Far Too Long With No Redeeming Qualities

Rating: 2/10 (6 February 2020)

**Note...there could be **SPOILERS** in this review if there truly is anyone who doesn't know exactly where this predictable and overly-long film (please Aster...for the love of all that is holy and good, employ an editor who has the balls to stand up to you and tell you that your movie is going to be too long) is going**
It became fairly evident early on in Midsommar that this wasn't going to go anywhere, except right where Ari Aster wanted it to go. Now, you might be thinking "well it's his movie, it should go where he wants it to go." And I agree. However, in a good movie, where the director wants a movie to go isn't so obvious right out of the starting gate. Aster isn't interested in creating real characters who would make decisions that real people would make. He manipulates his characters and he provides circumstances that pretty much forces them to make decisions that are so stupid and so irrational, that it becomes very difficult to care about any of them. Why would I? None of them seem like actual people. I could list numerous examples of what I'm talking about, but then I'd have to write more about this steaming pile of pretentious, wanna-be art house crap than I want to (and people will give me grief about writing spoilers and such). So I'll mention one. As soon as our wooden and robotic puppet characters get to this commune/cult place they are told that when you reach a certain age, then that's it...that's all she wrote so-to-speak. And then, we as the audience, are supposed to be horrified when something happens that any movie-goer with half a brain could see coming from a mile away. So what do our characters do? Do they turn tale and run? Do they get together and make a plan to escape in the night (oh wait...that's right...is it night or is it day? Note to Will Poulter's character: when you get closer to the arctic circle the days are longer in the summertime)? No. A few of them were truly upset with what they witnessed, but then some of the other visitors rationalize what happened and all is well again...until the next disturbing ritual, and the next, and the next. It's preposterous and ridiculous and almost no one makes any kind of decision that makes sense. One of the people who saw this movie with me tried to make it make sense (always a bad sign when one has to manipulate circumstances in their mind to try and make a movie character's decisions make sense) . They said, "Well, they made bad decisions because their minds were altered." The problem is, their minds weren't altered the whole time. And how's this for a rational decision? Stop drinking and eating crap, when you know that the last crap you drank and ate caused some serious issues and problems. The whole thing is just dumb. And I don't call very many movies dumb. There are plenty of movies that suck. But I will usually stop just short of calling them stupid or dumb. This movie, minus the acting, was both. And before anyone tries to bring up Aster's last film, Hereditary, save your breath (or finger strength). I saw it, and I didn't like it as much as I liked this one. I will give Aster another shot. I think directors and screenwriters deserve the same chance that a baseball player gets when they're up. However, I think I know what the result will be. He'll basically make a carbon copy of what he's already made. It will be Hereditary and Midsommar packaged a little differently, but the results will probably be the same. It will be full of disturbing images surrounded by stupid characters who make some of the most irrational decisions in the history of mankind. And if you feel the same way I do, then I'm here for you. I already know what kind of grief someone can get when they go against the grain. You'll be ridiculed and told how shallow you are. **People will accuse you of not getting "it" (whatever "it" is). Just know that most of them are like most of the critics who raved and went on and on about how great it was. Sometimes when a snow ball gets rolling, no one wants to be the one who gets out of the way, lest others think they are cowards. Once the initial praise for this film started, no one (no movie-goer, no critic, etc.) wanted to be the one accused of not being creative enough, or intelligent enough, or as sophisticated enough, to really understand this film. And so the praise just kept on coming. And at that point, it was all over. Midsommar was branded a horror movie masterpiece. The problem is, it's not horror (there is not a genuinely frightening or disturbing moment in the whole film) and it sure ain't no masterpiece. If you are still a bit nervous to actually tell people how you really felt about this piece of garbage, then don't worry. Just know that you are not alone.
** - I wanted to write this addendum to bring your attention to what I'm talking about as far as people ridiculing others because those others weren't "smart" enough to get what was going on in this film. A reviewer by the name of Lonnis_Cult wrote a review on February 4, 2020, ridiculing others who wrote negative reviews about this piece of crap film. Apparently Lonnis_Cult is one of the most intellegent people in the world whose brain is much more advanced than those of us who hated this stupid movie. It's your typical, narcissistic and arrogant tripe that people write to try and puff themselves up by pretending that this was a complex and intricately woven masterpiece (It's not), and they understood it when others, apparently didn't. Lonnis_Cult also made an absurd statement about how this movie, and especially Florence Pugh's performance, was raved about by critics, so that means the movie and Pugh's performance have to be very good. Here's his reason for making that conclusion: Lonnis said that since critics are the ones who "know what they're talking about when it comes to filmmaking," then that means Pugh's performance and the movie are great. In other words, he seems to indicate that critics are always right. Why? Well he gives no explanation. Lonnis also has quite a negative attitude towards movies with CGI and jump scares. He suggests that such films are "crap," (his word) and implies that they're only for anti-intellectual simpletons. However, critics loved Avengers Endgame and The Conjuring. Those two movies have an abundance of CGI and jump scares respectively. Rotten Tomatoes gives Avengers Endgame a 94% rating and The Conjuring an 85% rating. Midsommar only has an 83% rating on RT. According to Lonnis's logic, that must mean that Avengers Endgame and The Conjuring are, not only great movies, but they're better films than Midsommar, since they have better ratings from the critics, and according to Lonnis, critics know what they're talking about when it comes to filmmaking. Hey Lonnis...just using YOUR WORDS, as well as YOUR LOGIC to make that conclusion.