No one cares about your dogma!

Rating: 1/10 (17 January 2002)

A movie musical starring an unsexy sex symbol with an actor pretending to be a writer making up songs off the top of his head that are actually hacked from other musicals or pop songs, most of which were achingly bad in their original form. My wife wanted me to see this with her, and I just kept staring at her. Eventually, she was embarrassed by the bad call she made in picking this movie and wanted to leave, but I insisted that we stay to the end, and delighted in sharing the remaining 45 minutes of cinematic punishment.
This movie is a textbook example of two phenomena. The first phenomenon occurs when the developers of a movie and its consumers convince themselves that a corporate-approved, non-threatening movie with talented actors and a big budget and flashy movement and costumes and the trappings of decadence must be a great movie since all the easily recognizable components of a great movie are covered in the "checklist of elements of great movies."

This phenomenon actually works to some extent because the self-deception creates and moves the product. In the U.S., demand for Titanic was so high that copies went on sale in stores that had never sold a videotape before. At one point, everyone was telling me to see Titanic. Then everyone was telling me to buy Titanic. Then everyone told me not to bother. Now they sell on Ebay for US$1.00. By the time that most of you read this review, this process will have already occured to Moulin Rouge.
The other phenomenon is when the creators of a film convince themselves that movies about superficial themes, like a Paris dance hall/whorehouse musical, can or should be superficial films, because there's the available defense of "of course it's a superficial film! This movie is ABOUT surface! Truth! Beauty! Freedom! Love!"
What truth? The romantic element of the plot rung false. What beauty? Nicole Kidman is recurringly described in the American Press as "alluring," which is code for "really pretty, but not in a way that provokes an erotic response." What freedom? Everyone in this movie is a whore, and none of them seem to earn any grace or learn any worthwhile lessons. What love? I'm not sure what any of these characters really love or believe in.

Maybe this film is escapist in a way that speaks to other people. Maybe my fellow US citizens are as superficial as this movie seems to assume they are. I doubt it. I've never been this negative in a film review before, because I only review films that I see to the end, and I would normally stop watching a film this bad.
Good lord, what a dog.
AMENDMENT: Apparently, there is some legitimate beauty in this film, as my wife assures me that Ewan MacGregor is a hot piece of beefcake.