Cheesy, Cheerless, Cacophonous Tedium

Rating: 1/10 (27 January 2002)

Had I not heard so many glowing reviews of this disaster, I would have turned off my DVD player about a third of the way through. I wish I had. The best parts of this mess were the ones I slept through.
Elton John's "Your Song" now has assumed permanent "DELETE" status on my CD jukebox after suffering through its misuse in this piece of junk. This attempt to apply contemporary music to a bygone era was ill-conceived and ludicrous. The plot of this movie barely exists. The production numbers would be best suited for a revival of The Gong Show.
Apparently, calling something a musical gives it a certain status among reviewers, because I can think of no other reason for the praise given to this piece of garbage.
"Moulin Rouge" has the same effect as a train that passes ten feet from your house in the middle of the night. At first, it startles you. Then it annoys you. Eventually, you get used to it and fall back asleep, feeling relieved when you wake up and it's no longer there.