Mission: Irrelevant

Rating: 10/10 (13 June 2000)

Like many others, I was disappointed with the fact that for the big screen, almost all the elements which made the tv series "Mission: Impossible" so entertaining - the team ethos, the complex con-tricks, etc - were jettisoned in favour of a huge ego boost for the one man show that is Mr. Tom Cruise. It is particularly annoying given that the "plot" chosen to replace it is so bog-standard and predictable. An honest hero is framed for something he didn't do and spends the rest of the movie trying to clear his name and out the real spy... This seems to be the plot of every third blockbuster these days - two titles released just before "M:I" using exactly the same storyline spring to mind: "Judge Dredd" and Schwarzenegger's "Eraser". It was also totally un-necessary to take the hero of the original series and make him the villain of the movie - can you imagine a film version of "The Untouchables" with the cops hot on the trail of the evil gang boss Eliot Ness? There is also the fact that the movie is deeply insecure; one feels that it would like to be a cold-war style espionage picture but does not have the courage of its convictions so tacks a cheesy and implausible action sequence onto the end. I could go on, but at the end of the day, my list of criticisms are all are all pretty subjective, and don't really point to this being a bad film, simply one that I don't like. But then suddenly it struck me. The reason I find this movie so intensely pointless, and the reason I think it's no good, is that so many scenes are so stupid, or just completely extraneous. Take for example the films most memorable moment - the break in to the CIA building to steal half of the 'NOC' list. We are told that this is the most secure room in the entire world, that it has every security system known to man. Except, it seems, a plain and simple good old CCTV camera! Sure, the scene is well directed and a fair amount of tension is wrung from it, but if you take a step back to think, it's preposterous. Besides, by my reckoning there is no reason for Hunt even to have the real NOC list if he is planning on double bluffing simply to smoke out the spy, so the scene shouldn't even be there. Why would he endanger all those agents by handing over the real list?

Nit picking? Certainly, but it sums up for me why the whole thing is a waste of time. There are plenty of movies one can enjoy by checking ones brain in at the theatre door; but when a movie cloaks itself in a supposedly complex plot and encourages the audience member to engage his or her brain, and then doesn't even stand up to scrutiny, I find the whole process deeply depressing - more so when the film takes itself as seriously as this one evidently does. I can't even be entertained anymore, because I am acutely aware of how shallow, empty, and ultimately pretentious it all is. So sorry folks, but if you ask me this is a red herring wrapped up in a Macguffin, wrapped up in a shaggy dog story with fleas, all designed for the sole purpose of making Tommy look good. It's a real shame that the supporting cast, production values, direction etc are all so high, since the film itself is so thoroughly worthless. At my most generous, I'd give it...
(4/10)