As always, should you or any of your viewing accomplices be bored or use the movie as a sleeping pill, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions.

Rating: 6/10 (19 February 2013)

"Mission Impossible -- Ghost Protocol" is an example of what might be called latter-day "wowpunk," recent movies that make absolutely no sense but are fun to watch, because of their gadgetry, whiz-bang effects and non-stop action. You will need a large screen though to enjoy the circus. There is an actor named Tom Cruise who gets star billing, but he is probably a cartoon, as are all the other "humans" to be seen. His part was not written but apparently sketched in. There is absolutely no reason for what his character does or goes through. Other characters talk to him. Sometimes he answers them. More often he hits them or shoots them, or gets hit or shot himself. When he runs, the camera action is speeded up so that he apparently outruns cars, boats, and, of course, helicopters.. You just know that justice will triumph in the end, and that all concerned will go on to another romp based on the ancient "Mission Impossible" TV series, where some inventive sci-fi gadgetry papered over bad acting and moronic scripts.
The director, Brad Bird, who up to now has been known for directing cartoons, brings his animation world-view to the job and creates a universe peopled by cartoons composed of flesh – they walk and talk like humans, but their actions, motivations and expectations are strictly those of Road Runner and Elmer Fudd. Things happen to them, bad things similar to those good old Walter Lantz tropes of grand pianos and bank vaults falling from the sky and driving characters into the ground. All of this makes for an adolescent's idea of heaven, with weaponry – automatic guns that are never aimed but just pointed in the general direction of a victim usually find their target as though by magic and rarely run out of ammo; computers – laptops and smart phones, slightly dated in their design, but with great apps for taking over the world; and a backpack of gadgets that Batman would have given his Bat-teeth for, all of which make the job of the good guys simple as pie. The scenery is eye-filling and expensive but slightly seedy, like the world itself today. Characters whip around the world, apparently on magic carpets, to exotic venues to do nasty things to each other. We visit the Kremlin, which seems to have the grandeur of your old high school, a Russian prison populated by easily excitable gentlemen; Dubai, where some great, great effects manage to make this film more than just color and noise (here's where a super-sized screen would be nice to own); and Mumbai, where a grand reception apparently catered by a demented wedding planner (look for a hilariously ill rehearsed though enthusiastic troupe of dancers) provides a background of intrigue, danger and the requisite seduction/assault. This picture commits many sins, including excessive product placement (for long stretches you may think you're in some Best Buy outlet, where they dump their outmoded, unsold electronics ) and an inability or refusal to use the talents of some interesting actors. For instance, Tom Cruise, whose production company gets credit for this movie -- which was a box office smash, the most profitable of the MI series-- is a caricature of himself, and at times is hardly recognizable, even when not wearing the intricate disguises that Mission Impossible dotes on. (Look for an absurd though funny scene where Cruise plays the youngest and most American general in the Russian army ) If not exactly showcases of acting and writing, The Mission Impossible movies can be improbably enjoyable. And should you decide to accept the trouble of watching them, they're also fun to pick apart.