Mission: Impossible to sit through.

Rating: 1/10 (2 June 2000)

It seems that the writing team behind M:I2 said to each other: "Ok, the last movie turned out to be too convoluted and messy for the average movie goer to comprehend. So this time around, let's make the plot as simple, cheesy and predictable as possible, and stuff it full with the tired cliches and those cool mask-ripping tricks that the viewer can anticipate ten minutes beforehand. Let's make the dialogue as dumb and laughable as possible, with pearlers like "Damn, you're beautiful" or "I'm not gonna lose you!". Let's include a few pretty shots of Sydney's Opera House, but never make any real use of the location. Let's cut most of John Woo's violent poetry to a minimum; after all, a PG-13 rating means more success at the box-office! And to make the film seem like a thinking man's action movie, let's pretend to do some "character development" in the first half by including a romance that shall grind the whole movie to a halt."
And here we have it, ladies and gentlemen: another soulless summer turkey that most people dislike and some passionately hate (judging by the responses I read on the net), but which nevertheless will make more than $200 million in America and another $200 million overseas.
What a waste of talent, this movie. Thandie Newton is an amazingly beautiful woman, but there is no chemistry whatsoever between her and Cruise; their relationship, which is supposed to be the heart and soul of the film, is never convincing or passionate. Her character starts out interestingly enough, as a smart, sexy professional who could be Hunt's equal, sort of like Michel Yeoh to Pierce Brosnan in "Tomorrow Never Dies". Then she quickly dissolves into the thankless role of a girlfriend, whose main purpose is to act as a helpless hostage and be saved by the hero. Her facial expressions seem to alternate between two main modes: staring longingly with a seductive smile on her lips, or looking worried and vulnerable.
Dougray Scott is an AWFUL villain. His accent is so painfully ridiculous, he overacts so badly that I couldn't help giggling from time to time. The worst thing, though, is that his character is sooo terminally dull. We learn absolutely nothing about his past or the motives for betraying his former employers. His scenes with Cruise lack tension and intensity, the kind of "we-hate-each-others-guts" feel that underlines the best villain-hero relationships. Hunt and Ambrose do suit each other in a way that both of those characters have zero personality and believability. Which brings us to Tom Cruise and his hero. Ethan Hunt has to be the blandest, dullest James Bond rip-off. He has no visible personality traits or quirks, no particular reasons to like or admire him, he's a nobody, really. He looks good and grins a lot, but that's about it. And as much as I like Tom Cruise and admire him as an actor, I could never buy him as a John Woo action hero. He's way too short, for one thing, and all his attempts to act all macho and intense brought giggles from me and others in the cinema.
Let's see, who else? Ving Rhames is totally wasted, spending most of his time looking worriedly at the computer screen and cracking unfunny jokes. Anthony Hopkins brings his usual charisma and dignity to the role of Hunt's superior, but his classy appearance is too brief to save the film.
Don't get me wrong, I know that most of the action movies are not about good acting, characters, dialogue or plot. They can be as over-the-top improbable as they damn like, I'm not one of those nitpickers who roll their eyes during some crazy action scene and say "yeah, right". But when a supposedly action movie lacks any tension whatsoever, all the weak elements come to surface more clearly. I can ignore shallow characters, dumb dialogue and simplistic plot, but I can never forgive dullness and the lack of genuine excitement. And M:I2 was DULL with capital D.
Apart from the motorcycle chase which was pretty neat, there was no action scene that didn't remind me of another similar action scene in a much better movie. It even rips the original M:I's most famous scene, with Cruise being suspended on a cord. I suppose it was intended as a wink-wink reference, but it comes off as trite and recycled instead. There's way too much slow motion, and what's the deal with those constant close-ups on the face?
I went to this movie with no expectations other than having a blast of a time without putting any pressure on the brain. Instead, it disappointed me on every single level I could think of. I give it 1 out of 10.