Aggressively, Aggressively Terrible

Rating: 1/10 (10 June 2001)

This movie was so horrible it made me weep. It wasn't even really a movie; it was an insult aimed directly at everyone who paid $9 to see it.

You see, they wanted to do a musical, only they knew people wouldn't go see a musical unless it featured a random assortment of unrelated, canned popular music. Well, I ask, what's the point? Why bother? If you "put together" a musical without writing any music, have you really "put together" a musical? The answer is no.
This is the kind of idiocy that _Oklahoma!_ displaced, where the songs are unrelated and the "action" and "character" don't even rise to the level of formality. Only it's worse, because it specifically targets songs which are attached to your memories and butchers them. When I saw them quote out of context the song U2 wrote to commemorate the life and death of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in an idiotic scene on the back of a big fake elephant, I almost walked out. I should have. It only got worse.
The only way this would be even permissable would be in parody, but this is no parody. It clearly wants to be taken at least marginally seriously, apparently without going to the trouble of having anything at all to say, unless you count the apparent reality that people are very, very stupid, are essentially devoid of any and all merit, and are not worth watching.
Do not believe the hype. Do not see this movie! If you do see it, at least have the good sense to get really, really high first, so that, even if it takes itself seriously, you don't make the mistake of doing so.