Sucker Punch!

Rating: 1/10 (23 March 2006)

900 years ago, the Britons invaded Ireland with the intent on eliminating the Irish race. Those who weren't enslaved were killed. Irish women were forcibly mated with Scottish men so that they would bear Scottish children; their descendants are the Protestants in Northern Ireland. I mention this to give an idea of how utterly insulting it is for a person named Maggie Fitzgerald to be ushered into an arena with bagpipes! But, hey, why do you expect her Gaelic-reading trainer to be up on Irish history when he doesn't even notice that her robe should read "mo chuisle," not "mo cuishle"?
Why doesn't Frankie just visit his daughter, and ask her what the hell her problem is? Maggie gets a title shot, but no reporters show up at the gym, nor does she get a single piece of fan mail! Even before she gets to that point, Maggie should have gotten representation, and Frankie should have been dealing with promoters, but I guess Don King and Bob Arum don't do girl fights! Even those who don't follow boxing know that the stool is put out after the fighter reaches his corner! Frankie doesn't raise hell with the boxing commission after the fight! Maggie tells her family to shove it then dies without a Will, automatically leaving them her estate!
But it was her "If I'm too old for (boxing) then I got nothing" that's the real hit below the belt! Go to college? Join the military? Find a rich old geezer? Forget Billie (and Frankie's "sage advice" to "hit her in the tits"), that no options are presented to Maggie is proof that Eastwood has a serious problem with women! Why critics kiss Dirty Harry's ass, but refuse to call him on his misogyny is beyond me!
The narration, chocked with stupid metaphors, is useless! And how is it that Scrap can dissect every characters' problem like he's Freud? Would he possess such startling insights if he were white? Doubt it. One more example of the shameless pandering toward minorities Hollywood passes off as progress. Million Dollar Baby is one big sucker punch!