I little piece of me died watching this

Rating: Null/10 (11 October 2011)

Utter drivel. This is quite possibly the most dull, drifting, lifeless and try-hard pretentious movie I have ever seen. The plot is weak and poorly realised, the cast disjointed and lacking chemistry, and the constant blur of references to history's literary/art greats grates quicker than a parmesan-happy Italian waiter. Be prepared for pockets of smug snickering and the odd guffaw outburst - "look Cuthbert, a fountain!!", while the rest of us (the majority) look on in bewilderment at what is unfolding before our eyes - "isn't that Owen Wilson? Isn't he normally quite good?". Errr, non.
In between pretending to gouge my own eyes out to my wife, I did notice the Dublin cinema we were in had an unusually high amount of ceiling vents for its size (23!) and that the seats had considerably more leg space than our Ryanair flight over. I would have left early, but I'd paid 5 for a pack of extra sour fizzy snakes and it felt like an endurance challenge. Interestingly I counted 47-and-a-half snakes in the bag. Not bad.
I was hardly expecting the time travelling exploits of Bill & Ted (though that would've been far more enjoyable), but I do wish I could rewind time and go to the cinema next door where they were playing 'Afraid of the Dark'. Instead I watched this, and now I'm 'Afraid of Paris'. Merci, Woody.
In summary, I did not like this film one bit and it makes me sad that I will never, ever see those two hours of my life again. On the plus side, I nailed that bag of fizzy snakes, so I guess everyone wins.