Mission: implausible

Rating: 2/10 (11 October 2012)

I like John Woo movies, and I used to enjoy the TV show on which this film franchise is (loosely) based, but this is pure nonsense. Not so much a movie as a stylism or 3-D postcard of Australia, with Cruise as the uber-sharp agent impervious to everything, and Dougray Scott as his Scottish nemesis. Cruise is assigned to convince Thandie Newton to embed herself (literally) with former lover Scott to determine how an eminent professor died en route to a safe haven after discovering a mutant, deadly virus.
Gleeson plays a greedy pharmaceutical magnate who wants to purchase both the virus and the antidote to control supply and demand; Hopkins is wasted in a minor role at the bookends giving Cruise his fantastic orders. The villains are suitably swarthy but clichéd, Roxburgh's Afrikaaner accent not sufficient to convey as intimidating, a point driven home when he squeals like a débutante after having his pinky 'tipped'. Ving Rhames is also on-side, sharply dressed with a joke or two to match, but no substance or bearing on the outcome.
Stunts are the main game, and they're so over the top as to be utterly laughable, so too is the misplaced Woo signature of the white doves. I accept that Woo conveys a unique style, and indulges in an artistic approach, unfortunately someone seems to have tampered with his canvass and paints on this occasion. Let's be clear, this isn't James Bond, it's just poor imitation and perhaps a pointer to why the next instalment was six years away - though still not long enough to forget this debacle.