Suffocating the Movie Musical

Rating: Null/10 (6 June 2001)

I thought Pearl Harbor would be the worst movie of the summer. Then I saw Moulin Rouge. Baz Luhrmann has indeed reached the core of human emotion. I never thought I could hate a movie this much. I can't recall the last time I laughed that much at a movie. And this one wasn't even a comedy.
This might be the first musical with -- NO -- original songs, but that wasn't the bad part. It's what was done with the songs that was the killer. As if we're supposed to find tunes by Madonna, Queen, the Wallflowers, Sting, and others fitting in 1900 Paris... Anyway, I can get past that.
I have to make a list of things I learned from this film
1) Baz Luhrmann can only direct one movie. It's name is 'Romeo and Juliet'.
2) If you're going to rip off a plotline, take it from a relatively unknown tale, like 'Pearl Harbor' did from the French legend of Martin Guerre. Don't take that of a critically acclaimed, amazingly popular film that won Best Picture three years ago.
3) It seemed like an acid trip. It is not creativity, it is insanity.
4) The movie musical has not been revived. Lurhmann, in performing CPR on it, blew way too much air into its lungs, thus making them explode.
5) 'Phantom', 'Les Miz', 'Miss Saigon', and other stage muscials are believable. People cry at the end of 'Rent', when Roger confesses his love to Mimi. It is impossible to cry at a movie where the moon winks and smiles at the main characters.
6) Did I mention the lack of an original plot?
7) Any handgun, when thrown through a broken window in Paris, will travel several miles, out of Montmartre, over the city and off of the top of the shaft of the Eiffel Tower. (This of course, is much to the delight of Earth's only natural satellite.)
8) Some movies scream "I DESERVE AN OSCAR", as this one does for costume design. It'll grab it, but please, let it take no others. If so, I've lost total faith in the Academy.
Thank you for allowing my venting.