Oh yes...

Rating: Null/10 (17 July 2002)

Yes, I admit it, I hated "AI". So did you. So did everybody, really. I mean, deep down, in your heart and in your wallet, everybody hated "AI". Here was a film that stole your money and your time and in return it gave you a colossal pain in the neck. I had, therefore, very low hopes indeed for the titanic pairing of Spielberg and Cruise in a summer blockbuster set in the future. Surely this movie would suck. It had to suck. And yet, it does not suck. It does the opposite of sucking, which I suppose means it blows. But that doesn't sound quite right. Anyway, what I think I am trying to say is, this movie is a million times better than anyone had any right to expect. When Spielberg is on form, as he most certainly is here, there is no one who can touch him. And the thing with him is that as soon as one film is finished, he's off making another one. New Spielberg film a bit crap? No problem, there'll be another one along in a minute. "Minority Report" banishes all memories of the hideous "AI", the dismal "Saving Private Ryan", the inane "Amistad", the ludicrous "Lost World", and takes us back to a golden age when Spielberg movies, for all their flaws, were wonders to behold. You want me to tell you the plot? You already know it, I think: Pre-crime. Cop. Frame-up. Mystery. Double-cross. Future. Robot spiders. Eye transplants. It really is that simple. While there's nothing in this film to rival the delirious body-warping of "Total Recall" or the magnificence of "Blade Runner" (how odd that with all the "advances" in special effects, "BR" still looks fresh and believable while some of the cgi motorways in "MR" look like out-takes from the Capital Radio ad) it's still a rip-roaring entertainment, with enough thrills and tension to satisfy all but those sad cretins who sit there, stroking their chins and nodding wisely, noting down all the "holes" in the plot.
Some of the action sequences in this movie are up there with the best of them - notably the jet-pack fight and the robotic spider retina scan nightmare, which takes gleeful delight in cranking up the tension to an almost unbearable level. I could have done without the assembly plant shoot-out (though the guns are awesome (!)) which seems to add nothing to the movie, and in fact just slows it down. Likewise, the final twenty minutes or so seem much more sedate than what went before. There is, perhaps, a reason for this, which will be discussed below... But, as well as the great action, there is also time taken to establish characters and make us care about them. Spielberg, unlike his pal, Lucas, knows that the best movies have great scripts, finely-tuned until they seem almost effortless. Here, massive amounts of information and potentially confusing details are subtly introduced and woven into the film's fabric. Eye-candy is never the film's only raison d'être. The film is provocative in its subtle way, raising questions of identity and freedom: the cops are imprisoning people who have done nothing wrong, but don't worry, because the crime rate has plummeted. Immense pleasure is to be had in the details - talking adverts, over-aggressive plants, animated cartoons on boxes of cereal - and the supporting cast (Spielberg has always been adventurous when it comes to casting: remember Samuel L Jackson in "Jurassic Park"?). There are some great jokes along the way, with Cruise happily allowing his persona to be mocked and ridiculed (the old lady kisses him, the nurse squeezes his ass) and his face to be masked and distorted.
I can't wait to see it again, and no doubt when I do certain things will seem unnecessary (like the aforementioned assembly line and the gags (!) with the rotten food in the fridge) and certain plot points will seem a little too convenient (wouldn't they make sure that Anderton's eyes would not be allowed to open the ever-so-handy back door to the high-security room, once he was a fugitive from justice?) but what the heck. Criticising this movie for little things like that is like asking why Arnie needed that slightly over-elaborate mask in "Total Recall"? It misses the point. The point being that movies like "Minority Report" don't come along all that often, so when they do they should be embraced and enthused over and endlessly discussed. Compared to the rest of this year's big movies "Minority Report" looks more and more like a masterpiece. Along with the disgracefully under-rated "Vanilla Sky" it is a classic of mind-bending cinema, which, coincidentally (?) stars Mister T. Cruise. What is it with this guy? Yes, he's made some awful movies. But the last few years have seen "Magnolia", "Vanilla Sky" and now this. Not bad, for someone who so many still regard as a brain-dead bozo. And, Mister Spielberg, what the hell happened to you? I could have sworn your best days were behind you. I was wrong. I'm big enough to admit that. If you ever come to my house again I'll apologise in person. Heck, send me the dry-cleaning bill for your suit after all. I'll happily pay it. Just call off the lawyers. Okay? Please? Finally, my theory. You can call it the phiggins theory, if you like, even though I'm sure others will have thought the same thing (like various people working out gravity or relativity simultaneously in different parts of the world). Cruise gets caught and is put in prison. The mad prison guy says something about Cruise's vivid dreams and how they always come true, or words to that effect. We next see his wife's point-of-view of Max Von Sydow, and, well, you know the rest. Perhaps this final section is only taking place in Cruise's fevered imagination? I like this theory. I hope you like it, too.