A Wasted Opportunity.... Good theme, great cinematography, and then Gong Crash.

Rating: 3/10 (17 October 2019)

I was excited to see this film, as I enjoyed the director's first outing with Hereditary, and I like stuff about the occult and horror films in general.
The whole "beautiful mysterious pagan village" theme was cool, and I was anxious to see what great storytelling and character development or twists might await me, especially with a really long run time of 2 and a half hours.
Well....All I can say is that this was a big letdown. The scenery is gorgeous, the idea is cool, the mystery is alluring, and everything was set up for a grand journey into fear or revelation---but...nothing...ever...really...quite...happens, aside from the most obvious bullcrap that I could have told you from watching the trailer, or watching movies like Wicker Man.
I mean, honestly, the whole movie is nothing but a stupid rehash of Wicker Man, with some commentary or underlying themes about rotting relationships, family, depression, and the futility of life. We finally find out midway through the film that the black dude and the blonde's boyfriend are both trying to write a thesis paper on other cultures or some crap, but I can't even remember a single character's name from this movie. That is how boring the characters are. The blonde is sad cause her deranged sister killed off her family and committed suicide or something at the beginning of the film, and she is in a lame relationship that seems to be spinning its wheels. They decide to visit some stupid place in Sweden, which is the homeplace of one of their friends, but there really is nothing else of substance, resembling a plot.
There were a lot of missed opportunities here, with a great setting for real heroes and villains with depth, but no one pulled the trigger on this concept. Many scenes feel like they are filmed 100 yards away from the characters having a dialogue, so you can't even tell who is talking at times. There are literally about 28 scenes of idiots sitting at a table, talking at an outdoor table, drinking at the table, standing in the field near a table, eating at the table, dancing around the table, and sitting at the table again, with little explanation of what the rituals are or what is going on(though I recognized references to the May Queen early on, reminding me of occult and esoteric practices of old, and the reference to this in Stairway to Heaven by Zeppelin).
Anyway, there are very few moments of fear, and this movie was about as scary as Vincent Price muttering nonsense in a cape from Walmart. Hereditary was WAY scarier, with more atmosphere and presence. This is subpar, by comparison, and really left me wondering how such a talented director filmed so much crap with no payoff. Then, they just stick the guy in a bear suit and burn him at the end???? PUHLEASE. I already knew this was going to happen from the trailer. I hoped there would be WAY more to the story. NONE of the village people are really developed, or given interesting motives for anything, and the main characters are as boring as your child's 4th grade play. I LITERALLY CAN'T REMEMBER ONE NAME OF THESE PEOPLE IN THE FILM. That is just pathetic. The part where one of them takes a leak on a tree, and a villager cries about it and cusses at him was just hilarious. It comes off as very corny and juvenile. Where was the fear? The story? The character development? The irony? The plot twist? The horror? The substance? The people to root for or against? The realism? The new stuff that would make this different in some way from other folk horror cult films of the past??? I don't know, but it surely isn't here.
The characters are incredibly stupid too, and this isn't even a teen slasher flick from the 80s. I expected more from this level of production. Like, they hear people screaming in the woods in the distance, and their friends are vanishing, but they move along like this is normal at several points in the movie. They drink or eat stuff that is given to them, even after seeing that this group assists their villagers in suicides, and bangs them in the head with hammers!!! I would already figure I was in a Jim Jones celebration, and quickly put down the Kool Aid.
Overall, I give it 3 stars, as the scenery is breathtaking, the music is unsettling, and it was not the worst movie I've seen. However, this is no masterpiece, and it really isn't horror at all. More like a boring documentary about bozos having sex in a flowerfield and rehashing old plot lines with absolutely NOTHING new. I couldn't believe how lame this plot was, after 150 minutes of crap. PRETENTIOUS AND BORING, with what basically amounts to lazy plagiarism.