Warning: Absence of Plot Elements....

Rating: Null/10 (30 May 2000)

Fifteen minutes into this movie I still thought this was going to be a great contender in the Summer Blockbuster genre. It was even starting to vie for a slot in my head for the Spy/Gadget genre (The Saint kinda sucked, and Brosnan's no Connery.) - all the requisite elements were there, and well executed at that (WARNING PLOT ELEMENTS): Some grand-finale caliber action in the opening heist scene; the really neat-o cyber glasses after the really neat-o free climbing scene; The requisite Bond-esque cat-burglar scene, followed by requisite Bond-esque roadster-in-the-mountains chase scene, followed by the requisite Bond-esque bedding of the beautiful heroine (or villain?? Ooh the suspense.the possibilities.). Granted there was that somewhat cornball scene with the rubber tear-away mask, though the voice-chip was a clever twist. But it was early and over real quick like a band-aid so no harm done, right?
Those of you who have seen the movie can see where I am going with this..
By two thirds thru the movie I no longer care how cool the gadgets were implied to be in the trailer, or how hard it must be to act with hair in your eyes, or how he can possibly clutch-brake with one hand while shooting at a moving target LEFTHANDED or how many more lines Ving Rhames can fumble thru without invoking a Mushmouth reference or the other guy a Yahoo Serious reference, or how they hide the wires in those ceaseless slo-mo somersault karate-chop kicks, (And what's the connection between that and location-shooting in Australia (Matrix reference)? Is it a gravity thing?), or how suddenly a Triumph Speed Triple is wearing dirt tires at the end of a street chase, or how many times one can rip off Sam Peckinpah and Battleship Potemkin/The Untouchables in one scene..
Oh no, I no longer care about any of those things, because I am kneeling on the sticky floor praying for them to PLEASE STOP WITH THE RUBBER MASK SCHTICK. I mean JESUS HERSCHEL CHRIST it was STUPID when they did it on the beer commercials with Rodney Dangerfield and Bob Ueker and it's STUPID NOW. And just when you think its over, just when you finish rationalizing the last three rubber mask scenes ("well I GUESS they could've spent 4 hours in make-up just before the heist/interrogation/chance meeting in the alley."), they throw in TWO MORE RUBBER MASK SCENES RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ACTION SEQUENCE!!!!! Wait - its not Tom Cruise at all - its really the bad guy! BUT WAIT it's really the Coyote - BUT WAIT ITS REALLY THE SHEEPDOG ---- NO ITS ACTUALLY A FRIGGIN HORSE. AAARRGH!!!!(If your browser is unable to support screaming font, please click here to down load the screaming-enabled plug-in)
But far be it from me to give away the surprise ending. Surprise. There IS NO SURPRISE ENDING!!!!! (WARNING: ABSENCE OF PLOT ELEMENTS) No triple or even double agents, no flashbacks, no characters who turned out to be dead but didn't know it, no nothing. Imagine the most predictable schlock hollywood crowdpleaser ending and you'll be right. This story line is about as flat as a medieval globe. I guess the first Mission: Impossible (M:I1??) just left too many people scratching their heads.