Mission Incorrigible

Rating: 1/10 (19 June 2006)

Mission Impossible is the movie that could only come from DePalma and Cruise. The former is a hack and the latter is a real drip. The plot is set in motion when the good guys "knock list" is stolen. But the thieves learn it was a bogus knock list, so it's vitally important to replace the knocklist or the bad guys will realize their goods are bad. Mostly the plot is an excuse for characters to say "knock list" a lot, and you get to see Cruise play an unbearably cocky ass in Eruope for a change. Plotwise it's pretty stale; One guess as to who turns out to be the bad guy; yep, that's right, the person who was supposed to be the good guy. Gee, that's fresh.
Cruise projects the kind of phony confidence of the guy who knows the "right" answer to give to those idiot job-interview questions. You know what I mean... "What's your worst habit?" followed by the correct answer that cloaks your success in flaws clothing: "I drive myself too hard." or "I cry myself to sleep at night over my lack of flaws." The type of deeply phony horse-sh*t that makes you roll your eyes and fills you with revulsion for the ass who would actually say it; the type of person who would give those answers and really sell it, not realizing that an impartial observer would retch over his teeming phoniness.
Keep your eyes on Cruise though. The heyday of this type of this meathead tripe has lasted anachronistically into the era of the metrosexual. It's due to expire some time in the next 3 months. Cruise hasn't figured out that this kind of sales job makes him look really old, not young. Chicks with fake boobs, guys who drive hummers, and those who wish to join either group will like this movie.