Oh dear...gory yawn fest

Rating: 1/10 (6 January 2020)

My friend recommended I watch this, so I borrowed it off him as he is a film buff and has been known to show good taste .I watched it last night and initially there was promise although I found the kids a bit whiney and insincere. But then as our protagonist entered a "Swedish" meadow and drank some mushroom tea I didn't know what to expect. A bad trip maybe so I stayed put and watched. and watched...and watched. I wasn't sure if I was watching 1973's "The Wicker Man", an episode of "Heidi", a Nazi rally, the film "Shrooms" or the "Blair witch project". And as each crazy idea unfolded and we, the viewer, were treated to more outlandish ceremonies I began to realise that the film was going nowhere. Use of the elder futhark piqued my interest as I have studied it and know the order of the Aetts and the meanings of each symbol but then I found myself cringing at the inaccuracy portrayed in this film. Subplots went nowhere, everything was bright and crisp and loud with no nuance. An hour and a half in and I was watching the clock, bored out of my mind by more unnecessary and gratuitous gore, hoping the whole thing would end soon. By the time we got to the May Queen dance and the unfortunate sex ritual I was practically howling with laughter at the absurdity, and simultaneously climbing the walls with sheer ennui. It was fast becoming a case of "Now what??" towards the end and as our hero burnt to death in a wooden pyramid surrounded by the other eight sacrifices I was almost wiping away tears of laughter and relief.
I won't even mention the bear....LOL

Just don't bother...watch "The Wicker Man" instead, unless you fancy a good laugh.