Story Written In Gibberish! Tom Cruise Is A Has-Been! Dull, Duller, Dullest!

Rating: 1/10 (6 March 2007)

This is my third, and final, Mission Impossible! Why? Because the magic from the original 60's series has not once reappeared for more than a split second. I'm now a firm believer that Corporate Hollywood does not have a clue as to what made the original series a hit!
Okay, what do you expect from what is essentially a comic book story? A lot! First, I want to be entertained! Is that asking too much from Hollywood? I don't want to groan, or laugh, because of sheer camp stupidity! If I'm in the mood for dumb, I'll go see a comedy! Exhibit A: Tom Cruise stops his heart with electrical wires running on household current and a bowl of water. When he's finally revived, he jumps up, gun in hand, looking for a target, as if he got nothing more than SCRATCH! The audience thought it was a hoot, but this dopey scene belongs in a slapstick comedy, not in an action picture which tries so hard to be taken somewhat seriously!
Next, I want some character development, so I can care about some of the characters, just a tad bit. For example, I'd like to know something about this relationship between Ethan Hunt and his newly wed wife. In MI3 romantic love comes across as maudlin and forced. Like a bad 50's movie. Nothing lifts the heart. There simply is no satisfaction on any level!
Now comes the acting. When I start yearning for Arnold Schwartzenagger, I know Tom Cruise has hit rock bottom. His acting is not the least bit convincing. He almost comes across as uncomfortable madly kissing his "wife". All I can hear in the background is, "where's my contract", "I want more money", or "I got places to be, people to see." Memo to Tom: What happened to the depth you have shown in Risky Business, Born On The Fourth Of July or Jerry Maguire? If your hearts not in it, don't do it, Tom! Stop treating yourself like some commodity on an exchange! Otherwise, you will wreck your career all that much sooner! It was Friday night, and only about 25 people were in the audience in a theater that easily sits 500, and MI3 has only been out for a couple of weeks!
Lastly, I would love it if the story made some sense. Here's one good example: What's the connection to the Vatican City? Nice film-making, too bad it wasn't a travel documentary! Oh, it's so "cool" when the MI3 crew gleefully blow-up their $100,000 sports car, like any garden variety terrorist, while still inside the tiny Vatican City's walls. But I hope the Pope, or anyone else, for that matter, was not passing nearby! How stupid, on so many different levels, can Corporate Hollywood get? If you need to take a swipe at the Catholic Church, can it at least have something to do with the story? If I have deterred a single person from spending their hard earned money on this trash, then it was worth the effort to write this review. Vote with your pocketbook so Hollywood is not tempted into making MI4! If you got to see it, wait till it comes out on DVD and borrow it from your local public library for free!