I thought a movie with an Aqua song in the sound track couldn't fail...and I was wrong.

Rating: 3/10 (29 June 2010)

Monsters vs. Aliens is a Dreamworks production, featuring a handful of celebrities whom I guess wanted to give voice acting a try, with a boring, overused plot idea, gimmicky characterization and gloriously unfunny jokes. Reese Witherspoon plays the main character, a girl named Susan who gets hit with a meteor and instead of dying from the impact, or radiation poisoning, grows really really big and gains super strength. You knowwhy is it that all these movie/comic/game characters are gaining super powers from radiation exposure? It's just not fair, and it's obviously not true. But I digress; with these new super powers Susan becomes a member of the Monster Union, loses the love of her life and then realizes she's better of without him, makes a bunch of freaky monster friends and saves the world. Among her friends are a sea monster, a bug, a bigger bug, and a blob who has no brain (or any organs for that matter) and is still somehow capable of sentience, which is an unfortunate thing for all of us because as a result of his lack of intelligence he is often the character the designers looked to for 'funny'.
I said the characters were gimmicky and I meant it; the blob was the go- to 'funny guy', the sea monster was a pseudo tough-guy who'd lost his macho but finds it under the couch cushions where he left it, the not- big bug is a mad scientist with a 'mad scientist laugh' that I am would really like to think Hugh Laurie thought was stupid but the producers beat and raped him into doing, and the bigger bug is like no species I've ever seen before but is big, stupid, attracted to bright light, dies and becomes a butterfly in the end. Because that's how it ALWAYS goes, isn't it? You know not ALL giants are capable of just roaring and stomping around; SUSAN was pretty big and she saves the world from the aliens with her awesome girl powers and...well, alright she's a bad example. But you see where I'm going with this, don't you?
Oh right! The aliens! We almost forgot about that part, didn't we? "But it's up there in the title so I guess we should probably throw in some aliens at some point", says the executive producer as he stabs the animation team with the cattle prod again. "I've got it!" Cries the coffee-bearing intern. "Why don't we instead make ONE alien, a purple squid-like one, and then we'll just clone him a hundred thousand times and that'll be our alien race!"
"Nonsense! That's cheating!" Shouts the writers. "If we're going to take the easy way out, we have to work it into the plot somehow! Let's have this alien guy clone himself as a means to populate the earth for a hostile takeover!"
"Brilliant!" is the collective response. That's about the extent of the alien's contribution to the story. He's supposed to be the bad guy, and he wants the radioactive substance that makes Susan so big and he gets it, then decides that while he's there, he might as well take over the Earth, but Susan goes all 'girl power', gets the radiation back and saves the world with a little help from her friends. It's supposed to teach us that friendship and determination conquers all and everyone has a little bit of hero in them, even Reese Witherspoon. What it taught ME is that even Dreamworks can't win EVERY time.
But it's a kid movie, so I guess the big question is "Will the CHILDREN like it, Katie?" and my answer is yes; I happened to have three kids with me at the time and they all enjoyed it. But seriously, if you're going to take your kids to the theater to see this movie, they better not be charging you for it. Even Regal knew better than that.
This review was edited for length and content. To read the whole thing, and other reviews, check out my blog! http://moviessuck.tumblr.com/