A superficial depiction of love.

Rating: 1/10 (28 May 2003)

When will people figure out that you can't compensate for a lack of TALENT with glitz and glamour. Shaking the camera, inserting quick cuts and using over-the-top sets and costumes may distract some people from this atrocity, but some of us are insightful enough to recognize crap when we see it.
This is absolutely the worse editing I think I've ever seen. (The fact that it was nominated for an academy award made me rethink every thought I've ever had. I'm afraid to leave the house now, because I think that was a sign of the coming apocolypse.) The cuts are far to quick and it seems to have arbitrary cutaways thrown in that make no sense whatsoever. It was impossible to follow, because there isn't a single shot in this movie that lasts longer than 2.5 seconds. All flashy cuts do is confuse the viewer. They aren't "hip" or "cool" or "innovative", they're just plain ridiculous (believe me, I know what I'm talking about. I'm a professional editor.) The whole idea of editing is to cut the film together into a coherent story so the viewer can enjoy it-and this film failed miserably. All it did was give me a headache. To be fair, the editor is a very skilled editor who probably was just doing her best with what that no-talent hack of a director gave her. I have to believe the A.D.D. style of cutting was his vision, not hers. Check out Road to Perdition or Elizabeth to see her true skills.

What was with the gratuitous slow-motion? Every other shot was in slo-mo for apparantly no reason at all.
The singing made me want to sharpen a pencil and shove it directly into my ear. Seeing a fat man singing "Like a Virgin" is going to cost me years of therapy and lots of sleepless nights. Kurt Cobain is turning over in his grave, and if I ever hear "Your Song" by Elton John again, I may set myself on fire to distract me from the pain. ...THE MOON SINGS! What the f**K?
Not to mention, the story was awful. This was a just a very superficial depiction of love. The story is what holds a film together. No matter how pretty you make it, without a good story, it's just a complete waste of time. I shudder to think of some potentially great movie that didn't get made because this piece of crap did.
I was EMBARRASSED to watch this movie, and I was alone when I watched it, so figure that out. If you are planning on watching it, might I suggest taking an entire bottle of Vicodin beforehand- 'cause it's gonna hurt.