Worst vacation ever or: hey drink this.

Rating: 6/10 (27 August 2019)

Been waiting for a while to see this film and I purposely avoided any spoilers so that I could experience this movie fully. I'm not exactly sure what to even say about this film. It's not exactly a horror. More like a thriller with shock elements. The main character Dani has a pretty messed up life from the start of the movie. Her crazy sister plays "puff, puff, pass" with her parents and a tube connected to the exhaust pipe of a couple cars. Yeah. I guess this is supposed to set up the idea that she is a bit hollow inside and needing some sort of fulfillment or purpose after all she went through. Why not then go to Europe to participate in a pagan ritual with a bunch of strangers? What's the worst that could happen?
The main characters who are the outsiders to this community seem to not be all that bright. From the instant they set foot on the soil owned by this community, someone offers them drugs and they say "hey why not?" Who doesn't like to mix unknown rituals with drugs in a foreign land? I sure do. So Dani falls to peer pressure and trips balls on some magic mushrooms. She runs around and starts thinking some crazy thoughts. This should have been the first red flag. Nah though, these are just some harmless strangers who like giving drugs to outsiders. Nothing to worry about. Soon more rituals start. The group of outsiders are baffled by what they are seeing but their "friend" who invited them explains away their fears by being very specifically vague about everything. It's all pretty innocent as things continue but oh hey! two old people just high-dived off a cliff and landed on their faces. Uh, oh. Good thing Pelle the friend is there to mutter some non-specific mumbo jumbo to make them feel better. Yeah these people are so dumb that it actually works for the most part.
The odd rituals continue but two of the people have finally seen enough. They decide to leave but what's this? The boyfriend has already left to get the train and has left his girl behind; says a very not suspicious random cult member. This makes sense. We'll go with that. Now a day later it looks like both the boyfriend and girlfriend are gone. This bothers the rest of the outsider group for a solid 2 minutes at least. On to more important things. The nerd of the group says he wants to do his thesis paper on the community. Sounds good right? Sure, just as long as you don't take any pictures of this sacred book. So that's exactly what he does. I guess he must have looked like a barrel because some dude goes all Donkey Kong on nerd guy's head with a giant mallet when he's distracted by someone wearing his buddies face. What? so these outsiders are getting killed by this crazy ritualistic cult? NO WAY! Why who could have ever seen this coming? Anyone. Anyone could have. So now there are only two of them left and since blowing that popsickle stand like there's no tomorrow isn't on the itinerary, the two morons stay.
After some May-pole so you think you can dance-off, Dani is crowned the queen! Hey this is all normal right? Of course it is. While Dani is driven off in a carriage her boyfriend (who is drugged, big surprise!) decides he's going to go do the deed with one of the cult girls. We see a large house with a bunch of women who should never been seen naked, naked all in a circle around the wanton maiden. Idiot number 1 decides there's nothing weird about this and decides that instead of run for the hills, he's going to bone her. A nice old naked lady even helps by pushing his forwards for him while he's in mid-coitis. Aww. Anyway, Dani returns from her ride and goes to see what ever could all these sex noises inside a barn be? Oh boy, she sees her boyfriend banging another girl. She is horrified of course. Probably from the combination of seeing her boyfriend cheating and also lots of gross and saggy things. Idiot number 1 rushes out of the building after he is spent and runs into yet another corpse of one of his friends. Hey, I thought they had just left to catch a train? What gives?
So the community announces that they are going to do one final ritual with 9 people being sacrificed. Since there have been 4 outsiders killed and 2 old people who smashed their faces and now 2 cult volunteers; there's only 1 spot left. As the "queen" Dani gets to chose the last. If you guessed that she picks her boyfriend who is then stuffed inside a bloody bear carcass and burned alive inside a barn with the others, you win a prize. Your prize is this mystery drink. Go ahead, drink it. What could happen?