Why Didn't They Ask Me?

Rating: Null/10 (31 May 2006)

I can just see Xenu Princess Warrior over there, getting depressed as ever. He still doesn't have an Oscar (you mean the crying sequence in Top Gun wasn't good enough) and he's never been asked to play James Bond! Of course Cruise isn't English, which makes it difficult to consider him for the role, but if Cruise was the last English applicant left I am sure Brocoli would just shut the project down.
This movie is just stupid. It is a total yawner. It has no brains. Most likely because the people who made it don't have any. And that includes the star. All he's trying to do is be James Bond. He can't get the role so he wants to show everyone he's better than 007. Hey that's going to work - not! In the first film they totally ruined the premise of the original series. They start out by deliberately sabotaging it so the screen writers can just pour out all this drivel. Hey that was great. Now they take the little intelligence left in the first one and get rid of it altogether.
How about a new Rocky movie where Sly absolutely demolishes Cruise in the ring? Everyone would love that.
Check the trivia section for this movie if you want another clue how brainless this is: the screen writer was directed to weave a plot through action scenes John Poo already decided on. This is even worse than Spielberg.
The trivia section also says the movie was smuggled to theatres with the fictitious name 'Doll House'. That seems much more appropriate. Maybe Tom Cruise could take up Ibsen as a hobby. When he's finally gratefully out of work. And before he flies off with the thetans again.
Total loser. 1 is too high a vote. 0 would still be too high. Demand the theatre refund your money. Where we saw this people at least got up to leave because it was so utterly stupid.