4-cigarette movie

Rating: 1/10 (11 April 2017)

The opening neurotically wastes far too much time, 4:00 minutes, with Franco-like music and scenes from all over Paris before finally jumping into the opening credits. My mom used to call this type of picture a 4-cigarette movie, because she could get up, walk out to the foyer and smoke, and miss absolutely nothing of cinematic significance. I was about to give up on it when I finally figured out why I had such a familiar feeling of "Gee, I wished I smoked!" The reason for my utter distaste was that it was written and directed by Woody Allen. First of all, you have to be severely depressed in order for anything created by him to appeal to you. Otherwise, you're bound to be depressed by watching it. Regardless, I watched it for 5 more minutes until I was certain that it was atypical Allen neuroses. Owen Wilson looked like he was on depressants while filming. If an actor's depressed mood is that apparent 5-minutes into filming, why not wait until A. they are feeling better, or B. you replace him with someone better suited for the role. And, while you're at it, throw out the script, the writer and the director and start over. Yep, If I smoked, I probably could have killed a half a pack in a foyer of the good old days.