And The Cow Jumped Over The Moon (!?)

Rating: 1/10 (26 June 2014)

My guess? - One reason why some people are afraid to slam this piece of Sci-Fi junk is 'cause it was directed by David Bowie's son, the obviously no-talent, Duncan Jones.
Am I wrong? Well, if I am in serious err here - You can be sure of one thing, it was certainly Daddy David's influence and, most likely, his financial backing of Moon that undoubtedly launched this ill-conceived klunker off the ground and paid into the cost of its expensive sets and impressive moonscape visuals.
Well, am I wrong?
For me Moon's "clone-ified" novelty of a literal one-man show lasted for about the first 15 fidgety minutes. And, then, at that point, once I realized what a total lunar toilet that this film's constipated story was heading down, it took all of the god-damn patience that I could possibly muster to see it through to its unbelievably disappointing and truly unconvincing ending.
Believe me, Moon was the sort of sickening Sci-Fi slop that intergalactic yawns and celestial farts are made of.
Perhaps, if a more competent and more likable and more dynamic actor (other than Sam Rockwell) had been chosen for the all-important role of Sam Bell and if the dead-end dialogue had been a helluva lot more snappy (instead of being exceedingly crappy), then, yes, Moon actually might have risen out from the moon-muck of an astral graveyard.
But, let me tell ya - It was certainly bad enough having to endure the likes of 3 (?) Sam Rockwells here in Moon - But, on top of that, this poor victimized viewer was also forced to have to look at this twit's ugly, flabby ass cheeks, as well, during the senseless shower scene.
(Like, was the sight of Rockwell's dimply, pimply moon supposed to be regarded as some sort of an added bonus here, or something?)
Besides Rockwell's frickin' fat fanny freakshow, I absolutely hated Spacey's "Gerty" to infinity and beyond.
Not only did Gerty's cheap, over-used, little "Happy Faces" grate on my nerves like you wouldn't believe - But, Spacey truly sucked as the choice to voice this dreary robot who clearly had some serious issues when it came to the ethics of artificial intelligence.
No matter how hard little Kevin tried to imitate the voice of HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey, he just couldn't convincingly pull it off. All that he sounded like to me was just some completely forgettable nobody who was talking from inside a toilet stall in a public washroom (which was probably where Spacey was when he phoned in his uninspiring performance).
All-in-all - Moon was utterly atrocious film-making. Yep. It sure was. Give me Plan 9 From Outer Space over this heap of mortified moon-dust any old day of the year.