, but I decided to be open-minded.
I was ill-prepared for the next torturous four hours (or however long it actually was; it certainly seemed like four hours or so) that I was subjected to.
This film is so shallow as to be less than one-dimensional, if that's possible. Everyone was so busy showing off that there was no time for any character development. It was impossible to care about any of them. The tale itself was trite, rehashed old crud served up in a glittery package. Oh, but wait! They're singing awful pop songs from the '70's and '80's that everyone hates! How terribly clever and original!
Oddly enough, for a movie that moved so fast and had so much going on at once that I literally got a migraine after watching it, it certainly dragged on and on. By the time I finally made it to the end, I just couldn't wait for the main character to DIE ALREADY so that this nightmare would end, but she had to cough for about 6 years and look beautiful first.
This film's broad appeal truly causes me to fear for our society as a whole. The only two kinds of people that I could see enjoying this film would be either people with severe ADD or fans of Elton John. Or perhaps a frightening combination of the two. I guess there are more of these people around than I thought.
If you have a soul and want to keep it, avoid this horrible, horrible movie.