Been There, Seen That....Only Much LONGER This Time

Rating: 1/10 (3 February 2020)

If you're over 21, you've seen this already. You've seen Wicker Man, Rosemary's Baby, Harvest Home, Get Out & even some random Midsomer Murders episode that uses the same old trope
"Wanted: Cult is seeking young persons with goal to steal youth, vitality, fertility & be human sacrifice to elder beings/deities. Contact our fellow cult member who will lure you to where we will drug and/or immobilize you. Please be advised there will be scary naked old people & very deliberate lighting using shadows & bright sunshine used in contrast with each other to foreshadow THE HORROR OCCURRING IN BROAD BRIGHT DAYLIGHT COMMITTED BY HAPPY BLONDE PEOPLE.
Oooooh....scary, kids.
This movie goes on & on as if the director doesn't believe in outtakes. "Yeah, we'll keep that 10th scene of slow motion dancing in there, even though it looks like the other 9 scenes of slow motion dancing."
Like all horror films, young people will make stupid choices. "Yes, I'll trip out even though I'm in so much grief that I'm always crying & shaky & i feel weird among strangers in the middle of this endless field. NBD, really. No....really.....Really...It's ok. I'm fiiiine."
"Sure, I'll drink this tea you're shoving in my hand even though the last time I ate/drank something you gave me I became spaced out and/or was fed pubic hairs."
Then, when the old people jump off the cliff and their heads are smashed in with a pallet, I'll make a big scene instead of realizing what's going on, keeping calm and saying, "That was beautiful & can I please use the outhouse?":then...escape.
And where was the electrical outlet for that laptop? And for charging the phone that was used to take all those photos?
And why were the faces of dead people taken off, then put back on again when they were just going to be burned in the shed anyway?
The sound was horrible, so I turned on subtitles. I shoukdve known the letters would be so small, thin & light that they wouldn't show up on the light screen. In fact, in one of the early severely & deliberately underlit scenes, guess where the subtitles were placed? In the one, tiny pool of light on the floor. It was like a plot to keep the dialog secret.
Cue old music for credits.