Fantastic ...

Rating: 1/10 (13 August 2016)

... no, not as in fantastically good. As in outrageously, no-way, LaLaLand, not-even-funny unrealistic. And to think that they laughed at Roger Moore because in one James Bond film he hand-glides into the Alps.
This latest hallucination from Hollywood opens with the tired and tiresome superman-jumps-on-a-careening-plane. And it goes south from there.
Tom Cruise's face is more stuffed with Botox than John Kerry's. But although - like Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, and all the rest of the 80s- 90s dinosaurs - he is just getting too old for this sort of thing, he insists on playing the indestructible guy. Our geriatric hero can hold his breath for 3 whole minutes in spite of the fact that he is doing acrobatics under water, or that he does this for the first time. He eventually is rescued by his super-female counterpart in another WTF stunt. But wait. There's more. He flies off a motorcycle going at light speed, rolls and bounces like a dummy all over the place, and does not even get a scratch. Under similar circumstances you and I would be mashed into snot. But that's just because you and I are such wimps.
Anyway, I won't bore you with the rest, which is more of all of the above. If that is your sort of thing, by all means knock yourselves out (hubby loved it). I'd rather watch paint dry.