Simply boring

Rating: 2/10 (16 September 2019)

Two thoughts came to mind as I watched this:
1) "This feels like Melancholia": more a meditation than a movie. It's so boring. Surprisingly little happens, yet it takes 2.5 hours to do it. The camera lingers too long on everything, and not just a few seconds too long, but 10, 20, 60 seconds too long. It's probably a conscious decision to try to heighten tension and make the audience feel the frustration and disorientation of the characters; but instead, it instills boredom. Symbolism has a weak impact when pulled across such a long frame; and the symbolism is pretty sophomoric (pun intended!).
2) "He's already M. Night Shyamalan'ed himself." There are so many laughable parts of this movie that are intended to be intense. I saw some reviews which said the comedy was intentional. It doesn't come across as intentional, though, so you're laughing at the director, not with him.
I was checking my watch and debating when to cut and run nearly the entire movie after the introduction which was really cool but had no bearing on the rest of the film. It's up there with Melancholia and The Thin Red Line as probably some of the worst movies I've ever seen. I don't judge bad movies by outrage or morals: I judge them simply by how much I wish not to be watching it. I spent nearly all the movie debating how much my friends would be mad at me if I left.
Save yourself the time, or at least wait for it to come on TV somewhere so you can play on your phone at the same time. Trust me, you won't miss anything. Like a soap opera, after finishing writing that work email, they'll still be on the same shot.