FACE OFF MEETS SATURDAY A.M. CARTOONS

Rating: Null/10 (25 May 2000)

Haven't seen this movie yet? STOP READING HERE!
1) Do you REALLY (now be honest) believe that someone can wear a rubber mask and not be detected by someone who knows the person they're impersonating looking right at the impersonator's face?
2) Do you really believe that two guys speeding toward each other on motorcycles going at 60 mph (combined speed 120 mph) who collide and then drop 30 feet off a cliff can get up, dust themselves off, and do 15 minutes of kung fu?
3) Do you really believe a rock climber can slide 20 feet down a cliff, gaining momentum all the way, and then catch himself at the last 1/2 inch of rock by his fingernails?
4) Do you believe a guy can throw an explosive charge powerful enough to blow a hole through an 8-inch thick steel-reinforced concrete wall, stand there 20 feet away without being sheltered in any way, and withstand the explosion without major physical injury (not to mention loss of hearing!)?
If your willing suspension of disbelief extends this far, this movie is for you. But, chances are you also watch the Saturday morning cartoons and think that they're really real, too.
This movie is way too confusing. Because characters routinely pull rubber masks off to reveal they're not who you thought they were, you never really know who you're looking at: Is this Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) or the bad guy? Is this the bad guy or his chief henchman? Is this the love interest girl or Anthony Hopkins?
Then, Ethan Hunt seemingly knows how to operate anything he comes into contact with, including highly-specialized and probably custom-built lab equipment designed for researching the world's deadliest viruses. Quite a guy, this Ethan Hunt.
The whole team seems to have access to more information, at all times, than one could believe they could possibly have access to. It's like there's some agency in Washington who computer geek Ving Rhames can consult to find out which living room wall my couch is against.
Speaking of Ving, I've known many computer geeks, and not one of them resembled Ving Rhames in any way at all. Is this not the world's worst casting choice? This is not a racial bias. There are plenty of black actors who who could be believable in this role, but Ving Rhames (a wonderful actor for lots of other types of parts) is the wrong guy for this role.
The dialog is so bad the audience laughed at it from time to time. There is a moment when Ethan Hunt look into the eyes of his lady luv and says something like, "I am NOT going to let you die!" Can you imagine James Bond saying something as weepy and whiny as that? No!
John Woo is one of my five favorite directors. He is probably the best action director on Earth. However, this is decidedly NOT one of his best films. DON'T go see this movie. Instead, rent Face Off, Broken Arrow, or even Hard Target. All of these are better films.