More of a soap opera than a fun film, Woo's overly sexualised Mission Impossible fun is lacking in thrills and tension

Rating: 5/10 (14 August 2015)

I've never ever seen a director so bad at directing an actress as John Woo was at directing Thandie Newton. I am without words for how badly he handles who I consider one of the most underrated actresses of her generation. The only person who is more blatant at this was Michael Bay directing Transformers, when he had Megan Fox posing on the motorbike. I'll come right back to this.
Mission Impossible 2 opens with some guy doing some darn impressive climbing scenes in the mountains. I say some guy because whilst he looks like Ethan Hunt and sounds like Ethan Hunt - this guy is most certainly not Ethan Hunt. John Woo takes the frenetic, high-octane guy that we've seen in every other film and ramps the charisma up to 11 and turns down everything else. They could've taken Tom Cruise out and replaced him with Pierce Brosnan and honestly it would've felt more right. Hunt is too flirty and suave in this film - Cruise is at his best when his back is against the wall (as in the other four Mission Impossibles, where he has been a rogue agent), so to have him carrying out a fairly basic IMF mission means that the tension is gone from him. This is just another mission to him, and it shows in his lack of energy at times.
To pair with Cruise is Newton, who I really enjoyed watching. She's gorgeous, dignified and even a bit catlike in her thieving scenes (if only there was more than one in the entire film). However, after Hunt recruits Hall (and bangs her for fun), he is told by his boss that Newton's role is just to pretend to be the villain's girlfriend. Hunt's reaction to this news is about what I imagine Newton's was. "I thought we were recruiting her for her talent" he snarls, barely able to conceal his contempt. Again, this is pretty much how I felt whenever I watched awful, sexualised scenes of Newton - whether its unnecessary cleavage camera work, or her asking Hunt "what are you going to do, spank me?" in the middle of a tense confrontation. Splice in the porn-quality score and suggestive camera work, and Mission Impossible suddenly changes genres.
Hunt's mission is to have Hall infiltrate Sean Ambrose's confidences. Of course, many are suspicious of this, including Ambrose's loyal henchman Stamp (Richard Roxburgh, who can't seem to decide on an accent). Ambrose himself is aware that Hall is probably a mole, but he goes along with it because he's a sex-crazed psychopath (quote, "I am gagging for it"), and when Stamp dares to ask if he's sure, Ambrose politely agrees and cuts off Stamp's finger for some reason.
While Hall infiltrates Ambrose in Sydney (oh, this movie takes place in Australia for some reason), Hunt and his team (an excellent Ving Rhames and an unbearable John Polson, who in three seconds creates the most excruciating Australian stereotype ever put to film) set up in the outback. WHY ON EARTH ARE THEY IN THE OUTBACK? There's nowhere in ALL OF SYDNEY that they can set up? The Australian slang is excruciatingly manufactured coming from the actors, even from native Australian Polson.
Its cut together with typical John Woo action - two guns, flying pigeons, endless slow-mo sequences, and an explosion is always warranted. Seriously, there are points where explosions and slow-mo is incorporated where I think "why are you doing this, Woo, why?" Two motorbikes collide in midair and explode for some reason, instead of just scuffing each other and falling heavily to the ground. Meanwhile, Hunt (who misses a big "impossible mission" sequence in this movie) has one scene where he must destroy the Chimera virus, and despite Rhames shouting helplessly that he must hurry, Woo decided to shoot Cruise in slow-motion. Its excruciating to watch.
Mission Impossible 2 is an action soap opera. The music, overacting, and even the way people move around the room and discuss betrayals. Its fun and harmless if you turn your brain off, but focusing you will see its a giant blob of stuff that Woo should never have been allowed to make under the Mission Impossible banner. He should never be allowed to work with Thandie Newton again, that's for sure.