Pretentious and boring, and ultimately shallow

Rating: 2/10 (25 September 2019)

To say that I had huge expectations for this one would be a simply understatement. A surreal indie-horror by renown director and with interesting premise? Sounds like a no-brainer to me... Well, not exactly.
First, this is one hell of a slow movie. And I mean sluggishly so. Sometimes, that kind of approach does work, sometimes it just doesn't. Midsommar is hiding its pretentiousness behind its deliberate pace, it tries desperately to present itself as a slow-burn clever movie, but the problem is - it simply isn't! Yes, it is better than abysmal Wicker Man (Nic Cage version, of course), but only marginally so. You see, the story, the setting, everything...is strangely similar to that pile of crap, but intelligently presented as a "thinking man's horror". Nah, fellows, you can't fool me! I grew up watching true legends of the genre, Carpenter, Cronnenberg, Craven, Hooper, Romero, Lynch...so I know a thing or two about edgy and thought-provoking horror film, right?
The story is extremely predictable, the pace isn't deliberate, it is decidedly slow to the point of suicide and the ending...I mean, c'mon...it was telegraphed some two hours and 15 minutes before, right after the initial 15 minutes of this long, pretentious and above all boring movie.
I'm giving it (generous) two stars because 1) it is very difficult to make a movie these days, especially if you're not a studio player; and 2) the actors are very sincere in their performances, they try really hard and it deserves respect.
Anyways, Midsommar is a huge disappointment and I would really like to have my two and a half hours back after this trainwreck....