Boooooooooooorinnnnnnnng. Wake me up when it's over.

Rating: Null/10 (7 May 2003)

Two of the most mediocre names in Hollywood team up to give us a slicked-up, big money blockbuster that is boring, amateurish, and predictable, and may be the most overrated movie in decades.
I felt like I was watching AI all over again, and as bad as that movie was, it was, like, ten-times better than this worthless junk. It looks almost exactly the same, has the same plodding narrative, lack of credible characterization, predictability, unimaginative dialogue, half-baked and poorly-realized ideas about the future, etc. AI did have better acting for the most part. That's a big problem here, since the movie relies almost exclusively on Cruise, who flubbs it. Every time I see Tom Cruise on screen, he looks like he's trying too hard. Consequently, he is rarely convincing (Born on the 4th of July being the glaring exception). He's at his worst here, due to the effects-laden, heavy-handed direction of Spielberg.
On another level, this movie completely misconstrues the essence of Phillip K. Dick, who is likely turning over in his grave right now, over and over. Dick was essentially concerned with the nature and meaning of human-ness, with sci-fi being his story-telling vehicle. That is where Minority Report fails large. In spite of its massive production budget and big-name Hollywood credentials, or more likely because of it, Minority Report is utterly lacking in humanity, unoriginal and heartless, unmoving, unwatchable. All surface and no substance. It's below-average work by small-minded, overambitious egotists, hyped-up and overwrought to gargantuan proportions, to where it becomes an insulting, glaring failure.
I can hardly believe the universality of opinion on this film; it's like everybody is parroting Roger Ebert, who continues to bestow glowing endorsements to golden turds such as this. Too bad we lost Siskel; the two had some integrity back then. People are going into movies these days knowing exactly how they're supposed to react, thanks to reviews and massive marketing campaigns. Regardless of how bad a movie may be, if there's enough money telling them otherwise, they tend to react as they have been told. It's depressing.
Now, in keeping with the principal of balancing praise and blame, I will say that the display graphics were pretty cool, as was the flying vehicle. And Colin Farell (sp?) managed a good job with what little he had to work with. Too bad for Cruise that he shows him up in nearly every scene shared by the two actors. I thought the idea of the precogs floating in water was interesting, but it could have been so much more. It should have been more abstract; they should have been floating in a womb-like tank, or like three witches swimming in a cauldron, with long wispy hair, instead of lying bald and partially submerged in a giant bathtub. How not sexy.
Don't believe the hype. Don't waste your time. This movie will be forgotten in a few years, by everybody including those who seem to have loved it. 1/10.