MISSION: PATHETIC

Rating: 1/10 (11 February 2001)

The Cruise-man goes to Octane Cool! See him show off his 'martial arts abilities'! See him perform the most wicked stunts ever done by amateur stunt men! See the Cruise-Control Motorcycle Road Runner's Chase! See the Cool Cruise-man win High Points on the Score Board!
This is little more than a shoddy imitation of The Matrix or another boring, cliche-ridden movie episode of James Bond, but with a poorer story line. What story line you say? There wasn't one, actually.
WARNING! SPOILER ALERT!
Complete suspense of disbelief is an absolute necessity in order for one to sit through this flick without laughing aloud, or groaning at all the ridiculous stunts Tom Cruise performs.
The 80 m.p.h 'Shoes-On-Asphalt-Slide' is probably the best (and worst!) phony stunt I have ever seen! Next time I ride my moped I'll hop off and slide down the street alongside of it wearing my jandals while shooting a pea shooter at bulls eye targets on passing lamposts.
Tom fighting??? He may be able to act, but he simply can't fight. His martial arts looked like the way I would do martial arts. And I'm fairly hopeless! To make this even worse (or funnier!) they show Tom's fights in slow-mo!
Other memorable moments: The slow-mo 80 m.p.h chest slap and waves crashing on beach during the (anti) climatic fight (most of it also in slow-mo). Tom's flying-shoe kicks and clumsily-performed cartwheels in the sand. Tom's shoes-sand-gun-hand manouver (all at once). His Hair. His sun glasses. Priceless!!!
This whole awful flick was produced by Tom so that simply makes this a 'Cruise-Mobile'. Admittedly I missed half of this 'movie' on video. I watched the Second Half, and found it to be ridiculous to the point of hilarious.
CONCLUSION? Watch only if you wish to learn how to become a famous actor's stunt double.