Mission: Implausible...

Rating: 1/10 (4 November 2006)

This is easily one of the worst movies of all time, a true moron's delight to be honest. This series has always been implausible but this one is numbingly, eye-rollingly far-fetched. The actions scenes are cartoonish at best, laughably retarded at least! This is just one more vehicle for Cruise to astound the world with his amazing lack of talent, unnerving lack of charisma and fading good looks. He is a shameless egomaniacal diva who takes himself way too seriously. He thinks that glaring into the camera while flexing his jaw muscles or smirking like some high school jock picking on the class nerd is acting. The cold truth is that he wouldn't know how to act his way out of a paper bag and this film is a prime example of his monotonous "acting" abilities. Surrounding himself with better, more dignified actors only succeeds in exacerbating this sad fact. Electing a fan as director was a foolish move as scene after scene plays like a school-girl love letter to closet case Cruise, lingering close ups while decked out in physique enhancing wardrobes come across like those tedious scenes in soft-core erotica that are supposed to pass for exposition. Hell, even scenes where he is bloodied and bruised or being beaten play like psychotic gay porn he's always intended to look his best in every frame testament to the careless lust of his female audience and the innate yet suppressed homo-tendencies of his male fans who must secretly fantasize about being in just such situations on some juvenile level. Director J.J. Abrams is just such a fan, he's crafted a horrible boyhood fantasy flick here filled with outrageously unbelievable action, nearly non-existent character development with even less elucidation. Marvel at the sheer stupidity and have no doubt why this was the box office disappointment that it was.