Tom Cruise would never go into a seven eleven

Rating: 2/10 (6 May 2006)

I'm going to say it blatantly right at the start. No tits.
Watching MI:3 is like someone stomping on your testicles for two hours -- eventually the pain recedes but it's still very unpleasant. I think I walked out of the movie theater sterile too. Jackie Chan made several appearances throughout the cinema, and I was disheartened to find that he wasn't credited at all.
This is pretty much how I broke it down as a horrible movie. Tom Cruise would never go into a 7/11; this is a stretch any way you look at it. Tom Cruise can not do math, and I was surprised to find myself the only one laughing at that particular scene in the theater. There apparently is no cell phone coverage in all of Shanghai except for a 10 foot square that Tom Cruise had to race to. 3 hours later an IMF (IMPOSSIBLE MISSION FORCE, I CRAP YOU NOT) agent is able to trace a cellphone call from the outskirts of Shanghai to downtown. You can apparently be dead for 3-4 minutes without suffering as much as mild discomfort. Morpheus apparently was an evil bastard before meeting up with Neo. Charles Bronson did -not- make an appearance. The main villain was a cross between Louie Anderson and Jack Black. The theater itself was packed with retarded children and old people hoping they'd die before the credits rolled. After watching MI:3 I had to be talked out of jumping out of a 6 story building by local police. God damn it.