Stupid but Harmless

Rating: 5/10 (16 February 2017)

The first two Despicable Me movies were delightful movies, thanks to the relationship between Gru and the girls, the interesting stories, and of course the cute minions. For some reason, they became the most popular characters in the series, so much so that Universal wanted to make a movie based off these guys. Where do I begin on how that doesn't work?
1) The narrator. This guy speaks in the beginning and end of the movie. While I don't hate the narrator completely it causes the audience to lose investment in the characters, because the narrator is doing their job of figuring out the situation or letting any emotion sink in.
2) How do you make a movie solely about the minions? It was one thing to make a movie about the Madagascar Penguins, because they were great stand alone characters. The Minions on the other hand have little to no personality and speak mixed languages (with no subtitles added). The only reason they were likable in the first two movies was, because they were cute side characters that could make anything they did mindlessly adorable, and they were under the main character's leadership. Even the movie knows that on their own, they aren't that great, so the writers just throw the minions into whatever crazy thing they think of, from the evolution of the characters to one getting crowned king for pulling out a sword, causing Elizabeth the Second to resign, to constantly finding a new master.
3) The villain. Scarlet Overkill is built up to be the greatest super villain of all time. What is her big diabolical plan to prove her worth? Steal the Queen of England's crown. Pretty underwhelming plan. It would be more impressive if her plan had been to kill the queen and become queen in her place. Also, in the end, she's defeated by boy Gru. That's gotta be a sad day for a villain to be defeated by a child. And she's pretty whiny. Why are the supposed to be "greatest villains" whiny? While her weaponized dress is cool, her plan and character development are just not that impressive.
4) The ending. (SPOILERS) So Scarlet's defeated, the minions return Elizabeth's crown, she knights them, they're heroes, they come across young Gru, and follow him to be villains again. The motivation all along had been for them to find an evil leader to assist. Now they're England's greatest heroes and are their own masters. Inserting Gru and reminding us of the motivation at the last minute was the movie shortcutting its way into trying to tie into the Despicable Me series. It doesn't work anymore. They're heroes and their own masters. The minions now have no point in working for Gru anymore now that they're worshiped by England, since they would be given anything they wanted now.
Okay so is there anything good? The animation's good of course. The weapons Scarlet gives the three minions are awesome and I'd love to see them in the third Despicable Me movie. Please put the lava gun, hypnotic hat, and stretchy suit in Despicable Me 3! Occasionally the minions are allowed to have a few emotional moments when the narrator doesn't get in the way, and it always feels genuine. And as much as I hate to admit it, gigantic Kevin kinda makes the movie worth at least one viewing.
Aside from that, the movie's completely pointless. It's not a terrible movie; it's just stupid while also being harmless. I still refuse to believe it's the prequel of the Despicable Me movies. I still stand with my theory that the minions are vitamin pills that Gru brought to life.